DW Fic: I Am Who You Are to Me
A little fic I wrote for adoctor_rose_fix challenge. It was a bit too long for the comment thread and I didn't want to cut it apart.
Rose slid out of bed and grabbed her robe. The alarm hadn’t gone off and it really shouldn’t have, considering it was the weekend. Except she couldn’t sleep. In fact she barely had last night. Now all she could do was stand in their bedroom and stare at his bare back.
His bare back that shared the evidence of yet another close escape. Really yet another one of his stupid acts to protect her because apparently she was still fragile. She wasn’t fragile. She had stopped being fragile years ago. She faced down Daleks. She was not a porcelain doll.
He just had it ingrained in him to keep her safe. A promise he’d made her mother in another universe. When he wore a leather jacket and couldn’t give her the words so she’d know what she meant to him. He said them every day now. He said them reverently, laughingly and with such passion that Rose had a hard time staying angry with him for very long.
She could worry about him though. He was a man. He had one heart. He couldn’t regenerate into a new body or heal almost instantaneously. This was it and after four years he still did not understand that. Occasionally, he’d be annoyed that he nicked himself shaving or hate that this body needed sleep. And, so, she worried. She reminded him about the human things he might have forgotten and he accepted the teachings at her hands with awe and humility, which was a new facet of his personality.
“Come back to bed,” he mumbled as he tried to pull up the comforter she had pushed aside, but found it difficult after discovering that it was tangled in his legs. He gave up and just pressed into his pillow again. “We could have sex again.”
“Oh, yes, Doctor,” Rose replied. “Because I love having sex with my half-awake husband. It’s not like he’ll fall asleep on me then start drooling.”
“That was one time,” the Doctor returned. “And I blame it the medication your mum gave me. I rather believe she was trying to kill me.”
“You complained of a stomachache and she was trying to help,” Rose responded. “Just go back to sleep.”
She watched as he rolled over and peered up at her with his sleepy chocolate eyes. Rose bit her bottom lip as her eyes flickered to the one scratch that had extended to his front. Even as they faded she would never forget his blood on her fingers or his expression of pain. Rose had her fair share of scars she acquired during her separation from the Doctor, but she never wished them on him and yet it seemed like he was trying to play catch up.
“Rose?” His voice was gentle and curious.
“Go back to sleep,” she told him. “I’m going to go make some tea.”
“I’ll help.” The Doctor rolled out of bed with a yawn then ran a hand through his hair, which didn’t help at all to flatten the bits that had taken a life of their own.
Rose smiled softly and ran the fingers on her right hand through it herself. She knew he was watching with an inquisitive expression. Her fingers gently slid down his sideburn then he took them in his hand and kissed them.
“Something’s bothering you,” he observed. “Care to tell me about it?”
“It’s nothing,” Rose answered. “I just couldn’t sleep. It’s why I’m making tea. Then I’ll probably curl up with a book. Don’t usually get to read when I’m busy chasing down aliens.”
“What if this alien wants to do something?” The Doctor asked with a teasing grin. “I was thinking maybe the dollar cinema. There’s a silly alien movie we can laugh and throw popcorn at.”
“Perhaps tomorrow,” Rose replied as she pulled her hand away from the Doctor and turned towards the bedroom door. “I just want tea and a book today.”
She didn’t get a chance to leave the room as his hands wrapped around her waist and his strong arms pulled her into his bare chest. She bit her bottom lip glad he couldn’t see the tears that were forming in her eyes. Rose only wanted to leave the room and not have to look at him again until he had a shirt on because then for a moment she could imagine the scars didn’t exist.
“The Rose Tyler I know would not turn down an opportunity to see a terrible movie. It’s like your mother throwing away a chance to insult me because I simply walked into the room.”
“My mum’s not that bad,” Rose responded in a shaky tone.
“Your mum’s not the point here,” the Doctor said. “Something is bothering you and I’d rather like to get to the bottom of it before you end up coming to some conclusion that has me on the curb simply because of the fact I’m a terrible husband for not noticing what’s wrong with my wife.”
Rose took in a deep breath then pushed away from the Doctor and turned around to face him. He frowned at her red eyes and angry expression.
“Stop being a hero,” Rose told him.
“What?”
“Stop being a hero,” Rose repeated. “Four years and you’re still jumping into the middle of the fray. You’re still putting yourself in front of me. You’re still trying to protect me when I know perfectly well how to protect myself.”
“Rose, I…”
“You are not going to tell me you’re sorry and that’s who you are,” Rose interrupted angrily. “I do not want to come home one day without you because you were too thick to think of a proper plan or to even consider the protocol involved. And I’m bloody tired of you just shrugging off another injury since you’ve somehow managed to equate that in your thick skull with accomplishing the mission.”
“Rose, I don’t think that,” the Doctor stated. “Not one bit. I’m not the fire and rage the other Doctor described on the beach. I’m not looking to settle some score with the universe and hurt you at the same time. I intend in living out the rest of my life with you, Rose.” He reached out a hand, but she averted it by taking a step away. It fell limply by his side. “Rose, I’m only doing what my hero would.”
“Your hero?” Rose returned, running a hand across her eyes. “What the bloody hell does your hero have to do with anything? I told you not to read those comic books with Tony. They aren’t real, Doctor.”
“I’m not stupid, Rose. I know the difference between fiction and reality. And I’m not talking about Superman or Batman. I’m talking about you. You’re my hero, Rose Tyler.”
Rose felt her knees go weak a bit at his words and leaned in the doorframe. She thought for a minute he was joking, but there was no quirk the lips or tell-tale twinkle in his eyes that usually accompanied his teasing. He was serious.
“I don’t understand,” Rose finally managed to say. “How can I be your hero? I’m just me.”
“And you couldn’t be anymore you, Rose. You’ve given me someone to look up to since the beginning. You were just nineteen when I met you and ready to give your life up because some lonely, angry Time Lord with a compulsion for leather and jumpers was about to end his. Then I admired you for turning me down the first time. I wouldn’t have want to spend any time gallivanting through time and space with someone like the ninth me either, but when I came back and you said yes everything just clicked. I might have showed you what the universe had to offer, but you showed me what life still had to give.
“I was the last, Rose Tyler. I still am in my own way. He’s still out there traveling amongst the stars and visiting planets to stop some injustice, but he’s only out there because you gave him the strength to keep going. You give me strength each day to live this life. To be me and this new person I want to be. And I keep doing it because you did it after you were pulled into this universe, you found the strength to keep going without me. You found a way to come back to me. You’ll stand up for what’s right even if it means you’ll get hurt in the process.”
The Doctor let out a strangled laugh then threaded his fingers through his hair.
“I’m not sure how else to say it, Rose. I know you get upset when I throw myself in the line of fire, but I don’t just do it because that’s my nature and once upon a time I could just regenerate if I was too gravely injured. I do it because I know you would. And you have.” He gestured towards the scars she was trying not to look at. “These, Rose, are nothing to me. They may cause you pain, but that’s because you don’t let people take on a burden on their own. You apologized to me for what happened to Jack and said if we ever figured out a way to send a message across to him you’d do it again despite the fact I told you he and I talked about it and he’s accepted it. You cried with me about Donna. You sat me down and told me to share with you whatever I was feeling whenever I wanted to. You’re the person I aspire to be, Rose. You have this amazing compassion, Rose, to share everything from your life to your love with a broken Time Lord turned half-human. You made me better and if I have to collect a few scars to show you want you mean to me then so be it.”
“That’s not fair,” Rose said.
“What’s not?” The Doctor asked.
“I’m supposed to be angry at you for throwing yourself around like this universe’s personal target, but all I want to do is kiss you for saying all those beautiful words so I’d understand where you’re coming from.”
“You could do both,” the Doctor suggested. “Though I’d really prefer that you weren’t angry. I like a smiley, happy Rose. She’d agree to see a terrible movie and throw popcorn at the screen with me.”
Rose let out a giggle and the Doctor smiled. He moved closer to her and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“You know instead of doing either of our ideas we could just compromise and stay in the bedroom,” the Doctor told her.
“How is that a compromise?” Rose asked.
“Well, you get to see my naked body and I get to see yours. Nobody has to stand in front of a hot stove to make tea and we won’t have to put clothes to go to the theatre. Mostly I’ll just get to worship at the temple of my goddess.”
“I thought I was your hero,” Rose returned.
“Oh, but goddess is much better,” the Doctor informed her as he undid the tie on Rose’s robe then proceeded to kiss her bare shoulder. “I still look upon you with the same awe and wonder, but as a worshipper of said goddess, I’ll do anything you ask.”
“That does sound better than a book,” Rose whispered. “But I’ll have you know I’m still annoyed about the hero thing. Not you calling me one, but you trying to be one.”
“Can we discuss that after I rock your world?” The Doctor asked, nuzzling into her neck.
“Might be a little difficult for you to accomplish that,” Rose responded.
He leaned back and looked at her with an eyebrow raised in question. “How so?”
“Because you already have. Since the day I met you, Doctor, you’ve done just that. I fail to see how you can one up yourself.”
“Let it be said that I never back down from a challenge,” the Doctor retorted with a sly grin before kissing his wife quite thoroughly.
Rose slid out of bed and grabbed her robe. The alarm hadn’t gone off and it really shouldn’t have, considering it was the weekend. Except she couldn’t sleep. In fact she barely had last night. Now all she could do was stand in their bedroom and stare at his bare back.
His bare back that shared the evidence of yet another close escape. Really yet another one of his stupid acts to protect her because apparently she was still fragile. She wasn’t fragile. She had stopped being fragile years ago. She faced down Daleks. She was not a porcelain doll.
He just had it ingrained in him to keep her safe. A promise he’d made her mother in another universe. When he wore a leather jacket and couldn’t give her the words so she’d know what she meant to him. He said them every day now. He said them reverently, laughingly and with such passion that Rose had a hard time staying angry with him for very long.
She could worry about him though. He was a man. He had one heart. He couldn’t regenerate into a new body or heal almost instantaneously. This was it and after four years he still did not understand that. Occasionally, he’d be annoyed that he nicked himself shaving or hate that this body needed sleep. And, so, she worried. She reminded him about the human things he might have forgotten and he accepted the teachings at her hands with awe and humility, which was a new facet of his personality.
“Come back to bed,” he mumbled as he tried to pull up the comforter she had pushed aside, but found it difficult after discovering that it was tangled in his legs. He gave up and just pressed into his pillow again. “We could have sex again.”
“Oh, yes, Doctor,” Rose replied. “Because I love having sex with my half-awake husband. It’s not like he’ll fall asleep on me then start drooling.”
“That was one time,” the Doctor returned. “And I blame it the medication your mum gave me. I rather believe she was trying to kill me.”
“You complained of a stomachache and she was trying to help,” Rose responded. “Just go back to sleep.”
She watched as he rolled over and peered up at her with his sleepy chocolate eyes. Rose bit her bottom lip as her eyes flickered to the one scratch that had extended to his front. Even as they faded she would never forget his blood on her fingers or his expression of pain. Rose had her fair share of scars she acquired during her separation from the Doctor, but she never wished them on him and yet it seemed like he was trying to play catch up.
“Rose?” His voice was gentle and curious.
“Go back to sleep,” she told him. “I’m going to go make some tea.”
“I’ll help.” The Doctor rolled out of bed with a yawn then ran a hand through his hair, which didn’t help at all to flatten the bits that had taken a life of their own.
Rose smiled softly and ran the fingers on her right hand through it herself. She knew he was watching with an inquisitive expression. Her fingers gently slid down his sideburn then he took them in his hand and kissed them.
“Something’s bothering you,” he observed. “Care to tell me about it?”
“It’s nothing,” Rose answered. “I just couldn’t sleep. It’s why I’m making tea. Then I’ll probably curl up with a book. Don’t usually get to read when I’m busy chasing down aliens.”
“What if this alien wants to do something?” The Doctor asked with a teasing grin. “I was thinking maybe the dollar cinema. There’s a silly alien movie we can laugh and throw popcorn at.”
“Perhaps tomorrow,” Rose replied as she pulled her hand away from the Doctor and turned towards the bedroom door. “I just want tea and a book today.”
She didn’t get a chance to leave the room as his hands wrapped around her waist and his strong arms pulled her into his bare chest. She bit her bottom lip glad he couldn’t see the tears that were forming in her eyes. Rose only wanted to leave the room and not have to look at him again until he had a shirt on because then for a moment she could imagine the scars didn’t exist.
“The Rose Tyler I know would not turn down an opportunity to see a terrible movie. It’s like your mother throwing away a chance to insult me because I simply walked into the room.”
“My mum’s not that bad,” Rose responded in a shaky tone.
“Your mum’s not the point here,” the Doctor said. “Something is bothering you and I’d rather like to get to the bottom of it before you end up coming to some conclusion that has me on the curb simply because of the fact I’m a terrible husband for not noticing what’s wrong with my wife.”
Rose took in a deep breath then pushed away from the Doctor and turned around to face him. He frowned at her red eyes and angry expression.
“Stop being a hero,” Rose told him.
“What?”
“Stop being a hero,” Rose repeated. “Four years and you’re still jumping into the middle of the fray. You’re still putting yourself in front of me. You’re still trying to protect me when I know perfectly well how to protect myself.”
“Rose, I…”
“You are not going to tell me you’re sorry and that’s who you are,” Rose interrupted angrily. “I do not want to come home one day without you because you were too thick to think of a proper plan or to even consider the protocol involved. And I’m bloody tired of you just shrugging off another injury since you’ve somehow managed to equate that in your thick skull with accomplishing the mission.”
“Rose, I don’t think that,” the Doctor stated. “Not one bit. I’m not the fire and rage the other Doctor described on the beach. I’m not looking to settle some score with the universe and hurt you at the same time. I intend in living out the rest of my life with you, Rose.” He reached out a hand, but she averted it by taking a step away. It fell limply by his side. “Rose, I’m only doing what my hero would.”
“Your hero?” Rose returned, running a hand across her eyes. “What the bloody hell does your hero have to do with anything? I told you not to read those comic books with Tony. They aren’t real, Doctor.”
“I’m not stupid, Rose. I know the difference between fiction and reality. And I’m not talking about Superman or Batman. I’m talking about you. You’re my hero, Rose Tyler.”
Rose felt her knees go weak a bit at his words and leaned in the doorframe. She thought for a minute he was joking, but there was no quirk the lips or tell-tale twinkle in his eyes that usually accompanied his teasing. He was serious.
“I don’t understand,” Rose finally managed to say. “How can I be your hero? I’m just me.”
“And you couldn’t be anymore you, Rose. You’ve given me someone to look up to since the beginning. You were just nineteen when I met you and ready to give your life up because some lonely, angry Time Lord with a compulsion for leather and jumpers was about to end his. Then I admired you for turning me down the first time. I wouldn’t have want to spend any time gallivanting through time and space with someone like the ninth me either, but when I came back and you said yes everything just clicked. I might have showed you what the universe had to offer, but you showed me what life still had to give.
“I was the last, Rose Tyler. I still am in my own way. He’s still out there traveling amongst the stars and visiting planets to stop some injustice, but he’s only out there because you gave him the strength to keep going. You give me strength each day to live this life. To be me and this new person I want to be. And I keep doing it because you did it after you were pulled into this universe, you found the strength to keep going without me. You found a way to come back to me. You’ll stand up for what’s right even if it means you’ll get hurt in the process.”
The Doctor let out a strangled laugh then threaded his fingers through his hair.
“I’m not sure how else to say it, Rose. I know you get upset when I throw myself in the line of fire, but I don’t just do it because that’s my nature and once upon a time I could just regenerate if I was too gravely injured. I do it because I know you would. And you have.” He gestured towards the scars she was trying not to look at. “These, Rose, are nothing to me. They may cause you pain, but that’s because you don’t let people take on a burden on their own. You apologized to me for what happened to Jack and said if we ever figured out a way to send a message across to him you’d do it again despite the fact I told you he and I talked about it and he’s accepted it. You cried with me about Donna. You sat me down and told me to share with you whatever I was feeling whenever I wanted to. You’re the person I aspire to be, Rose. You have this amazing compassion, Rose, to share everything from your life to your love with a broken Time Lord turned half-human. You made me better and if I have to collect a few scars to show you want you mean to me then so be it.”
“That’s not fair,” Rose said.
“What’s not?” The Doctor asked.
“I’m supposed to be angry at you for throwing yourself around like this universe’s personal target, but all I want to do is kiss you for saying all those beautiful words so I’d understand where you’re coming from.”
“You could do both,” the Doctor suggested. “Though I’d really prefer that you weren’t angry. I like a smiley, happy Rose. She’d agree to see a terrible movie and throw popcorn at the screen with me.”
Rose let out a giggle and the Doctor smiled. He moved closer to her and pressed a kiss to her forehead.
“You know instead of doing either of our ideas we could just compromise and stay in the bedroom,” the Doctor told her.
“How is that a compromise?” Rose asked.
“Well, you get to see my naked body and I get to see yours. Nobody has to stand in front of a hot stove to make tea and we won’t have to put clothes to go to the theatre. Mostly I’ll just get to worship at the temple of my goddess.”
“I thought I was your hero,” Rose returned.
“Oh, but goddess is much better,” the Doctor informed her as he undid the tie on Rose’s robe then proceeded to kiss her bare shoulder. “I still look upon you with the same awe and wonder, but as a worshipper of said goddess, I’ll do anything you ask.”
“That does sound better than a book,” Rose whispered. “But I’ll have you know I’m still annoyed about the hero thing. Not you calling me one, but you trying to be one.”
“Can we discuss that after I rock your world?” The Doctor asked, nuzzling into her neck.
“Might be a little difficult for you to accomplish that,” Rose responded.
He leaned back and looked at her with an eyebrow raised in question. “How so?”
“Because you already have. Since the day I met you, Doctor, you’ve done just that. I fail to see how you can one up yourself.”
“Let it be said that I never back down from a challenge,” the Doctor retorted with a sly grin before kissing his wife quite thoroughly.