I'm an INTJ, and so is my mate. Your description of a hypothetical relationship between two NTs couldn't be further from the way our partnership works
( ... )
I do agree with you in the part about equality and intentionality. I am big on that. I mention it often- and even disinterested third parties (platonic friends, co-workers) are intimidated by it
( ... )
I do agree with you in the part about equality and intentionality. I am big on that. I think everyone with self-respect is big on that?
Definitely not to be entered lightly. I am an ENT, and I agree it is the most important investment of your life. I am an ENFP, and I agree it's the most important investment of your life. I am starting to wonder where the differences are. Maybe it's that sometimes I do rush in, but that's only when my heart isn't completely involved. When I find that I start to feel too much, I tend to shy away. And start thinking a lot! Sometimes I walk away. With my boyfriend (an INTJ), I stayed. And there is a whole lot of chemistry between us. He does feel, and feels deeply. He doesn't show it to others easily, though. But when there is trust, he does show it. We are really touchy-feely when we are together. Even in company
( ... )
NT's are driven by thier minds and distrustful of emotions, that doesn't mean to say they don't have them.
As the Mollster has already attested to, a relationship between NT's is the subject of much analysis. Sometimes too much analysis, to the point where you reach paralysis. You'll find no more reluctant a Prince or Princess than an NT when it comes to romance if there is any uncertianty.
NT's will also sublimate alot of feeling. They may do thier best to bury it, deny it and sometimes get rather overzealous in defence of thier status as 'just friends', all the while, being very much shot through with cherubic arrows. The result is often a tsunami of emotive stuff when the wave actually breaks.
Also... hurt an NT and the distrust of emotion is compounded, so much so that you can end up with a very emotionally scarred and timid person.
Regarding the second part, I will tell you that I have not gotten into relationships with people who seemed good enough to be starters (although in retrospect, certainly not the right person for me) because of lukewarmness or concerns. Dunno if it is my NT-ness, but I am of the "better alone than in bad company" school- and even better alone than in mediocre company. A relative was interested in someone recently who was staying in a mediocre relationship because it offered her security- it was not unhappy because it was not abusive or the sort, but it was not happy or fulfilling either.
If I may please add my two bits (although no-one knows me here), perhaps the term "timid person" could instead be renamed "relationship gun-shy". I do not believe that we NT's become timid from our disappointments, but rather become more and more reluctant to open up our feelings after our hurts begin to add up.
Of course, that's just my opinion.
ps. saeble, you comments were dead on for me. I especially love your use of the word 'sublimate'. Just perfect.
Really? Because similar situations have happened with NTs I have dated where we felt like two noble gases even though we got along great and had a lot in common and found each other good looking. True, it is possible that both of us were sx last- and my best friend is so/sp/sx.
Yes... I have had friendships with other NT's who were sx first or 2nd and there is usually alot of chemistry between us... And even some w/ ones who are sx last...
Thinking does not mean "unemotional"; it means "given to processing input via objective analysis rather than affective analysis." Thinkers can and do have extremely strong emotions, but do not use their emotions as a primary means of problem-solving.
Some of the most passionate and romantic people with whom I have had relationships have been NTs. Likewise, I dated an NF who was distinctly unromantic. My husband, also an NF, is quite sensitive and emotional, but not particularly fiery or passionate. My most passionate, romantic partner was probably the ENTJ I dated for a couple of years prior to meeting my husband. We were very cerebral about our relationship, but there was a lot of tenderness there too.
My husband fancies himself more of a Casanova than he actually is, but I'm fine with that because "romance" in and of itself does very little for me. That's a personal quirk, though, not a universal truth regarding INTJs.
Comments 16
Reply
Reply
I think everyone with self-respect is big on that?
Definitely not to be entered lightly. I am an ENT, and I agree it is the most important investment of your life.
I am an ENFP, and I agree it's the most important investment of your life. I am starting to wonder where the differences are. Maybe it's that sometimes I do rush in, but that's only when my heart isn't completely involved. When I find that I start to feel too much, I tend to shy away. And start thinking a lot! Sometimes I walk away. With my boyfriend (an INTJ), I stayed. And there is a whole lot of chemistry between us. He does feel, and feels deeply. He doesn't show it to others easily, though. But when there is trust, he does show it. We are really touchy-feely when we are together. Even in company ( ... )
Reply
You must not have read much Ayn Rand.
Reply
Reply
like... where do you go with that... no more owlish condescending put downs can be had with an answer like that..:D
Reply
As the Mollster has already attested to, a relationship between NT's is the subject of much analysis. Sometimes too much analysis, to the point where you reach paralysis. You'll find no more reluctant a Prince or Princess than an NT when it comes to romance if there is any uncertianty.
NT's will also sublimate alot of feeling. They may do thier best to bury it, deny it and sometimes get rather overzealous in defence of thier status as 'just friends', all the while, being very much shot through with cherubic arrows. The result is often a tsunami of emotive stuff when the wave actually breaks.
Also... hurt an NT and the distrust of emotion is compounded, so much so that you can end up with a very emotionally scarred and timid person.
Reply
I have been hurt, but I am not timid.
Reply
Of course, that's just my opinion.
ps. saeble, you comments were dead on for me. I especially love your use of the word 'sublimate'. Just perfect.
Reply
is 'trepidatious' better ? :)
*bow* whilst I do try for perfection, I don't think I've acheived it yet... ;)
Reply
Reply
Reply
Reply
Some of the most passionate and romantic people with whom I have had relationships have been NTs. Likewise, I dated an NF who was distinctly unromantic. My husband, also an NF, is quite sensitive and emotional, but not particularly fiery or passionate. My most passionate, romantic partner was probably the ENTJ I dated for a couple of years prior to meeting my husband. We were very cerebral about our relationship, but there was a lot of tenderness there too.
My husband fancies himself more of a Casanova than he actually is, but I'm fine with that because "romance" in and of itself does very little for me. That's a personal quirk, though, not a universal truth regarding INTJs.
Reply
Leave a comment