Schwetter dear, this one's for you.
I found this on metaquotes, and it was written by rosefox.
Day One:
Bribes offered: 4. V. good.
Met up with other Cardinals. Sat sixteen hours. Set a bit of the chapel on fire.
Still not Pope.
Day Four:
Stuck in conclave with Cardinals. Re really annoying.
Not Pope yet.
Day Six:
Bribes offered: none. Disappointing. Liver spot update: face of Virgin Mary starting to appear on back of hand. Yes!
Keep wanting to drop-kick Lopez Trujillo. Holding myself back.
Still not Pope.
Day Ten:
Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in chapel. Big smoky bonfire.
Not Pope today either.
Day Eleven:
Bribes offered: 7. V. good. Liver spot update: Looking patchy.
Gantin may be hotter than me.
I wonder if he would like me if I was Pope?
Day 28:
Beginning to find Sfeir disturbingly attractive. Have a feeling if I make a move, Ghattas would kill me. Also, hairy chin kind of a turn-off.
Still not Pope.
Day 30:
In Basilica. Think Enrica Rosanna was hitting on me. Saucy wench.
Nice chat with Re. He’s not so bad.
Took a shower. Yay!
But still not Pope.
Day 32:
Bribes offered: none. Liver spot update: subtly speckled.
Gantin told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind.
I think Gantin might be kinda gay.
Nope, not Pope.
Day 33:
Bribes offered: Countless thousands. V. good.
Re fainted from hunger. Bummer. Though he passed out bravely in my arms, am now quite sure that he was very definitely gay.
Not so sure about Lopez Trujillo either.
So much for Re.
Still not Pope, but at least Re seemed to think I was. Might however have been low blood sugar.
Day 34:
Sfeir went to crypt. Said he was going alone, but took Ghattas with him. Why?
My God, is everyone in this conclave gay but me?
Not so sure about me either.
Still not Pope, goddammit.
Day One:
Bribes offered: 4. V. good.
Met up with other Cardinals. Sat sixteen hours. Set a bit of the chapel on fire.
Still not Pope.
Day Four:
Stuck in conclave with Cardinals. Re really annoying.
Not Pope yet.
Day Six:
Bribes offered: none. Disappointing. Liver spot update: face of Virgin Mary starting to appear on back of hand. Yes!
Keep wanting to drop-kick Lopez Trujillo. Holding myself back.
Still not Pope.
Day Ten:
Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in chapel. Big smoky bonfire.
Not Pope today either.
Day Eleven:
Bribes offered: 7. V. good. Liver spot update: Looking patchy.
Gantin may be hotter than me.
I wonder if he would like me if I was Pope?
Day 28:
Beginning to find Sfeir disturbingly attractive. Have a feeling if I make a move, Ghattas would kill me. Also, hairy chin kind of a turn-off.
Still not Pope.
Day 30:
In Basilica. Think Enrica Rosanna was hitting on me. Saucy wench.
Nice chat with Re. He’s not so bad.
Took a shower. Yay!
But still not Pope.
Day 32:
Bribes offered: none. Liver spot update: subtly speckled.
Gantin told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind.
I think Gantin might be kinda gay.
Nope, not Pope.
Day 33:
Bribes offered: Countless thousands. V. good.
Re fainted from hunger. Bummer. Though he passed out bravely in my arms, am now quite sure that he was very definitely gay.
Not so sure about Lopez Trujillo either.
So much for Re.
Still not Pope, but at least Re seemed to think I was. Might however have been low blood sugar.
Day 34:
Sfeir went to crypt. Said he was going alone, but took Ghattas with him. Why?
My God, is everyone in this conclave gay but me?
Not so sure about me either.
Still not Pope, goddammit.