Shall I continue?

Nov 30, 2004 05:00

Alright then. I finished my history essay with time to spare, so here comes a post
Yesterday I probably left off with me headed back to Waterloo. I'll tell you this. On my way back I stopped off to pay my phone bill at the bank, and it went off with little to no hitches. There was actually the time when I was almost at the head of the line, and the teller called the person who was first over, and for some reason I just stared at the teller. I think I was listening to music and therefore didn't hear the other newly available teller telling me she was available. But other than that I'm awesome. Anyway, today I got a letter from bell telling me the bill hasn't been paid, so I'm going to have to bust some skulls. I should have time tomorrow. I'm going to get up early, make this essay nice and pretty, then leave with Nine Inch Nicci early so that I can pick up my exam season care package from ma and pa, through the school. Then, after class, I'll go ever to HMV to get http://tds.nin.com/ Deluxe Edition. I tried last week but for some reason HMV wasn't getting it until this week. I won't be surprised if it's not there this week, and I won't be surprised if it's never there. You see, it is more realistic to believe that Trent Reznor doesn't exist, or is dead, than to believe that there was a delay in shipping, or that when he said it was "in stores now" he got confused and didn't include shipping the CD from factory to store into the equation. But that's not to say that isn't the case (after all, look at the song You+Me=HATE!)(I want you to know that's not a real song, NIN is far too amazing for that). Then after that I need to do some badly needed groceries, and sort out this phone bill. Then it's back to work on my Communications essay. As you may have guessed, it's essay time. It's strange how things have worked out, and I'm taking it as a sign because I'm noticing them everywhere again. At this same time last year, exact same time last year, Who can tell me where I was. I was back in Streetsville, face to face with a workload that threatened to ruin my life. For all of those who have experienced high school, you know how I fell and know that I'm not overexaggurating. Now The realization of the gravity of my situation hit me straight in the face a year ago today, on what should have been the happiest day of my life. I had just received a new, much desired material possession, that guaranteed more material possessions, I had just done nothing at all on an assignment for Drama, and had just asked someone out for the first time, all of which went off perfectly. I see now that it appears that I was meant to learn a lesson from the depression that followed. I had been carried away in what I thought would bring me happiness that I had lost focus on one of the things that could have sustained my happiness, that being a stable life. As a result of the ensuing depression and bodily abuse caused by it and my intense working, I became near obsessed with the one thing that made me happy with no effort on my part, something I've only now pushed under the rug because I couldn't manage to throw it away. That thing burned into my mind, I believe never to be erased, and I broke my brain. I still sometimes am certain that I may have bi-polar disorder, or something similar. This is probably hard to believe for some of you, and if it was me reading this I'd think I was merely attempting to give myself a depth I didn't believe to be there. But I'm not reading this, I'm writing it, so I'll do all I can do and tell you that I think this t o be true. As the one year anniversary of the stumble that sent me into my downward spiral drew near (right now Mike's noticing the unusually high number of NIN like statements in here), I was worried that history was about to repeat itself. Last week I had three essays to do, all unstarted, which had an equal level of importance on the rest of my life as the work did last year. But I managed. I think the fear of repeating the past chased away my procrastination. Up until I started working last week I could feel the same depression lingering inside me. It's impossible to explain, but I felt it coming and going. I've often thought that I'm going to die in winter, and I'm not sure why. Kid's don't think that thought. So I managed to finish all of my essays last week, without falling in love, and without getting depressed. Rather I was as happy as a (marching) pig in shit. And I hadn't destroyed my body with stress, a lack of sleep, and distorted eating patterns, as I had a year before. This is where it gets to be a sign again. I was rewarded with the happiest weekend of my life, and what may yet prove to be a healthy infatuation with another person.

On Wednesday evening Kristian had asked me if I had work to do this weekend, which I thought I did. I told him I would do it all thursday, because I knew he was going to come and get me and we were going to go to Western. Kristian was always fond of surprises. It was Thursday night that I discovered I wasn't going to have to work my ass off, because one of my essays had been miraculously extended to a date where I wouldn't have to stress at all this week, which thus far I have not. It was shortly after that discovery that someone yelled upstairs, a girl, that I had a guest. She said it laughingly, so I ignored it, thinking that there was no way it could be true. I forgot about it. About ten minutes later I was going downstairs when I looked over at the couch to see none other than Kristian. So began the best weekend of my life. We sat around for a while and ordered some alcohol with the guys down the hall. It was originally my plan to drink with them that night, which would have been my first time since August, not including a Thanksgiving cider at home. That never happened, and when the alcohol arrived we departed. We got to Western late. Getting there was quite the adventure. The directions from Laurier to Western were all slightly wrong who too inhuman to interpret, but we eventually made our way there. We went into the lobby of Frank's building. To our left a few tables were set up where people seemed to be signing up for something. We got curious and asked one of the guys sitting there what it was for. It turned out that we had to be signed in by someone who lived there, something they did every Thursday to Saturday night. As it seems, curiosity did in fact kill the cat, the act being our plans to just walk in and surprise him and John. We could have phoned him and told him to come and get us, but instead we opted to try and find our own way in. We began to walk a round the building, cursing ourselves for not just walking past. We tried a bunch of doors, all sealed, and at one point I climbed up onto a balcony to test a door, but it was closed. After that we started knocking on windows to ask people to let us in. We kept knocking, but no one was in their rooms. We were about to keep walking, when for some reason we went backwards a few steps to a window we were going to skip. I knocked and sure enough I could see movement inside. This is where it gets weird. Some guy came to the window, and next to him was a brown haired girl, who I somehow thought looked like Karly Moore, someone I'd known since elementary school. We knew that her and Martha, another of our schoolyard chums, lived in the building, but we thought they lived on an upper floor. Then, from an angle I couldn't see, came a voice yelling "Kristian!?" This voice was Martha, and then Karly turned around and saw me and mayhem ensued. If you fail to see the complete oddness of this situation, you might have a problem. So the first window we got an answer at, turned to be two girls Kristian and I had known for all our lives. Karly came and signed us in, and we went on a hunt for Frank. There was no answer at his door, so I went and asked his neighbors for paper and a marker so we could leave a threatening note. As we were about to do this, a group of people walked behind us. I turned around and they all stopped dead in their tracks. One of the girls from the group pointed at me and asked "aren't you..?" and before she could finish I yelled "YES!" It turned out that she knew me as the "guy in the pirate hat" because she had seen me on Eric's web cam. We had ourselves a posse and a location for Eric and John. They took us to the room they were in. I knocked and a voice from inside told us to come in. I kicked down the door and there we were united with Frank and John.

Our night was outrageously fun, and we all agreed that it was the most fun any of us had had this year. It was really tame in comparison to the nights to come. For John it was his first time seeing me drunk, and for Kristian his first time since the first time we all got drunk. I can't go into detail about how we had so much fun, we just did, accept it. For some reason John and I shaved that night. I cut myself once, but for some reason it bled a lot. I think I cut something off. To counter the bleeding I tied toilet paper around my head, from the chin to the top of my head. I saw a girl, Eric's next door neighbor, who I liked the look of and who seemed very nice. I chose to keep her out of mind, knowing what time of year it was, and wanting to try as hard as possible to keep from repeating the past. The next day Cam appeared, as he too had planned to visit that weekend. That night we all got just a little more drunk than before, and as a result the damage of property began. That night we ripped down all of the papers on Eric's floor, and to prevent them from getting in trouble, all of the papers from a few other floors as well. While o n that drunken adventure, Kristian came across a guy he knew from high school, who I only recognized. When Kristian stopped to talk to him, two people stopped to talk to me, because they saw my shirt and both turned out to be huge Matt Good fans. It's people like these who make me love University. We eventually ended up back in Franks room, staying up until about 6 I think. Now once again, I've skipped out on a lot, and I guarantee if you hang around with us you'll hear stories about all that I've left out. That day we went out and all bought a plastic Ninja kit with everything you could possibly want for only $1.47. A lot of that stuff was destroyed that night, but it was so worth it. I also got a Donatello action figure to love with my Leonardo. We thought that would be a tough act to follow.

Then came Saturday. That day we went out to get beer and such. A guy who's real name was Frank (who earned the suffix "The Tank" because of his size and ability to drink a beer in about a second using the magic of science) bought us our stuff. We had to go to the LCBO for mine, because I only drink cider (while sober that is). You can't say anything bad about cider. It comes in tall boys bigger than beer tall boys, and has a higher alcoholic content. To think there was a time when I drank fucking Schmirnoff. I went into the LCBO with him because he had an injured wrist and couldn't carry it himself. You see the night before we were all sitting in the hallway (by we all I mean me and a bunch of strangers, one of which might have been Kristian who was questioning a girl from Qatar). This was one I first met Frank. Someone else had fallen over, then he tried to walk past them only to trip and smack even harder against the floor, really hurting himself. I quite like Frank, he's like a good version of Jimmy Montrose. So that was the first time I ever illegally purchased alcohol without cowering in the car 8 blocks away. That night was spectacular. We caused even more property damage. The one that sticks out in my mind that you won't see elsewhere (meaning on a video made by Cam) was me peeing in the lobby. I got drunk enough that I started drinking other peoples drinks. Girls kept leaving their coolers on John's desk so I kept drinking them. Kristian kept bothering Eric about falling behind with his beers, so to help my best friend out, I drank his beers for him. I hate beer, so I was drunk. But not once this weekend did I get a hangover, despite a lack of sleep as well. I'm quite proud of that. Oh. The night before people were drawing on each other, as drunks do. At that point I was sobering up. So in order to fit in I drew a penis on my hand and yelled "you guys! You're nuts!" stating that I wanted to fit in. I thought it was funny. So anyway. Uhm, much more property damage. On our adventures to other parts of the building in which we would invariably get lost, but somehow, almost instinctively find our way back, we made new friends and enemies. On one floor a few of us were walking and I ripped down a map with my sword as Kristian walked with the camera. For some reason, this little oriental R.A. ran up and started trying to give Kristian hell about the camera. Kristian pulled a Tom Green and told him that it wasn't on as he kept in in the guys face and tried to walk past him. Kristian ran away, and we started talking to this guy named Teddy who was drinking in the hall alone. He advised us to run as well, so we did. Eventually we looped up and around so that we walked past where Kristian had been caught and was being interrogated by three R.A.s. We just looked and laughed at him as we walked by and for some reason they did nothing. Apparently Kristian had hidden in a washroom, then come out only to be caught. They eventually got bored reviewing his footage and left him be. Cam and I kept hiding in people's closets, but it turned out Cam was only in there to pick his nose. Our new friend Teddy took us back to his floor and to his room. There we added his roommate and a neighbor to our entourage. Much more damage was done, as well as fun had that I won't go into. I ended up sitting in Eric's next door neighbor's room with all the people I didn't know, but was starting to. All of us ended up going down to the common room to watch TV. While here we slowly lost our numbers until it was just Rachel (the previously mentioned neighbor girl I was trying not to think about) and her friend who was asleep on the couch next to us. Now at this point, Rachel and I were wearing rings we found on a key chain. In a presumed drunken stupor (as this was soon after I had drunk a lot of other drinks) we had decided we were married and these were our rings. Now we were also holding hands, and I'm not sure how that came about, but it did, and this lead to the best part of my weekend, or any weekend really. So Rachel woke up her roommate and asked her if she wanted to go up to bed, and so we walked her up then came back down. We sat in pretty much the same way and place, somehow holding hands again. Now during the time we spent on that couch there had been a kind of 'I adjust-she adjusts-I squeeze-she seems to squeeze back' type situation, which I thought was in my head. Even when I realized she was using her free hand to play with my arm, I figured it was nothing. After all, it's me, and she seems like the type of girl I'd like. I guess I'd just become comfortable with the idea of things not working out the way they do in your head. I got slowly more sober, but never really completely sober despite what I thought, which is something I regret. So there came an awkward silence at one point. We were watching Back to the Future 3, which we had earlier decided, while Teddy's roommate Dan was still there and talking with us, that we were going to get married to. That didn't make sense. Earlier we were joking about playing that song at our wedding because that would be the coolest thing ever. It was also at around that time that I discovered that she was the only other person I knew to have liked the show Quantum Leap. So eventually, well a gentlemen never asks, a lady never tells. I'm not sure where that puts me as a gentlemen telling, so I just won't. I have a cold now though, and I... I don't want to continue in fear of jinxing anything. Let that be enough for you.

No hangover Sunday, made it home alive eventually, regret liking Rachel more than I knew her the next morning, so not being able to act and say what I wanted to her, something that was one my downfall. I've since told her that, so I think I'm on my way to not having that problem where it counts. I was up very late last night talking to her. Tonight she was online but didn't respond at all. I'm too happy to care too much. Goodnight. Keep cool.
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