(no subject)
There are pictures on Facebook. And yeah, my leg hurts, lol. I don't know where I did that. It was probably the horizontal cargo net, since my legs were too worn out to go on my hands and feet, so I used my shins and braced with my ankles. My official time was 54:14.40. 17-minute miles, lol. Dammit, I'm proud of that.
Look at this. Most of those obstacles didn't happen, and definitely not in that order! Except for the last two, those were accurate. And please note that I did mine in the mountains. Literally. CONSIDER YOUR TERRAIN.
Mostly, I'm just really, really, really proud that I successfully pulled that off, with a time within an hour (!!), with no specific or regular training. I mean, I run semi-regularly, but usually interval training for between 2-4 miles. I didn't aim for a straight 3.2. I do a lot of walking at work, usually in 1.5-3 mile stretches. So while I had a good gauge of the distance, speed endurance really wasn't there. Which was cool, because I barely ran the Dash. I did the first half mile, and then there was a water station and the obstacles started, so screw it. I'm really proud of my body for that. I didn't know going in that I would have to haul my body weight three times soaking wet, sometimes without my legs as aids, and sometimes I looked up at the obstacle and wasn't sure. But I went for it and did it all fabulously anyway. (Seriously. A 40-year-old man called me fabulous.) It's nice to know that I'm still as athletically inclined as I like to think myself. :)
(No, I really can't go anywhere without getting hit on by 40-year-olds.)
The first obstacle is on the site, the Barricade Breakdown. I don't remember barbed wire, just wood to duck under. The 'over' parts were about four feet high and pretty easy to vault if you can get yourself up on your arms. I did see some people needing to get pulled/pushed, but they were mostly overweight and out of shape, anyway (kudos to them for having the balls to try). It wasn't that bad at all. About five sets. Advice: watch your terrain. Launching from the highest point is easier than the lowest.
The next was a twelve foot wall with a foot ledge every four feet and rope. You held the rope and walked up the wall, then climbed back down (much easier). That was the first time I tried to doubt myself and then told myself to shut up and do it. You have to have faith in yourself and not think of how much your neck and skull will break if you lose your grip. It was like the Giant Cliffhanger on the site, only vertical. Advice: don't think and just do it.
About 100 feet later, the next 3 obstacles came right after another: the waist deep water (Deadweight Drifter minus the logs, thank God), barbed wire crawl #1, and cargo net #1. The water was... walking through a lake with your clothes on. Short people found it easier to swim for a bit when it went up to our chests/necks. I would call it refreshing but it was cold to me (note: I am spoiled by the Gulf of Mexico) and actually made my muscles constrict uncomfortably. It was probably about 75 degrees. The barbed wire crawl hurt: hands and knees on really rocky/gritty mud. I think that's where my knees started to tear up. Again, being short, I didn't have a problem ducking my head and flexing my back up and down to get under it, but a lot of the men had to go on their stomachs. The cargo net was EASY for short people! I got behind a tall person, covered my ponytail with my hand to keep it from catching, and just followed him out. Eaaasy. Advice: be short, and wear long pants that won't drag you down. Seriously, that mud wasn't much kinder than the barbed wire.
Next obstacle was just about ten feet of tires on a mild incline. You half run, half climb them. It was so easy I had to think really hard to remember it and where it was. Advice: if you can't do this, quit.
There was a small stretch of wet ground to follow, and then the biggest obstacle, as far as I'm concerned. I asked the lifeguard how deep the water was. "At least ten feet." Oh, goodie. There was this floating square platform with an open center. You had to grab a small nylon rope and haul yourself onto the platform, no legs. Then walk across the ends and crawl over two- and three-foot blocks. The whole time, this thing is moving as it floats and people climb on and jump off. After three blocks, you had to jump off and swim about 30 feet to shore. Advice: BE STRATEGIC. Get on the outside where the blocks actually are, aim for a rope, and for the love of cupcakes don't get caught treading water for minutes at a time waiting for your turn. There aren't any real handholds while you wait, and people are kicking out as they try to get up on the platform. In this lake, it was a real steep grade, so you had to swim almost all of the way back in, too.
After that, and the really treacherous climb back out of the muck at shore-level, it was probably a good half mile of hilly watered down trail. I couldn't get any traction to run. It took more muscle to keep my balance and keep moving than it would have to run. I saw some people running and I have no idea how they did it. They probably land flat-footed. Most people stagger-walked. There was a point where the trail got so steep that I jumped and slid down on my hip rather than try to stay upright.
The next one was another big wall, maybe 12 feet again. It was like the first, only with no rope and a small ledge at the top to dig your fingers in. You could climb on the foot ledges to about halfway, and then the ledges were too far apart to use with your legs. You had to reach up to the top, get your fingers in, and pull, like a chin-up, until your foot could reach and your hip could leverage in and get you high enough. After that, it was a breeze. Advice: be tall, and again, don't think about it, just do it.
The way down was a fireman's pole. According to the worker blocking off half the poles and causing a logjam, 82 people fractured their ankles the day before, including compound and compression fractures. It's a freaking 15 foot fireman's pole, people, you did this on the playground as kids every day. But a lot of women were freaking out! I stuck around and coached a few. There was a lot of hay piled at the bottom for a soft landing. Just grab it, swing your leg around, and go. There's not a real technique. That said, there is a technique for landings. It's called relax into it and bend your knees and absorb the shock, you learned this when you jumped off the monkey bars. Advice: just do it, and know how to absorb shock in a landing. Apparently.
Some more trail, not far. Then the second cargo net. This one was horizontal, but you had to climb over the top. I didn't have the flexibility left to go on hands and feet and went on hands and shins. Advice: don't do that. My right leg is shredded, and now I'm on antibiotics to prevent an infection.
After that, probably another half mile of very hilly trail. It was awful. I've gotten pretty decent at hills, thank you, and that nearly did me in. I saw someone's shoe get sucked off their foot. There had been a pretty decent pack, but I think that slow track plus the logjam at the poles spread people out. I was almost on my own for awhile. I think that's when I got ahead of a lot? I'm not sure. There was a water station that I had a hard time stopping for, I had such tired momentum, and the water was tainted with dirt, anyway.
Next obstacle: Petrifying Plunge. This is as fun as it looks, and super fast, except for the part where it's gritty and feels like sandpaper all the way down. You splash down in a mud puddle. Advice: suck it up and smile, princess. Wear long pants?
Clear running for about 100 yards! On grass! YIPPEE! Then the Road Rage obstacle, WHICH WAS CLEARLY THE MOST FUN. I killed a good minute just hopping on the roof of some car. The tires between cars you can either do properly, stepping through the center, or like a demented bunny, bouncing off the rubber junctions to the next step. If you are good at bouncing and precise landings, bounce. Conserves legs and energy and it's like a trampoline. Advice: LIVE. IT. UP. It's easy and it's fun as hell. You can either go through the cars (the doors and windows are gone) or over them.
About 100 yards of running. This was the end, so you had peer pressure, cameras, and announcers to keep you going. My legs were feeling a but liquified by this point. I think there is a picture of me running just behind some guy, and we were cheering each other on under our breath. I was chanting "beer, beer, beer."
Warrior Roast. Just as fun as it looks. I tried to click my heels together over both my hurdles and don't think I quite had the muscle coordination left. They're really low and really easy, and you're so wet you won't catch on fire even if you roll through them. Advice: just keep going, it's almost over, and don't trip. NO PRESSURE.
Finally, Muddy Mayhem. This was HARD, just because of the exhaustion. It's about two feet of very sticky, very viscous mud. It's the Vietnam obstacle, with barbed wire to duck. If you're short, you can crouch down real low and slog through by only cocking your head--but I found that there's a slight current, and I almost lost my balance and went under a few times. That scared me, because I wasn't sure I could get back up again. Advice: Concentrate and stay freaking balanced. Don't stop moving.
After that? About three dozen feet to the finish line. I tried to skip, in keeping with every 5k I ever run, and again, barely any coordination. There are sports photographers. But I wanted the bananas.
The beer was a freaking can, the pics of steins are a lie and the can is horse piss beer. But I was thirsty and it was free, and the water was all dirty again, so whatever. I found someone to take a pic of me and he and his buddies and their ladyfriend developed some kind of admiration and a crush and wanted email addresses, and we took a lot of pictures and drank our beers. I bought the Mud, Sweat, Beer t-shirt. We watched neon-colored sorority girls dirty dance to songs that came out the year they were born (93?). The mud dried and we noticed that I was bleeding, and people high fived me on my battle wounds and future scars.
I took the shuttle back to the lot, packed my front seat full of towels, and drove home. I stopped at a gas station to wash my leg off and apply a ton of Neosporin. I sort of washed it, to the best of my abilities, but Neosporin'd anyway. I got an icee and chatted up the employees and hauled home. I was tired. The drive was fast (like, an hour). Then I ate a hotdog and after accidentally splattering my monitor with mud twice, I took a nice long, hot shower that stung like a bitch as I scrubbed the dirt out of my bloody leg. My shower is a bit traumatized. Advice: when you peel your innermost clothes off (I had a bathing suit), DO IT IN THE SHOWER. I had half a pound of caked mud within that bathing suit. It's like sand at the beach, only worse.
Tada! I actually felt decent when I got up this morning. I have felt progressively more sore and achy as the day has gone on. I'm mincing now. My groin and hips are shot. There's a sore spot in my ribs. My arms were so fatigued I could hardly get my dress off. I've taken good care of my leg and even went to the urgent care clinic before work to ensure that it was clean and get some just-in-case antibiotics. There have been three reports of flesh-eating diseases in Georgia this year. I am not fucking around with that. (Doctor thinks I'm fine, but understands the just in case.) I slather that shin with Neosporin often. It's swollen, but it's getting less ragingly sensitive. That said, I do NOT want the dog licking or bumping up against it. It's not fun picking dog hair out of freshly Neosporin'd cuts.
this did great things for my ego.