Need more hugs...
I'm spending a lot of time at my parents house lately. Dad's taken a turn for the worse. The bone marrow in his body is swelling and putting pressure against his bones putting him in excruciating pain. Also, ulcers from the medicine cause other complications. He hardly walks, he wont eat, he's in too much pain to sleep. Even more telling, he doesn't want to spend time around his grandchildren. They want to sit on his lap or snuggle up next to him and they are loud and all of these things cause him pain. he's on the strongest prescription pain pills they can give him and it doesn't touch the pain. He went to the ER on Saturday morning hoping they would be able to help him but there was nothing they could do for him. I don't know if it was a limitation of the small hospital or if it is because it's bone marrow pain. I've looked online and every medication they have listed is something he's already tried. I hate that he has to go through this. I hate that there is nothing I can do to help him. I hate the dark thoughts that creep into my head and instantly make me feel ashamed for thinking them. Mostly, I hate thinking that this could be it. That he might not ever feel better again and it could just be a downward spiral for a life that is now measured in doctor appointments rather than birthdays.