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Dec 28, 2012 01:37

Having one of my "up" periods no one ever believes me about, where I can't sleep for more than four hours at a time and am going to bed at 6am because I feel allergic to sleeping at night, and can't concentrate on anything for longer than ten seconds at a time. Sick. I hurt all over. I hurt just sitting here. My throat hurts like I have strep ( Read more... )

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gethenian December 28 2012, 07:28:36 UTC
Full moon tonight. Just sayin'. That's what often does it to me with "up" moods like that.

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ramlatch December 28 2012, 18:07:59 UTC
Hey I am not sure how to explain the thought in my head here but I am going to try, mostly it is a bunch of emotions but I will try because I am hoping for some advice about creativity. You see I have this story that's been stuck in my head for a few months now, only it is so depressing and soul crushing that it makes me physically ill whenever I think about it. It's one of those stories where no one actually wins anything, a sort of science fiction futuristic story - a "what if". I feel the need to write it out, but it is so unbelievably horrible, it's this nightmare of a world, and yet it's there in my head and won't go away. Have you ever had to deal with something like that? Some horrible thing that wants to be given birth to, but you're afraid that the act of creating it will actually hurt you in some way? I feel like I don't have much of a choice about it, I HAVE to write this world out, even if it's just a short story... but I'm kind of afraid of it, I'm afraid of it causing me some damage.

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gethenian December 29 2012, 04:16:43 UTC
....yes. Jesus fuck, yes. I have.

I never wrote it. I couldn't. I couldn't even run the goddamn thing through in my own mind from start to finish without it breaking me. It was just too... almost gratuitously awful. It was backstory for a character I was RPing -- Gorlim's successor, really, as far as where his muse came from. I think I ended up sort of vaguely outlining it in the form of having him tell the barebones version of the story in-character, but even that I left a lot out of and had to do it in multiple posts.

In the end, I think it was a story that didn't need to be told. Most stories are beneficial by virtue of their very existence -- the creative process is normally something that is good for people, and even BAD stories are rarely harmful. But sometimes... parasitic stories do exist. Things that DO harm their storytellers and their audience, if they are told. Stories that act like psychic vampires, parasites on the creative process that weaken and feed off of bonds that are normally STRENGTHENED and reinforced ( ... )

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ramlatch December 29 2012, 04:32:19 UTC
It sort of rose out of the murky depths of my horror of all of this year that has gone on with womens rights, and my realization of just how dehumanized I've felt over all of the horrible shit going on in government and elsewhere in our own culture today. I mean this whole personhood movement just terrifies me, that whole mindset of viewing women as being nothing but chattel, nothing but public property to govern in every way possible. It makes me feel so dehumanized, so objectified, that there are so many people out there who genuinely believe that I should have no rights over my own body. That I should have no rights to determine my own ability to have children, whether I WANT to have children or not, and so on. It leaves me in tears almost every time I think about it, and my thoughts went to a logical conclusion of wondering where this cultural belief would lead us to its worst possible place, a sort of science fiction version of the Handmaid's Tale. And I almost feel like I SHOULD write it, to write it out and see where this ( ... )

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