For Your Entertainment
This incident I have decided to dub
Early on in the game, you are tasked with the mission of protecting a group of villagers as they trek through the desert back to their home.
I learned many things about villagers during this mission, and I shall share the wisdom I have gained as the story continues.
Unusual for IU, there was a save spot shortly before the mission started. It's disappeared by the time you realize there will be a mission, but let's be thankful for what we have.
As soon as the mission begins, the villagers set out at a slow, deliberate pace, leading us to:
Fun Villager Fact #1
* Villagers walk at a slow, steady pace, roughly a quarter of your running speed.
About three seconds later, no less than two enemies have sprung out from the sand and begun attacking the villagers. This lead to the simultaneous discovery of:
Fun Villager Fact #2
* Villagers are the favored prey of burrowing sand-fish. Said fish will ignore all threats if they have a chance to taste villager flesh.
Fun Villager Fact #3
* The behavior of a villager under duress can be summed up by the following:
1) The Villager will immediately cease all forward motion.
2) The Villager will cry out for help in the most annoying voice it can muster. As it turns out, they can be incredibly annoying.
3) All other Villagers in the immediate vicinity will respond in the same fashion.
While in the course of fighting off these two fish, a much more annoying threat appears - a cactaur four-legged walking cactus. This is quite bad for me, since these cacti have an ability called Radial Shot, which fires spines in all directions and has quite a large range.
Fun Villager Fact #4
* A villager is capable of detecting the exact angle at which a cactus will fire its spines. Unfortunately, they also choose to stand at such an angle at all times. No one knows why.
Despite the combined efforts of the monsters and the villagers, I manage to kill all enemies without losing any villagers, but quite a few have lost a decent chunk of health. Which lead to the discovery of:
Fun Villager Fact #5
* Villagers are immune to all forms of healing magic.
Lovely, just lovely.
Thoroughly annoyed, but determined to keep everyone alive (if only for the pleasure of silencing their bleats cries for help myself), I tried to stop the group from moving so I could run ahead and clear the path.
Fun Villager Fact #6
* Unless under duress, Villagers never, ever stop moving.
Wonderful.
I run ahead of the group, hoping to destroy all enemies in their path before they can get there. I should note that up to now, in an uncharacteristic display of intelligence, the villagers have been sticking to the cliff walls, thus limiting the number of monsters they encounter and making the path relatively easy to predict.
This works for a little while, until I discover
Fun Villager Fact #7
*When presented with a wide open field full of enemies, the Villager's only response is to walk straight into the middle of it.
It was at this point that I lost half the group to a combined giant bird / sand-fish / sand-people raid.
Fortunately this was relatively close to the end of the trek, as I reached an oasis with a cut-scene and a save point. The cut-scene, however, revealed
Fun Villager Fact #8
* Villager children, when forced into a highly dangerous march across monster infested lands, will choose instead to run off and play in the rocks.
Fun Villager Fact #9
* Villager women never miss the chance to flirt with the hero, even when their brother is missing.
Yes, that's right. One of the children has wandered off to the middle of nowhere, and I have to go track him down. Yes, I checked, and "Leave the bastard to his fate" was not an option.
So off I go to rescue the missing child. Surprisingly, I find him very close by, but surrounded by four snakes and a giant bear. Why that's "surrounded by" and not "eaten by" I'll leave you to decide.
So in I charge to save the day with my sole companion - oh, did I forget to mention that half the group stayed behind to guard the Villagers? After dispatching the snakes and driving off the bear (I actually killed it, dammit, but the CS decided it ran off), I breathe a sigh of relief.
Fun Villager Fact #10
* Villager children are the preferred prey of Giant Birds.
In swoops a Giant Bird who snatches up the wayward child and begins to gain altitude. Quick! It's a timed mini-event! You must... do something!
So I dash forward and attempt to leap in the air and attack the bird, as I have every other bird we have fought (and will fight in the future).
I then get to watch as the bird drags the boy kicking and screaming into the sky. Hello Game Over. How I have missed thee.
...
So back to the oasi- shit, I didn't save at the oasis. Goddammit.
So back to the beginning of the mission I go. I'll leave you to imagine how well /that/ went over.
Hey, that boy got lost again. Surprise. Time to kill some snakes and a bear.
Oh, here comes that bird. Ok, I have my ranged attacker as my only companion, so I guess I'm supposed to use the Connect system to shoot an arrow at the bird.
So the cutscene ends, and I pull out my sword and hit the Connect system and ready her ranged attack ability... and watch as she slowly strolls over to where I'm standing and pulls out an arrow. I'm in a hurry over here, dammit! Hustle a little will you?
Anyway, I start to aim at the bird but miss the first shot. That's ok, the timer is only halfway down, I've got time to adju- what do you mean I can't aim that high? It's ten feet off the ground! Ten! Feet!
We meet again, Game Over.
Fortunately, this time I saved at the oasi- whew, yes, I saved at the oasis. Good.
Back in we go, and this time I manage to shoot the bird before the boy is dragged off to become lunch.
And back we go to cutscene land. Fortunately, at this point the mission is over, and we show up at the village. I immediately save, and vow to never again- what do you mean I have to save all the villagers to get the good reward?
...
Fun Villager Fact #11
* Villagers are cheap, cheap bastards.
Goddammit.
Early on in the game, you are tasked with the mission of protecting a group of villagers as they trek through the desert back to their home.
I learned many things about villagers during this mission, and I shall share the wisdom I have gained as the story continues.
Unusual for IU, there was a save spot shortly before the mission started. It's disappeared by the time you realize there will be a mission, but let's be thankful for what we have.
As soon as the mission begins, the villagers set out at a slow, deliberate pace, leading us to:
Fun Villager Fact #1
* Villagers walk at a slow, steady pace, roughly a quarter of your running speed.
About three seconds later, no less than two enemies have sprung out from the sand and begun attacking the villagers. This lead to the simultaneous discovery of:
Fun Villager Fact #2
* Villagers are the favored prey of burrowing sand-fish. Said fish will ignore all threats if they have a chance to taste villager flesh.
Fun Villager Fact #3
* The behavior of a villager under duress can be summed up by the following:
1) The Villager will immediately cease all forward motion.
2) The Villager will cry out for help in the most annoying voice it can muster. As it turns out, they can be incredibly annoying.
3) All other Villagers in the immediate vicinity will respond in the same fashion.
While in the course of fighting off these two fish, a much more annoying threat appears - a cactaur four-legged walking cactus. This is quite bad for me, since these cacti have an ability called Radial Shot, which fires spines in all directions and has quite a large range.
Fun Villager Fact #4
* A villager is capable of detecting the exact angle at which a cactus will fire its spines. Unfortunately, they also choose to stand at such an angle at all times. No one knows why.
Despite the combined efforts of the monsters and the villagers, I manage to kill all enemies without losing any villagers, but quite a few have lost a decent chunk of health. Which lead to the discovery of:
Fun Villager Fact #5
* Villagers are immune to all forms of healing magic.
Lovely, just lovely.
Thoroughly annoyed, but determined to keep everyone alive (if only for the pleasure of silencing their bleats cries for help myself), I tried to stop the group from moving so I could run ahead and clear the path.
Fun Villager Fact #6
* Unless under duress, Villagers never, ever stop moving.
Wonderful.
I run ahead of the group, hoping to destroy all enemies in their path before they can get there. I should note that up to now, in an uncharacteristic display of intelligence, the villagers have been sticking to the cliff walls, thus limiting the number of monsters they encounter and making the path relatively easy to predict.
This works for a little while, until I discover
Fun Villager Fact #7
*When presented with a wide open field full of enemies, the Villager's only response is to walk straight into the middle of it.
It was at this point that I lost half the group to a combined giant bird / sand-fish / sand-people raid.
Fortunately this was relatively close to the end of the trek, as I reached an oasis with a cut-scene and a save point. The cut-scene, however, revealed
Fun Villager Fact #8
* Villager children, when forced into a highly dangerous march across monster infested lands, will choose instead to run off and play in the rocks.
Fun Villager Fact #9
* Villager women never miss the chance to flirt with the hero, even when their brother is missing.
Yes, that's right. One of the children has wandered off to the middle of nowhere, and I have to go track him down. Yes, I checked, and "Leave the bastard to his fate" was not an option.
So off I go to rescue the missing child. Surprisingly, I find him very close by, but surrounded by four snakes and a giant bear. Why that's "surrounded by" and not "eaten by" I'll leave you to decide.
So in I charge to save the day with my sole companion - oh, did I forget to mention that half the group stayed behind to guard the Villagers? After dispatching the snakes and driving off the bear (I actually killed it, dammit, but the CS decided it ran off), I breathe a sigh of relief.
Fun Villager Fact #10
* Villager children are the preferred prey of Giant Birds.
In swoops a Giant Bird who snatches up the wayward child and begins to gain altitude. Quick! It's a timed mini-event! You must... do something!
So I dash forward and attempt to leap in the air and attack the bird, as I have every other bird we have fought (and will fight in the future).
I then get to watch as the bird drags the boy kicking and screaming into the sky. Hello Game Over. How I have missed thee.
...
So back to the oasi- shit, I didn't save at the oasis. Goddammit.
So back to the beginning of the mission I go. I'll leave you to imagine how well /that/ went over.
Hey, that boy got lost again. Surprise. Time to kill some snakes and a bear.
Oh, here comes that bird. Ok, I have my ranged attacker as my only companion, so I guess I'm supposed to use the Connect system to shoot an arrow at the bird.
So the cutscene ends, and I pull out my sword and hit the Connect system and ready her ranged attack ability... and watch as she slowly strolls over to where I'm standing and pulls out an arrow. I'm in a hurry over here, dammit! Hustle a little will you?
Anyway, I start to aim at the bird but miss the first shot. That's ok, the timer is only halfway down, I've got time to adju- what do you mean I can't aim that high? It's ten feet off the ground! Ten! Feet!
We meet again, Game Over.
Fortunately, this time I saved at the oasi- whew, yes, I saved at the oasis. Good.
Back in we go, and this time I manage to shoot the bird before the boy is dragged off to become lunch.
And back we go to cutscene land. Fortunately, at this point the mission is over, and we show up at the village. I immediately save, and vow to never again- what do you mean I have to save all the villagers to get the good reward?
...
Fun Villager Fact #11
* Villagers are cheap, cheap bastards.
Goddammit.