#23
“Repent,” Siwon says. He tugs Jongwoon’s shirt open. “Repent, and maybe your sins can be forgiven.”
Jongwoon hesitates. “I-“ Siwon tugs on his hair. “I’m trying.”
“Liar,” Siwon whispers. “You filthy liar.”
“No,” Jongwoon protests. Siwon runs his hands down his sides and his back, and Jongwoon’s breath catches in his throat. He doesn’t try and stop him (because he deserves it anyways).
“Do you know what will happen if you aren’t forgiven?” Siwon asks. Jongwoon shakes his head-he wasn’t that religious in the first place-and closes his eyes.
“Your senses will go,” Siwon tells him. “First your sight, then your hearing, and eventually-“ he tilts Jongwoon’s face up with two fingers-“you won’t be able to feel a thing.”
He punctuates this sentence with a kiss, and Jongwoon starts trembling. He shifts his weight, and when Siwon breaks for air, leans against the wall for support.
“That’s not true,” Jongwoon says desperately. Siwon merely smiles, leaning over him and idly stroking his hair.
(If it is, maybe God’s punishing him in reverse because he’s such a fucking worthless person. Maybe this is His way of making him pay for his deeds.
He disregards the fact that he was getting better until he left Mayglen.)
“With all due respect, General, you’re really not one of the better human beings out there,” Siwon says.
Jongwoon stares at the floor, and Siwon sighs.
“On your knees,” he says, and gently pushes Jongwoon’s shoulders down. “Beg for forgiveness.”
He continues to look at the floor and mouths his prayers.
God, I don’t know if you’re there or not but if you are I’m sorry for what I’ve done and I don’t know how to make it up to everyone and I know I should die but please-
There’s a snap, and Jongwoon finds himself looking at the side. His cheek stings, and from above Siwon calmly orders, “Out loud. So He can hear you.” Jongwoon obeys and shakily repeats what he’s just said in his mind.
“Amen,” he finishes.
“He has heard your prayer,” Siwon says as he helps Jongwoon up. “Now confess your sins.”
“I-“ he begins. Siwon roughly turns him around and slams him into the wall.
“Continue,” he says, and presses tight against Jongwoon’s back. He can feel Siwon’s length digging into the back of his thigh as he speaks, and continues anyways.
“I’ve killed people,” Jongwoon says, and Siwon wraps his arms around him. One hand clutches onto his shoulder and the other skims down his bare stomach and lingers at his waistband.
“Go on?” Siwon prompts, and bites the junction between neck and shoulder. Jongwoon rests his head against the wall, and bites his lip at the sensation.
“I fell in love with my lieutenant’s best friend,” he continues. Siwon lets his fingers dip into his pants, stroking the sharp hipbone.
“What else?” Siwon murmurs into his neck softly.
Jongwoon hesitates. Siwon’s fingers sear his skin, and his breath is warm against his neck.
“And I should die,” he says finally. He can feel the other general smile slowly at that.
“You’re on your way,” he says, and takes his hand out of Jongwoon’s pants. He deftly undoes the belt, and as his pants hit the floor he slips his hand in his boxers, reaching underneath Jongwoon’s half hard state to lightly stroke his entrance.
Jongwoon starts at the sudden contact. It’s been a year and a half (give or take?) since anyone has touched him there and he isn’t quite sure if he likes-or wants-this. But Siwon’s fingers feel good against his skin, and after he remembers what Siwon told him earlier he doesn’t think he cares anymore if it’s right (or okay or ethical or all those other moral issues) anymore.
“Tell me,” Siwon says, and pushes a finger into the first knuckle. “Do you want this?” he asks, and twists teasingly.
Jongwoon closes his eyes. He isn’t sure of anything, nor does he know if this is-truly-what he wants to be done to him.
“What else do you have?” Siwon asks, and interrupts his thoughts. “The people you killed hate you. Your friends hate you. And-“
Jongwoon tries to protest, but Siwon reaches up with his other hand and gently holds his mouth shut.
“-the man you fell in love with hates you,” he finishes. Jongwoon reaches up to try and get Siwon’s hand off his face, but Siwon notices, presses him further into the wall and traps his arms. “But I don’t. Don’t speak,” he orders. “It’s not like anyone would really like to listen to what you say anyways,” he breathes into his ear.
He lets go. Jongwoon is silent, and resigns himself to whatever comes next.
“There we go,” Siwon says. He doesn’t give Jongwoon a chance to answer, instead taking out his finger and pulling down his boxers, to pool around his feet along with his pants.
Jongwoon’s eyes open a crack as Siwon probes with two fingers inside of him, and then close again.
(At least Siwon is kind enough to even use his fingers.)
He gets used to the sting of the rough fingering quickly, and the sharp pain combined with the short pleasure as Siwon’s fingers pass nerves quickly gets him fully hard. He tenses as Siwon brushes that spot and half opens his eyes.
“Oh,” Siwon says. “I could probably make you come with just two fingers, couldn’t I?” He twists harshly, and another jolt of pleasure and pain shoots through Jongwoon. “But I won’t.” He takes them out and, after a moment, positions himself at Jongwoon’s entrance.
“Are you ready?” Siwon asks teasingly (like he cares).
Jongwoon bites his lip hard.
“Yes,” he says. His half-lidded eyes shoot fully open as Siwon thrusts straight into him and ohgodithurts. Siwon doesn’t hold back, roughly moving in and out and it’s not at all what Jongwoon likes, but at the same time everything he does and all he can really do is let his head fall back onto Siwon’s shoulder as he’s slammed against the wall time and time again.
(Jongwoon is and might always have been a masochist.
And most likely he will still continue to be one.)
He feels trapped, with his arms between his chest and the wall. Right now Siwon is kind enough to be holding him up, but he probably can’t stand by himself anyways. Jongwoon presses a fist hard against the cool plaster and digs his nails (why are they so sharp? He just cut them yesterday.) into his palm to try and take his mind off the sensations that Siwon is somehow managing to all cause but god-fucking-damnit (no offense to Him, of course) it doesn’t work and Jongwoon is still, still wracked with waves of pleasure and pain and sometimes both at the same time-
(In health class once, he learned that pain can release the same signals to the brain as pleasure does.
Later that day, he fell down the stairs. Maybe that’s where he got it from, he muses in a back corner of his mind.)
--and “Oh fuck fuck fuck, Siwon,” Jongwoon spills out. It’s his normal technique for coping with too much pain; talking until he’s distracted. (It doesn’t really work though, because Siwon is hitting that spot inside him every every time, bringing his mind back to the delicious feelings coming through him.
“Are you close?” Siwon asks. He still sounds calm and controlled and Jongwoon wonders what this is really doing to him.
But he is close, he can feel it.
“Yeah,” he says breathlessly. “Yeah, I am,” and Siwon’s hand reaches down but instead of finishing him off, he grips the base of his length powerfully. Really, he should’ve seen this coming.
“Beg for it,” Siwon says in his ear, and stills. Jongwoon’s nails dig even further into his palm and he can feel a few layers of skin break.
“Please,” he says desperately. “Just do something, finish me off, let me come, fuck, fuck, please, I need this…”
He’s nearly in tears by the time Siwon finally stops torturing him, and he starts moving again but doesn’t let go, however and Jognwoon actually does kind of cry this time because it feels so fucking good and he can barely, barely stand it (and he can’t even stand up right now) and anymore of this and he’s not going to move afterwards out of sheer exhaustion.
(He wonders if you can kill someone through sensory overload.)
Siwon’s movements, meanwhile, have been getting more and more erratic. Jongwoon can feel him shaking, and finally, finally, Siwon goes over the edge. He lets go of Jongwoon and bites his shoulder and with the added stimulation, Jongwoon finally comes.
He collapses against the wall. After a minute, Siwon hastily cleans himself up and sets Jongwoon down on the ground, back against the wall. He kneels between his legs, takes the cross earring in Jongwoon’s left ear between two fingers and tugs gently.
Siwon smiles, and his eyes are gentle and full of kindness.
“Did you really,” he begins, “think that He is there for you?” He grins cruelly, and Jongwoon’s stomach sinks faster than lead in freefall.
“No, no, please don’t-“
“Too late.”
Siwon rips the earring out, breaking through the scar tissue around the piercing and the flesh surrounding that. Jongwoon lets out a yell, eyes squeezed shut and breathes hard.
“Everyone’s forsaken you,” Siwon says as he walks away. “Even God.”
(As Siwon leaves, come trickles down Jongwoon’s thighs, blood trickles down his neck and tears trickle down his face.)
Jongwoon hesitates. “I-“ Siwon tugs on his hair. “I’m trying.”
“Liar,” Siwon whispers. “You filthy liar.”
“No,” Jongwoon protests. Siwon runs his hands down his sides and his back, and Jongwoon’s breath catches in his throat. He doesn’t try and stop him (because he deserves it anyways).
“Do you know what will happen if you aren’t forgiven?” Siwon asks. Jongwoon shakes his head-he wasn’t that religious in the first place-and closes his eyes.
“Your senses will go,” Siwon tells him. “First your sight, then your hearing, and eventually-“ he tilts Jongwoon’s face up with two fingers-“you won’t be able to feel a thing.”
He punctuates this sentence with a kiss, and Jongwoon starts trembling. He shifts his weight, and when Siwon breaks for air, leans against the wall for support.
“That’s not true,” Jongwoon says desperately. Siwon merely smiles, leaning over him and idly stroking his hair.
(If it is, maybe God’s punishing him in reverse because he’s such a fucking worthless person. Maybe this is His way of making him pay for his deeds.
He disregards the fact that he was getting better until he left Mayglen.)
“With all due respect, General, you’re really not one of the better human beings out there,” Siwon says.
Jongwoon stares at the floor, and Siwon sighs.
“On your knees,” he says, and gently pushes Jongwoon’s shoulders down. “Beg for forgiveness.”
He continues to look at the floor and mouths his prayers.
God, I don’t know if you’re there or not but if you are I’m sorry for what I’ve done and I don’t know how to make it up to everyone and I know I should die but please-
There’s a snap, and Jongwoon finds himself looking at the side. His cheek stings, and from above Siwon calmly orders, “Out loud. So He can hear you.” Jongwoon obeys and shakily repeats what he’s just said in his mind.
“Amen,” he finishes.
“He has heard your prayer,” Siwon says as he helps Jongwoon up. “Now confess your sins.”
“I-“ he begins. Siwon roughly turns him around and slams him into the wall.
“Continue,” he says, and presses tight against Jongwoon’s back. He can feel Siwon’s length digging into the back of his thigh as he speaks, and continues anyways.
“I’ve killed people,” Jongwoon says, and Siwon wraps his arms around him. One hand clutches onto his shoulder and the other skims down his bare stomach and lingers at his waistband.
“Go on?” Siwon prompts, and bites the junction between neck and shoulder. Jongwoon rests his head against the wall, and bites his lip at the sensation.
“I fell in love with my lieutenant’s best friend,” he continues. Siwon lets his fingers dip into his pants, stroking the sharp hipbone.
“What else?” Siwon murmurs into his neck softly.
Jongwoon hesitates. Siwon’s fingers sear his skin, and his breath is warm against his neck.
“And I should die,” he says finally. He can feel the other general smile slowly at that.
“You’re on your way,” he says, and takes his hand out of Jongwoon’s pants. He deftly undoes the belt, and as his pants hit the floor he slips his hand in his boxers, reaching underneath Jongwoon’s half hard state to lightly stroke his entrance.
Jongwoon starts at the sudden contact. It’s been a year and a half (give or take?) since anyone has touched him there and he isn’t quite sure if he likes-or wants-this. But Siwon’s fingers feel good against his skin, and after he remembers what Siwon told him earlier he doesn’t think he cares anymore if it’s right (or okay or ethical or all those other moral issues) anymore.
“Tell me,” Siwon says, and pushes a finger into the first knuckle. “Do you want this?” he asks, and twists teasingly.
Jongwoon closes his eyes. He isn’t sure of anything, nor does he know if this is-truly-what he wants to be done to him.
“What else do you have?” Siwon asks, and interrupts his thoughts. “The people you killed hate you. Your friends hate you. And-“
Jongwoon tries to protest, but Siwon reaches up with his other hand and gently holds his mouth shut.
“-the man you fell in love with hates you,” he finishes. Jongwoon reaches up to try and get Siwon’s hand off his face, but Siwon notices, presses him further into the wall and traps his arms. “But I don’t. Don’t speak,” he orders. “It’s not like anyone would really like to listen to what you say anyways,” he breathes into his ear.
He lets go. Jongwoon is silent, and resigns himself to whatever comes next.
“There we go,” Siwon says. He doesn’t give Jongwoon a chance to answer, instead taking out his finger and pulling down his boxers, to pool around his feet along with his pants.
Jongwoon’s eyes open a crack as Siwon probes with two fingers inside of him, and then close again.
(At least Siwon is kind enough to even use his fingers.)
He gets used to the sting of the rough fingering quickly, and the sharp pain combined with the short pleasure as Siwon’s fingers pass nerves quickly gets him fully hard. He tenses as Siwon brushes that spot and half opens his eyes.
“Oh,” Siwon says. “I could probably make you come with just two fingers, couldn’t I?” He twists harshly, and another jolt of pleasure and pain shoots through Jongwoon. “But I won’t.” He takes them out and, after a moment, positions himself at Jongwoon’s entrance.
“Are you ready?” Siwon asks teasingly (like he cares).
Jongwoon bites his lip hard.
“Yes,” he says. His half-lidded eyes shoot fully open as Siwon thrusts straight into him and ohgodithurts. Siwon doesn’t hold back, roughly moving in and out and it’s not at all what Jongwoon likes, but at the same time everything he does and all he can really do is let his head fall back onto Siwon’s shoulder as he’s slammed against the wall time and time again.
(Jongwoon is and might always have been a masochist.
And most likely he will still continue to be one.)
He feels trapped, with his arms between his chest and the wall. Right now Siwon is kind enough to be holding him up, but he probably can’t stand by himself anyways. Jongwoon presses a fist hard against the cool plaster and digs his nails (why are they so sharp? He just cut them yesterday.) into his palm to try and take his mind off the sensations that Siwon is somehow managing to all cause but god-fucking-damnit (no offense to Him, of course) it doesn’t work and Jongwoon is still, still wracked with waves of pleasure and pain and sometimes both at the same time-
(In health class once, he learned that pain can release the same signals to the brain as pleasure does.
Later that day, he fell down the stairs. Maybe that’s where he got it from, he muses in a back corner of his mind.)
--and “Oh fuck fuck fuck, Siwon,” Jongwoon spills out. It’s his normal technique for coping with too much pain; talking until he’s distracted. (It doesn’t really work though, because Siwon is hitting that spot inside him every every time, bringing his mind back to the delicious feelings coming through him.
“Are you close?” Siwon asks. He still sounds calm and controlled and Jongwoon wonders what this is really doing to him.
But he is close, he can feel it.
“Yeah,” he says breathlessly. “Yeah, I am,” and Siwon’s hand reaches down but instead of finishing him off, he grips the base of his length powerfully. Really, he should’ve seen this coming.
“Beg for it,” Siwon says in his ear, and stills. Jongwoon’s nails dig even further into his palm and he can feel a few layers of skin break.
“Please,” he says desperately. “Just do something, finish me off, let me come, fuck, fuck, please, I need this…”
He’s nearly in tears by the time Siwon finally stops torturing him, and he starts moving again but doesn’t let go, however and Jognwoon actually does kind of cry this time because it feels so fucking good and he can barely, barely stand it (and he can’t even stand up right now) and anymore of this and he’s not going to move afterwards out of sheer exhaustion.
(He wonders if you can kill someone through sensory overload.)
Siwon’s movements, meanwhile, have been getting more and more erratic. Jongwoon can feel him shaking, and finally, finally, Siwon goes over the edge. He lets go of Jongwoon and bites his shoulder and with the added stimulation, Jongwoon finally comes.
He collapses against the wall. After a minute, Siwon hastily cleans himself up and sets Jongwoon down on the ground, back against the wall. He kneels between his legs, takes the cross earring in Jongwoon’s left ear between two fingers and tugs gently.
Siwon smiles, and his eyes are gentle and full of kindness.
“Did you really,” he begins, “think that He is there for you?” He grins cruelly, and Jongwoon’s stomach sinks faster than lead in freefall.
“No, no, please don’t-“
“Too late.”
Siwon rips the earring out, breaking through the scar tissue around the piercing and the flesh surrounding that. Jongwoon lets out a yell, eyes squeezed shut and breathes hard.
“Everyone’s forsaken you,” Siwon says as he walks away. “Even God.”
(As Siwon leaves, come trickles down Jongwoon’s thighs, blood trickles down his neck and tears trickle down his face.)