having no feelings

[eternitat]

Have you ever been accused by non-NTs of "having no feelings"?

Just because I do not express affection like normal people do does NOT mean I have no feelings. On the contrary, I am quite compassionate and sensitive. I just do not have the same priorities that SJs do.

Comments

[wulfmadchen]

I've been accused by other NTs of "having no feelings." Mainly because of a tendency to conflate "having" and "flapping out in the air like a dirty rug".

[eternitat]

Nope, these are all SJs accusing me of this.

On the other hand, they do recognize that I can be very overdramatic and sensitive to things that they would shrug off.

[bronxelf_ag001]

Just remember that SJs tend to be convinved of their own overweening sense of moral outrage, expressed in an emotional form. They are convinced they hold the keys to all that is moral and righteous in the world.

[eternitat]

Sadly, I'm the minority. And I grew up in a culture that puts caring for the family before career. Hence I like it better here in the US of A- where overachieving and standing out as an individual is NOT a sin.

Actually...

[lectrix_lecti]

Since my emotional range, angry emotions aside, spans from "mild delight" to "mild disappointment", I rather suspect that I have somewhat stunted feelings. I'm crap at compassion, for instance.

Re: Actually...

[eternitat]

My feelings may have gotten stunted by my having to freeze certain emotions due to a broken heart. But I do get excited and enthusiastic. I am rancorous and have trouble forgiving/forgetting/letting go. I can be very compassionate- but I would much rather give money or material goods than time/energy/effort, and I certainly cannot give love away in a service way. I do nice things for people all the time- but expect stuff in return in the long run (not quid pro quo, not even necessarily from them).

Re: Actually...

[ex_lectrix_l371]

Most of this can be said about me, too. Perhaps my emotional range is just a tad (okay, a lot) muted and restrained. Not to mention that I react to trauma by becoming fearsomely practical and efficient.

Since I commented above, I did a male/female brain test in another forum, and scored the lowest possible on empathy. I was, however, exceptionally good at judging moods from facial expressions. Maybe it's just my reactions that are stunted?

*headdesk*

[lectrix_lecti]

Rats, that was me. Was logged into my book blog.

[quitemercurial]

I've been accused by many of that. I don't know most poeple's types, and I haven't bothered wasting my time trying to analyze them (though there are several I know), but I know most people have accused me of that, and I'm sure there are SJs in there.

They'd be almost correct. I'm not really emotional, compassionate, or sensitive, much of the time. But, I am still rather human, so I do have some emotional spots.

[eternitat]

Often I wish I were not human, so that I would not feel at all and not get hurt. Or that I would always have appropriate and perfect emotions.

[night_princess]

I've been accused of both having no feelings (being cold) and of having more emotions than I have (being angry). The accusations of being cold come from all types, but being accused of being upset seem to come more from those who aren't I-T-. I'm definitely not good at compassion at all, so I don't blame people for thinking me cold. However, I'm also not nearly as easily angered those who are E or F seem to think I am.

Eternitat, from what I've read online, you do strike me as quite sensitive, so maybe it's just that, off-line, your body language / facial expression / tone of voice doesn't match what you feel? I've been watching people, and it seems that NTs often have some physical communication that's not in line with what is intended, and it seems that other types subconsciously pick up on that in spite of what the NT might actually do or say.

[eternitat]

Some guy the other day noticed that I was making faces as I read an email- and said that I could NOT keep a poker face. Which is true.

I have always had trouble with body language- either mine is exaggerated or inappropriate. I have trouble reading it- hence I gave the INTP who declared his feelings for me recently the benefit of the doubt when I could not tell from his body language.

This specific situation comes from SJ relatives accusing me of not having feelings because my priorities are my career/education/hobbies/health and THEN my family. Because I won't take trips out of state to see them- trips that would result in allergy triggers, a lot of stress, and perhaps running into people I do not wish to see.

Regarding sensitivity, I am sensitive to things they shrug off- such as being picked on at school. Could be my 4 wing, since they do also say I am overdramatic and exaggerate everything.

[night_princess]

> This specific situation comes from SJ relatives accusing me of not having feelings because my priorities are my career/education/hobbies/health and THEN my family.

Oh, that. Happy holidays. -_- They don't really mean to say that you don't have feelings at all. They merely mean that you don't have the specific level blood bond feeling that they think people are "supposed to" get about their relatives.

I also think a whole lot of people go through a ton of stress and obligatory actions (including visiting) during the holidays, and not all such people are SJs.

[eternitat]

It does not involve just a holiday. It involves a hospitalized relative that I have not seen in 4 years. I am not close to him, but I am in good terms with him and not estranged by any stretch of the imagination. He is sedated, so some relatives think he may not recognize me and it would be too much stress and potential risk. But others are saying that it is worth it and that he cried upon getting visitors even though he could not move.

Guilt trips, guilt trips, and more guilt trips. I struggle with A LOT of guilt- partially due to an SJ family, partially due to the SJ church and schoosl I had to attend growing up.