Essay: In Defense of Lily Evans - A Brief Follow Up
In Defense of Lily Evans: A Brief Follow Up.
First off I want to thank those of you who participated and linked my essay In Defense of Lily Evans. The discussion has gone on for days, has been discussed in other communities around fandom, and even made Fandom Wank (which is always fun I suppose...depending on who you talk to). So thank you, thank you, thank you!
So what have we learned? I am fully aware that some thought my essay was ridiculous, missing the point, or was preposterous to suggest that some corners of fandom base many of their dislikes of Lily on misogynistic, sexist rationale. Well, according to those who thought my essay was letting Lily off too easily, we learned this fact plain and simple: upholding the friendship between Lily and Snape was all Lily's responsibility.
Apparently Lily was a bad friend because (just heard about this one) she waited two days after the werewolf incident to talk to Severus. First off, we don't even know what the circumstances were around that incident within those two days. Severus could have been in the hospital wing, hell he could have been sulking in the Slytherin Common Room. Maybe Lily just found out about James saving Snape the same day that they were arguing in the courtyard. Nevertheless, why are people blaming Lily for something we don't know may or may not have happened?
Apparently Lily was a bad friend for not forgiving Severus for his apology, as if she was obligated to do so. As if she was still obligated after Severus' silence confirmed Lily's suspicions that Snape wanted to become a Death Eater. Lily isn't any less of a person, morally or otherwise, for not accepting every apology thrown her way. Honestly, people who harp on about Lily's reaction to the Mudblood comment make me wonder whether they've experienced or how they responded to racism directed towards them as a teenager.
Apparently Lily was a bad friend who didn't show any love towards Severus at all during The Prince's Tale. I'm pretty sure by caring about Severus' home life shows love and care. I'm pretty sure that consistently telling Severus that his friends, future death eaters, are not a good lot to hang around is showing love and care (not to mention concern). As far as I'm concerned, sometimes love isn't displayed in a cuddly, kiss kiss, hug hug kind of way. In the latter example I give, Lily was clearly displaying a bit of tough love, anything a best friend would do when concerned about a friend's welfare. Lily didn't have to coddle him and whisper sweet nothings in his ear to display friendship.
The double standards are just so drastic. Lily is deemed an disloyal friend, a liar full of betrayal, for the pettiest of reasons (snapping at him on the train to Hogwarts, for example), and yet Severus is a true blue friend to the end despite hanging around with a bunch of future death eater friends and throwing around racial slurs. Severus can get away with anything and everything while all the blame on the failure of their relationship lies on Lily's shoulders. Lily is an awful woman for daring to fall in love and marry James without considering the feelings of her ex-best friend while Snape can go around being a Death Eater regardless of the fact that he is part of a political movement against those of his ex-best friend's blood. Since when are relationships allowed to be so one sided? Additionally, to place to blame on Lily for Severus' failings in their relationship completely diminishes the importance of Snape's Worst Memory. It wasn't his worst memory because Lily was a bad friend, it's his worst memory because he was.
Lily, like many women throughout human history and literature, is a scapegoat. Period. Lily can't be trusted, Lily is a user, Lily is dishonest, Lily is deceptive. Where have we all heard THAT before, I wonder? Oh of course, we've heard the same, often unjustified, descriptions plagued upon women for ages. I know, it's hard for otherwise progressive people to believe but it's as clear as can be. Unfortunately, the expectations many hold for women to behave towards their male counterparts is borderline archaic but unsurprising when living in a patriarchal society. Instead of foaming at the mouth and being offended by the suggestion that one may, perhaps unknowingly, hold Lily to a different standard than Severus, one should examine WHY.
That's all I've got, folks. Have a great weekend. Again, feel free to comment and pimp if you'd like :)
First off I want to thank those of you who participated and linked my essay In Defense of Lily Evans. The discussion has gone on for days, has been discussed in other communities around fandom, and even made Fandom Wank (which is always fun I suppose...depending on who you talk to). So thank you, thank you, thank you!
So what have we learned? I am fully aware that some thought my essay was ridiculous, missing the point, or was preposterous to suggest that some corners of fandom base many of their dislikes of Lily on misogynistic, sexist rationale. Well, according to those who thought my essay was letting Lily off too easily, we learned this fact plain and simple: upholding the friendship between Lily and Snape was all Lily's responsibility.
Apparently Lily was a bad friend because (just heard about this one) she waited two days after the werewolf incident to talk to Severus. First off, we don't even know what the circumstances were around that incident within those two days. Severus could have been in the hospital wing, hell he could have been sulking in the Slytherin Common Room. Maybe Lily just found out about James saving Snape the same day that they were arguing in the courtyard. Nevertheless, why are people blaming Lily for something we don't know may or may not have happened?
Apparently Lily was a bad friend for not forgiving Severus for his apology, as if she was obligated to do so. As if she was still obligated after Severus' silence confirmed Lily's suspicions that Snape wanted to become a Death Eater. Lily isn't any less of a person, morally or otherwise, for not accepting every apology thrown her way. Honestly, people who harp on about Lily's reaction to the Mudblood comment make me wonder whether they've experienced or how they responded to racism directed towards them as a teenager.
Apparently Lily was a bad friend who didn't show any love towards Severus at all during The Prince's Tale. I'm pretty sure by caring about Severus' home life shows love and care. I'm pretty sure that consistently telling Severus that his friends, future death eaters, are not a good lot to hang around is showing love and care (not to mention concern). As far as I'm concerned, sometimes love isn't displayed in a cuddly, kiss kiss, hug hug kind of way. In the latter example I give, Lily was clearly displaying a bit of tough love, anything a best friend would do when concerned about a friend's welfare. Lily didn't have to coddle him and whisper sweet nothings in his ear to display friendship.
The double standards are just so drastic. Lily is deemed an disloyal friend, a liar full of betrayal, for the pettiest of reasons (snapping at him on the train to Hogwarts, for example), and yet Severus is a true blue friend to the end despite hanging around with a bunch of future death eater friends and throwing around racial slurs. Severus can get away with anything and everything while all the blame on the failure of their relationship lies on Lily's shoulders. Lily is an awful woman for daring to fall in love and marry James without considering the feelings of her ex-best friend while Snape can go around being a Death Eater regardless of the fact that he is part of a political movement against those of his ex-best friend's blood. Since when are relationships allowed to be so one sided? Additionally, to place to blame on Lily for Severus' failings in their relationship completely diminishes the importance of Snape's Worst Memory. It wasn't his worst memory because Lily was a bad friend, it's his worst memory because he was.
Lily, like many women throughout human history and literature, is a scapegoat. Period. Lily can't be trusted, Lily is a user, Lily is dishonest, Lily is deceptive. Where have we all heard THAT before, I wonder? Oh of course, we've heard the same, often unjustified, descriptions plagued upon women for ages. I know, it's hard for otherwise progressive people to believe but it's as clear as can be. Unfortunately, the expectations many hold for women to behave towards their male counterparts is borderline archaic but unsurprising when living in a patriarchal society. Instead of foaming at the mouth and being offended by the suggestion that one may, perhaps unknowingly, hold Lily to a different standard than Severus, one should examine WHY.
That's all I've got, folks. Have a great weekend. Again, feel free to comment and pimp if you'd like :)