(no subject)
I rarely make personal entries, its almost always jokes or swiped commentary (properly credited of course).
Well, I have some things to say...
(for the first time since May)
Im scared.
There, I said it.
I am taking a year off school, 'livng in sin' with my boyfriend of the last 4+ months and my best friend (also a guy), scrambleing for a job so I can pay my own way, worrying about my Grandma Bon (how has Alztimers {not that I can spell}) who's health is failing rapidly, fretting about my own health (which is taking a bit of a dive as well), trying to loose weight (I'm at 220 lbs and this has to stop, my goal is 160 at most, or a size 10 {currently a size 16/18}, whichever comes first)....
The list just kinda keeps on going...
I feel like I let down my fraternity, I was supposed to be their Service VP this year and I was thrilled, I was planning a full year of activities and corraling the brothers so we could have our most successful service program in years and then I had to drop out. Not step back, not be inactive in the brotherhood for a bit, *DROP OUT*. I feel like I let them down. I know what Im told, theres no major in APO, other things have to come first... blah blah blah But Im not putting school first, cause I dropped out. I left. I gave up.
I failed.
I couldnt cut it.
My sister has a 3.9 or something and is up to her ears in colorguard and a major (or two, I can never remember) and a minor...
I dropped out.
My house is a mess, not dirty or smelly or gross, but cluttered and such. Maybe thats genetic though...
I have seriously considered smoking, and I really dont know why.
I have consistantly thought about moving *somewhre* (dont know where yet) and leaving no real forwarding address, even for my parents. Just... disappearing...
Im just so tired and I just dont know why I bother anymore
Well, I have some things to say...
(for the first time since May)
Im scared.
There, I said it.
I am taking a year off school, 'livng in sin' with my boyfriend of the last 4+ months and my best friend (also a guy), scrambleing for a job so I can pay my own way, worrying about my Grandma Bon (how has Alztimers {not that I can spell}) who's health is failing rapidly, fretting about my own health (which is taking a bit of a dive as well), trying to loose weight (I'm at 220 lbs and this has to stop, my goal is 160 at most, or a size 10 {currently a size 16/18}, whichever comes first)....
The list just kinda keeps on going...
I feel like I let down my fraternity, I was supposed to be their Service VP this year and I was thrilled, I was planning a full year of activities and corraling the brothers so we could have our most successful service program in years and then I had to drop out. Not step back, not be inactive in the brotherhood for a bit, *DROP OUT*. I feel like I let them down. I know what Im told, theres no major in APO, other things have to come first... blah blah blah But Im not putting school first, cause I dropped out. I left. I gave up.
I failed.
I couldnt cut it.
My sister has a 3.9 or something and is up to her ears in colorguard and a major (or two, I can never remember) and a minor...
I dropped out.
My house is a mess, not dirty or smelly or gross, but cluttered and such. Maybe thats genetic though...
I have seriously considered smoking, and I really dont know why.
I have consistantly thought about moving *somewhre* (dont know where yet) and leaving no real forwarding address, even for my parents. Just... disappearing...
Im just so tired and I just dont know why I bother anymore