matters of the heart 2
another plunge into the mind of the penn... rip my heart out why don't you?
and so this morning i was woken up by thoughts scrambling to get some attention in my head. damn you thoughts- i'd like to sleep please.
either way this is what kept me awake- the bad elements in our lives. why is it.... ::pauses a moment reflecting:: bare with me, if i make no sense...
why is it- our physical bodies- when in pain demand us to remedy this pain? (well most people-) "Get rid of this... i hurt!!"... it begs us for some type of salvation or rescue from an invasion of... i don't know microbes, bacteria, bad cells (??) viruses... it begs us to come to the rescue or take it somewhere where it can receive some form of treatment... yes? am i right? (most normal people- my body has grown accustomed to pain)... however i digress... but when it comes to love- when it comes to something that is hurting us emotionally- better put, someone- we hang on to them- we hang on to them even by a thread... you know the people i write of... that lover... that friend... that family member... whomsoever... it's a person who is a primary cause of perhaps struggle or hurt in our hearts... it is the person that holds us captive somehow (??) in our hearts... our bodies feel our pain- it's called heartbreak my children... and yet we hang on to that which is the object of our affliction. in some cases- we deny that very element which causes us anguish- and dismiss it as part of the territory of love... how does it go.... we always hurt the ones we love? my quest today... albeit small... is to find the person who coined that phrase- and find out what it was that made them say that... i don't know... i myself have been guilty of this time and time again... and yet- i can't bare to see someone i love- hurt by me- so i try to remedy the situation for them- but we hang on? why is that? is that just an enigma of humanity? why is it some women battered by their "lovers" be it by marriage or not... why is it some men and women continue to swoon over the person that is using them- cheating on them... treating them like shit? why is it some have friends that they know are not worth pain and struggle yet continue to hold to them? why do we allow mothers, and or fathers, or both, relatives that constantly stab us with negative exclamations, hurtful expletives.... why do we feel such emotion for people like this...?
have i finally gone off the deep end in writing gibberish? have i finally succumbed to the luancy of lonliness in allowing my thoughts to dictate what i do today? have i just lost it by writing this? i think i may very well have and then some. even now- i sit here perplexed by the words that are before my eyes. what in bob's name is wrong with me today?!?! the deepest and sincerest apologies to those that read these entries... but if someone has a clue as to what i am saying... by all means...