(no subject)
I tend to speak my mind and am quite an opinionated person.
...
It has not always been this way,years ago I was one of those people who was too shy/nervous to stand my ground or say anything out loud toward another person and as a result,watched people exploit this fact and walk all over me,literally.Perhaps some of it stems from the fact that as a 12 year old girl,I had to stand up to my abusive step-father for 10 years so I learned survival skills at a very impressionable age.Who knows.One day,I decided "enough" and forged a path that would lead me to become the person that I am today.I am not saying that I am never wrong,on the contrary,but having something to say does not come without it's own risks and responsibilities.It runs the gamut-from offending people to forming new friendships because others feel they identify where I am coming from.I'm more intellectual than usual(smarts are tres sexy!) and enjoy a rousing debate/conversation on a semi-regular basis to remain stimulated, otherwise my attention span is ridiculously short.I am proud of whom I am and where it has lead me and generally,I do not give a shit if others disagree.Our differences are what make us unique.I do not go seeking Chaos,it just seems to run in a parallel universe to my daily life.A sense of stability and 'normalcy' would most likely rattle my existence.I stand by my words,as words can heal or kill another person.
I went out to Neo this past thursday.Funny thing is,before I walked out the door,at the last minute I intentionally sewed my Death in June death's head patch onto my green army canvas bag,not completely convinced that it was for a good reason but I had an inkling of a gut feeling that a few of my enemies would be there.I ran into a few familiar faces that I had not seen in a while.It's strange how when one decides to go 'underground',per say,and only hang out selectively with certain people one-on-one,people from your past who have not seen you for months think of you only in the same sense as the person they have always known(anybody understand what I'm trying to say here?).I mean,for instance,an ex love feels that just because they shared a few moments with you in the past,they retain in their minds this absurd notion that it is ok to still touch you publicly or do things that were once allowed,regardless of what may be going on in your life at the moment.As far as I am concerned,the past is exactly that,a moment in ones life that is now gone and it may have been lovely at one time but move on,already.This does not just refer only to ex-romantic relationships that I've had though,I have also in some sense or another seen friends do this to me as well.I think it is completely unreasonable to expect a person to forever remain the same.Alot can happen in the course of a few months and people should really stop taking for granted the notion that a person is constantly changing,growing,evolving in order to survive effectively in their life,t te level of what makes perfect sense to them at that time.
(Back at the club) some enormously fat,drunk guy kept bumping into me on the dance floor and ended up shoving me really hard-bad idea-I got back up in his face,flipped him off and yelled,"ok fat ass you do not push me,it's a Dance floor,not YOUR floor".He acted like he was going to take a swing at me(lol) and ran off to whine to the bouncers,whom I know pretty well.The blond girl that had been dancing with him swung around,grabbed me and said "don't mind him,he's really drunk and can be stupid.Your very pretty,dance with me" uhhhh,wtf? the bouncers came back and tried to sort out the issue.One of the bouncers named Eric,whom always tends to dress like a damn pirate came up to me and said,"kathleen,he is a good friend of mine but he's really drunk and just stay here a minute.He's getting kicked out and you can stay".(Finally,for once it is not my fault,haha).I saw him arguing on the dance floor and warily walked past when he asked if he could buy me a shot(drinking is the main reason I went out in the 1st place).So,I accepted his shot offer and then the fat ass started HITTING on me(can you say,skin crawling?) ugh.I then talked another guy I knew into buying me another shot,woohoo.In the shimmery afterglow of many libations,all of the bullshit became worthwhile.The girl from before continued to randomly hit on me and I sort of blew her off,not really my type whatsoever.Then,sure enough,late in the night,whom should arrive but Sprite and his little troll doll possee.They were sitting directly behind me and my DIJ patch was in their line of vision.hahaha.I will NEVER let that scumbag forget that I feel he crossed the line when it comes to interfering with the music scene that I am involved in and I enjoy seeing him squirm like a pig.He was visibly uncomfortable when he saw the bag and avoided getting directly anywhere near me because the last time we encountered one another at that same club,I spit in his face and I sounded off.His cronies kept giving me very dirty looks.Laugh,dismiss with the wave of a hand.Fun dancing with my friend Richard to Joy Division.I was something of a mystical bird as most of that crowd very rarely sees me in public anymore.Most of them I find extremely dull and/or socially inept.I'd rather put a gun to my head than overhear about their latest goth acquisition or who is hot on the music scene.Gimme my Throbbing Gristle damn it,and I'm a happy girl.
The other day on the Brown line train going to work,a creepy dark-skinned man(Iraqi or mixed culture) was shooting some some pretty heavy psycho-dramatic vibes.He was walking inbetween cars while the train was moving,something that is technically a no-no and sat down next to a black lady in the side on the right of me.He picked up her bags and just sat down,fuming like he was pissed off about something.He kept giving me a dead-on,cracked-out stare like he was completely fucking mental or on drugs or something so I calmly looked at him and said,"do you have a problem?" I thought he was going to pull out a gun from his scooby-doo boxers and felt a strange tenseness as he went ballistic and all gangster-like.Ahhhh,got to love Chicago.I simply laughed at his idiocy and moved to another seat at the end of the car.Smirk in the face of danger-call it bravery,carelessness or indifference I do not care,as I didn't that very day.I do not back down from threats and am more likely the one to do the ass-kicking if someone gets in my face.I refuse to be yet another of of those many sheep that calls itself "society".I begin to think sometimes that I create my own private filters to weed out the un-neccesary drama in life and only care to allow a certain few in that I really respect,as if I get high from the adrenaline rush of uncertainty-in my world that includes body art and many other not-so-cheap thrills.I am spontaneous,a live-by-the-seat of your pants kind of girl.Yes,it is nice to stop and smell the roses every once in a while but there is a really big world out there just begging to be explored.I have much to offer the right people.All the rest can kiss my ass.
I had an aromatherapy moment the other night.Avalon Organic tea tree oil shampoo and clove/aloe soap,between the 2 products,my bath was a very delightful experience.Mmmmm,I revel in pretty little scents.I stopped by Evil Clown Records and found a Faust dvd that I really want to send to Stapleton but I'm not sure what the differences in electronics(dvd players)is between the US & Ireland,or if he even owns such a contraption,for that matter.Emailed David(Tibet)today.
Today was my day off.Not very exciting,I reserved the latter part of the afternoon to clean my apartment a bit.Kensaku was able to get a very inexpensive flight to Chicago in a few weeks,it'll be nice to see him again.I stopped in at work to get a carrot/strawberry/banana juice earlier.They screwed up MY order,and I work there,damn kids.I need to start looking elsewhere,right now this place is merely a small check to assist in getting by.I was walking down the street and had absolutely NO idea that my skirt was accidentally tucked into my underwear(lol,jesus christ,talk about embarrassing!)until some lady stopped and pointed the obvious out to me.On the phone,my mother actually said "I bought some bling-bling today". huuuuuuh??? I did not even know that she knew what that meant! hahaha.I believe that the world might actually be coming to an End.
...
It has not always been this way,years ago I was one of those people who was too shy/nervous to stand my ground or say anything out loud toward another person and as a result,watched people exploit this fact and walk all over me,literally.Perhaps some of it stems from the fact that as a 12 year old girl,I had to stand up to my abusive step-father for 10 years so I learned survival skills at a very impressionable age.Who knows.One day,I decided "enough" and forged a path that would lead me to become the person that I am today.I am not saying that I am never wrong,on the contrary,but having something to say does not come without it's own risks and responsibilities.It runs the gamut-from offending people to forming new friendships because others feel they identify where I am coming from.I'm more intellectual than usual(smarts are tres sexy!) and enjoy a rousing debate/conversation on a semi-regular basis to remain stimulated, otherwise my attention span is ridiculously short.I am proud of whom I am and where it has lead me and generally,I do not give a shit if others disagree.Our differences are what make us unique.I do not go seeking Chaos,it just seems to run in a parallel universe to my daily life.A sense of stability and 'normalcy' would most likely rattle my existence.I stand by my words,as words can heal or kill another person.
I went out to Neo this past thursday.Funny thing is,before I walked out the door,at the last minute I intentionally sewed my Death in June death's head patch onto my green army canvas bag,not completely convinced that it was for a good reason but I had an inkling of a gut feeling that a few of my enemies would be there.I ran into a few familiar faces that I had not seen in a while.It's strange how when one decides to go 'underground',per say,and only hang out selectively with certain people one-on-one,people from your past who have not seen you for months think of you only in the same sense as the person they have always known(anybody understand what I'm trying to say here?).I mean,for instance,an ex love feels that just because they shared a few moments with you in the past,they retain in their minds this absurd notion that it is ok to still touch you publicly or do things that were once allowed,regardless of what may be going on in your life at the moment.As far as I am concerned,the past is exactly that,a moment in ones life that is now gone and it may have been lovely at one time but move on,already.This does not just refer only to ex-romantic relationships that I've had though,I have also in some sense or another seen friends do this to me as well.I think it is completely unreasonable to expect a person to forever remain the same.Alot can happen in the course of a few months and people should really stop taking for granted the notion that a person is constantly changing,growing,evolving in order to survive effectively in their life,t te level of what makes perfect sense to them at that time.
(Back at the club) some enormously fat,drunk guy kept bumping into me on the dance floor and ended up shoving me really hard-bad idea-I got back up in his face,flipped him off and yelled,"ok fat ass you do not push me,it's a Dance floor,not YOUR floor".He acted like he was going to take a swing at me(lol) and ran off to whine to the bouncers,whom I know pretty well.The blond girl that had been dancing with him swung around,grabbed me and said "don't mind him,he's really drunk and can be stupid.Your very pretty,dance with me" uhhhh,wtf? the bouncers came back and tried to sort out the issue.One of the bouncers named Eric,whom always tends to dress like a damn pirate came up to me and said,"kathleen,he is a good friend of mine but he's really drunk and just stay here a minute.He's getting kicked out and you can stay".(Finally,for once it is not my fault,haha).I saw him arguing on the dance floor and warily walked past when he asked if he could buy me a shot(drinking is the main reason I went out in the 1st place).So,I accepted his shot offer and then the fat ass started HITTING on me(can you say,skin crawling?) ugh.I then talked another guy I knew into buying me another shot,woohoo.In the shimmery afterglow of many libations,all of the bullshit became worthwhile.The girl from before continued to randomly hit on me and I sort of blew her off,not really my type whatsoever.Then,sure enough,late in the night,whom should arrive but Sprite and his little troll doll possee.They were sitting directly behind me and my DIJ patch was in their line of vision.hahaha.I will NEVER let that scumbag forget that I feel he crossed the line when it comes to interfering with the music scene that I am involved in and I enjoy seeing him squirm like a pig.He was visibly uncomfortable when he saw the bag and avoided getting directly anywhere near me because the last time we encountered one another at that same club,I spit in his face and I sounded off.His cronies kept giving me very dirty looks.Laugh,dismiss with the wave of a hand.Fun dancing with my friend Richard to Joy Division.I was something of a mystical bird as most of that crowd very rarely sees me in public anymore.Most of them I find extremely dull and/or socially inept.I'd rather put a gun to my head than overhear about their latest goth acquisition or who is hot on the music scene.Gimme my Throbbing Gristle damn it,and I'm a happy girl.
The other day on the Brown line train going to work,a creepy dark-skinned man(Iraqi or mixed culture) was shooting some some pretty heavy psycho-dramatic vibes.He was walking inbetween cars while the train was moving,something that is technically a no-no and sat down next to a black lady in the side on the right of me.He picked up her bags and just sat down,fuming like he was pissed off about something.He kept giving me a dead-on,cracked-out stare like he was completely fucking mental or on drugs or something so I calmly looked at him and said,"do you have a problem?" I thought he was going to pull out a gun from his scooby-doo boxers and felt a strange tenseness as he went ballistic and all gangster-like.Ahhhh,got to love Chicago.I simply laughed at his idiocy and moved to another seat at the end of the car.Smirk in the face of danger-call it bravery,carelessness or indifference I do not care,as I didn't that very day.I do not back down from threats and am more likely the one to do the ass-kicking if someone gets in my face.I refuse to be yet another of of those many sheep that calls itself "society".I begin to think sometimes that I create my own private filters to weed out the un-neccesary drama in life and only care to allow a certain few in that I really respect,as if I get high from the adrenaline rush of uncertainty-in my world that includes body art and many other not-so-cheap thrills.I am spontaneous,a live-by-the-seat of your pants kind of girl.Yes,it is nice to stop and smell the roses every once in a while but there is a really big world out there just begging to be explored.I have much to offer the right people.All the rest can kiss my ass.
I had an aromatherapy moment the other night.Avalon Organic tea tree oil shampoo and clove/aloe soap,between the 2 products,my bath was a very delightful experience.Mmmmm,I revel in pretty little scents.I stopped by Evil Clown Records and found a Faust dvd that I really want to send to Stapleton but I'm not sure what the differences in electronics(dvd players)is between the US & Ireland,or if he even owns such a contraption,for that matter.Emailed David(Tibet)today.
Today was my day off.Not very exciting,I reserved the latter part of the afternoon to clean my apartment a bit.Kensaku was able to get a very inexpensive flight to Chicago in a few weeks,it'll be nice to see him again.I stopped in at work to get a carrot/strawberry/banana juice earlier.They screwed up MY order,and I work there,damn kids.I need to start looking elsewhere,right now this place is merely a small check to assist in getting by.I was walking down the street and had absolutely NO idea that my skirt was accidentally tucked into my underwear(lol,jesus christ,talk about embarrassing!)until some lady stopped and pointed the obvious out to me.On the phone,my mother actually said "I bought some bling-bling today". huuuuuuh??? I did not even know that she knew what that meant! hahaha.I believe that the world might actually be coming to an End.