instances of insanity... why do i write shit like this?
so the topic tonight was feelings... liking... loving... yeah i've been there... and yeah i can say something about it even now... (but that's all i will disclose about that ha!)... my apologies for the length of this one- i don't know my own strength. ::boop::
learn this now children.... your heart doesn't give a shit about what you think... what you want... what you need... or what you like... your heart chooses on its own to fall in love, to lust, to desire, to wish for... your heart is a deceitful, malicious, envious, jealous, love-stricken, hateful bastard taht doesn't know how to ask permission to do anything... you're a conceited little bastard is what you are heart... so you think you know better than us huh? you think that falling for anyone you want to fall for is ok? you think that growing in love with someone you'll never be with is just fine and dandy... thing is kids... your heart knows it whilst it's happening... listen to me i'm an old bitter bitch that knows what she's talking about...
before i continue there is a disclaimer on this- i'm not speaking out of spite or anything... this just stems from a conversation i was having tonight... a great conversation at that... the topic?? matters of the heart...
the heart... a liar. love and liking... being fond of someone... it's such a great thing... (there's too much going on in my mind right now to keep the topic straight so forgive me if it seems like i'm jumping from thing to the other... but no one said the mind was an easy thing either... so fangul to that bitches...) anyway... feelings... emtions... the whole sort of lunatics that live inside of us... we were talking about how great it is to be in the arms of someone who ... how did you put it?? "has you"... that's such a great way to put it... when you are totally into someone (then the heart goes and fucks it all up for you... but lets let my A.D.D. not take over... wait do i have A.D.D?? no- well maybe i think i do.... anyway)....
when you are totally into someone- THEY HAVE YOU kiddies... they have you don't they... they have you in the palm of their hand... the crux of their heart... this person... let's talk to them as if we are face to face with the one that has you...
you- you drive me up the wall... but i can't stop thinking about you... you get on my last nerve yet i can't help but want to touch your every inch... there are times i just want to grab you and choke you but i end up melting in your embrace... i can't stand it when your right but i stand it even less when i wrong you... we fight like there's no tomorrow which makes me love you all the more everyday... (isn't it just like that)... i can't sleep because of you yet you are my peace... my heart beats different when i'm around you... my hands sweat... yet the very thought of your name makes me as nervous as a kid on their first day at kindergarten...
isn't it like that... they are the ones that you want to stay up with all night... lay in their arms... you want them to be the first to know everything about you... the fights are passoinate beyond explanation... yet the making up is worth all the commotion...
is it better to have loved and lost then to never have had it at all?!?! the conclusion we came up with tonight is HELL YES!!?!! it's called memories... it's remembering that at one time you felt beautiful, loved, safe, accepted, warm, touched, elevated, joyous, relieved, listened to, STARED AT without feeling creepy.... every emotion is touched when you fall for that person... think about it... i said tonight- 1. it's usually the least person you'd think you'd fall for that you end up falling for... (because of that little bastard that thinks it has a cool beat called the heart)... 2. this person touches everything within you in every possible way... they frustrate you... they make you happy... the upset you... they turn you upside down... you lose your patience yet you'd wait forever for them... your heart hurts with or without them...
i dunno- i take the warmth with me... maybe you'll never be with that person... but just think of what it felt like next to them... near them... i've been there... i know what it's like to have loved- and not be loved back the same way... i knew it then.. and i sure as hell know it right now as you read this (and THAT'S ALL YOU'LL KNOW)... but kids- it is better to have had it once- at least once in your life... and remember the good times- then to be without and wonder what all the hub-bub was about...
then there's the bastard of a heart... i swear- it's true- it's the heart's fault why it hurts so much- you think you know whom you want to be with- and then your heart goes and chooses that funny looking thing over there on the other side and you wonder what the fuck just happened... it never fails... it's the person that sometimes you want to kill more than kiss that you end up falling into a deep abyss called l-o-v-e with... damn you heart...
another one we can't live with or without... anyhow- that's my mind for tonight- maybe more later...
maybe not ;)
learn this now children.... your heart doesn't give a shit about what you think... what you want... what you need... or what you like... your heart chooses on its own to fall in love, to lust, to desire, to wish for... your heart is a deceitful, malicious, envious, jealous, love-stricken, hateful bastard taht doesn't know how to ask permission to do anything... you're a conceited little bastard is what you are heart... so you think you know better than us huh? you think that falling for anyone you want to fall for is ok? you think that growing in love with someone you'll never be with is just fine and dandy... thing is kids... your heart knows it whilst it's happening... listen to me i'm an old bitter bitch that knows what she's talking about...
before i continue there is a disclaimer on this- i'm not speaking out of spite or anything... this just stems from a conversation i was having tonight... a great conversation at that... the topic?? matters of the heart...
the heart... a liar. love and liking... being fond of someone... it's such a great thing... (there's too much going on in my mind right now to keep the topic straight so forgive me if it seems like i'm jumping from thing to the other... but no one said the mind was an easy thing either... so fangul to that bitches...) anyway... feelings... emtions... the whole sort of lunatics that live inside of us... we were talking about how great it is to be in the arms of someone who ... how did you put it?? "has you"... that's such a great way to put it... when you are totally into someone (then the heart goes and fucks it all up for you... but lets let my A.D.D. not take over... wait do i have A.D.D?? no- well maybe i think i do.... anyway)....
when you are totally into someone- THEY HAVE YOU kiddies... they have you don't they... they have you in the palm of their hand... the crux of their heart... this person... let's talk to them as if we are face to face with the one that has you...
you- you drive me up the wall... but i can't stop thinking about you... you get on my last nerve yet i can't help but want to touch your every inch... there are times i just want to grab you and choke you but i end up melting in your embrace... i can't stand it when your right but i stand it even less when i wrong you... we fight like there's no tomorrow which makes me love you all the more everyday... (isn't it just like that)... i can't sleep because of you yet you are my peace... my heart beats different when i'm around you... my hands sweat... yet the very thought of your name makes me as nervous as a kid on their first day at kindergarten...
isn't it like that... they are the ones that you want to stay up with all night... lay in their arms... you want them to be the first to know everything about you... the fights are passoinate beyond explanation... yet the making up is worth all the commotion...
is it better to have loved and lost then to never have had it at all?!?! the conclusion we came up with tonight is HELL YES!!?!! it's called memories... it's remembering that at one time you felt beautiful, loved, safe, accepted, warm, touched, elevated, joyous, relieved, listened to, STARED AT without feeling creepy.... every emotion is touched when you fall for that person... think about it... i said tonight- 1. it's usually the least person you'd think you'd fall for that you end up falling for... (because of that little bastard that thinks it has a cool beat called the heart)... 2. this person touches everything within you in every possible way... they frustrate you... they make you happy... the upset you... they turn you upside down... you lose your patience yet you'd wait forever for them... your heart hurts with or without them...
i dunno- i take the warmth with me... maybe you'll never be with that person... but just think of what it felt like next to them... near them... i've been there... i know what it's like to have loved- and not be loved back the same way... i knew it then.. and i sure as hell know it right now as you read this (and THAT'S ALL YOU'LL KNOW)... but kids- it is better to have had it once- at least once in your life... and remember the good times- then to be without and wonder what all the hub-bub was about...
then there's the bastard of a heart... i swear- it's true- it's the heart's fault why it hurts so much- you think you know whom you want to be with- and then your heart goes and chooses that funny looking thing over there on the other side and you wonder what the fuck just happened... it never fails... it's the person that sometimes you want to kill more than kiss that you end up falling into a deep abyss called l-o-v-e with... damn you heart...
another one we can't live with or without... anyhow- that's my mind for tonight- maybe more later...
maybe not ;)