(no subject)
I had a really shitty day at work and I know it's only going to get worse. I was feeling creative tonight so I compiled a list of my holiday pet peeves and went on a brief rant.
10. No Free Lunch? Where do people get off thinking that we are obligated to give them gift boxes for their holiday purchases for free? Better yet, why is it our job to gift wrap your overpriced shit? We are not the mall, we are a outdoor retailer that sells both gift boxes and camo wrapping paper for next to nothing. I’m sorry we can’t crawl up your pretentious ass by catering to every one of your holiday needs. We’re no Dillards but we’re certainly not Wal-mart.
9. Complaining About the Brand of our Merchandise: I had a customer tonight that went off the handle on another employee (who, by the way, was already off the clock) because of we didn’t sell the flavor of “Extra” gum that she wanted. After going off on her, she turned to me in disgust and said, “I just can’t find anything in your fucking store tonight.” For someone who couldn’t find what she wanted, she still ended up spending $150.
8. The Manager’s Shift Shaft: The new Front-End Manager approached me at the beginning of my shift to let me know that I was coming in at 3 p.m. instead of 5 on Saturday because we would be extremely busy…and then nonchalantly walked off. First of all, no one tells me anything and if you don’t have the decency to ask before changing someone’s hours 2 days before the scheduled shift, you don’t deserve anything but a swift punch to the nuts.
7. The “Look Into My Eyes” Phobia: Why do customers get so offended when I speak directly to them while making eye contact like a normal human being? Oh, that right, most retail customers expect you to hang your head in a suicidal position while mumbling your way through the transaction because it’s just the polite thing to do. God forbid I actually try to make the checkout line a more pleasant place with a smile followed by a “thanks for stopping in, Happy Holidays.”
6. Can I Get Your Number? With all the telemarketing bullshit that we as American’s have tried so hard to smother with do-not call lists and lawsuits, I completely understand a customer’s apprehension to give some random cashier their number. But there is no justification in being a complete asshole for something so trite, a simple “no” would suffice. Instead, I get the woman who starts screaming about stolen identity and how I have violated her rights, blah blah bullshit blah. Or how about the one’s that try to be funny by asking, “Are you going to call me?” with a distinct wink that says, “I want to see what’s under that green polo.” Obviously, these people have little knowledge of marketing and how telephone numbers generate a status quo of where our buyers are coming from.
5. Register Lurkers: To have good marketing, a company has to put meaningless shit like harmonicas and sock warmers along the candy that dangles next to the checkout lines, in hopes that it will catch their eyes and thus make the customer buy more shit. What they don’t realize is that it creates a limbo for the customers who are talking on their cell phones and looking at this pointless shit, making it harder for other customers to determine who is in line and who is just looking. Register lurkers are a huge pet peeve of mine, if not for their obscene amounts of rudness, the mass hysteria of lines that they create plug the flow of the store like your roommates pubes swirling around at the bottom of the tub.
4. (No) Check, Please? Regardless of the shopping season, checks are something I despise on an everyday basis. I’m sorry, but on the dawn of 2008, you shouldn’t still be relying on a piece of paper that forces me to do a quick background check on you before sending it through another machine. There are cards that do the same thing in half the time. My favorite is when the I have to call the bank to authorize because it doesn’t clear the first time and I am stuck on the phone for 10 minutes with a goddamn voice automated bot. Of course, by this time the lines are backed up and people are wondering what kind of incompetent douchebag is running the register. What really tops it off is after all that work, the check still doesn’t clear and they go on a rampage about how much money they have in their account. Checks are the Sony Walkman of our decade, it’s time for an upgrade, Uncle Buck.
3. Tag, Your It: One of the low points in a cashier’s day is when a customer approaches the checkouts and starts the conversation with “This one doesn’t have a tag.”, which is usually followed by “and it’s the last one on the rack.” So either this customer is completely retarded or money isn’t really an issue for them. Who knows, that camo vest without the tag could cost $897.32 and you wouldn’t know because you were too fucking lazy to find an associate to assist you in your shopping experience. Instead, you opt to pin the task of ‘find the price” on the lowly cashier who neither has the time or knowledge on the particular item to pleasantly get you in and out in less than five minutes. You can’t honestly tell me you would rather stand in line and sigh loudly for ten to twenty minutes while we scuttle around to find a upc, when you could’ve taken two minutes to ask someone that works in the department. Enjoy that camo vest I busted my ass to sell, you deserve it.
2. Put Your Money Where My Hand Is: When someone asks you to pass the dinner rolls, do you take one out of the bread basket and set it in the middle of the table? Then why on earth would you take out your cash/change/credit card and place on top of the counter when I clearly have my hand out, knuckles down? I know some people are just germaphobes, but a majority of these people are just too far up their own ass to pay attention to someone in retail. Instead of picking the dimes and nickels out of your purse and setting them down just to make me pick them up two seconds later, maybe make some sort of eye contact and place the coins in my hands.
1. The Latecomers: Nothing infuriates me more than the customers that think they are above following the posted store hours and continue shopping even after the loudspeaker reminds them we are closed. Two minutes is understandable, even four or five minutes can be bearable, but when your management is refusing to let you out because some jackass decided at 9:59 that he needed a Git R Done shirt to match his disgusting camo hunting hat, you’ll find no sympathy from my eyes. Stores make closing announcements for a reason, not so that you can piss the rest of my night away by going on a spur of the moment camo clothing spree.
x-posted to anas & fatties
10. No Free Lunch? Where do people get off thinking that we are obligated to give them gift boxes for their holiday purchases for free? Better yet, why is it our job to gift wrap your overpriced shit? We are not the mall, we are a outdoor retailer that sells both gift boxes and camo wrapping paper for next to nothing. I’m sorry we can’t crawl up your pretentious ass by catering to every one of your holiday needs. We’re no Dillards but we’re certainly not Wal-mart.
9. Complaining About the Brand of our Merchandise: I had a customer tonight that went off the handle on another employee (who, by the way, was already off the clock) because of we didn’t sell the flavor of “Extra” gum that she wanted. After going off on her, she turned to me in disgust and said, “I just can’t find anything in your fucking store tonight.” For someone who couldn’t find what she wanted, she still ended up spending $150.
8. The Manager’s Shift Shaft: The new Front-End Manager approached me at the beginning of my shift to let me know that I was coming in at 3 p.m. instead of 5 on Saturday because we would be extremely busy…and then nonchalantly walked off. First of all, no one tells me anything and if you don’t have the decency to ask before changing someone’s hours 2 days before the scheduled shift, you don’t deserve anything but a swift punch to the nuts.
7. The “Look Into My Eyes” Phobia: Why do customers get so offended when I speak directly to them while making eye contact like a normal human being? Oh, that right, most retail customers expect you to hang your head in a suicidal position while mumbling your way through the transaction because it’s just the polite thing to do. God forbid I actually try to make the checkout line a more pleasant place with a smile followed by a “thanks for stopping in, Happy Holidays.”
6. Can I Get Your Number? With all the telemarketing bullshit that we as American’s have tried so hard to smother with do-not call lists and lawsuits, I completely understand a customer’s apprehension to give some random cashier their number. But there is no justification in being a complete asshole for something so trite, a simple “no” would suffice. Instead, I get the woman who starts screaming about stolen identity and how I have violated her rights, blah blah bullshit blah. Or how about the one’s that try to be funny by asking, “Are you going to call me?” with a distinct wink that says, “I want to see what’s under that green polo.” Obviously, these people have little knowledge of marketing and how telephone numbers generate a status quo of where our buyers are coming from.
5. Register Lurkers: To have good marketing, a company has to put meaningless shit like harmonicas and sock warmers along the candy that dangles next to the checkout lines, in hopes that it will catch their eyes and thus make the customer buy more shit. What they don’t realize is that it creates a limbo for the customers who are talking on their cell phones and looking at this pointless shit, making it harder for other customers to determine who is in line and who is just looking. Register lurkers are a huge pet peeve of mine, if not for their obscene amounts of rudness, the mass hysteria of lines that they create plug the flow of the store like your roommates pubes swirling around at the bottom of the tub.
4. (No) Check, Please? Regardless of the shopping season, checks are something I despise on an everyday basis. I’m sorry, but on the dawn of 2008, you shouldn’t still be relying on a piece of paper that forces me to do a quick background check on you before sending it through another machine. There are cards that do the same thing in half the time. My favorite is when the I have to call the bank to authorize because it doesn’t clear the first time and I am stuck on the phone for 10 minutes with a goddamn voice automated bot. Of course, by this time the lines are backed up and people are wondering what kind of incompetent douchebag is running the register. What really tops it off is after all that work, the check still doesn’t clear and they go on a rampage about how much money they have in their account. Checks are the Sony Walkman of our decade, it’s time for an upgrade, Uncle Buck.
3. Tag, Your It: One of the low points in a cashier’s day is when a customer approaches the checkouts and starts the conversation with “This one doesn’t have a tag.”, which is usually followed by “and it’s the last one on the rack.” So either this customer is completely retarded or money isn’t really an issue for them. Who knows, that camo vest without the tag could cost $897.32 and you wouldn’t know because you were too fucking lazy to find an associate to assist you in your shopping experience. Instead, you opt to pin the task of ‘find the price” on the lowly cashier who neither has the time or knowledge on the particular item to pleasantly get you in and out in less than five minutes. You can’t honestly tell me you would rather stand in line and sigh loudly for ten to twenty minutes while we scuttle around to find a upc, when you could’ve taken two minutes to ask someone that works in the department. Enjoy that camo vest I busted my ass to sell, you deserve it.
2. Put Your Money Where My Hand Is: When someone asks you to pass the dinner rolls, do you take one out of the bread basket and set it in the middle of the table? Then why on earth would you take out your cash/change/credit card and place on top of the counter when I clearly have my hand out, knuckles down? I know some people are just germaphobes, but a majority of these people are just too far up their own ass to pay attention to someone in retail. Instead of picking the dimes and nickels out of your purse and setting them down just to make me pick them up two seconds later, maybe make some sort of eye contact and place the coins in my hands.
1. The Latecomers: Nothing infuriates me more than the customers that think they are above following the posted store hours and continue shopping even after the loudspeaker reminds them we are closed. Two minutes is understandable, even four or five minutes can be bearable, but when your management is refusing to let you out because some jackass decided at 9:59 that he needed a Git R Done shirt to match his disgusting camo hunting hat, you’ll find no sympathy from my eyes. Stores make closing announcements for a reason, not so that you can piss the rest of my night away by going on a spur of the moment camo clothing spree.
x-posted to anas & fatties