big questions

[random_redhead]

Someone else has posted to fb about judging people. Whether we label people in our heads as bad or stupid or shallow or boring. I think that a) shallow/boring isn't true, it's just their interests do not interest me/the person to who they are shallow/boring, and b) it is in general choices not people who are bad or stupid

Comments

[nickys]

I'd go with Harmful or Not Harmful as appropriate labels.

If somebody habitually makes what you think are bad choices, but those choices don't impact on you or those you care about then that's one thing.

If, however, they're doing stuff which makes others uncomfortable (such as persistently/repeatedly chatting up unwilling parties, making racist remarks, etc) and/or endangering people then that's another thing.

[kissmeforlonger]

I don't believe in infinite tolerance for people's bad behaviour. And I'm not sure whether labelling a bad person or bad behaviour makes that much difference when you're the target of it.

I used to go out with a racist. No amount of arguing would ever make him change his mind or his behaviour. I don't see him any more now. Don't wish him ill but it was definitely a 'can't live with him, can't kill him' kind of situation. Even though his obnoxious views weren't aimed at me, you can sometimes make it look as if you agree simply by toleration. Sometimes if you're not on the receiving end you're best placed to support them to change, but people don't always want to.

There are members of my family I don't keep in touch with any more because it always ends badly. I don't feel bad about doing that, but it doesn't mean I no longer care - I grew up with them in my life and you can't look back at any of your personal history without thinking of them. But it's a bit like caring about someone who's died. They are always part of your life.