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This Journal
Originally I wanted to restart writing in this journal to give myself a much-needed outlet for mental stress. Somehow it turned into bringing back all this old, old trauma and bad memories from my childhood. Sometimes, the worst things stick out the most.
I don't want this journal to be a haven for negativity and complaining. It is better used ( Read more... ) -
"I Don't Care"
In A New Chapter...again I described the process of leaving my previous employer. During the last day of work, my ex-boss was getting very frustrated with me and coming down pretty hard on me. I didn't defend myself much, but part of me does think I was egging her on in a way. Why would I do this? There was a point where she got completely fed ( Read more... ) -
Revisiting the Source
I was recently talking with a friend who plays drums. Being a hip-hop fan, drums have always been interesting to me, and if given the opportunity to take professional lessons on any instrument I would choose drums or piano. The topic turned to taking music lessons when we were younger. My friend played the cello, and I had the opportunity to ( Read more... ) -
In Lieu
Since I am unable to get professional help for my mental illnesses (whatever they may be) I am going to use this entry to sort out some very personal things. I am going to talk about my family. Of course, this will be emotional and biased and probably overly-judgmental and all those other irrational feelings and thoughts that come out when ( Read more... ) -
Reflections on the Ego part II
Previously we talked about how the Ego attaches to external objects and claims them as not only it's property, but as a reflection of itself. Watching a movie, our egos attach to the main character and we experience the movie as that character. One more meta-step beyond that: in our modern society we also attach to the actor or actress playing ( Read more... ) -
Cannabis as Teacher
A close friend recently asked me, "What has cannabis taught you?"
Being a smoker a decade now I realized there is a lot of history and a lot of lessons to be learned from my time. Now that my relationship with cannabis is coming to a close, or at least changing to a different form, I can reflect upon my past life as a hardcore stoner.
First off a ( Read more... ) -
The Girl From The Heavens
"Have you ever had a destined meeting?"
This girl came into my life like a dream. She gave me the power to change myself for the better. All those things I've been thinking about and working on suddenly became easy when she was around. Everything fell into place and was a little more perfect. I was embarrassed and sad I couldn't show her a ( Read more... ) -
Reality Distortion Fields
Steve Jobs famously had a "Reality Distortion Field" which was a mix of grandiose salesmanship, loads of charisma, and a sprinkle of narcissism. Jobs would give the greatest keynote speeches of our generation, describing in detail his vivid and distinct visions of the near-future filled with Apple products at the forefront of consumer electronics ( Read more... ) -
The Shapes
"The shapes are always changing. Changing is their normal state, like us. Even if we're not changing on the outside, we're changing on the inside constantly. There's some stuff about me that I've been ignoring for a long time. I'm afraid of that stuff. But it's part of who I am. As long as I know the shape of my soul, I'll be all right."
Adventure ( Read more... ) -
Reflections on the Ego
One of the most interesting topics of the modern era is the Ego. Arguably the very thing that makes us human, what separates us from the unevolved beasts and creatures of impulse. It is also not well-understood (as is anything having to do with our infinitely complicated brain or mysterious consciousness) despite being the center and an important ( Read more... )