(Untitled)

[ravenwcatz]

There are some songs, some very specific pieces of music that I can hear, and I'm right back there.  It's 2006, and I'm sitting in my dorm, staring out the the window at the imperceptible darkness and the lights of Mitchell Hall, across the lawn.  I'm waiting for you to come throw stones at my window, Mike Moody.  Or maybe I'm waiting to see if *

Comments

[ravenwcatz]

While that is true, it is probably the strongest thing I can remember feeling. And not necessarily a bad aching, either. That anticipatory thrill is also included there. I'm just so tired of feeling *nothing*. Or worse, feeling something, but having forgotten how to identify exactly what it is.

Those formative feelings were so much easier to identify, and I miss that simplicity. I miss having the audacity to feel however I damn well wanted, without being afraid that people would stop loving me, or of ridicule. Giving myself permission to feel and to have (and express) an opinion is a skill I've buried, and I'd really like to find it again.