I have a problem
I was going to add this to my catch up entry, but I forgot until I hit publish.
It all started with this tweet that Twitter suggested to me:
That’s some BDE right there. 💙🖤 pic.twitter.com/4sfCcXesrG
- 🥨 mallpretzles 🥨 (@mallpretzles1) March 19, 2022
I started following them and they led me to a rabbit hole and now my life will never be the same.
I know I posted last year about how watching too much Schitt's Creek was becoming "not helpful for our relationship"
Well now I've discovered Schitt's Creek fan fiction. Specifically David and Patrick.
I mean, it wasn't that I didn't think it existed. I read a bit of Hanson fanfic back in the day. But holy shit, stumbling upon this has become a huge problem.
Don't get me wrong, some of it is weird. Some of it is kind of interesting. I read one where the things that differ from canon stem from Patrick being a paraplegic. It was really lovely and well done. Another one I liked had them at the same college and Patrick's therapist suggested he take an art class, where he meets and falls in love with David. I also got sucked into this one where Rachel is a hardcore Catholic and Patrick knocks her up before running away to Schitt's Creek, though it's not finished. And I couldn't not read the One Night in Milwaukee series, but I will say it's totally missing a reference to the recombobulation area.
But aside from these interesting AU (alternate universe) stories, there's one thing that's been really driving me wild.
I don't know why this particular tag has been a favorite, aside from it's just really ridiculous that it exists and is called that, but my goodness. I may or may not have read a few stories one night before bed and it may or may not have resulted in me waking up my fiancé when I went to bed because I just couldn't contain myself.
I do know I'm not alone in getting really hot and bothered by reading explicit content involving genders that I don't identify with and IRL am not particularly attracted to. [most likely TMI about my sexuality]At some point in my 20s I said that I could go the rest of my life without encountering a penis and be content. Of course, later I discovered that the things that I love about being with my fiancé is that I can experience that from them, but all the things I always hated about it when I've been with men are not there. I forgot that I actually do enjoy it, but men tend to ruin the experience (though not always intentionally). I mean, there are almost 1400 explicit and 800 mature rated stories about David and Patrick. It is definitely costing me sleep.
I usually end up calling it quits around 4am.
I will also be completely honest, reading this stuff has actually really educated me on some things. [Explicit TMI, CW: borderline sexual abuse]The most revolutionary thing to me was this concept of "opening up." I had a really bad experience with this guy I dated my senior year of high school. Let's just say that he didn't do that and it was very painful and I swore to never let that happen again. Knowing that this "preparation" is a common part of it makes me realize that what he did was not only not consensual (the second time he tried it, despite me saying that it really hurt and I didn't want to try it again), but really rough and not done in the appropriate way. It probably wouldn't have been that bad if he had just prepared me like I've read in some of these stories. But more than anything, it has become quite the time suck. And TBH, resulted in me needing to do laundry more frequently. Thank goodness I'm just a few weeks from having my own washer and dryer that doesn't cost $2.50 to do a load.