Haven Fic: Time (Has Numbered My Days) - Chapter 13/?? [Audrey & Duke & Claire]
Author: siricerasi
Fandom: Haven
Spoilers: Through 3.06 (Real Estate)
Story Summary: It’s all so fucked up, so far from where they’d started, so far from where they should be. And she’d take all of it back, she’d forgive everything, if he could just be here right now.
Chapter: 13/??
Characters/Pairings: Audrey & Duke & Claire
Word Count: 1991
Rating:T
Warnings: Prescription medication?
Chapter Summary: "What, they have a class on how to handle human tasers at Yale?"
Author's Notes: I've been editing this over and over for weeks now, along with the next 5 chapters. There's a few parts I'm pretty undecided about, but what the hell. MightyMillie has been begging and begging and even wrote me a fic based on this fic as inspiration, so HERE YOU GO THIS IS FOR YOU NOW WRITE ME SOME CUPCAKES OF MY OWN PLEASE =P
Song for this chapter is "Below My Feet".
you were cold as the blood through your bones
and the light which led us from our chosen homes
and now i sleep
sleep the hours and that i can't weep
when all i knew was steeped in blackened holes
i was lost
By the time she gets home, Jordan’s words and accusations spinning in her head, Audrey is ready to kill someone. Maim. Torture. Preferably someone who dresses all in black and hurts Audrey’s friends for a living. The sight of Claire curled on her bed, however, drowns every ounce of anger in half a second, leaves only crushing concern. Duke blinks himself awake from the couch when Audrey closes the door as silently as she can, not wanting to disturb Claire.
“Hey,” he greets her quietly. She returns a whispered, “Hey,” pads over to the couch to find him with one of her vampire novels on his lap.
Duke smiles tightly when he notices her glance. “They’re not half-bad,” he monotones, ducking when she throws her jacket at him. He glances at his watch, eyes widening a little. “Crap. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” Audrey shrugs.
“It’s alright. Thanks for staying.”
Duke just raises an eyebrow. “You have a gun. It’s very convincing.”
Audrey rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry, Duke, I won’t tell anyone you did something nice.” Her eyes wander over to Claire’s prone form, then the piles of untouched food on the table. “How is she?”
He opens and closes his mouth a few times, raising his hands. “I honestly have no idea. She’s… however she wants me to think she is.” Yeah, that sounds about right. Downside of trying to help a psychiatrist. “So what happened with Jordan?”
Audrey sighs, rubbing at her forehead. “It’s… complicated.”
“When isn’t it?” Audrey almost groans at that. “Do I need to kick Nathan’s ass for you?” Duke asks, and for half a second Audrey actually considers it.
“Like I’d need you to do it for me,” she growls, smirking. “Don’t tempt me.”
Duke stands, rubbing his eyes. “Well, then I’m off, if it’s alright with you, Officer Agent Parker.” Audrey waves a hand, glaring, grabs her book from him. He hesitates at the door, turning back. “She’ll be glad you’re home,” he tells her quietly, before closing the door. And that just makes every part of her ache, equal parts guilt and concern.
It’s all Audrey can do once he’s gone to change into sweats, debating what to do next. It’s too late now to take Claire home, and Audrey doesn’t have the heart to wake the woman anyway. All she knows is that there’s no way she can leave her friend alone tonight. Audrey studies Claire for a moment, taking in her pale skin, the lines of pain on her forehead. There are tear streaks on her cheeks, and Audrey realizes with a nauseating jolt she must’ve waited until she was relatively alone to shed them.
Audrey tries to climb under the blankets without waking her friend, but the doctor’s eyes snap open as she moves the bed slightly. The panic in them makes Audrey sick, and she quickly reaches out to touch Claire’s arm. “Hey, Claire, easy,” she soothes. “It’s just me.” The therapist trembles under her hand, her breathing shallow and rapid.
“Audrey?” Claire’s voice is rough with sleep, hoarse from screaming. Audrey smooths a dark strand of hair back from her face, murmurs, “Yeah, it’s just me. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Claire closes her eyes, gravitates unconsciously forward toward Audrey. “How’re you feeling?”
Claire makes a noncommittal noise, mumbles, “What time’s it?” Audrey shrugs, grips the therapist’s shoulder again gently and finds her shaking.
“Late,” Audrey answers tightly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t expect things to take so long.” Claire’s eyes are still pressed closed, forehead creased with memories, and Audrey’s not sure the doctor even hears her. She runs her fingers through her friend’s hair again, murmurs, “Claire?” The brunette’s breathing is shallow, hitched, like she’s holding herself together by a thread.
Audrey carefully lays down beside her, tugging the blankets back up over both of them when Claire shivers. “Hey,” she whispers, touching the other woman’s cheek. Claire starts, fear in her eyes again when they snap open, and the concern that tightens Audrey’s chest makes it hard to breathe. “What can I do?” she asks, almost pleadingly. “Do you need anything? Are you in pain?”
Claire shakes her head miserably, visibly trembling. “I’m just really glad you’re here,” she whispers, voice strained and a couple notes too high, and Audrey absolutely can’t stand it.
“Come here, honey,” she breathes, tugging Claire close enough to slip her arms around her friend’s shaking body. The therapist starts to sob, horrible, wrenching sounds that twist like daggers in Audrey’s stomach. “Oh, Claire,” she whispers. Audrey can’t imagine how scared the woman must be. She finds herself wondering what had happened the last time Jordan had done this, if Claire had just gone home alone and in pain, and tightens her arms so much they ache. “Shh, it’s alright,” Audrey murmurs. “I’m here now, okay? You’re safe, I promise.”
She gently touches the back of Claire’s neck, where Jordan had almost scruffed her like a fucking cat, and the doctor whimpers. “Easy,” Audrey soothes. “This still hurts?” Claire doesn’t answer, just gasps a few breaths and pulls back, eyes still tightly shut.
“’s fine,” she chokes. “’m fine, I need to be fine, I can’t…” Audrey works her fingers gently through Claire’s hair, searching for any damage Jordan might’ve done.
“You’re not fine,” she states tightly, when Claire whines low in her throat as Audrey hits another tender spot. “Jeezus, Claire.” She’ll need to force her friend to see a doctor tomorrow, to make sure there’s no permanent damage. Tonight, though, Audrey knows Claire just needs comfort more than anything. Safety, care.
Then the therapist whispers an almost inaudible, “I’m sorry,” and Audrey’s heart just snaps, the anger still simmering inside flaring up to unbearable levels. She’s going to fucking kill Jordan.
“Don’t,” is all the cop can manage, her voice quivering with rage. Claire winces at her tone, eyes pressed closed in her pale face as she leans back into her pillow, away from Audrey. It makes the guilt surge again, and Audrey mentally kicks herself for being so careless. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” she says, much more gently. “None of this is your fault, Claire, okay?”
Claire relaxes a little, body sagging toward Audrey’s. “I should be stronger,” she mumbles. “I should be able to handle this...”
Audrey clenches her jaw until she can speak without anger, returns to combing her fingers through Claire’s hair. “What, they have a class on how to handle human tasers at Yale?” she asks, as lightly as she can manage. It draws a small chuckle from the doctor.
Tears streak down Claire’s cheeks and she tries miserably to wipe them off, her fingers shaking, and suddenly Audrey feels entirely inadequate. Useless. She has no idea how to help her friend; Claire is the shrink, not her. Audrey’s only ever been able to fumble her way through individual cases, and suddenly that just doesn’t seem like enough. Not when it’s Claire, not when failure isn’t an option. Because Claire - Claire is keeping Audrey together at the moment, and Audrey thinks she might just crack and go batshit insane without the therapist to ground her. Because without Nathan…
No, she can’t let herself go there.
Because for all that she’s Audrey’s shrink, Claire is human. She’s a friend. The more Audrey gets to know her, the more she realizes how alike they are. Both stubborn, bold and blunt and entirely without a filter. Both throw everything into their work, both care too much about the people they help. So Audrey may not know exactly what Claire needs, but she knows what she would need right now. Touch. Comfort. Human connection and love. A reminder that she’s not alone in this crazy town, that she doesn’t have to be fine and together and in control every single moment of the day.
So she slips an arm back around Claire, pulling her closer. “You don’t need to be okay right now,” she murmurs. “You don’t need to be Dr. Callahan tonight, honey. You can just be my friend Claire, who is scared and in pain and needs someone to keep her safe tonight.” Claire chokes, body shaking with silent sobs as she buries her face into Audrey’s shoulder, one arm reaching up to curl halfway around the cop’s neck. Audrey rubs her back soothingly, whispers, “I’m here, sweetheart. I’ll keep you safe, you can let go.”
The platitudes fall easily from her lips, because Audrey knows exactly what she’d need to hear in this situation. Because so many times all she’s wanted was someone to hold her, to let her fall apart in safety, to know that there would be no judgment, no expectations. Only love and care, steady and constant and grounding. Audrey may not have much to give most people, may not be all that great at relationships or social interactions in general, but this is one thing she can do for her friend. Because Claire had been there for her, because Claire is so like her and it physically hurts to watch the woman trying so desperately to deal with this on her own.
(God, is this how everyone else sees her?)
Claire doesn’t stop crying for a long time, tears soaking through Audrey’s shirt and onto the pillow, fingernails digging into Audrey’s skin at the back of her neck but she can’t bring herself to say a thing, just holds her friend closer, whispers gently in Claire’s ear, runs her hand along the therapist’s back until her arm is numb from the motion. In this, for the first time, Audrey realizes with no guilt or regret that she can’t possibly fix her friend; all she can do is be here, comfort her, and somehow that’s enough.
(Sometime, after this horrible night is over, maybe she’ll look at the implications of that realization.)
But for now she just rocks Claire gently, fingers combing through her dark hair, feels the therapist slowly, slowly relaxing. Audrey can feel every muscle as it loosens, imagines Claire running through some sort of shrink litany in her head and can’t help smiling a little.
“You think you could get back to sleep?” Audrey asks eventually, praying she can. And that her rest won’t be riddled with nightmares. Claire nods a little, rather unconvincingly, and Audrey sighs. “You don’t need to lie to me,” she murmurs, wiping gently at Claire’s cheeks. “You need to rest, Claire. What will help?” Claire hiccups a few breaths, eyes closed in her pale face.
“Xanax,” she whispers. “I-in my bag…” Audrey bites the inside of her cheek so hard she tastes blood, knows she absolute cannot ask about that now. Absolutely fucking cannot.
Instead she nods and climbs out of bed to find the medication. Tries to ignore the way her hands shake, just a little, forces herself not to read the label or shake the bottle or think about why the fuck Claire would have these with her, why she’d need them, why she wouldn’t fucking tell Audrey-
Because it’s none of your damn business, her mind snaps, and Audrey agrees with it for once in a very rare while. At least for tonight.
She slips back under the blankets and gives Claire the pill wordlessly, tugging the doctor’s trembling body back into her arms. “I’m still here,” she soothes, tucking Claire under her chin. “I’ll be right here all night, honey. You just close your eyes, rest. Let me take care of you, okay?” Claire shivers, eyelids fluttering closed as her breathing evens out over the next few minutes.
Audrey thinks she’s finally asleep when the doctor whispers, “Audrey?”
The cop immediately soothes a hand along Claire’s back, answers, “Right here.”
“Thank you.” Claire’s voice is slurred and exhausted, but the tension that had run through it for hours is finally gone.
Audrey smiles a little, says softly, “Of course, Claire. Now please sleep.”
just give me time
you know your desires and mine
so wrap my flesh in ivy and in twine
for i must be well
keep the earth below my feet
for all my sweat, my blood runs weak
let me learn from where i have been
Fandom: Haven
Spoilers: Through 3.06 (Real Estate)
Story Summary: It’s all so fucked up, so far from where they’d started, so far from where they should be. And she’d take all of it back, she’d forgive everything, if he could just be here right now.
Chapter: 13/??
Characters/Pairings: Audrey & Duke & Claire
Word Count: 1991
Rating:T
Warnings: Prescription medication?
Chapter Summary: "What, they have a class on how to handle human tasers at Yale?"
Author's Notes: I've been editing this over and over for weeks now, along with the next 5 chapters. There's a few parts I'm pretty undecided about, but what the hell. MightyMillie has been begging and begging and even wrote me a fic based on this fic as inspiration, so HERE YOU GO THIS IS FOR YOU NOW WRITE ME SOME CUPCAKES OF MY OWN PLEASE =P
Song for this chapter is "Below My Feet".
you were cold as the blood through your bones
and the light which led us from our chosen homes
and now i sleep
sleep the hours and that i can't weep
when all i knew was steeped in blackened holes
i was lost
By the time she gets home, Jordan’s words and accusations spinning in her head, Audrey is ready to kill someone. Maim. Torture. Preferably someone who dresses all in black and hurts Audrey’s friends for a living. The sight of Claire curled on her bed, however, drowns every ounce of anger in half a second, leaves only crushing concern. Duke blinks himself awake from the couch when Audrey closes the door as silently as she can, not wanting to disturb Claire.
“Hey,” he greets her quietly. She returns a whispered, “Hey,” pads over to the couch to find him with one of her vampire novels on his lap.
Duke smiles tightly when he notices her glance. “They’re not half-bad,” he monotones, ducking when she throws her jacket at him. He glances at his watch, eyes widening a little. “Crap. I didn’t mean to fall asleep.” Audrey shrugs.
“It’s alright. Thanks for staying.”
Duke just raises an eyebrow. “You have a gun. It’s very convincing.”
Audrey rolls her eyes. “Don’t worry, Duke, I won’t tell anyone you did something nice.” Her eyes wander over to Claire’s prone form, then the piles of untouched food on the table. “How is she?”
He opens and closes his mouth a few times, raising his hands. “I honestly have no idea. She’s… however she wants me to think she is.” Yeah, that sounds about right. Downside of trying to help a psychiatrist. “So what happened with Jordan?”
Audrey sighs, rubbing at her forehead. “It’s… complicated.”
“When isn’t it?” Audrey almost groans at that. “Do I need to kick Nathan’s ass for you?” Duke asks, and for half a second Audrey actually considers it.
“Like I’d need you to do it for me,” she growls, smirking. “Don’t tempt me.”
Duke stands, rubbing his eyes. “Well, then I’m off, if it’s alright with you, Officer Agent Parker.” Audrey waves a hand, glaring, grabs her book from him. He hesitates at the door, turning back. “She’ll be glad you’re home,” he tells her quietly, before closing the door. And that just makes every part of her ache, equal parts guilt and concern.
It’s all Audrey can do once he’s gone to change into sweats, debating what to do next. It’s too late now to take Claire home, and Audrey doesn’t have the heart to wake the woman anyway. All she knows is that there’s no way she can leave her friend alone tonight. Audrey studies Claire for a moment, taking in her pale skin, the lines of pain on her forehead. There are tear streaks on her cheeks, and Audrey realizes with a nauseating jolt she must’ve waited until she was relatively alone to shed them.
Audrey tries to climb under the blankets without waking her friend, but the doctor’s eyes snap open as she moves the bed slightly. The panic in them makes Audrey sick, and she quickly reaches out to touch Claire’s arm. “Hey, Claire, easy,” she soothes. “It’s just me.” The therapist trembles under her hand, her breathing shallow and rapid.
“Audrey?” Claire’s voice is rough with sleep, hoarse from screaming. Audrey smooths a dark strand of hair back from her face, murmurs, “Yeah, it’s just me. I didn’t mean to wake you up.” Claire closes her eyes, gravitates unconsciously forward toward Audrey. “How’re you feeling?”
Claire makes a noncommittal noise, mumbles, “What time’s it?” Audrey shrugs, grips the therapist’s shoulder again gently and finds her shaking.
“Late,” Audrey answers tightly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t expect things to take so long.” Claire’s eyes are still pressed closed, forehead creased with memories, and Audrey’s not sure the doctor even hears her. She runs her fingers through her friend’s hair again, murmurs, “Claire?” The brunette’s breathing is shallow, hitched, like she’s holding herself together by a thread.
Audrey carefully lays down beside her, tugging the blankets back up over both of them when Claire shivers. “Hey,” she whispers, touching the other woman’s cheek. Claire starts, fear in her eyes again when they snap open, and the concern that tightens Audrey’s chest makes it hard to breathe. “What can I do?” she asks, almost pleadingly. “Do you need anything? Are you in pain?”
Claire shakes her head miserably, visibly trembling. “I’m just really glad you’re here,” she whispers, voice strained and a couple notes too high, and Audrey absolutely can’t stand it.
“Come here, honey,” she breathes, tugging Claire close enough to slip her arms around her friend’s shaking body. The therapist starts to sob, horrible, wrenching sounds that twist like daggers in Audrey’s stomach. “Oh, Claire,” she whispers. Audrey can’t imagine how scared the woman must be. She finds herself wondering what had happened the last time Jordan had done this, if Claire had just gone home alone and in pain, and tightens her arms so much they ache. “Shh, it’s alright,” Audrey murmurs. “I’m here now, okay? You’re safe, I promise.”
She gently touches the back of Claire’s neck, where Jordan had almost scruffed her like a fucking cat, and the doctor whimpers. “Easy,” Audrey soothes. “This still hurts?” Claire doesn’t answer, just gasps a few breaths and pulls back, eyes still tightly shut.
“’s fine,” she chokes. “’m fine, I need to be fine, I can’t…” Audrey works her fingers gently through Claire’s hair, searching for any damage Jordan might’ve done.
“You’re not fine,” she states tightly, when Claire whines low in her throat as Audrey hits another tender spot. “Jeezus, Claire.” She’ll need to force her friend to see a doctor tomorrow, to make sure there’s no permanent damage. Tonight, though, Audrey knows Claire just needs comfort more than anything. Safety, care.
Then the therapist whispers an almost inaudible, “I’m sorry,” and Audrey’s heart just snaps, the anger still simmering inside flaring up to unbearable levels. She’s going to fucking kill Jordan.
“Don’t,” is all the cop can manage, her voice quivering with rage. Claire winces at her tone, eyes pressed closed in her pale face as she leans back into her pillow, away from Audrey. It makes the guilt surge again, and Audrey mentally kicks herself for being so careless. “You have nothing to be sorry for,” she says, much more gently. “None of this is your fault, Claire, okay?”
Claire relaxes a little, body sagging toward Audrey’s. “I should be stronger,” she mumbles. “I should be able to handle this...”
Audrey clenches her jaw until she can speak without anger, returns to combing her fingers through Claire’s hair. “What, they have a class on how to handle human tasers at Yale?” she asks, as lightly as she can manage. It draws a small chuckle from the doctor.
Tears streak down Claire’s cheeks and she tries miserably to wipe them off, her fingers shaking, and suddenly Audrey feels entirely inadequate. Useless. She has no idea how to help her friend; Claire is the shrink, not her. Audrey’s only ever been able to fumble her way through individual cases, and suddenly that just doesn’t seem like enough. Not when it’s Claire, not when failure isn’t an option. Because Claire - Claire is keeping Audrey together at the moment, and Audrey thinks she might just crack and go batshit insane without the therapist to ground her. Because without Nathan…
No, she can’t let herself go there.
Because for all that she’s Audrey’s shrink, Claire is human. She’s a friend. The more Audrey gets to know her, the more she realizes how alike they are. Both stubborn, bold and blunt and entirely without a filter. Both throw everything into their work, both care too much about the people they help. So Audrey may not know exactly what Claire needs, but she knows what she would need right now. Touch. Comfort. Human connection and love. A reminder that she’s not alone in this crazy town, that she doesn’t have to be fine and together and in control every single moment of the day.
So she slips an arm back around Claire, pulling her closer. “You don’t need to be okay right now,” she murmurs. “You don’t need to be Dr. Callahan tonight, honey. You can just be my friend Claire, who is scared and in pain and needs someone to keep her safe tonight.” Claire chokes, body shaking with silent sobs as she buries her face into Audrey’s shoulder, one arm reaching up to curl halfway around the cop’s neck. Audrey rubs her back soothingly, whispers, “I’m here, sweetheart. I’ll keep you safe, you can let go.”
The platitudes fall easily from her lips, because Audrey knows exactly what she’d need to hear in this situation. Because so many times all she’s wanted was someone to hold her, to let her fall apart in safety, to know that there would be no judgment, no expectations. Only love and care, steady and constant and grounding. Audrey may not have much to give most people, may not be all that great at relationships or social interactions in general, but this is one thing she can do for her friend. Because Claire had been there for her, because Claire is so like her and it physically hurts to watch the woman trying so desperately to deal with this on her own.
(God, is this how everyone else sees her?)
Claire doesn’t stop crying for a long time, tears soaking through Audrey’s shirt and onto the pillow, fingernails digging into Audrey’s skin at the back of her neck but she can’t bring herself to say a thing, just holds her friend closer, whispers gently in Claire’s ear, runs her hand along the therapist’s back until her arm is numb from the motion. In this, for the first time, Audrey realizes with no guilt or regret that she can’t possibly fix her friend; all she can do is be here, comfort her, and somehow that’s enough.
(Sometime, after this horrible night is over, maybe she’ll look at the implications of that realization.)
But for now she just rocks Claire gently, fingers combing through her dark hair, feels the therapist slowly, slowly relaxing. Audrey can feel every muscle as it loosens, imagines Claire running through some sort of shrink litany in her head and can’t help smiling a little.
“You think you could get back to sleep?” Audrey asks eventually, praying she can. And that her rest won’t be riddled with nightmares. Claire nods a little, rather unconvincingly, and Audrey sighs. “You don’t need to lie to me,” she murmurs, wiping gently at Claire’s cheeks. “You need to rest, Claire. What will help?” Claire hiccups a few breaths, eyes closed in her pale face.
“Xanax,” she whispers. “I-in my bag…” Audrey bites the inside of her cheek so hard she tastes blood, knows she absolute cannot ask about that now. Absolutely fucking cannot.
Instead she nods and climbs out of bed to find the medication. Tries to ignore the way her hands shake, just a little, forces herself not to read the label or shake the bottle or think about why the fuck Claire would have these with her, why she’d need them, why she wouldn’t fucking tell Audrey-
Because it’s none of your damn business, her mind snaps, and Audrey agrees with it for once in a very rare while. At least for tonight.
She slips back under the blankets and gives Claire the pill wordlessly, tugging the doctor’s trembling body back into her arms. “I’m still here,” she soothes, tucking Claire under her chin. “I’ll be right here all night, honey. You just close your eyes, rest. Let me take care of you, okay?” Claire shivers, eyelids fluttering closed as her breathing evens out over the next few minutes.
Audrey thinks she’s finally asleep when the doctor whispers, “Audrey?”
The cop immediately soothes a hand along Claire’s back, answers, “Right here.”
“Thank you.” Claire’s voice is slurred and exhausted, but the tension that had run through it for hours is finally gone.
Audrey smiles a little, says softly, “Of course, Claire. Now please sleep.”
just give me time
you know your desires and mine
so wrap my flesh in ivy and in twine
for i must be well
keep the earth below my feet
for all my sweat, my blood runs weak
let me learn from where i have been