(no subject)
1500. In your deep eyes, I see storm clouds: gathering like pearls on the tips of the waves. Your breath is tinged with sadness, and great wisdom, and the death of millions; your sigh tells me of a hundred-thousand yet unborn. Infinite to you, is dawning; never-ending, a sweet cascade. Ribboning through your blood is the secret of what was, and of what lies beneath. Rising to the surface are the globes of perfume slipped by fauna below; the sea-women and their graves of white sand. You are of them, child: child with the endless eyes.
1501. I'll make a beast out of myself, gets rid of all the pain of being a man.
1502. She started wondering if she'd be able to get the brains, blood, and skull out of the carpet if she avoided stepping on it on the way to getting the cleaning supplies.
1503. I will eat my Wheaties™ out of the bottom of your fucking skull.
1504. Promised that we would never get better at growing up and learning to lie.
1505. Think- it's not illegal, yet.
1506. Our fathers are the models of god. If our fathers failed, what does that say about god?
1507. What was the start of all this? When did the cogs of fate begin to turn? Perhaps it is impossible to grasp that answer now, from deep within the flow of time... But, for a certainty, back then, we loved so many, yet hated so much, we hurt others and were hurt ourselves... Yet even then we ran like the wind whilst our laughter echoed under cerulean skies...
1508. You're the prettiest little gravedigger I've ever seen.
1509. Love is like an onion. The more you peel back its layers, the more it stinks.
1510. The harsh realities of your miserable lives have been restored.
1511. Where will you go with no one to save you from yourself?
1512. I hear you in a whisper, but you can't even hear me screaming.
1513. I don't know. It's a mystery.
1514. I swear by your britches.
1515. Every story has a terrible ending. You just gotta know when to stop writing.
1516. Waking up is knowing who you really are.
1517. I'm not lost, I'm just alone.
1518. I don't know where to go, but I cannot stay where I don't belong.
1519. The rage of angels
1520. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
1521. You're just jealous because all the voices are talking to me.
1522. This would be really funny if it weren't happening to me.
1523. Cleverly disguised as a responsible adult.
1524. Eat right, exercise, die anyway.
1525. Fight crime- shoot back!
1526. Cat- the other white meat.
1527. If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, riddle them with bullets.
1528. Listen to the rushing river of blood, flowing downwards in a warm torrent. The blood of the weak. Of the helpless. Of the mad.
1529. No one here gets out alive
1530. I think I'll dismember the world and then I'll dance in the wreckage.
1531. Dreams make no promises.
1532. What happened to the days when "Go play in the mech" could keep them happy for hours?
1533. Wake me up when the world ends.
1534. Everyone's got a dark side. Mine's just cooler than yours.
1535. From where I stand, you're in my sky.
1536. There are two sides to every sky.
1537. Not only can we know everything, but we do. We just tell ourselves differently to make our lives bearable.
1538. Someone kick me out of my mind, I hate these thoughts I can't deny.
1539. A terrible beauty is born
1540. Life is pain. Anyone who says anything different is selling something.
1541. Celebrate ruin.
1542. What I really want is a soul mate- someone else to catch this drift.
1543. O, Lord, prove that you love me, and buy the next round.
1544. Hey, give my nose back. I need that to breathe, and smell, and shoot things out when I laugh and sneeze.
1545. The day I find out I'm dying is the day that my parachute doesn't open.
1546. I must not walk so that a child may live.
1547. Until you accept God as your father, he is your judge.
1548. Anything that ugly wants you to die.
1549. I told you to replace his blood with acid AFTER you put him in there! The sharks won't touch him, now!
1550. Don't try to encourage me anymore, God looks down on suicide.
1551. Your brain must have been constructed horribly wrong.
1552. Are you a politician, or does lying run in your family?
1553. It's not a good idea to be in the same room as a polar bear.
1554. Do me a favor please, and touch your lips to mine.
1555. Somehow, when you say that, it drips of something illegal.
1556. I will not hesitate to eat you alive.
1557. I walk the streets at night, I go where evil dares.
1558. Ugly people shouldn't be allowed to smile that much.
1559. Well, if we do lose, we can kill everyone else, and everyone will assume that we won.
You didn't have many friends growing up, did you?
1560. I can almost hear you scream.
1561. Wake up the dawn and ask her why
A dreamer dreams she never dies
Wipe that tear away now from your eye
Slowly walking down the hall
Faster than a cannon ball
1562. Let me explain. Wait, there is too much. Let me sum up.
1563. "Will your grace command me any service to the world's end? I will go on the slightest errand now to the Antipodes that you can devise to send me on; I will fetch you a tooth-picker now from the furthest inch of Asia, bring you the length of Prester John's foot, fetch you a hair off the great Cham's beard, do you any embassage to the Pigmies, rather than hold three words' conference with this harpy."
1564. We are men of action. Lies to not become us.
1565. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will drive you insane.
1566. Bloody angels deserve bloody roses.
1567. I put the "fun" in "funeral".
1568. There are only stupid people around me, but they mean well.
1569. They are intent on turning a fiasco to a full blown catastrophe.
1570. There's something on my mind. I'd die if it meant it'd get off.
1571. I'm on the fence between insanity and sanity.
I'm leaning a little towards insanity.
I'm sitting in insanity's yard with a lawn chair and my lemonade with a good book, wondering why the hell you're sitting on a fence.
1572. Kill or be killed? Easy fuckin' choice.
1573. They want to remember the day they lost everything? Why?
1574. The villain, in all ways, is an agent of change. A catalyst, if you will.
1575. Know too well, know she breaks my siren.
1576. Guess my loyalties turn like my ankle in the seventh grade, running after Billy, running after the rain.
1577. Remember boys and girls; a smart man always knows when to- RUN LIKE A LITTLE BITCH!
1578. I'm all bone, I'm two-toned.
1579. Isn't it precious?
1580. You vanished today, not for the first time.
1581. Little angel, go away, come again another day. The devil has my ear, today, I'll never hear a word you say.
1582. They've already started in the city.
1583. A mysterious corpse has a magic all its own.
1584. Take me away from me.
1585. Don't turn your back on me! I won't be ignored!
1586. You can't escape, you know you can't escape.
1587. Tramps like us, baby, we were born to run.
1588. I can hear you in a whisper, but you can't even hear me screaming.
1589. I know you will always love sorrow, because you gave her dress to happiness, because it matches her eyes when she cries.
1590. Come on, let me hold you, touch you, feel you, always.
1591. You wanna see the light? So do I.
1592. I know the pieces fit, 'cos I watched them all fall away.
1593. I thought that drinking just to get drunk was a waste of precious booze.
1594. I'm a sinner and God's a pervert.
1595. What do you mean, he's pregnant?
1596. Child with the endless eyes.
1597. She dreams in digital because it's better than nothing.
1598. Poisoned and hopeless.
1599. Don't look at me!
1600. We all go a little mad, sometimes.
1601. What... what the hell is it?
1602. The scariest thing... the most painful thing... is to be hated by someone you truly love....
1603. Breathing in lightning, tonight's for fighting....
1604. I want to protect you, you, my angel.
1605. Thought I had a witness....
1606. Psychos all around me, trying to say my head's not right.
1607. Somebody save me, someone take me away from this awful place!
1608. This truth drives me to madness.
1609. And do you think of me when you fuck her?
1610. At least I'll have tangoed at all.
1611. I don't have wings.
1612. All caught up now while taking my chances, playing my song while the devil dances round me, begging me to play along.
1613. You're a bad liar.
I am an excellent liar, you just know me too well.
1614. Come on, I've got until I die to live, like hell I'm gonna be all serious about it!
1615. Isn't the possibility of death what gives life that zing?
1616. Being happy won't make you happy.
1617. Bullets are like highly concentrated projectile karate.
1618. Dance like no one's watching.
1619. You know, if you just do what you want, you eventually forget that anyone gives a rat's ass.
1620. The mouth is the root of all misfortune.
1621. I wouldn't die even if they killed me!
1622. I'm surrounded by idiots, but they mean well.
1623. Roses are red, grass is green, I like your legs and what's in between.
1624. Chain-smoking and blowing shit up.
1625. You're not gonna cut my balls off when I get there, are you?
Depends on whether or not I'm still awake when you get here.
1626. Nerd violence.
1627. Is that all you have to say? They're last words, you know.
1628. Please die in the name of love and peace.
1629. Part, fools, you know not what you do.
1630. If you send someone to save the world, make sure they like it how it is first
1631. Let's avoid fighting. You're not worth it.
1632. You're a team player. A save-the-day superhero. I hate people like you.
1633. Giggling like a sadist that just put a lit firecracker up a cat's ass.
1634. We must show them that we are men of parts.
1635. I can't find my way home....
1636. I know the breakdown, everything is gonna shake, now, someday.
1637. In your life, you seem to have it all, you seem to have it all under control, but deep within your soul, you're losing it.
1638. No one else is living this way, you can find the reason that way.
1639. The voices in your head think There's four pawns down.
1640. Yeah, your lies your world is built around
There're two faces to every clown.
1641. I used to think that the brain was the most wonderful organ in my body. Then I realized who was telling me this.
1642. Tell me again, am I awake now?
1643. You never took the time to think, maybe you're to blame.
1644. Kudos to those who see their sickness.
1645. If you can't be my savior, I have another one.
1646. You know, the train wouldn't let me on, the other day.
You just have to let it know who's boss.
1647. I love the noises humans make when they're being eaten alive.
1648. You need names because you don't know who you are. We know who we are.
1649. Genocide is one of the most exhausting activities you can engage in, next to soccer.
1650. Most people would go out and get laid on their last four days on earth. Well, since we can't go out and get laid, we're gonna do the next best thing- Kill people.
1651. Somebody help me tame this animal I have become.
1652. You make it hard to be faithful.
1653. Medicate me so I die happy.
1654. Trying to get rid of shadows by using light? Idiot. There will always be shadows where there is light.
1655. Why bother to run? There is no point to dying tired.
1656. Call forth your demons for rage is my appetite.
1657. Life is a virgin 'cos a bitch is too easy.
1658. God kills indiscriminately, and so shall we. For no creature is so like him then we ourselves.
1659. You don't have to suffer continual chaos in order to grow.
1660. Love is a vast journey to which our hearts travel. Find the paths of light and let them be your guide.
1661. Faithless is he that says farewell when the road grows dark.
1662. In the word of no master am I bound to believe.
1663. Courage is the art of being the only one who knows you’re scared to death.
1664. You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you.
1665. Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug.
1666. Regrets are as personal as fingertips.
1667. Those who say winning is not everything, obviously have not won anything yet.
1668. A Good Girl is just a Bad Girl who’s never been caught.
1669. History will always be kind to me, for I intend to write it
1670. Behind every great man, there was a woman rolling her eyes
1671. It is confession, not the priest, that brings us absolution.
1672. Offer what help you can, maybe someday greater help will be returned.
1673. Don't worry about copying anyone. If the idea is original, you'll have to ram it down their throats.
1674. Be careful, for your life is like a flame waiting to be blown out.
1675. I could not help but notice your pain. It runs deep...share it with me.
1676. You're just another pretty face in a room full of whores.
1677. Tarnished halos are rare; most of us just have this fucking ring that chokes us with our sins.
1678. Do you love me because I’m beautiful? Or am I beautiful because you love me?
1679. Seduction is often difficult to distinguish from rape. In seduction the rapist bothers to buy a bottle of wine.
1680. Love is not a victory march, it's a cold and broken hallelujah.
1681. You can't do that to a squirrel! They have unions!
1682. You traumatized Betsy without me? Did she make that face where she looks like she just drank a gallon of sour milk?
1683. This might not help my "I am normal" case....
1684. Son. There are many things I have to say to you. Remember to be honorable and a gentleman above all. Love your family and friends. Never play cards with your uncle. You know how to shave, right?
Dad, did you break the washer-dryer again?
1685. In retrospect, the "two eye patches is sexier than one" idea is only good in theory.
1686. My bitches are prettier than yours.
1687. We just got back from the hospital.
Dad or our uncle?
1688. A man stands by his bitch.
1689. So how do you feel?
Like kidnapping a baby seal. Grab a net, let's go.
1690. How long are we going to stare forlornly at the frisbee, Dad?
Until it pities us and falls of its own accord. Keep staring.
1691. What do you mean "or what?"? I'm the priest of the mother fucking ether. Nightmares are my joys and playthings. Take a moment to imagine the worst dream you could ever have.
1692. She's hungry. You can see it in her eyes.
That's the insanity.
1693. Ladies! Good evening! Have you ever experienced the pleasure of having several tentacles exploiting your erogenous zones?
I'd hit that...
Hey, I saw him first.
1694. I promised myself I wouldn't mace you this day. You've made me regret that.
1695. I stand corrected.
No--you lie bleeding.
1696. Well, sir, I have genes passed on from the Irish and some Europeans. And that, out there? Is the sun.
1697. I'd like to be proud, instead of, you know, traumatized.
1698. I’m not concerned about all Hell breaking loose-just a part of it. That will be much harder to detect.
1699. I don’t know the key to success, but the key to failure is trying to please everybody.
1700. Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
1701. Those who can laugh without cause have either discovered the meaning of happiness, or have gone stark raving mad.
1702. All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others.
1703. America is founded on the belief that “free” doesn’t mean “worth it”.
1704. Say what you will about literature. Shakespeare is a bitchin’ wingman.
1705. Bad decisions make good stories.
1706. If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
1707. I’m as normal as they come, and this is a competition of freaks.
1708. The only way to be truly misogynistic is to be a woman.
1709. Forgiveness is one of the horrible side-effects of loving someone.
1710. Desperate is not a sexual preference.
1711. Could you imagine how horrible life would be if we always told others how we felt? Life would be intolerably bearable.
1712. Slow and steady wins the race, and wastes no time rubbing salt-caked glass into your open wounds.
1713. The key is to commit crimes so stupid that the cops won’t even want to write a crime report on it
1714. The only time anyone’s ever admitted to being a Christian is when they’re telling me why they’re better than me.
1715. The shortest verse in the bible is ‘Jesus wept’. The only thing wrong with that is the past tense.
1716. Sometimes, people do things that hurt, and it’s not because they mean to. They just do. It doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you, but you end up hurt because of it.
1717. Our heroes are people, and people are flawed. Don’t taint the things you love.
1718. She’s a predator posing as a house pet.
1719. What you are feeling is premature enlightenment.
1720. You idiot! You let out Cthulu!
1721. Watch carefully. I’m about to show you how to kill a god.
1722. The trick is not to fear him.
1723. Wow! A punch from this guy is like a kick from a maladjusted mule!
1724. A buddy of mine is getting married to a particularly unpleasant beast of a woman.
1725. When your only tool is a hammer, you tend to see every problem as a nail.
1726. Every journalist has a novel in him, and that’s a good place for it.
1727. Can you hear the horses, ‘cos here they come.
1728. I drag my teeth across your chest to taste your beating heart.
1729. The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it.
1730. Let's have some new cliches.
1731. If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door.
1732. Whenever you find that you are on the side of the majority, it is time to reform.
1733. What is the difference between unethical and ethical advertising? Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public; ethical advertising uses truth to deceive the public.
1734. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.
1735. It is a profitable thing, if one is wise, to seem foolish.
1736. Life being what it is, one dreams of revenge.
1737. No tyranny is so irksome as petty tyranny: the officious demands of policemen, government clerks, and electromechanical gadgets.
1738. No one's really pretty when they've got a .38 bullet stuck in their head.
1739. I declare now that you're not allowed to make fun of me until I catch myself on fire.
1740. The goal of all inanimate objects is to resist man and ultimately defeat him.
1741. Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment.
1742. You must not think me necessarily foolish because I am facetious, nor will I consider you necessarily wise because you are grave.
1743. We don't see things as they are, we see things as we are.
1744. A sympathetic Scot summed it all up very neatly in the remark, "You should make a point of trying every experience once, excepting incest and folk dancing."
1745. I always find it more difficult to say the things I mean than the things I don't.
1746. There's tempting fate, and then there's giving it a lapdance.
1747. I felt like poisoning a monk.
1748. If all else fails, immortality can always be assured by spectacular error.
1749. Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'.
1750. I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.
1751. Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.
1752. Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them.
1753. Wagner's music is better than it sounds.
1754. The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.
1755. The great thing about human language is that it prevents us from sticking to the matter at hand.
1756. People who get nostalgic about childhood were obviously never children.
1757. The best defense against the atom bomb is not to be there when it goes off.
1758. The last time somebody said, 'I find I can write much better with a word processor.', I replied, 'They used to say the same thing about drugs.'
1759. Right and wrong are merely words. What matters is what you do.
1760. Whose death did I just see?
1761. If you can't kill something with explosions, you're just not using enough.
1762. One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork.
1763. Equations are the devil's sentences.
1764. No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why.
1765. When the president decides something on Monday, he still believes it on Wednesday -- no matter what happened Tuesday.
1766. I don't want someone shoving his views down my throat, unless they're covered in a crunchy candy shell.
1767. I'm glad I don't have to explain to a man from Mars why each day I set fire to dozens of little pieces of paper, and then put them in my mouth.
1768. The only courage that matters is the kind that gets you from one moment to the next.
1769. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.
1770. The thing you have to remember about teenagers is that their cerebral cortex doesn't finish forming until they're twenty-five, so you must assume that they're mentally impaired when you're talking to them.
1771. If anyone needs me, I'll be setting all your stuff on fire.
1772. The prophecies are wrong. The end is past, and we didn't fucking blink.
1773. The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract.
1774. I despise the pleasure of pleasing people that I despise.
1775. All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable.
1776. Masters of the arcane savor a delicious irony. Their study of deep and complex arcana leads to such a simple end: the ability to say merely yes or no.
1777. If it has a brain, even a primitive one, man can most surely find a way to fuck it up.
1778. Why not be oneself? That is the whole secret of a successful appearance. If one is a greyhound why try to look like a Pekinese?
1779. It's like that 'punching the girl you like' thing.
1780. Don't look at me for help, I think he should shoot you.
1781. I taste like cookie dough.
Sexy.
Nah, sexy is bacon. Cookie dough is a cute thing.
1782. Let's pretend drugs and alcohol are bad.
1783. If a dictator kills his own people, we don't care. We pat them on the back. "Good job! Go ahead, we've been trying to kill you bastards for years!" But Hitler killed the people next door. Ah, stupid man.
1784. How dare you cut my fuckin' leg off, you little shit!
1785. It is not worth an intelligent man's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.
1786. All men are frauds. The only difference between them is that some admit it. I myself deny it.
1787. It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.
1788. Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
1789. Silence is the virtue of fools.
1790. An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.
1791. Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I'm not sure about the former.
1792. So, did you know you said that last part out loud?
1793. I am surrendering to gravity and the unknown.
1794. Jesus is not a zombie.
1795. I start spinning, slipping out of time. Was that the wrong pill to take?
1796. My philosophy is "always proactively untwist octagonal hippopotamus pants."
1797. God is not dead but alive and well and working on a much less ambitious project.
1798. I know violence isn't the answer. I got it wrong on purpose.
1799. Together, we braved winter's kiss.
1800. Sometimes people are layered like that. There's something totally different underneath than what's on the surface. But sometimes, there's a third, even deeper level, and that one is the same as the top surface one. Like with pie.
1801. Happiness hit her like a train on a track
1802. Struck from a great height by someone who should know better than that.
1803. I love you so much, I'm gonna let you kill me.
1804. A falling star fell from your heart and landed in my eyes. I screamed aloud, as it tore through them, and now it's left me blind.
1805. I'll cut your little heart out 'cos you made me cry.
1806. The stars, the moon, they've all been blown out. You left me in the dark.
1807. I like to think at least things can't get any worse.
1808. No more dreaming like a girl so in love with the wrong world.
1809. Snow White's stitching up the circuitboards, someone's slipping through the hidden door.
1810. Because falling's not the problem, when I'm falling I'm in peace. It's only when I hit the ground-- it causes all the grief.
1811. Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.
1812. Dear God. Please protect me from your followers. Amen.
1813. Speech is conveniently located midway between thought and action, where it often substitutes for both.
1814. Never interrupt your enemy when he's making a mistake.
1815. Even God's a prick.
1816. If you kill me, I'll haunt you during job interviews, and during sex, and when you use the bathroom.
1817. It'll be the end of the world. Or the beginning.
1818. Beginning, end, all the same. Always change, sometimes good or sometimes bad.
1819. Writing is words that stay.
1820. I don't care how much bullshit you spout, a skewer is a skewer.
1821. Finding new and preferably disgusting ways to degrade a friend’s mother was always held in high regard.
1822. You should be kissed often, and by someone who knows how.
1823. There is a coherent plan in the universe, though I don't know what it's a plan for.
1824. Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him.
1825. A taste for irony has kept more hearts from breaking than a sense of humor, for it takes irony to appreciate the joke which is on oneself.
1826. Where we have strong emotions, we're liable to fool ourselves.
1827. Education is what survives when what has been learned has been forgotten.
1828. I will punch you in the dick and run.
1829. Who bombs a puppy? Even Osama Bin Laden will look at you like you're the biggest jerk-off this side of the world.
1830. You build a dozen roads, but do they call you Connor the road-builder? No. You sire six wonderful sons, but do they call you Connor the child-rearer? No. But you fuck one sheep...
1831. I heard the bullets whistle and, believe me, there is something charming to the sound of bullets.
1832. For every one time pain annoys you, there are about a hundred times it saves you from disfiguring yourself.
1833. The lesson learned here is that you never give metal claws to something that doesn't die when you shoot it in the head.
1834. The trouble with normal is it always gets worse.
1835. So, that's what death tastes like.
1836. Happiness is an imaginary condition, formerly attributed by the living to the dead, now usually attributed by adults to children, and by children to adults.
1837. There's no secret about success. Did you ever know a successful man who didn't tell you about it?
1838. No, we didn't break the ozone layer. It fell down the stairs.
1839. Let's avoid the face. He'll need that for the crying.
1840. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter because nobody listens.
1841. The greater the ignorance the greater the dogmatism.
1842. Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end.
1843. A great many people think they are thinking when they are really rearranging their prejudices.
1844. How hard it is, sometimes, to trust the evidence of one's senses! How reluctantly the mind consents to reality.
1845. I have some bombs.
Somehow, that doesn't surprise me at all.
Yeah, you remember how he went running down the hill, that one time?
Oh, yeah. That was a good Christmas.
1846. The seventh law of thermodynamics is that every time a fat person gets near a trapdoor, they fall in. It’s the closest thing we have to scientific proof of God.
1847. I think your brain just took a shit out of your mouth.
1848. Remember when I said I would kill you last?
Yeah.
I lied.
1849. Basically, if he can find some way to either pick it up or otherwise manipulate it, he can probably find some way beat the shit out of you with it.
1850. Ain't no reason to kill anybody in the ring. Unless they deserve it.
1851. I'm retiring because there are more pleasant things to do than beat up people.
1852. Wouldn't it be a beautiful world if just 10 percent of the people who believe in the power of love would compete with one another to see who could do the most good for the most people?
1853. In a competition of love we'll all share in the victory, no matter who comes first.
1854. This is sickening. You sound like chapters in a self-help booklet!
1855. To find yourself jilted is a blow to your pride. Do your best to forget it and if you don't succeed, at least pretend to.
1856. Readers are plentiful; thinkers are rare.
1857. Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.
1858. What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death.
1859. If you're afraid to let someone else see your weakness, take heart: Nobody's perfect. Besides, your attempts to hide your flaws don't work as well as you think they do.
1860. Mistrust the man who finds everything good, the man who finds everything evil and still more the man who is indifferent to everything.
1861. I know who I am. No one else knows who I am. If I was a giraffe, and someone said I was a snake, I'd think, no, actually I'm a giraffe.
1862. All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.
1863. Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly.
1864. Stay centered by accepting whatever you are doing. This is the ultimate.
1865. There are two ways to pass a hurdle: leaping over or plowing through... There needs to be a monster truck option.
1866. Spontaneous kindness is to hipsters as high beams are to deer.
1867. The quickest way to a man's heart really is through his stomach, because then you don't have to chop through that pesky rib cage.
1868. 'Light fuse and get away' may work for a Roman candle, but not so much for the wrath of a woman scorned.
1869. I get up every morning determined to both change the world and have one hell of a good time. Sometimes this makes planning my day difficult.
1870. You always pass failure on the way to success.
1871. An appeaser is one who feeds a crocodile, hoping it will eat him last.
1872. I would feel more optimistic about a bright future for man if he spent less time proving that he can outwit Nature and more time tasting her sweetness and respecting her seniority.
1873. People are, if anything, more touchy about being thought silly than they are about being thought unjust.
1874. A hotel isn't like a home, but it's better than being a house guest.
1875. Beliefs are what divide people. Doubt unites them.
1876. Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious.
1877. If the world should blow itself up, the last audible voice would be that of an expert saying it can't be done.
1878. To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
1879. Growth for the sake of growth is the ideology of the cancer cell.
1880. May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, leading to the most amazing view. May your mountains rise into and above the clouds.
1881. I think we ought always to entertain our opinions with some measure of doubt. I shouldn't wish people dogmatically to believe any philosophy, not even mine.
1882. I would never die for my beliefs because I might be wrong.
1883. If a man is offered a fact which goes against his instincts, he will scrutinize it closely, and unless the evidence is overwhelming, he will refuse to believe it. If, on the other hand, he is offered something which affords a reason for acting in accordance to his instincts, he will accept it even on the slightest evidence. The origin of myths is explained in this way.
1884. It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this.
1885. Men fear thought as they fear nothing else on earth -- more than ruin -- more even than death.... Thought is subversive and revolutionary, destructive and terrible, thought is merciless to privilege, established institutions, and comfortable habit. Thought looks into the pit of hell and is not afraid. Thought is great and swift and free, the light of the world, and the chief glory of man.
1886. Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons.
1887. I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
1888. There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.
1889. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.
1890. Life.....is a series of dogs.
1891. Eventually, alas, I realized the main purpose of buying cocaine is to run out of it.
1892. Keep thy religion to thyself.
1893. Everyone says they're bad with names. I think we're just bad with other people.
1894. Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.
1895. Charm is a way of getting the answer yes without asking a clear question.
1896. If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life.
1897. Love is the kind of illness that does not spare the intelligent or the dull.
1898. What is a rebel? A man who says no.
1899. I see many people die because they judge that life is not worth living. I see others paradoxically gettin killed for the ideas or illusions that give them a reason for living (what is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying). I therefore conclude that the meaning of life is the most urgent of questions.
1900. Man is the only creature that refuses to be what he is.
1901. A free press can of course be good or bad, but, most certainly, without freedom it will never be anything but bad. . . . Freedom is nothing else but a chance to bet better, whereas enslavement is a certainty of the worse.
1902. It is a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money.
1903. I have never been able, really, to regret anything in all my life. I have always been far much too absorbed in the present moment or the immediate future to think back.
1904. Live to the point of tears.
1905. There are always reasons for murdering a man. But there is no justification for his existence.
1906. I wanted to put a bullet between the eyes of every panda that wouldn't screw to save its species.
1907. Time is that quality of nature which keeps events from happening all at once. Lately it doesn't seem to be working.
1908. Idleness is not doing nothing. Idleness is being free to do anything.
1909. What is life but a series of inspired follies? The difficulty is to find them to do. Never lose a chance: it doesn't come every day.
1910. I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it.
1911. Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual.
1912. It is said that your life flashes before your eyes just before you die. That is true, it's called Life.
1913. Sometimes glass glitters more than diamonds because it has more to prove.
1914. That seems to point up a significant difference between Europeans and Americans. A European says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with me?" An American says: "I can't understand this, what's wrong with him?"
1915. The trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.
1916. The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head.
1917. In the begining there was nothing, and it exploded.
1918. Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day. But set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his life.
1919. For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from, and (d) rocks.
1920. Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate.
1921. A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read.
1922. An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
1923. Real stupidity beats artificial intelligence every time.
1924. It could not be happening because this sort of thing did not happen. Any contradictory evidence could be safely ignored.
1925. It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was us, what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.
1926. Sham Harga had run a succesful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and realizing that most of his customers wanted meals properly balanced between the four food groups: sugar, starch, grease, and burnt crunchy bits.
1927. The pamphlet was very patriotic. That is, it talked about killing foreigners.
1928. Revolutions always come around again. That's why they're called revolutions.
1929. Seeing, contrary to popular wisdom, isn't believing. It's where belief stops, because it isn't needed any more.
1930. What our ancestors would really be thinking, if they were alive today, is: "Why is it so dark in here?"
1931. Gods don't like people not doing much work. People who aren't busy all the time might start to think.
1932. He says gods like to see an atheist around. Gives them something to aim at.
1933. No. Men should die for lies. But the truth is too precious to die for.
1934. Famous I don't know about. It's hard to be famous and alive. I just want to play music every day and hear someone say, 'Thanks, that was great, here's some money, same time tomorrow, okay?'
1935. "I meant, what is there in this world that truly makes living worthwhile?"
Death thought about it.
"Cats," he said eventually. "Cats are nice."
1936. A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores.
1937. Geography is just physics slowed down, with a couple of trees stuck in it.
1938. There are, it has been said, two types of people in the world. There are those who, when presented with a glass that is exactly half full, say: this glass is half full. And then there are those who say: this glass is half empty. The world belongs, however, to those who can look at the glass and say: What's up with this glass? Excuse me? Excuse me? This is my glass? I don't think so. My glass was full! And it was a bigger glass!
1939. He had a mind that ticked like a clock and, like a clock, it regularly went cuckoo.
1940. Pulling together is the aim of despotism and tyranny. Free men pull in all kinds of directions.
1941. Rincewind had been told that death was just like going into another room. The difference is, when you shout, 'Where's my clean socks?' no-one answers.
1942. This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic.
1943. Kids! Bringing about Armageddon can be dangerous. Do not attempt it in your home.
1944. I will kill you so hard you'll die to death.
1945. Actions lie louder than words.
1946. I have never met a man so ignorant that I couldn't learn something from him.
1947. Sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast.
1948. Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.
1949. Charm is the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves.
1950. In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is.
1951. I loathe the expression "What makes him tick." It is the American mind, looking for simple and singular solution, that uses the foolish expression. A person not only ticks, he also chimes and strikes the hour, falls and breaks and has to be put together again, and sometimes stops like an electric clock in a thunderstorm.
1952. The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution.
1953. First things first, but not necessarily in that order.
1954. With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from blind belief in another.
1955. The conventional view serves to protect us from the painful job of thinking.
1956. I'm seventeen and I'm crazy. My uncle says the two always go together. When people ask your age, he said, always say seventeen and insane.
1957. We need not to be let alone. We need to be really bothered once in a while. How long is it since you were really bothered? About something important, about something real?
1958. Don't think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It's self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can't try to do things. You simply must do things.
1959. If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down.
1960. Those who don’t build must burn. It’s as old as history and juvenile delinquence.
1961. You don't have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them.
1962. The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic asylums.
1963. You can't say that civilization doesn't advance, however, for in every war they kill you in a new way.
1964. Men are generally idle, and ready to satisfy themselves, and intimidate the industry of others, by calling that impossible which is only difficult.
1965. A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship to the size of his paycheck.
1966. Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution.
1967. We do what we must, and call it by the best names.
1968. Dance like it hurts, Love like you need money, Work when people are watching.
1969. It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up.
1970. Don't go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.
1971. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
1972. Consistency requires you to be as ignorant today as you were a year ago.
1973. Rational arguments don't usually work on religious people. Otherwise, there wouldn't be religious people.
1974. The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
1975. I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
1976. God help the outcasts.
1977. I don't hate you, I just want to save you while there is still something left to save.
1978. My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.
1979. A man that flies from his fear may find that he has only taken a short cut to meet it.
1980. Eat Food. Not Too Much. Mostly Plants.
1981. We are cups, constantly and quietly being filled. The trick is, knowing how to tip ourselves over and let the beautiful stuff out.
1982. War must be, while we defend our lives against a destroyer who would devour all; but I do not love the bright sword for its sharpness, nor the arrow for its swiftness, nor the warrior for his glory. I love only that which they defend.
1983. For myself, I find I become less cynical rather than more--remembering my own sins and follies; and realize that men's hearts are not often as bad as their acts, and very seldom as bad as their words.
1984. To surrender to ignorance and call it God has always been premature, and it remains premature today.
1985. It is change, continuing change, inevitable change, that is the dominant factor in society today. No sensible decision can be made any longer without taking into account not only the world as it is, but the world as it will be ... This, in turn, means that our statesmen, our businessmen, our everyman must take on a science fictional way of thinking.
1986. Look wise, say nothing, and grunt. Speech was given to conceal thought.
1987. To get something done, a committee should consist of no more than three men, two of whom are absent.
1988. To study the phenomenon of disease without books is to sail an uncharted sea, while to study books without patients is not to go to sea at all.
1989. One of the first duties of the physician is to educate the masses not to take medicine.
1990. On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time.
1991. Political language -- and with variations this is true of all political parties, from Conservatives to Anarchists -- is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.
1992. If both the past and the external world exist only in the mind, and if the mind itself is controllable - what then?
1993. An autobiography is only to be trusted when it reveals something disgraceful. A man who gives a good account of himself is probably lying, since any life when viewed from the inside is simply a series of defeats.
1994. Advice is a dangerous gift, even from the wise to the wise, and all courses may run ill.
1995. 'White!' he sneered. 'It serves as a beginning. White cloth may be dyed. The white page can be overwritten; and the white light can be broken.'
'In which case it is no longer white,' said I. 'And he that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom.
1996. If people cannot write well, they cannot think well, and if they cannot think well, others will do their thinking for them.
1997. If you want to imagine the future, imagine a boot stamping on a human face forever.
1998. To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.
1999. Perhaps one did not want to be loved so much as to be understood.