Amusement at 1:30 in the morning
Me: howdy
Tom: hey
Me: tell me a story
Me: a good one
Tom: what do you want it to be about?
Me: a magical fantastical mystical robot kitten named fluffernutters
Tom: oh my
Tom: alright
Tom: About 700 years ago there was a kingdom off the coast of greenland
Tom: it was called blueland, considering the king who created it wasn't terribly creative
Tom: the current king was the the grandson of that first king, and he was a terrible king
Me: ooooooer!
Tom: Blueland had no way of defending itself, as its army was in complete disarray
Tom: there was only one man who kept the kingdom from collapsing, and he was the official court wizard
Tom: what should the wizard's name be?
Me: Munglethorpe
Tom: Munglethorpe was the greatest wizard in the history of wizardry
Tom: I mean this guy made Merlin look like one of those guy's who does kid's parties
Me: holy shit
Me: he must have been amazing
Tom: so without the king having to do anything right (which is good, because he never did), Munglethorpe helped Blueland thrive
Tom: but there was a problem
Tom: because as powerful as Munglethorpe was, he was terribly lonely
Me: awwww
Tom: he didn't have any friends. The only person he ever talked to was the king, and that was to give him advice
Tom: besides, he thought the king was an idiot, and he was right
Tom: so one day, the wizard decided that if he couldn't make any friends, then he would literally make himself a friend
Me: he's a smart man, that munglethorpe
Tom: that he is... or was
Tom: Munglethorpe spent two weeks working day and night without sleep, building himself a friend
Tom: and by the end of that two weeks, he had the perfect companion:
Tom: a magical fantastical mystical robot kitten named fluffernutters
Tom: Dunglethorpe and Fluffernutters quickly became inseperable
Me: Munglethorpe
Me: unless he changed his name
Tom: right, sorry
Tom: Munglethorpe and fluffernutters quickly became inseperable
Tom: they went everywhere together and loved each other completely
Me: oooh! bestiality
Tom: not that completely
Me: oh
Tom: they were best friends, and nothing could keep them apart
Me: not even a huge cheesecake?
Me: that was so big it took up too much space for them to be in the same room?
Tom: not the biggest cheesecake in the world
Tom: fluffernutters would eat his way through the cheesecake to be with Munglethorpe
Me: wow. he could hold a lot in his stomach
Tom: he was magical and mystical
Tom: but that's when things started going wrong
Me: oh no!
Tom: since Munglethorpe was spending so much time with fluffernutter, he wasn't spending as much time taking care of the kingdom
Me: uh oh
Tom: there were droughts and riots
Tom: and rumors circulated that other countries were going to invade Blueland
Me: why would they want to?
Me: if it sucked to be there so much?
Tom: it only sucked because the king was so awful
Tom: Blueland was prime real estate
Me: oooh
Me: green pastures?
Me: and no swamps?
Tom: green pastures, lush forests, beautiful mountains
Tom: if anyone but that idiot king was running the country it would have been the most perfect place to live
Me: okay, i get it now. you can continue
Tom: so the king knew what he had to do:
Tom: kill fluffernutters
Me: noooo!!!!
Tom: so one night, he had his guards sneak into the wizard's room while Munglethorpe and fluffernutters were asleep
Tom: then they injected both of them with a powerful tranquilizer that stunts magical ability
Me: in the same bed?
Tom: of course
Me: i told you, there's totally bestiality going on there
Me: robot bestiality
Tom: fluffernutters slept at the foot of the bed
Me: oh.
Tom: so with both munglethorpe and fluffernutters tranquilized, the guards took fluffernutters, stuffed him in a sack, and took him to the ocean
Tom: now, as magical and mystical as fluffernutters was, he was still a cat and a robot, and robot's can't survive in water
Tom: and cat's can't swim
Me: ooh, i have a request to make
Me: unless this story is completely set in stone
Me: already
Me: could you possibly include a purple rabbit and an ocean of cherry jello?
Tom: I'll do what I can
Me: you're amazing tom, thank you
Tom: anyway, when the guards hurled fluffernutters into the ocean, he didn't stand a chance
Tom: he quickly drowned and died
Me: fuck. that wasn't very nice.
Tom: when Munglethorpe awoke and found fluffernutters missing, he realized what the king had done, and he was furious
Me: duh
Tom: Munglethorpe burst into the king's chambers, where the king was talking with his cousin, who was not only his royal advisor, but also a bigger idiot than the king himself
Tom: Munglethorpe said to the king, "you have taken away the one thing I loved in this world
Tom: "so in return, I will take away what you love most, your power"
Tom: and Munglethorpe waved his right hand, muttered a few words in latin
Tom: and turned the king into a purple rabbit
Me: hehe. latin.
Tom: then Munglethorpe placed a curse on Blueland
Me: well? what was it?
Tom: " never again will crops grow, or pure water flow, will animals live, or the people thrive"
Tom: sorrhy that took so long, I was working on the rhymes
Me: ah
Me: you're forgiven
Tom: and then, without saying anything, Munglethorpe vanished
Me: ooooer, magical
Tom: to this day scholars disagree on where he went, whether or not he is still alive, or even what spell he cast
Tom: because only a few wizards have been able to cast any kind of vanishing spell without saying incantations since then, and they certainly haven't been able to do it on themselves
Me: wow. he was fucking amazing
Tom: but sure enough, the country of Blueland quickly collapsed
Me: stupid king, killing fluffernutters like that
Tom: all of the people moved away, and nobody has gone back, except a few foolish explorers, and nothing has been found of them but they're journals
Me: their journals
Tom: right
Tom: I'd like to end this story in a conclusive manner, but really everything people have said about the fate of Munglethorpe is pure speculation
Tom: of course, the king-turned-rabbit was adopted by a young boy who kept him in a cramped cage and often forgot to feed him
Me: serves him right
Tom: but that's what happened to Blueland, a country that was ruled by idiots, that prospered because of magic, and that was destroyed by the loss of the best friend any wizard has ever had
Me: tom, you are the best ever
Me: you win my award
Tom: yay!