Comments | randir: Really?

randir

Really?

May 06, 2009 23:51

So, the Wusband and the Cow broke up for good. And he's still trying to work through his issues and change his behavior patterns. Which is a good thing. So, he called me tonight about this, and here is the conversation:
( You Truly Won't Believe It )

Comments 17

So many icons... dracowayfarer May 7 2009, 07:04:39 UTC

I'm not sure which one is most appropriate.

This one?

Re: So many icons... dracowayfarer May 7 2009, 07:04:55 UTC

Or maybe this?

Re: So many icons... dracowayfarer May 7 2009, 07:06:11 UTC

This?

Re: So many icons... dracowayfarer May 7 2009, 07:06:34 UTC

Or this?

Thread 7

sidhefire May 7 2009, 07:15:51 UTC

Wow.
That's unbelievable.
Beyond unbelievable actually.

randir May 9 2009, 00:23:10 UTC

It was almost too drama fill for me to even post it, which is saying something for LJ.

--Randir

questions and thoughts that come to mind... ulesegisa May 7 2009, 13:02:34 UTC

Does the thought occur to him that it might be more beneficial if he really did ditch [The Cow] "completely" and THEN came and talked to you about this issues?
I'm also looking at: "she thinks I need to talk to someone with a Psychology background".
It's Odd when I met and spent time with the Wusband I never thought of him to be the type that preferred being led by a "nose" ring. Did something change or was that an issue he was working on before he altered several lives with his actions?
Also if he needs to talk to a therapist aren't there some serious ethical issues with him wanting to choose you? Wouldn't he be aware of those having spent all that time with you already?
It sounds like [The Cow] is still trying to run his life and he's "enabling" her to do it.
It reads like he's trying to play the "I don't speak English as a primary language" game with youOr maybe he's trying to play that game with her and she's buying it.. the question is .. to what end? What would he get out of playing the "oh poor me" game with her ( ... )

Re: questions and thoughts that come to mind... randir May 9 2009, 00:30:40 UTC

He has a very strong Achilles heel when a partner uses tears as blackmail, or if they go into an irrational jealousy rage/pout, or if they storm out of the room in a huff. It triggers in him a panic that makes him try to fix it, whatever it is. And all his reasoning skills fly out the window and he gets sucked into the high-school drama. Now, when he lived with me, this wasn't a problem because I frankly don't cry in front of anyone; I have an incredibly long fuse and when it even starts approaching fury, it is still rational; I have never been jealous in my life; and I think storming out of the room in a huff is evidence of a poor IQ. So, he never had to resolve this weakness with me because it was not preyed upon ( ... )

Re: questions and thoughts that come to mind... ulesegisa May 9 2009, 12:54:27 UTC

... tears as blackmail ... irrational jealousy rage/pout ... storm out of the room in a huff...
Wow, seem's he and I have more in common that I knew. There was a time when I had re-actions to those things that were similar behavior patterns:
I don't care what caused it! Fix it!
The process I went through to get past it was finally recognizing that I was acting out the same script (nearly word for word) each time. Once I recognized I was in a pattern then that gave me permission to change it. I wonder how many times he will have to go through the same "exact" behavior pattern before he realizes that its a scripted response to each dramatic portrayal?
Has he ever done theater? (with an actual script, not the drama of his life.)
Does he remember who he is for real? Not the characterizations that he portrays to moderate the drama around him. Or is the part of him that seems to vanish when he moderates (emotionally invests in) emotional crises that aren't his?

...when it even starts approaching fury, it is still rational....
"That" is ( ... )

More questions from the unqualified..:) ulesegisa May 7 2009, 13:31:28 UTC

can she call you and tell you about the issues she's seeing so you can process it with me?

Why can't "HE" tell you about the issues and then you process it with him?
Why does he trust the cow still after she has betrayed him.
It reads like it was inconsequential to him as far as his friendship towards her....
blink...
blinks again...
tilts...
Does he think you were not wounded by all this and just MIGHT be a little bias? (or at least have excellent reason to be so?)
mind spinning...
thinking thinking thinking...
why? He's capable of grasping the entire situation. His mind IS that apt or it wouldn't have attracted you to begin with. So why the dumb blond game ( ... )

Re: More questions from the unqualified..:) randir May 9 2009, 00:34:07 UTC

Narcissism is a big piece of this and runs deep in him. He's attempting to change it, but it taints so many things that he doesn't recognize it on the spot yet.

As for "why", don't look for any rational reason, you'll just make yourself nuts. He's simply gone into a spin of "how can I make her understand what I'm feeling and going through? I must keep talking till she gets it. I can't let go until I'm right."

--Randir

(The comment has been removed)

randir May 9 2009, 00:22:09 UTC

You're right. (*#t is far too complimentary. She might think we were coming on to her.

--Sheel