(no subject)
I should explain. Back in January, you may remember I was contacted by my boss, telling me that he had received complaints about my odour. I thought the problem was resolved until a few weeks' ago, when he wrote me another memo saying the problem had not gone away and the complaints were continuing. Worse, the complainants were considering replacing me with a less smelly guitar teacher.
With some dread, I rang him. In a protracted and unpleasant conversation (not from him, he was very kind and offered much support. It was pretty unpleasant for me. Well it would be, wouldn’t it? How would you like to be told you smell, when you’re both a) insecure about yourself, and b) pretty sure that you DON’T smell? You wouldn’t like it, would you? Of course not) he told me which school the complaints originated from. Bugger, I get on well with them at that school.
The following week, I left my kiffy old leather jacket in the car, and on advice from Meiliung, I brought in a can of Oust and sprayed it around the room as I left.
Within an hour of me getting home, my boss rang. Same problem. Now I asked who specifically made the complaint in a vain effort to get to the nub of the issue. After squirming a bit, he told me. Bugger, I get on well with that teacher.
There was another long and rather painfully awkward conversation. I swear he sounded on the verge of tears at one point. I wasn't too happy either, in fact I was rather upset by this continuing saga. What on Earth do I smell of? I wash regularly, I know I'm a naturally sweaty person, but I’m careful about it, I don't smell too bad, I don't fart in the room if kids are there, I don't smoke in my work clothes, what the fuck...?
This was particularly awkward as this conversation ended half an hour before I had to appear at another of my schools for a concert during which I would clamber up onstage to present my pupils and have them perform in front of about a billion parents and teachers. Never have I felt more conscious of my greasy hair, my unkempt beard, my un-ironed shirt, my tatty shoes, and this mystery smell that I couldn't detect (but others obviously could). Were people moving away from me? Were people bending back to avoid the noxious fumes emerging from my rotten mouth?
Normally I'm not too bothered about how sparkling I look, I'm not too bothered about looking a little rumpled and casual, but for once I really felt like a leper. I should have had a bell round my neck and mumbled "unclean!" to passers by. God, I feel I'm disgusting at times.
And as the week dragged on (and the teacher from the school in question wasn't returning my calls - presumably because she knew why I called and was avoiding the issue) I began to be somewhat preoccupied with my smell. Which is why I posed the question on here. And those of you who responded told me... nothing I didn't already know - though I am extremely grateful for your input. It did confirm I wasn't wholly repellent, which is a comfort.
Anyway, the whole issue was resolved when I finally caught up with the teacher who has made my existence a misery for several weeks. It was not a confrontation, and it was actually quite amicable. I told her I was baffled by all this and I needed to know what I smelled of - one of the most socially embarrassing questions you can ever ask someone in the workplace. Did I smell of BO or halitosis. No. Thaaaaank fuck. If she had said yes, I would have been devastated.
Did my jacket smell of gigs and late night carousing? No. OK, I was a little surprised. My leather jacket is four years old and it goes practically everywhere with me. Gigs, parties, nights out, days out, teaching, countryside walks, hot sweaty rooms, shopping etc. It should smell pretty well roasted by now.
Do I smell of cigarettes? Nope. That’s good. I don’t like my charges smelling my vices. I may smoke, but I’m not proud of it, and I certainly won’t want my pupils knowing of my bad habits.
What about old socks? I have stinky feet sometimes and my shoes are falling apart. I need new ones. Any smell from my peglegs? Nope.
What about damp laundry? Ah. Yes. It’s like a damp smell. “A friend of mine lives in a damp cottage, and their washing is just hung up to dry indoors. It’s a bit like that”.
That’s it! It has been mentioned (by ”loxodonta”) that I can smell of damp laundry sometimes. I know about this. We have a washing machine determined to ruin our clothes and our lives by refusing to go on to its spin cycle, thereby leaving our clothes in a stagnant pool of water at the bottom of the machine. Even when the water drains, the spin fails to come on and we remove our clothes sopping wet. And where do we hang our clothes up? Certainly not outside with the near-tempest weather that has been raging since last June. We have no airing cupboard, so it hangs up in the dining room. Sometimes, uncomfortably, I have to rush out to work having grabbed a shirt straight from the clothes-horse, and the shirt is still a bit clammy under the armpits. Not nice.
Still, it explains all. I offer my apologies and my explanations and said tormenter seems appeased. I ring my boss and tell him. What I DON’T tell him is that the whole term’s worth of job and personal insecurity could have been avoided if he had just asked some slightly difficult questions. It should now be all resolved. I hope.
The last thing I need right now is something to affect how much work I get. Also, the other last thing I need is to get angry over pointless crap.
In other news, my mum is about to jet off on holiday. To Iran.