Personality Type and Sexual Approach
lynkemma and I were talking. About RPG’s, actually, which are, at least on LJ, frequently chock full of the most gratuitous kinds of smut (that’s a big part of the fun, heh heh). She is, in my opinion, one of the masters of the form, while I am, by comparison, only mediocre.
Which is why, when I found myself playing the dominant role in a scene of RP-bdsm, I went to her, and she’s been kindly giving me advice about how to please my submissive partner. And we got to talking, or rather, she asked me how it was that I found it so difficult to know what I ought to do next, while it all came so easily to her.
I told her that my own approach to RP-sex (or real, for that matter) is always based on an intent to discern, and then satisfy my partner’s needs. That I gain a feeling of control when I can intuit what those needs are, and then meet them without being asked, ideally before there has been any outward expression of them at all. The concealed way in which needs are expressed in a dom-sub situation, the way they are satisfied all the more for the dominant partner’s apparent entire disregard for them is disconcerting to me.
We’re both NT’s (She’s INTJ, I’m INTP), and we both like to feel we have control in a sexual situation. What interested us, however, was how very differently we each assume that control. Which brings me to my request for you:
If you have ever given thought to what pleases you in a sexual situation, if you have ever noticed a pattern that remained consistent from one partner to another, please say a few words about it. Who do you like having in control, yourself or your partner? How is control defined, and what actions show who has it? Which part of the whole process gives you most pleasure, at what point does it occur, and, who is in control when it occurs?
If you’re willing, you might also consider this next set of questions: Are there media-derived scenarios (bdsm, yaoi, etc.) that please you? Which are they, and have you ever considered how they might correlate with your real-live situational preferences? (This, you understand, is a very real question in an RPG-setting, because of course the players are free to enact all their favorite scenarios, if they can find another player willing to join them) Which character do you identify with, the one giving, or the one receiving? Which character is the one in control? Finally, are there any scenarios you find too disconcerting, too troubling, even to think about? Which ones are these, and have you any thoughts as to what it is about them that bothers you?
One last thing: Can you start by giving your MBTI type, please? And if you know of anyone else anywhere whose discussed the subject, I’d appreciate references/links.
Which is why, when I found myself playing the dominant role in a scene of RP-bdsm, I went to her, and she’s been kindly giving me advice about how to please my submissive partner. And we got to talking, or rather, she asked me how it was that I found it so difficult to know what I ought to do next, while it all came so easily to her.
I told her that my own approach to RP-sex (or real, for that matter) is always based on an intent to discern, and then satisfy my partner’s needs. That I gain a feeling of control when I can intuit what those needs are, and then meet them without being asked, ideally before there has been any outward expression of them at all. The concealed way in which needs are expressed in a dom-sub situation, the way they are satisfied all the more for the dominant partner’s apparent entire disregard for them is disconcerting to me.
We’re both NT’s (She’s INTJ, I’m INTP), and we both like to feel we have control in a sexual situation. What interested us, however, was how very differently we each assume that control. Which brings me to my request for you:
If you have ever given thought to what pleases you in a sexual situation, if you have ever noticed a pattern that remained consistent from one partner to another, please say a few words about it. Who do you like having in control, yourself or your partner? How is control defined, and what actions show who has it? Which part of the whole process gives you most pleasure, at what point does it occur, and, who is in control when it occurs?
If you’re willing, you might also consider this next set of questions: Are there media-derived scenarios (bdsm, yaoi, etc.) that please you? Which are they, and have you ever considered how they might correlate with your real-live situational preferences? (This, you understand, is a very real question in an RPG-setting, because of course the players are free to enact all their favorite scenarios, if they can find another player willing to join them) Which character do you identify with, the one giving, or the one receiving? Which character is the one in control? Finally, are there any scenarios you find too disconcerting, too troubling, even to think about? Which ones are these, and have you any thoughts as to what it is about them that bothers you?
One last thing: Can you start by giving your MBTI type, please? And if you know of anyone else anywhere whose discussed the subject, I’d appreciate references/links.