OOC: LOG Peony and Jade
Who: Peony and Jade
What: Peony freaks out over having invited Nephry to dinner before the V-Day Ball
When: approx Feb 9th?
Where: Jade's office, Peony's chamber
Why: Cause we can.
Warnings: faux gayness
The panic hadn't sunk in until the day after Peony invited Nephry to dinner. Not until he'd had time to reflect on exactly what he'd asked. Dinner with the woman he loves on Valentine's Day. It would be completely romantic if it weren't for the fact that Nephry was married and Peony couldn't let go of his morals long enough to properly steal her away.
Jade had returned today and seeing his best friend safe and alive was the catalyst that started the panic attack. The trip to Jade's office was fast, and there was no time to look around the office - or pay any mind to the reports Jade was likely filling out - as he flung himself over the desk to look up at Jade. "I'm in serious trouble, Jade."
Peony was never overly dramatic. Never. Really.
"...So you've finally realized your mental capabilities?" Jade retorted dryly, flipping a page in the report, not glancing up despite their foreheads nearly touching. This really was the absolute worst part of his job. And that was saying a lot-- Jade counted many aspects of his job as 'the worst'. The pen scribbled against the white parchment, leaving blue trails in his neat handwriting. The silence indicated Jade's approval for Peony to continue speaking.
"What? No, that's not what I'm talking about." Peony grabbed Jade's shirt. "I've invited your sister to dinner. Alone. Before the ball."
"...Are you an idiot?"
"I didn't think she'd say yes."
"...Yes. You're an idiot." Jade pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose (with difficulty). "What do you want me to do about it?"
"I don't know. Anything." Peony gave Jade his most pleading 'best friends always get each other out of a crisis' pout.
"All right then, I'll go and get the shovel."
"The shovel?"
Jade gave Peony his most 'You Don't Know What I'm Truly Thinking And It's Going To Drive You Mad' smile. "Well, you asked me to do anything I could... and considering my profession..."
"Jade, I'm being serious." Peony frowned. Jade's expression really was driving him crazy because he could think of several things Jade might be getting at and he wasn't sure any of them would have the results he was really looking for.
"How formal is the dinner?"
"I don't think she's going to be wearing anything different for it than what she's wearing to the ball."
Jade sighed, questioning his taste in friends, "So yes." Shutting his eyes in exasperation, he continued, "Perhaps this is what you need. As closure."
"Closure... right..." Peony couldn't hide the disappointment in his voice as much as he wanted to. Not that it would have mattered, Jade would have seen right through it. He always did.
"You really don't want to give up on her." The statement slipped at in a much more questioning manner than Jade intended. He could only hope that His Majesty wasn't keeping track of such trivial matters in a time of 'crisis'. However, Jade didn't hide dropping the stony, sarcastic facade.
"Of course I don't! Why would I want to give up on her?"
Another sigh. Jade seemed to be doing a lot more of that these days, "You truly are hopeless. If you feel that strongly, perhaps I'll humor you." Jade focused his deep crimson eyes into the bright sapphire of Peony's, "I'll distract her husband so you can have the night with her. As for what you do... I can't help you there. Unless you want the usual cliche advice."
"You'll really do that?" Peony smiled. He finally let go of Jade's shirt and shifted so he was sitting on the edge of Jade's desk. "Depends on which cliched advice it is."
"I've already told you, Your Majesty. I dislike the man as well." Jade straightened his uniform after the indignity it suffered, sinking back in his chair. Then, in a falsetto voice he continued, bringing a hand to his chest, shutting his eyes and cocking his head as if a prideful public speaker, "Jutht be yourthelf Your Majethty."
"Which is why I'm asking. How can you stand distracting him that long if you dislike him?" Peony raised an eyebrow. "Don't ever do that again. I was worried you were going to give me a fatherly lecture, but that's somehow worse."
Jade gave a light chuckle before relaxing once more, "If it means getting him out of the picture, I'll tie myself to his leg."
"You're such a masochist." Shaking his head, Peony laughed. "But I think you're expecting this to keep me distracted all night so I can't introduce you to any women. Right?"
"I've been found."
"You win this time."
"I thought you said you weren't going to force a date for me anyway."
"Introducing you to single women isn't the same as forcing a date on you."
Jade's eyebrow never missed an opportunity to arch, and this was no exception, "Your Majesty, if it's against my will, then it's forced. Plain and simple."
"I'm not forcing a date on you. Just... the opportunity to find one on your own."
The eyebrow only arched higher.
Peony sighed. "Fine, since you're doing me this huge favor, I won't introduce you to anyone."
Jade hid the familiar bit of sadness at that statement, chalking it up to the primal urge to reproduce. The man didn't need a family-- he grew up without one, save for his little sister, and he'd probably travel to the grave the same way. He had no reason to worry about continuing his bloodline, since Nephry no doubt had that under control, and as for family... well. He had Peony and Nephry. That should be enough. Right? Oh well. Jade shrugged, "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Peony replied. He wasn't giving up on finding someone for Jade. He'd just give it a rest at the ball. He knew the formal event would be bad enough for Jade, then having to deal with Nephry's husband on top of that, and having women thrown at him? Peony wasn't that cruel.
"Good luck with the dinner."
"Thanks. I think I'm going to need it."
"Most likely."
"Probably," Peony said, laughing - the slightest hint of how nervous he was slipping through.
"Ah. My little boy is growing up," Jade teased, the smirk widening on his face, "Do you want Daddy to hold your hand?"
"Please?" Peony said, holding out his hand. "Shut up," he added, pulling it away before Jade could take it.
"Now now, no need to be stubborn about this. I already blow on your meals for you, I'm sure I can handle walking you through your first date." Jade reached up and took Peony's cheek between two fingers, giving it a pinch and a wiggle.
"Are you going to practice with me?" Peony laughed and stood up, trying to get out of Jade's reach. He hadn't had his cheek pinched like that in a long time and he was in no rush to have it happen again.
"Practice what, Your Majesty?" Jade made no movement to get up and follow him-- the chair was far too comfortable for those kinds of shenanigans.
"Having dinner. What else would I be talking about?"
"You want me to go on a date with you? How scandalous!" Jade covered his face in a mock blush.
"Seven o'clock, don't be late." Peony winked and blew a kiss at Jade over his shoulder as he opened the door to leave. "See you later, soldier."
"In bed?" Jade called out, counting on the guards outside to overhear.
"Maybe the shower this time," Peony said, not missing a beat and doing his best not to laugh at the scandalized looking guards.
"Oh... but we get too wild for such a small space."
"We'll just have to practice some restraint, hmm?"
"It's so hard to restrain myself around you, Your Majesty." Jade tried his best to make his voice as sultry as possible.
"Not if I hogtie you." Peony quickly slipped out the door before he couldn't control his laughter, the poor guards faces alternating between red and green.
Just as planned. Jade returned to his paperwork, glancing at the clock. Only a couple of hours until their dinner date. The strokes of his pen, once slow and laden with boredom now etched into the paper faster, the blue scrawl almost cheerful. He'd never admit it in public, but Jade had missed his best friend terribly, and actually worried about never being able to see him again-- that was the worst. Setting aside the sheet, he continued onto the other. Dinner couldn't come soon enough.
Upon returning to the palace, Peony cornered a maid and put in a request for dinner for two to be served in his chamber tonight. The maid nodded and headed off toward the kitchen and Peony headed to his chamber to play with the rappigs.
In the chamber? How drab. Once the time came near, Jade made his way to the palace and knocked politely on Peony's door.
"What's the password?" Peony called out from the floor where a rappig had fallen asleep on him. He'd move it, but it looked so adorable and comfortable, and really, it wasn't that heavy.
Jade looked from side to side... damn. Maids everywhere. Grimacing, he straightened up, ruing the day he agreed to this. He squished the tip of his nose so it resembled that of a pigs and gave a hearty snort.
Peony chuckled loudly and snorted in return.
"That's not funny." Jade almost sulked as he opened the door. He couldn't wait to get inside and out of the way of prying, mocking, maidly eyes. "Idiot."
Of course it is."
"Not."
"Is too."
"Hmph." Jade plopped himself into a chair, crossing his arms, "Terrible to make your date go through such humiliation. Just terrible."
"Forgive me. I would have answered the door, but I'm playing the part of a mattress."
"Ah. So you choose the pig over me. I understand."
"If you'd have been here you could have used me as a mattress. I'm sorry."
"Ah. Is that a challenge?" Jade stood and, placing his palms on the bedside, loomed over Peony and his rappig. He tried to look his most serious-- and Jade was a great actor when needed.
"If it is?" Peony asked, doing his best to hide a smirk. It was great having his best friend back
Jade (gently) pushed the rappig aside and, always keeping his serious face on, crawled up so he hovered above Peony. He brought his face close, eyes burning with desire... and he decided right then and there was a great time to plop down, roll over, and lay on his friend as if he were tanning at the beach. "I've been on more comfortable."
"Oh, have you? Well, if I'm that unsatisfactory, you can just find somewhere else." As Peony said this, he wrapped his arms around Jade so he couldn't get away. Quietly he mumbled, "I really thought you were going to die."
"Perhaps I will!" And with that, Jade rolled over once more, so that his head could rest on Peony's shoulder. He exhaled when he heard the other man's statement, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. You're alive. That's all that matters." Peony wasn't sure what he would have done if he'd lost Jade to Akzeriuth. He wouldn't have had someone to confide in. Wouldn't have had someone to point out when he was being an idiot. Wouldn't have anyone to troll livejournal with. While he could find someone to do those things with, it wasn't the same as having Jade to do them with.
"It seems I'm like a cockroach."
"Must be a Keterburg thing."
"Perhaps." Jade brought his arms to Peony's sides, trying to wriggle them underneath the man's back.
"The maids really will think we're gay if they walk in and see us like this," he said, shifting so Jade could wiggle a little easier.
"...You mean they don't already?"
"Some of them still have their doubts."
"What a shame. I'd thought we had them all."
"No, the ones who are in charge of the mail aren't convinced."
"Clever gals." Finally satisfied with wrapping his arms just right around Peony's torso, Jade gave him a good, hearty squeeze, combined with pushing his face just a little into Peony's shoulder.
"Nosy gals, you mean." Peony groaned loudly as though Jade were squeezing the air out of him. "Miss me that much, old man?"
Jade found the word slipping out before he could snark back, "Yes."
"What? No snarky comment? You feeling okay?"
"You're right. Perhaps I'm getting ill-- I think I may even throw up on you."
"Well, better to do that before dinner. I'll be disappointed if you throw up your favorite meal."
"Oh?"
"I thought you might like some comfort food tonight. I know I need it," Peony said, tightening his grip around Jade.
"Honestly, Your Majesty, is it your intent to turn me into a sap?"
"I'm not capable of that. Are you saying your heart is beginning to piece itself back together, particle by particle?"
"I never had a heart to begin with, so no."
"Funny, I can feel it beating."
"Are you invisibly fondling my chest now, Your Majesty?"
"You hadn't noticed?"
"I was trying to ignore it... but..." Jade buried his face, as if hiding a blush, "You're... such a devil...!"
"I can't help myself."
"Am I truly that irresistible?"
"Truly."
"Mmm." he didn't make any move to argue, and instead rested his cheek against Peony's shoulder once more. Jade would never allow himself to get this close or homely with anyone else, so the feeling never stopped being foreign to him-- although he still liked it. A little. "Now where is this food you promised?"
"It should be here soon." Being able to see this side of Jade only made Peony want to find someone else for Jade to share it with. If only he could convince him it was a good idea.
"I wonder.. what kind of prank can we pull on whomever delivers the food?" His voice lowered to nothing higher than a murmur.
"You mean having them walk in on us like this isn't enough?"
"Ah. You think it would be?"
"Hang on a second." Peony took Jade's glasses and put them on himself, mussed both their hair and tugged a corner of Jade's shirt loose. "How's that?"
"Why the glasse.... No." For the first time, Jade's voice truly dropped in dread. And sure enough, the doorknob began to turn...
"Yes, the glasses," Peony said, smirking. As the doorknob turned he said in a low voice, "No Jade, not again, can't it wait until after dinner?"
Immediately, Jade did his best to hide his face, biting down on Peony's shoulder as he did so. The man had it coming. As he continued to hide, he heard the gentle creak of the food wagon, and the timid voice of the maid, inquiring the emperor of his needs-- obviously embarrassed by the 'situation' she managed to catch the two in.
"Oh!" Peony said, glancing up at the maid. "Come on in. It's fine, isn't it, Jade?" He tuggged at Jade's hair, using it to shift Jade's face so the maid could see him. "Tell the lovely maid how pleased you are that she's finally arrived." He knew he was going to get it later, but it was very much worth it to see what he was about to see.
"Yes. Thank you. Now leave us be, please. I need to punish His Majesty severely." Jade made a desperate attempt to shoo the maid away-- to no avail. The moment she caught his face, her hands rushed up to cover her mouth and her cheeks blossomed into a deep crimson. The young woman stood rooted to the spot, apparently struck speechless.
Jade so hated his genetics.
"You can punish me later," Peony said, pressing a finger to Jade's nose. He glanced over at the maid, "Would you like to join us for dinner? I'm sure Jade here would be willing to share his with you."
Free from hiding behind his glasses, Jade's eyes flashed death at Peony, the deep red burning like fire. So much was he engrossed in his intense hatred at that moment, that he didn't hear the maid squeak a positive reply.
"Excellent," Peony said, doing his best to ignore the death glare he was receiving. "Why don't you bring it over here, I don't really feel like moving right now." Not in the least because moving would mean freeing Jade's hands, and quite possibly bringing about his own untimely death.
The maid complied, taking small steps while wheeling over the tray and uncovering the dishes. The smell of salmon wafted throughout the room, and although Jade's nose screamed for him to indulge in his favorite food, the fact that the current predicament didn't allow any room for enjoyment made the moment run sour. "It's a shame to be on a dinner date when I can't move my arms to eat, Your Majesty."
"Oh, that is problematic, but I'm sure this lovely young lady would be willing to help." Peony looked to the maid and smiled warmly, "You'll feed him his meal, right?"
"I hate you."
"No you don't."
"Deeply." Jade ignored what appeared to be stars shining in the servant's eyes. Of course she'd love to feed him. Then, just because, she, like many before her, would stalk him all the way to his room.
"You'll thank me for this later," Peony said, moving Jade's hair out of the way, exposing more of his face to the maid.
Jade wanted nothing more than to whip his head around and glare at Peony, but found himself inhibited as a fork was suddenly jut towards his face. What the hell kind of cheeky maids was Peony hiring these days? He clamped his mouth shut and shot her a death glare. However, the exposure to more of his features just seemed to spur her on more.
"Now, now, Jade. Be a good boy and open up."
"Mmph." Translation: I hope your rappigs pee in your shoes again.
"I can keep these glasses forever." Peony was enjoying this too much.
It was at this moment and time that Jade found himself dearly wishing that his Fonic Sight would spiral out of control, killing everyone in the room. Including himself, and especially Peony. However, knowing that the emperor would keep to his word, Jade weighed his options, and chose the lesser of two evils. He opened his mouth to allow the maid, who, mind you, now sported a rather worrisome feral look on her face, access, nearly gagging when she'd pushed the fish too far.
"Ah, careful, Miss. You don't want to kill him."
Jade swallowed, "No, by all means, do."
"If you die, not only will she be out of a job, I'll be out of a best friend."
"Her new job can be being your best friend. Problem solved."
"No."
"You mean the two of you aren't lovers?"
Peony looked between Jade and the maid, debating on how to answer her. "He's my best friend with benefits."
"O-oh! So the rumors are true!" the maid blushed deeper.
"Mhmmm," Peony said, picking up his plate and starting to eat, as awkward as it was with Jade draped over him.
"I'm not hungry anymore." Jade muttered, turning his head so his chin dug into Peony's chest.
"Jade..." Peony looked down at his friend, wondering if he'd gone too far.
Hmmm. This could be used to his advantage... Peony had that tone, where he was beginning to take things seriously. "...What." Time to act.
"How can you lose your appetite? It's your favorite?"
Jade only shrugged, turning his face away and towards the maid-- as if resigning himself to fate.
Either Jade was putting oon a show to get his way, or he really wasn't feeling well. Peony frowned, Jade had just been in Akzeriuth, around all that miasma... "You're not ill from the miasma, are you?" He bit down on his lip, trying to hold back a frown.
"I'm fine." If he played too much on it, Peony would know immediately that Jade was trying to pull his leg. He took solace in the fact that the maid herself had snapped back to some sort of normality, concern etched all over her face.
"Should I send the maid for a doctor?"
Jade shook his head, "I told you, I'm fine." Doctor was no good-- he'd probably blow Jade's cover.
"Then eat." Peony waved his fork in front of Jade's face, trying to see if he'd eat the salmon.
"Perhaps a little." Jade grabbed the fork between his teeth-- which apparently was suggestive enough to make the maid gasp and cover her face once more. No matter where they were, Jade and His Majesty seemed to be destined to provide some sort of entertainment.
If this was the only way to get Jade to eat, then that'd be fine. He could steal from Jade's plate later. "A little more?" he asked, offering another bite.
"If you insist." Jade murmured, taking it. It took a lot to stop himself from laughing at the maid's slowly escalating fluster. What was this called? He'd read it online... 'moe'? He hated the term. Why did fandom insist on such terms. From what he could tell, it was a borrowed term from a completely different language. Fangirls. Such strange beings. He sighed once he finished that particular bit of meat, turning to face the maid fully, "I'm terribly sorry you have to see me in such a weakened state..."
She squeaked.
Peony did his best to ignore the maid's reactions for two reasons, 1) he didn't sleep with his maids and 2) getting an erection now would be awkward. He continued to offer Jade bites, concerned that his best friend really was ill.
As time went on, Jade continued his act-- well practice over years and years of deceiving others. At one point, he'd managed to get the woman to squeal, but for some reason she just wouldn't leave like he wanted her to, and, knowing Peony's self control, if he didn't figure out something soon, there would be a lot more to worry about. Finishing off the last of Peony's dish, he lay his head back down, trying to digest both food and situation alike.
"Feeling any better?" Peony asked, poking his fork around his now empty plate. It was getting more difficult to ignore the maid, but by focusing his attention on Jade, he was managing to hold out.
"Mostly."
[OOC... I think we just gave up and decided to end it there. but. Jade got followed all the way home by the maid and I'm sure you can figure out the rest. ;)]
What: Peony freaks out over having invited Nephry to dinner before the V-Day Ball
When: approx Feb 9th?
Where: Jade's office, Peony's chamber
Why: Cause we can.
Warnings: faux gayness
The panic hadn't sunk in until the day after Peony invited Nephry to dinner. Not until he'd had time to reflect on exactly what he'd asked. Dinner with the woman he loves on Valentine's Day. It would be completely romantic if it weren't for the fact that Nephry was married and Peony couldn't let go of his morals long enough to properly steal her away.
Jade had returned today and seeing his best friend safe and alive was the catalyst that started the panic attack. The trip to Jade's office was fast, and there was no time to look around the office - or pay any mind to the reports Jade was likely filling out - as he flung himself over the desk to look up at Jade. "I'm in serious trouble, Jade."
Peony was never overly dramatic. Never. Really.
"...So you've finally realized your mental capabilities?" Jade retorted dryly, flipping a page in the report, not glancing up despite their foreheads nearly touching. This really was the absolute worst part of his job. And that was saying a lot-- Jade counted many aspects of his job as 'the worst'. The pen scribbled against the white parchment, leaving blue trails in his neat handwriting. The silence indicated Jade's approval for Peony to continue speaking.
"What? No, that's not what I'm talking about." Peony grabbed Jade's shirt. "I've invited your sister to dinner. Alone. Before the ball."
"...Are you an idiot?"
"I didn't think she'd say yes."
"...Yes. You're an idiot." Jade pushed his glasses up to the bridge of his nose (with difficulty). "What do you want me to do about it?"
"I don't know. Anything." Peony gave Jade his most pleading 'best friends always get each other out of a crisis' pout.
"All right then, I'll go and get the shovel."
"The shovel?"
Jade gave Peony his most 'You Don't Know What I'm Truly Thinking And It's Going To Drive You Mad' smile. "Well, you asked me to do anything I could... and considering my profession..."
"Jade, I'm being serious." Peony frowned. Jade's expression really was driving him crazy because he could think of several things Jade might be getting at and he wasn't sure any of them would have the results he was really looking for.
"How formal is the dinner?"
"I don't think she's going to be wearing anything different for it than what she's wearing to the ball."
Jade sighed, questioning his taste in friends, "So yes." Shutting his eyes in exasperation, he continued, "Perhaps this is what you need. As closure."
"Closure... right..." Peony couldn't hide the disappointment in his voice as much as he wanted to. Not that it would have mattered, Jade would have seen right through it. He always did.
"You really don't want to give up on her." The statement slipped at in a much more questioning manner than Jade intended. He could only hope that His Majesty wasn't keeping track of such trivial matters in a time of 'crisis'. However, Jade didn't hide dropping the stony, sarcastic facade.
"Of course I don't! Why would I want to give up on her?"
Another sigh. Jade seemed to be doing a lot more of that these days, "You truly are hopeless. If you feel that strongly, perhaps I'll humor you." Jade focused his deep crimson eyes into the bright sapphire of Peony's, "I'll distract her husband so you can have the night with her. As for what you do... I can't help you there. Unless you want the usual cliche advice."
"You'll really do that?" Peony smiled. He finally let go of Jade's shirt and shifted so he was sitting on the edge of Jade's desk. "Depends on which cliched advice it is."
"I've already told you, Your Majesty. I dislike the man as well." Jade straightened his uniform after the indignity it suffered, sinking back in his chair. Then, in a falsetto voice he continued, bringing a hand to his chest, shutting his eyes and cocking his head as if a prideful public speaker, "Jutht be yourthelf Your Majethty."
"Which is why I'm asking. How can you stand distracting him that long if you dislike him?" Peony raised an eyebrow. "Don't ever do that again. I was worried you were going to give me a fatherly lecture, but that's somehow worse."
Jade gave a light chuckle before relaxing once more, "If it means getting him out of the picture, I'll tie myself to his leg."
"You're such a masochist." Shaking his head, Peony laughed. "But I think you're expecting this to keep me distracted all night so I can't introduce you to any women. Right?"
"I've been found."
"You win this time."
"I thought you said you weren't going to force a date for me anyway."
"Introducing you to single women isn't the same as forcing a date on you."
Jade's eyebrow never missed an opportunity to arch, and this was no exception, "Your Majesty, if it's against my will, then it's forced. Plain and simple."
"I'm not forcing a date on you. Just... the opportunity to find one on your own."
The eyebrow only arched higher.
Peony sighed. "Fine, since you're doing me this huge favor, I won't introduce you to anyone."
Jade hid the familiar bit of sadness at that statement, chalking it up to the primal urge to reproduce. The man didn't need a family-- he grew up without one, save for his little sister, and he'd probably travel to the grave the same way. He had no reason to worry about continuing his bloodline, since Nephry no doubt had that under control, and as for family... well. He had Peony and Nephry. That should be enough. Right? Oh well. Jade shrugged, "Thank you."
"You're welcome," Peony replied. He wasn't giving up on finding someone for Jade. He'd just give it a rest at the ball. He knew the formal event would be bad enough for Jade, then having to deal with Nephry's husband on top of that, and having women thrown at him? Peony wasn't that cruel.
"Good luck with the dinner."
"Thanks. I think I'm going to need it."
"Most likely."
"Probably," Peony said, laughing - the slightest hint of how nervous he was slipping through.
"Ah. My little boy is growing up," Jade teased, the smirk widening on his face, "Do you want Daddy to hold your hand?"
"Please?" Peony said, holding out his hand. "Shut up," he added, pulling it away before Jade could take it.
"Now now, no need to be stubborn about this. I already blow on your meals for you, I'm sure I can handle walking you through your first date." Jade reached up and took Peony's cheek between two fingers, giving it a pinch and a wiggle.
"Are you going to practice with me?" Peony laughed and stood up, trying to get out of Jade's reach. He hadn't had his cheek pinched like that in a long time and he was in no rush to have it happen again.
"Practice what, Your Majesty?" Jade made no movement to get up and follow him-- the chair was far too comfortable for those kinds of shenanigans.
"Having dinner. What else would I be talking about?"
"You want me to go on a date with you? How scandalous!" Jade covered his face in a mock blush.
"Seven o'clock, don't be late." Peony winked and blew a kiss at Jade over his shoulder as he opened the door to leave. "See you later, soldier."
"In bed?" Jade called out, counting on the guards outside to overhear.
"Maybe the shower this time," Peony said, not missing a beat and doing his best not to laugh at the scandalized looking guards.
"Oh... but we get too wild for such a small space."
"We'll just have to practice some restraint, hmm?"
"It's so hard to restrain myself around you, Your Majesty." Jade tried his best to make his voice as sultry as possible.
"Not if I hogtie you." Peony quickly slipped out the door before he couldn't control his laughter, the poor guards faces alternating between red and green.
Just as planned. Jade returned to his paperwork, glancing at the clock. Only a couple of hours until their dinner date. The strokes of his pen, once slow and laden with boredom now etched into the paper faster, the blue scrawl almost cheerful. He'd never admit it in public, but Jade had missed his best friend terribly, and actually worried about never being able to see him again-- that was the worst. Setting aside the sheet, he continued onto the other. Dinner couldn't come soon enough.
Upon returning to the palace, Peony cornered a maid and put in a request for dinner for two to be served in his chamber tonight. The maid nodded and headed off toward the kitchen and Peony headed to his chamber to play with the rappigs.
In the chamber? How drab. Once the time came near, Jade made his way to the palace and knocked politely on Peony's door.
"What's the password?" Peony called out from the floor where a rappig had fallen asleep on him. He'd move it, but it looked so adorable and comfortable, and really, it wasn't that heavy.
Jade looked from side to side... damn. Maids everywhere. Grimacing, he straightened up, ruing the day he agreed to this. He squished the tip of his nose so it resembled that of a pigs and gave a hearty snort.
Peony chuckled loudly and snorted in return.
"That's not funny." Jade almost sulked as he opened the door. He couldn't wait to get inside and out of the way of prying, mocking, maidly eyes. "Idiot."
Of course it is."
"Not."
"Is too."
"Hmph." Jade plopped himself into a chair, crossing his arms, "Terrible to make your date go through such humiliation. Just terrible."
"Forgive me. I would have answered the door, but I'm playing the part of a mattress."
"Ah. So you choose the pig over me. I understand."
"If you'd have been here you could have used me as a mattress. I'm sorry."
"Ah. Is that a challenge?" Jade stood and, placing his palms on the bedside, loomed over Peony and his rappig. He tried to look his most serious-- and Jade was a great actor when needed.
"If it is?" Peony asked, doing his best to hide a smirk. It was great having his best friend back
Jade (gently) pushed the rappig aside and, always keeping his serious face on, crawled up so he hovered above Peony. He brought his face close, eyes burning with desire... and he decided right then and there was a great time to plop down, roll over, and lay on his friend as if he were tanning at the beach. "I've been on more comfortable."
"Oh, have you? Well, if I'm that unsatisfactory, you can just find somewhere else." As Peony said this, he wrapped his arms around Jade so he couldn't get away. Quietly he mumbled, "I really thought you were going to die."
"Perhaps I will!" And with that, Jade rolled over once more, so that his head could rest on Peony's shoulder. He exhaled when he heard the other man's statement, "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. You're alive. That's all that matters." Peony wasn't sure what he would have done if he'd lost Jade to Akzeriuth. He wouldn't have had someone to confide in. Wouldn't have had someone to point out when he was being an idiot. Wouldn't have anyone to troll livejournal with. While he could find someone to do those things with, it wasn't the same as having Jade to do them with.
"It seems I'm like a cockroach."
"Must be a Keterburg thing."
"Perhaps." Jade brought his arms to Peony's sides, trying to wriggle them underneath the man's back.
"The maids really will think we're gay if they walk in and see us like this," he said, shifting so Jade could wiggle a little easier.
"...You mean they don't already?"
"Some of them still have their doubts."
"What a shame. I'd thought we had them all."
"No, the ones who are in charge of the mail aren't convinced."
"Clever gals." Finally satisfied with wrapping his arms just right around Peony's torso, Jade gave him a good, hearty squeeze, combined with pushing his face just a little into Peony's shoulder.
"Nosy gals, you mean." Peony groaned loudly as though Jade were squeezing the air out of him. "Miss me that much, old man?"
Jade found the word slipping out before he could snark back, "Yes."
"What? No snarky comment? You feeling okay?"
"You're right. Perhaps I'm getting ill-- I think I may even throw up on you."
"Well, better to do that before dinner. I'll be disappointed if you throw up your favorite meal."
"Oh?"
"I thought you might like some comfort food tonight. I know I need it," Peony said, tightening his grip around Jade.
"Honestly, Your Majesty, is it your intent to turn me into a sap?"
"I'm not capable of that. Are you saying your heart is beginning to piece itself back together, particle by particle?"
"I never had a heart to begin with, so no."
"Funny, I can feel it beating."
"Are you invisibly fondling my chest now, Your Majesty?"
"You hadn't noticed?"
"I was trying to ignore it... but..." Jade buried his face, as if hiding a blush, "You're... such a devil...!"
"I can't help myself."
"Am I truly that irresistible?"
"Truly."
"Mmm." he didn't make any move to argue, and instead rested his cheek against Peony's shoulder once more. Jade would never allow himself to get this close or homely with anyone else, so the feeling never stopped being foreign to him-- although he still liked it. A little. "Now where is this food you promised?"
"It should be here soon." Being able to see this side of Jade only made Peony want to find someone else for Jade to share it with. If only he could convince him it was a good idea.
"I wonder.. what kind of prank can we pull on whomever delivers the food?" His voice lowered to nothing higher than a murmur.
"You mean having them walk in on us like this isn't enough?"
"Ah. You think it would be?"
"Hang on a second." Peony took Jade's glasses and put them on himself, mussed both their hair and tugged a corner of Jade's shirt loose. "How's that?"
"Why the glasse.... No." For the first time, Jade's voice truly dropped in dread. And sure enough, the doorknob began to turn...
"Yes, the glasses," Peony said, smirking. As the doorknob turned he said in a low voice, "No Jade, not again, can't it wait until after dinner?"
Immediately, Jade did his best to hide his face, biting down on Peony's shoulder as he did so. The man had it coming. As he continued to hide, he heard the gentle creak of the food wagon, and the timid voice of the maid, inquiring the emperor of his needs-- obviously embarrassed by the 'situation' she managed to catch the two in.
"Oh!" Peony said, glancing up at the maid. "Come on in. It's fine, isn't it, Jade?" He tuggged at Jade's hair, using it to shift Jade's face so the maid could see him. "Tell the lovely maid how pleased you are that she's finally arrived." He knew he was going to get it later, but it was very much worth it to see what he was about to see.
"Yes. Thank you. Now leave us be, please. I need to punish His Majesty severely." Jade made a desperate attempt to shoo the maid away-- to no avail. The moment she caught his face, her hands rushed up to cover her mouth and her cheeks blossomed into a deep crimson. The young woman stood rooted to the spot, apparently struck speechless.
Jade so hated his genetics.
"You can punish me later," Peony said, pressing a finger to Jade's nose. He glanced over at the maid, "Would you like to join us for dinner? I'm sure Jade here would be willing to share his with you."
Free from hiding behind his glasses, Jade's eyes flashed death at Peony, the deep red burning like fire. So much was he engrossed in his intense hatred at that moment, that he didn't hear the maid squeak a positive reply.
"Excellent," Peony said, doing his best to ignore the death glare he was receiving. "Why don't you bring it over here, I don't really feel like moving right now." Not in the least because moving would mean freeing Jade's hands, and quite possibly bringing about his own untimely death.
The maid complied, taking small steps while wheeling over the tray and uncovering the dishes. The smell of salmon wafted throughout the room, and although Jade's nose screamed for him to indulge in his favorite food, the fact that the current predicament didn't allow any room for enjoyment made the moment run sour. "It's a shame to be on a dinner date when I can't move my arms to eat, Your Majesty."
"Oh, that is problematic, but I'm sure this lovely young lady would be willing to help." Peony looked to the maid and smiled warmly, "You'll feed him his meal, right?"
"I hate you."
"No you don't."
"Deeply." Jade ignored what appeared to be stars shining in the servant's eyes. Of course she'd love to feed him. Then, just because, she, like many before her, would stalk him all the way to his room.
"You'll thank me for this later," Peony said, moving Jade's hair out of the way, exposing more of his face to the maid.
Jade wanted nothing more than to whip his head around and glare at Peony, but found himself inhibited as a fork was suddenly jut towards his face. What the hell kind of cheeky maids was Peony hiring these days? He clamped his mouth shut and shot her a death glare. However, the exposure to more of his features just seemed to spur her on more.
"Now, now, Jade. Be a good boy and open up."
"Mmph." Translation: I hope your rappigs pee in your shoes again.
"I can keep these glasses forever." Peony was enjoying this too much.
It was at this moment and time that Jade found himself dearly wishing that his Fonic Sight would spiral out of control, killing everyone in the room. Including himself, and especially Peony. However, knowing that the emperor would keep to his word, Jade weighed his options, and chose the lesser of two evils. He opened his mouth to allow the maid, who, mind you, now sported a rather worrisome feral look on her face, access, nearly gagging when she'd pushed the fish too far.
"Ah, careful, Miss. You don't want to kill him."
Jade swallowed, "No, by all means, do."
"If you die, not only will she be out of a job, I'll be out of a best friend."
"Her new job can be being your best friend. Problem solved."
"No."
"You mean the two of you aren't lovers?"
Peony looked between Jade and the maid, debating on how to answer her. "He's my best friend with benefits."
"O-oh! So the rumors are true!" the maid blushed deeper.
"Mhmmm," Peony said, picking up his plate and starting to eat, as awkward as it was with Jade draped over him.
"I'm not hungry anymore." Jade muttered, turning his head so his chin dug into Peony's chest.
"Jade..." Peony looked down at his friend, wondering if he'd gone too far.
Hmmm. This could be used to his advantage... Peony had that tone, where he was beginning to take things seriously. "...What." Time to act.
"How can you lose your appetite? It's your favorite?"
Jade only shrugged, turning his face away and towards the maid-- as if resigning himself to fate.
Either Jade was putting oon a show to get his way, or he really wasn't feeling well. Peony frowned, Jade had just been in Akzeriuth, around all that miasma... "You're not ill from the miasma, are you?" He bit down on his lip, trying to hold back a frown.
"I'm fine." If he played too much on it, Peony would know immediately that Jade was trying to pull his leg. He took solace in the fact that the maid herself had snapped back to some sort of normality, concern etched all over her face.
"Should I send the maid for a doctor?"
Jade shook his head, "I told you, I'm fine." Doctor was no good-- he'd probably blow Jade's cover.
"Then eat." Peony waved his fork in front of Jade's face, trying to see if he'd eat the salmon.
"Perhaps a little." Jade grabbed the fork between his teeth-- which apparently was suggestive enough to make the maid gasp and cover her face once more. No matter where they were, Jade and His Majesty seemed to be destined to provide some sort of entertainment.
If this was the only way to get Jade to eat, then that'd be fine. He could steal from Jade's plate later. "A little more?" he asked, offering another bite.
"If you insist." Jade murmured, taking it. It took a lot to stop himself from laughing at the maid's slowly escalating fluster. What was this called? He'd read it online... 'moe'? He hated the term. Why did fandom insist on such terms. From what he could tell, it was a borrowed term from a completely different language. Fangirls. Such strange beings. He sighed once he finished that particular bit of meat, turning to face the maid fully, "I'm terribly sorry you have to see me in such a weakened state..."
She squeaked.
Peony did his best to ignore the maid's reactions for two reasons, 1) he didn't sleep with his maids and 2) getting an erection now would be awkward. He continued to offer Jade bites, concerned that his best friend really was ill.
As time went on, Jade continued his act-- well practice over years and years of deceiving others. At one point, he'd managed to get the woman to squeal, but for some reason she just wouldn't leave like he wanted her to, and, knowing Peony's self control, if he didn't figure out something soon, there would be a lot more to worry about. Finishing off the last of Peony's dish, he lay his head back down, trying to digest both food and situation alike.
"Feeling any better?" Peony asked, poking his fork around his now empty plate. It was getting more difficult to ignore the maid, but by focusing his attention on Jade, he was managing to hold out.
"Mostly."
[OOC... I think we just gave up and decided to end it there. but. Jade got followed all the way home by the maid and I'm sure you can figure out the rest. ;)]