okay, finally as promised.
here's the proof that i interveiwed the bassist of Nirvana, Krist. behind the cut is the story...not fully edited, and not quite like it appered in the paper, they went a little edit crazy and changed up somethings, so here's how I wrote it, it got me an A- can't got wrong!!
I fought my way across the street littered with kids showing off on their skate boards to all their friends. How anyone drove along this block was beyond me. Finally I made it to a rather large crowd of kids, everyone seemed to be wearing a leather jacket covered in studs, patches, spikes and chains, and there was defiantly more Mohawks than I’d ever seen in my life. Littered within these kids you find a handful of older gentlemen dressed in slacks and earth tone sweaters, or even wearing a tie, looking very out of place, yet socializing with everyone. All of these kids were standing outside, while inside a band was playing, that you could clearly hear before you even parked your car in the neighboring parking lot.
You walked inside the small boarded up building to find a stage at virtually eye level and a packed room. Which, even though this explains all the kids outside, there’s no where near enough room from them all on the inside. Kids in the middle are running around in circles crashing into each other and generally showing their praise to the band on stage. The band is a local band, yet some kids knew the words to the songs. Every song, every mannerism of this band is so cliché 1970’s punk rock that Joey Ramone is rolling in his grave. Every song comes with the quasi-introduction including, and limited to, the f-word. Yet it’s received well by the mohwaked kids in the front row.
There’s plywood covering every window in the place almost completely to the top, letting in just enough light to remind you there’s still a real world out there. .
Only the point of this little get together wasn’t just to enjoy a good musical show; It was to get those to vote who wouldn‘t normally.
Clark County’s Young Democrats put on this event to target the younger voters that an average political race would never even think about. A demographic without a real voice in the political world because no one really has taken the time to reach out to them. The young democrats hope to put a stop to this, with a prior event in Longview and more to come, they’ve set out to get as many kids as possible to cast their vote this November.
The young democrats joined forces with Music For America, a non-profit organization exposing the connection between the cultural lives and political lives of today’s youth, and managed to bring along with them Nirvana’s bassist Krist Novoselic.
“We need to build an inclusive democracy and have opportunity for people of all ages to vote.” Novoselic said. Who made an appearance at the all ages show for a few minutes before being swept off to the over 21 show that was held later that night at the Arnda Café.
“I love this crowd.” said Paul Waadevig, the candidate for the Senate’s 17th seat, “I love getting people who are disenfranchised from the system.”
That seemed to be the theme of all of this, reaching out to those that are forgotten and if you have to lure them in with a musical show than the Young Democrats are willing to do that. It works too. Between the two events held on the 6th they got ### many people to register to vote. Couple that with around 160 in the Longview area and it is enough to make a difference.
“The wheels of change turn slow,” Novoselic said “so don’t get discouraged.”
You may not think that your vote matters but if you get enough people who feel the same way then something can, and will happen. This event was a small step towards change and if you want to help out and make a change yourself you can contact the Young Democrats and they can set you up to plan your own event and help make a change possible.
and here in bold are the teachers remarks to the paper!
*great detail
*I really like the scene setting here, though it could maybe be cut in 2-3 sentence so you can get to the news a little more quickly, but, i do think this was the right approach (Cassie's note: we had a hard time coming up with a way to present this story, there was a 45 minute meeting involved between me and the teacher)
*good transition into your nut graph (Cassie's note: "nut graph" the news, the point, the reason you're reading it)
*This is a nice set up, though i'm not sure you need to be in there as an "i" we know you're there just becuase you are giving us your observations
*You have an occasional tendency to write run-on sentences. reading your story out loud may help with that problem
*Good quote-acctually all of your quotes are nice crisp. They're quick hits and give us color. But they don't linger too long, which is good.
*end part may be too much editorialising and pleaing for an impartial news story.
*The reporting here is top notch. I think you included the right sources and quotes, excpet for maybe a quote from on of the young people attending this show. I think that would have been good. But, i like your journalist instincits and the organization you chose here. There's a fair amount of grammatical and spelling issues here but the reporting was impressive enough to warrant at least an A- here. That will go up if it is prinking in the Independent (Brittney said she would let me know by wednesday). But i like what i see (Cassie's note: eat that stupid Horzin staff!!!)
I fought my way across the street littered with kids showing off on their skate boards to all their friends. How anyone drove along this block was beyond me. Finally I made it to a rather large crowd of kids, everyone seemed to be wearing a leather jacket covered in studs, patches, spikes and chains, and there was defiantly more Mohawks than I’d ever seen in my life. Littered within these kids you find a handful of older gentlemen dressed in slacks and earth tone sweaters, or even wearing a tie, looking very out of place, yet socializing with everyone. All of these kids were standing outside, while inside a band was playing, that you could clearly hear before you even parked your car in the neighboring parking lot.
You walked inside the small boarded up building to find a stage at virtually eye level and a packed room. Which, even though this explains all the kids outside, there’s no where near enough room from them all on the inside. Kids in the middle are running around in circles crashing into each other and generally showing their praise to the band on stage. The band is a local band, yet some kids knew the words to the songs. Every song, every mannerism of this band is so cliché 1970’s punk rock that Joey Ramone is rolling in his grave. Every song comes with the quasi-introduction including, and limited to, the f-word. Yet it’s received well by the mohwaked kids in the front row.
There’s plywood covering every window in the place almost completely to the top, letting in just enough light to remind you there’s still a real world out there. .
Only the point of this little get together wasn’t just to enjoy a good musical show; It was to get those to vote who wouldn‘t normally.
Clark County’s Young Democrats put on this event to target the younger voters that an average political race would never even think about. A demographic without a real voice in the political world because no one really has taken the time to reach out to them. The young democrats hope to put a stop to this, with a prior event in Longview and more to come, they’ve set out to get as many kids as possible to cast their vote this November.
The young democrats joined forces with Music For America, a non-profit organization exposing the connection between the cultural lives and political lives of today’s youth, and managed to bring along with them Nirvana’s bassist Krist Novoselic.
“We need to build an inclusive democracy and have opportunity for people of all ages to vote.” Novoselic said. Who made an appearance at the all ages show for a few minutes before being swept off to the over 21 show that was held later that night at the Arnda Café.
“I love this crowd.” said Paul Waadevig, the candidate for the Senate’s 17th seat, “I love getting people who are disenfranchised from the system.”
That seemed to be the theme of all of this, reaching out to those that are forgotten and if you have to lure them in with a musical show than the Young Democrats are willing to do that. It works too. Between the two events held on the 6th they got ### many people to register to vote. Couple that with around 160 in the Longview area and it is enough to make a difference.
“The wheels of change turn slow,” Novoselic said “so don’t get discouraged.”
You may not think that your vote matters but if you get enough people who feel the same way then something can, and will happen. This event was a small step towards change and if you want to help out and make a change yourself you can contact the Young Democrats and they can set you up to plan your own event and help make a change possible.
and here in bold are the teachers remarks to the paper!
*great detail
*I really like the scene setting here, though it could maybe be cut in 2-3 sentence so you can get to the news a little more quickly, but, i do think this was the right approach (Cassie's note: we had a hard time coming up with a way to present this story, there was a 45 minute meeting involved between me and the teacher)
*good transition into your nut graph (Cassie's note: "nut graph" the news, the point, the reason you're reading it)
*This is a nice set up, though i'm not sure you need to be in there as an "i" we know you're there just becuase you are giving us your observations
*You have an occasional tendency to write run-on sentences. reading your story out loud may help with that problem
*Good quote-acctually all of your quotes are nice crisp. They're quick hits and give us color. But they don't linger too long, which is good.
*end part may be too much editorialising and pleaing for an impartial news story.
*The reporting here is top notch. I think you included the right sources and quotes, excpet for maybe a quote from on of the young people attending this show. I think that would have been good. But, i like your journalist instincits and the organization you chose here. There's a fair amount of grammatical and spelling issues here but the reporting was impressive enough to warrant at least an A- here. That will go up if it is prinking in the Independent (Brittney said she would let me know by wednesday). But i like what i see (Cassie's note: eat that stupid Horzin staff!!!)