Mission 7: Twists of Fate
Rating: T/PG-13
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
[I own nothing, etc, etc, etc. This is a work of parody, and should be treated as such. The PPC and all of its original ideas are (C) Jay and Acacia. “Twists of Fate” belongs to AkimaDoll, who is more than welcome to it. All quotes from the badfic are in bold. Thanks to miah_arthur for being my sounding board and beta.]
[Beep. Beeeep. Beeeerazzlefrazzlingeeeep!]
The irritated sound of the console going off filled the interior of RC 6237, the noise bouncing and echoing off the interior walls. This caused the occupant of the loft bed (that had, in a former life, briefly been a bunk bed) to flail free of the covers that were wrapped around him. When Ian finally managed to get himself disentangled from his blankets, he clambered down the ladder and hurried over to the console, hitting the mission acceptance button and muting the alarm. With a jaw-cracking yawn, Ian read over the mission report, scanning it over.
'Hmm. Stargate Atlantis. Interesting. Haven't been there yet,' he murmured, stretching out the kinks in his back before setting his disguise: a Generic Marine Corporal, with a regulation haircut and enough changes to his facial structure, voice, and skin tone so that he wouldn't even remotely be confused with Ronon. After grabbing his jacket and putting his equipment in various pockets, Ian opened the portal and stepped through, his disguise settling over him in the pre-fic darkness.
Said darkness didn't last very long, as the Control and Gate Rooms of Atlantis formed around Ian, the stargate activating once everything had come into focus. Ian was standing towards the back of the Control Room, instantly blending into the background canon of the universe. He noted down the highly inconsistent use of commas, counting on his SEP field to divert attention away from his actions. An insistent tug at the cuff of his pants made Ian look down to see three minis standing there. The one tugging at his pants was a mini-Wraith with a full head of spiky white hair; a quick glance at the Words identified him as Colonel Shepard, while the mini-Unas dressed in dark brown robes next to him had to be O'Neil and the dreadlocked mini-Wraith must be Ronan.
'Ah. Um, hang on,' Ian said, glancing around to make sure no one was watching him. 'I think I have some food here somewhere.' He rummaged around in his pockets and found a chocolate bar in one of his jacket pockets. Breaking off three small hunks of the sweet candy, he handed them distractedly to the minis as he watched the Sue-- a twenty-four year old scientist who claimed to be Colonel Sheppard's younger sister --interact with Rodney, Teyla, John, and Elizabeth.
Ian was more familiar with the SG-1 'Verse, but he did know that John Sheppard had a brother, not a sister named Camilla (though apparently she preferred “Cami”), and that Colonel Sheppard’s eyes were hazel, not blue like the Suethor claimed they were. A fourth mini-- yet another mini-Wraith, this one by the name of Shepard's --joined Ian and the others as they followed John and Cami out of the Gate Room and into the halls of Atlantis. Ian stayed a dozen or so feet behind the two, stopping every now and then in order to not look suspicious. He slipped into an empty room near the one John led Cami to, following the action via the Words.
She and John talked for a bit, Cami telling John about how she'd managed to get to Atlantis. The Red Cross had somehow been involved with the Air Force contacting Cami and then inducting her into the Stargate Program, which didn't make any sense to Ian. He had no idea why the Red Cross would've been involved, especially since Cami should have known to contact the Air Force in the first place. Ian nearly broke his pen when Cami mentioned three things: one, that the fact that she and John were siblings was highly classified, two, that, at twenty-four, she had been teaching at Harvard, and three, that she had been involved with an accident with an X-302.
"And there may have been a slight incident involving an X302 that many people would like to forget…"
John stood up, looking his sister straight on. "A 'slight incident'? Cami, what did you do?" he asked, sounding slightly exasperated.
"I was being taken on a cruise flight, when the pilot passed out. I had to fly us back to the Prometheus" Cami said nonchalantly.
"And where exactly were you when the pilot passed out?"
"The Rings of Saturn".
John choked, coughing as he attempted to yell "WHAT! And they just let you fly back?"
"Relax John, I have my pilot's license, so it's not like I'd never flown something before, and someone stayed in radio contact with me the whole time. I got us back ok" Cami replied laughing. Silence settled over the room again as John processed what she had just told him.
In the next room over, Ian was gently hitting his head against the floor, figuring that the wall would cause too much noise. The four minis watched him do this; Ronan was used to it, having become accustomed to it thanks to being around Agents Cali and Miah of the DMS, while the other three looked on, not sure what to do. Ian stopped his headache-inducing head-flooring when John left Cami's quarters, rubbing vigorously at his forehead as he left the empty room and followed behind Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Weir-- who had met John in the hallway --keeping quiet and making sure that the minis did the same. As it was, he only really had O'Neil to worry about, given the propensity for O'Neil's canon counterpart to mouth off at inappropriate times. Thankfully, though, Ronan, Shepard, and Shepard's were effectively mute.
Ian took up a post in the Gateroom, keeping his gaze on the far wall as he followed along with the Words. He had to bite back a stream of curses about the Sue when he saw what written in Cami's file.
“Her file says she graduated High School with a 4.0 GPA, and perfect SAT/ACT scores at age 14. Undergrad, Masters, and Doctorate all from Harvard, all before she was 21. Double major in Linguistics and Cryptography, Minor in Music. She is fluent in 15 modern languages, Can read, write and speak fluent Ancient, and Asgard, and can also read Wraith with a bit of effort… She has been on a few off-world missions with various SG teams, mostly recon but some combat, has combat training, and a pilot's license. She has recommendations from most of the top level personnel at the SGC, including personal commendations from Generals Hammond, O'Neill, and Landry, Colonel Carter, and Dr. Jackson. She is one hell of an accomplished 24 year old"
'Flaming Denethor!' Ian hissed under his breath. 'What the hell is wrong with this Suethor? I know she said in the Author's Note at the beginning of the story that she knew she made a Sue and that this was an AU, but still. I'm twenty-four and I've only got my Bachelor's Degree, which is highly reasonable! Also, why the hell does she have Sheppard and Weir in a relationship? Does she not care about the chain of command?'
His quiet rant was interrupted when John and Elizabeth made their way to the conference room, joining the rest of John's team. Rodney, thankfully, was in character, or at least, as much as Ian could tell; he couldn't exactly get a reading with his CAD, but the fact that Rodney was bitching about Cami's presence was a good indicator of his low level of OOCness. Elizabeth and SGA-1 talked about an upcoming mission that dealt with some sort of Ancient ruins that had inscriptions on them that needed to be translated; Cami would be going along to act as translator. Despite Ronon having objections about Cami coming along, Doctor Weir insisted that Cami would be going on the mission.
Once the meeting was over with, John went back to Cami's quarters, and Ian stayed in the Gate Room, keeping abreast with the turn of events via the Words. It turned out that Cami had brought along quite the collection of sharp pointy objects, including knives, throwing stars, two sets of Sai', even what appeared to be a pair of fighting sticks like the ones Teyla used, made from metal.
Ian figured that it wouldn't hurt to collect the weapons after he took care of Cami, since Suvian weapons tended to trade well back at HQ. Maybe he'd be able to get a coat from the Firefly 'Verse; he'd always wanted one of the long brown coats ubiquitous to that continuum. He did wonder, however, how Cami had managed to get all that weaponry past security at Cheyenne Mountain, not to mention why she'd been allowed to bring it to Atlantis. John and Cami were currently talking about their respective love lives: how John was dating Elizabeth, and how Cami had recently broken up with someone at the SGC back on Earth.
Ian had to keep from rolling his eyes at this; it had already been implied earlier in the 'fic that Daniel Jackson was the one Cami had been seeing, which was so ludicrous Ian had to stop himself from laughing out loud. That would surely get him noticed, especially since he was supposedly on guard duty. Before he could do much more than note this down on his charge list, there was a temporal shift of two days. Ian was still in the Gate Room, though he quickly made his way to the Jumper Bay, as SGA-1 and Cami had come back from their mission with a medical emergency.
He secreted himself in a corner near where Jumper One had landed, wanting to keep an eye on the proceedings.
Elizabeth ran into the Bay, where the medical team had already boarded the Jumper. Teyla and Ronon stood just outside the jumper, looking at what was going on inside. Elizabeth ran up beside them, looking into the Jumper's cargo bay in time to see an unconscious Camilla Sheppard being loaded onto a stretcher by Carson and two helpers, another Doctor was looking over a very shaken Rodney, and a worried looking John watched.
"What happened?" Elizabeth exclaimed, but was ignored.
"I am fine" Rodney said as he batted at the doctor examining him.
'Yeah, right, like Rodney would ever say that,' Ian muttered. 'The man canonically complains about small injuries, especially in the early seasons, and-'
He broke off, frowning. The doctor attempting to treat Rodney looked familiar, though Ian wasn't close enough to see her face clearly. He waited until SGA-1 and Elizabeth had left for the Infirmary and then made his way forwards. The doctor was swearing softly under her breath as she cleaned up the mess left by her fellow members of the Medical Department. As Ian drew nearer, the doctor's voice grew clearer and more familiar.
'Of course they leave me to clean up their mess. It's not like I don't have things I've got to do today.' She checked her watch and sighed. 'Aw, crap. I was supposed to meet Biro for lunch today, wasn't I? Wonderful.' The doctor reached up to her ear to activate her radio, but Ian stopped her, his hand darting out to grab hold of her wrist.
'What the hell?' the doctor yelped as Ian pulled her away from the Jumper and into a nearby storage room. He closed the door behind them and then turned once more to the doctor. She watched him warily as he took in her appearance.
Her hair had gone from a mid-honey color to a lighter sun-kissed strawberry blonde. It was longer than he had last seen; long enough to be pulled back into a ponytail, the end of which brushed the collar of her yellow-paneled Expedition jacket. There was a light dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose; the sight of them made one of the corners of Ian's mouth twitch upwards in a smile.
'What the hell is going on here, Corporal?' the doctor snapped, repeating her earlier exclamation in her annoyance. 'Why did you pull me in here, and why are you smirking at me like that?'
'Smirking? I wasn't smirk- Don't you recognize me?' Ian asked, his smile fading.
She frowned at him. 'Should I? You seem familiar, but then again, it's been a very odd week, what with Colonel Sheppard's supposed sister coming here, not to mention Doctor McKay being miraculously healed by said woman and not insisting on going directly to the Infirmary.'
Ian blinked and then smacked his forehead with the heel of one of his hands.
'I am an idiot,' he said, and then deactivated his disguise with a few taps at his D.O.R.K.S, which was currently on his wrist in the shape of a watch. Ian's Generic Marine disguise fell away, revealing his true self. He had to stop himself from grinning when he saw her eyes widen.
'Ian,' she breathed, going suddenly still in her surprise. 'I can't believe you're- Please tell me this is real.'
Ian let his smile break free. 'It's real, Lee. Trust me on this.'
With a soft cry that spoke both of her relief at finally being found and her happiness at once again seeing her partner, Lee launched herself at Ian, wrapping her arms tightly around him in a long overdue bear-hug. He returned the embrace with an equal measure of strength, his eyes closing tightly as he reveled in the regaining of his lost partner. Unfortunately, their reunion was cut short by the appearance of a mini-Unas. This one was more delicate than O'Neil; it was dressed in long white robes and didn't have a weapon. Ronan tugged at Ian's pant leg, pointing wordlessly at the new mini.
'Hmm? What is it, Ronan?' Ian asked, reluctantly releasing Lee and looking down. He followed Ronan's gesture and spotted the newcomer. He let his eyes slide out of focus as he read the Words, and then blinked. 'Ah. This must be Ayana. I think the Suethor meant Ayiana.'
'Isn't that the name of the Ancient woman SG-1 found frozen at the Antarctic outpost?' Lee asked, looking at the minis as well. Ian nodded.
'Yeah,' he said, and then sighed. 'I'd best put my disguise back on; we've still got a Sue to deal with.'
'You look weird with short hair,' Lee told Ian as he reset his disguise.
'Thanks, I think,' Ian replied with a brief roll of his eyes. 'It's not like I actually cut my hair, you know.'
'True, but it still looks weird,' Lee said, opening the door and making sure no one was nearby. As it was, the Jumper Bay was empty. While Ian and Lee had been talking, there had been a time shift of about a few days, but neither had really noticed, preoccupied as they had been. It was now right around the time when Colonel Sheppard had gotten trapped behind the time-dilation field that hid the Ancient Sanctuary. Ian, Lee, and the minis headed towards the gym, where Major Lorne and Cami were talking about what had happened to John. Ian and Lee blended in with the Marines "loitering" in that general area of the gym.
Eventually, though, Lorne and Cami left the gym and went back to Cami's quarters, Lorne leaving Cami there while he went to the Command Tower to welcome back the returning rescue party. Ian and Lee had followed Lorne and Cami, waiting until Lorne left before they entered Cami's quarters. Lee pulled the crystals from the door controls, locking the door so that Cami couldn't escape. Cami was in the bathroom, healing her hands that she had injured during her time in the gym.
Holding her now clean hands palms down in front of her, Cami closed her eyes and focused for a moment, a peculiar feeling of warmth radiating from her hands. After the feeling faded Cami opened her eyes, revealing that her formerly raw knuckles were now the pink of new skin, though she was now leaning against the counter-top, feeling faint, dizzy, and as if she had just sprinted a mile.
'Feeling bad? Well, that works just fine for us.'
Cami turned at the sound of Ian's voice, startled.
“What are you doing here” she asked, looking confused.
'Well, that's kind of complicated for me, at least, but long story short, we're here to kill you,' Lee said with a grin, idly playing with a knife she had taken from a nearby display. 'Ian, do you have the charges?'
Ian nodded, pulling the charge list out of a pocket and flipped it open as Lee kept an eye on Cami, making sure she didn't try to escape.
'Camilla Sheppard, we are Agents Nahinu and Keaton of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, and we are here to charge you with your crimes against the Stargate Atlantis continuum,' Ian said, exchanging a bright grin with Lee at the resumption of the familiar prelude to the charge list. 'First and foremost, you are charged with being an admitted Mary Sue. You are also charged with the following: Being the non-canon sister of Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. Having a double doctorate at the age of twenty-four. Graduating from Harvard with said doctorate, and then gaining a professorship there.
‘Being able to instantly understand the Asgard, Ancient, and Wraith languages without prior exposure to said languages. Being an Overachiever!Sue. Having Daniel Jackson be interested romantically in you with no canonical support. Having Colonel John Sheppard and Doctor Elizabeth Weir be in a romantic relationship without considering the ramifications of said relationship.' Ian took a deep breath and then continued on with the charges. 'Creating the mini-Wraiths Colonel Shepard and Shepard's as well as the mini-Unas O'Neil and Ayana, not to mention pulling the mini-Wraith Ronan away from his place of residence at the PPC. The punishment for these crimes is death. Do you have any last words?'
'You can't do this, I'm a very important doctor and my brother will-' Cami began, but Lee cut her off.
'Sorry, but no. You don't have a brother, and you certainly aren't a doctor,' she told her. Lee turned to Ian, an inquiring look on her face. 'So, what do you want to do with her?'
'Well, since she fancies herself to be genetically closer to an Ancient even more than Colonel Sheppard, I say we let her die with them,' Ian replied.
'The Aurora?' Lee asked with a grin that showed far too many teeth.
'The Aurora,' Ian confirmed, getting out his RA and opening a portal right underneath Cami. She fell through, landing roughly on the cold, deserted floor of the Aurora. 'Have a good time. You've got about ten seconds before it blows up,' Ian told Cami before shutting the portal.
When the ten seconds were up, Ian and Lee sent the minis back to HQ, collected the weapons from the various places they'd been stashed around Cami's quarters, put them in the RC, and then went off to neuralize the canons. It took a while, but eventually the only person left was Carson once they'd neuralized the members of SG-1 back on Earth. Lee stopped Ian at the entrance to Carson's office, taking the neuralizer and his sunglasses from him.
'I'll do this myself,' she told him. 'After all, I've worked with the man for almost a year; it just seems fitting that I take care of it.'
'Okay,' Ian said, stepping back a bit. 'I'll leave you to it.'
Lee smiled at him and then knocked on Carson's door, slipping Ian's sunglasses and the neuralizer into a pocket of her jacket.
'Come in,' Carson called out, his voice muffled a bit by the door. Lee opened the door and went inside. Carson looked up from his computer screen, a smile forming when he saw Lee.
'Ah, Miranda, what can I do for you?' he asked as the door slid shut behind Lee.
'Actually, it's more of what I can do for you, Doctor Beckett,' Lee replied, taking the sunglasses from her pocket and putting them on. Carson gave her a quizzical look at her odd actions, but didn't get a chance to comment before Lee pulled out the neuralizer, adjusted it for the proper length of time she'd been on Atlantis, and then activated it. Lee removed the sunglasses and looked at Carson with a bittersweet smile.
'Okay, first off, Colonel Sheppard doesn't have a sister named Camilla, and she never came here to Atlantis. Second, the person you know as Doctor Miranda Walker never existed. Any information on either of these two nonexistent people is faulty, and will be erased from the Atlantis mainframe the next time you shut down your computer, which you will do as soon as I am done talking with you. You have been working on some paperwork, but it's now time for dinner. Have a good night, Doctor.'
With that, Lee left the office, nodding to Ian in affirmation of a job completed. She then handed his sunglasses and the neuralizer back to him.
'Let's go home,' she said, a tired note in her voice. Ian grinned.
'Yes, let's.'
Fandom: Stargate Atlantis
[I own nothing, etc, etc, etc. This is a work of parody, and should be treated as such. The PPC and all of its original ideas are (C) Jay and Acacia. “Twists of Fate” belongs to AkimaDoll, who is more than welcome to it. All quotes from the badfic are in bold. Thanks to miah_arthur for being my sounding board and beta.]
[Beep. Beeeep. Beeeerazzlefrazzlingeeeep!]
The irritated sound of the console going off filled the interior of RC 6237, the noise bouncing and echoing off the interior walls. This caused the occupant of the loft bed (that had, in a former life, briefly been a bunk bed) to flail free of the covers that were wrapped around him. When Ian finally managed to get himself disentangled from his blankets, he clambered down the ladder and hurried over to the console, hitting the mission acceptance button and muting the alarm. With a jaw-cracking yawn, Ian read over the mission report, scanning it over.
'Hmm. Stargate Atlantis. Interesting. Haven't been there yet,' he murmured, stretching out the kinks in his back before setting his disguise: a Generic Marine Corporal, with a regulation haircut and enough changes to his facial structure, voice, and skin tone so that he wouldn't even remotely be confused with Ronon. After grabbing his jacket and putting his equipment in various pockets, Ian opened the portal and stepped through, his disguise settling over him in the pre-fic darkness.
Said darkness didn't last very long, as the Control and Gate Rooms of Atlantis formed around Ian, the stargate activating once everything had come into focus. Ian was standing towards the back of the Control Room, instantly blending into the background canon of the universe. He noted down the highly inconsistent use of commas, counting on his SEP field to divert attention away from his actions. An insistent tug at the cuff of his pants made Ian look down to see three minis standing there. The one tugging at his pants was a mini-Wraith with a full head of spiky white hair; a quick glance at the Words identified him as Colonel Shepard, while the mini-Unas dressed in dark brown robes next to him had to be O'Neil and the dreadlocked mini-Wraith must be Ronan.
'Ah. Um, hang on,' Ian said, glancing around to make sure no one was watching him. 'I think I have some food here somewhere.' He rummaged around in his pockets and found a chocolate bar in one of his jacket pockets. Breaking off three small hunks of the sweet candy, he handed them distractedly to the minis as he watched the Sue-- a twenty-four year old scientist who claimed to be Colonel Sheppard's younger sister --interact with Rodney, Teyla, John, and Elizabeth.
Ian was more familiar with the SG-1 'Verse, but he did know that John Sheppard had a brother, not a sister named Camilla (though apparently she preferred “Cami”), and that Colonel Sheppard’s eyes were hazel, not blue like the Suethor claimed they were. A fourth mini-- yet another mini-Wraith, this one by the name of Shepard's --joined Ian and the others as they followed John and Cami out of the Gate Room and into the halls of Atlantis. Ian stayed a dozen or so feet behind the two, stopping every now and then in order to not look suspicious. He slipped into an empty room near the one John led Cami to, following the action via the Words.
She and John talked for a bit, Cami telling John about how she'd managed to get to Atlantis. The Red Cross had somehow been involved with the Air Force contacting Cami and then inducting her into the Stargate Program, which didn't make any sense to Ian. He had no idea why the Red Cross would've been involved, especially since Cami should have known to contact the Air Force in the first place. Ian nearly broke his pen when Cami mentioned three things: one, that the fact that she and John were siblings was highly classified, two, that, at twenty-four, she had been teaching at Harvard, and three, that she had been involved with an accident with an X-302.
"And there may have been a slight incident involving an X302 that many people would like to forget…"
John stood up, looking his sister straight on. "A 'slight incident'? Cami, what did you do?" he asked, sounding slightly exasperated.
"I was being taken on a cruise flight, when the pilot passed out. I had to fly us back to the Prometheus" Cami said nonchalantly.
"And where exactly were you when the pilot passed out?"
"The Rings of Saturn".
John choked, coughing as he attempted to yell "WHAT! And they just let you fly back?"
"Relax John, I have my pilot's license, so it's not like I'd never flown something before, and someone stayed in radio contact with me the whole time. I got us back ok" Cami replied laughing. Silence settled over the room again as John processed what she had just told him.
In the next room over, Ian was gently hitting his head against the floor, figuring that the wall would cause too much noise. The four minis watched him do this; Ronan was used to it, having become accustomed to it thanks to being around Agents Cali and Miah of the DMS, while the other three looked on, not sure what to do. Ian stopped his headache-inducing head-flooring when John left Cami's quarters, rubbing vigorously at his forehead as he left the empty room and followed behind Colonel Sheppard and Doctor Weir-- who had met John in the hallway --keeping quiet and making sure that the minis did the same. As it was, he only really had O'Neil to worry about, given the propensity for O'Neil's canon counterpart to mouth off at inappropriate times. Thankfully, though, Ronan, Shepard, and Shepard's were effectively mute.
Ian took up a post in the Gateroom, keeping his gaze on the far wall as he followed along with the Words. He had to bite back a stream of curses about the Sue when he saw what written in Cami's file.
“Her file says she graduated High School with a 4.0 GPA, and perfect SAT/ACT scores at age 14. Undergrad, Masters, and Doctorate all from Harvard, all before she was 21. Double major in Linguistics and Cryptography, Minor in Music. She is fluent in 15 modern languages, Can read, write and speak fluent Ancient, and Asgard, and can also read Wraith with a bit of effort… She has been on a few off-world missions with various SG teams, mostly recon but some combat, has combat training, and a pilot's license. She has recommendations from most of the top level personnel at the SGC, including personal commendations from Generals Hammond, O'Neill, and Landry, Colonel Carter, and Dr. Jackson. She is one hell of an accomplished 24 year old"
'Flaming Denethor!' Ian hissed under his breath. 'What the hell is wrong with this Suethor? I know she said in the Author's Note at the beginning of the story that she knew she made a Sue and that this was an AU, but still. I'm twenty-four and I've only got my Bachelor's Degree, which is highly reasonable! Also, why the hell does she have Sheppard and Weir in a relationship? Does she not care about the chain of command?'
His quiet rant was interrupted when John and Elizabeth made their way to the conference room, joining the rest of John's team. Rodney, thankfully, was in character, or at least, as much as Ian could tell; he couldn't exactly get a reading with his CAD, but the fact that Rodney was bitching about Cami's presence was a good indicator of his low level of OOCness. Elizabeth and SGA-1 talked about an upcoming mission that dealt with some sort of Ancient ruins that had inscriptions on them that needed to be translated; Cami would be going along to act as translator. Despite Ronon having objections about Cami coming along, Doctor Weir insisted that Cami would be going on the mission.
Once the meeting was over with, John went back to Cami's quarters, and Ian stayed in the Gate Room, keeping abreast with the turn of events via the Words. It turned out that Cami had brought along quite the collection of sharp pointy objects, including knives, throwing stars, two sets of Sai', even what appeared to be a pair of fighting sticks like the ones Teyla used, made from metal.
Ian figured that it wouldn't hurt to collect the weapons after he took care of Cami, since Suvian weapons tended to trade well back at HQ. Maybe he'd be able to get a coat from the Firefly 'Verse; he'd always wanted one of the long brown coats ubiquitous to that continuum. He did wonder, however, how Cami had managed to get all that weaponry past security at Cheyenne Mountain, not to mention why she'd been allowed to bring it to Atlantis. John and Cami were currently talking about their respective love lives: how John was dating Elizabeth, and how Cami had recently broken up with someone at the SGC back on Earth.
Ian had to keep from rolling his eyes at this; it had already been implied earlier in the 'fic that Daniel Jackson was the one Cami had been seeing, which was so ludicrous Ian had to stop himself from laughing out loud. That would surely get him noticed, especially since he was supposedly on guard duty. Before he could do much more than note this down on his charge list, there was a temporal shift of two days. Ian was still in the Gate Room, though he quickly made his way to the Jumper Bay, as SGA-1 and Cami had come back from their mission with a medical emergency.
He secreted himself in a corner near where Jumper One had landed, wanting to keep an eye on the proceedings.
Elizabeth ran into the Bay, where the medical team had already boarded the Jumper. Teyla and Ronon stood just outside the jumper, looking at what was going on inside. Elizabeth ran up beside them, looking into the Jumper's cargo bay in time to see an unconscious Camilla Sheppard being loaded onto a stretcher by Carson and two helpers, another Doctor was looking over a very shaken Rodney, and a worried looking John watched.
"What happened?" Elizabeth exclaimed, but was ignored.
"I am fine" Rodney said as he batted at the doctor examining him.
'Yeah, right, like Rodney would ever say that,' Ian muttered. 'The man canonically complains about small injuries, especially in the early seasons, and-'
He broke off, frowning. The doctor attempting to treat Rodney looked familiar, though Ian wasn't close enough to see her face clearly. He waited until SGA-1 and Elizabeth had left for the Infirmary and then made his way forwards. The doctor was swearing softly under her breath as she cleaned up the mess left by her fellow members of the Medical Department. As Ian drew nearer, the doctor's voice grew clearer and more familiar.
'Of course they leave me to clean up their mess. It's not like I don't have things I've got to do today.' She checked her watch and sighed. 'Aw, crap. I was supposed to meet Biro for lunch today, wasn't I? Wonderful.' The doctor reached up to her ear to activate her radio, but Ian stopped her, his hand darting out to grab hold of her wrist.
'What the hell?' the doctor yelped as Ian pulled her away from the Jumper and into a nearby storage room. He closed the door behind them and then turned once more to the doctor. She watched him warily as he took in her appearance.
Her hair had gone from a mid-honey color to a lighter sun-kissed strawberry blonde. It was longer than he had last seen; long enough to be pulled back into a ponytail, the end of which brushed the collar of her yellow-paneled Expedition jacket. There was a light dusting of freckles across the bridge of her nose; the sight of them made one of the corners of Ian's mouth twitch upwards in a smile.
'What the hell is going on here, Corporal?' the doctor snapped, repeating her earlier exclamation in her annoyance. 'Why did you pull me in here, and why are you smirking at me like that?'
'Smirking? I wasn't smirk- Don't you recognize me?' Ian asked, his smile fading.
She frowned at him. 'Should I? You seem familiar, but then again, it's been a very odd week, what with Colonel Sheppard's supposed sister coming here, not to mention Doctor McKay being miraculously healed by said woman and not insisting on going directly to the Infirmary.'
Ian blinked and then smacked his forehead with the heel of one of his hands.
'I am an idiot,' he said, and then deactivated his disguise with a few taps at his D.O.R.K.S, which was currently on his wrist in the shape of a watch. Ian's Generic Marine disguise fell away, revealing his true self. He had to stop himself from grinning when he saw her eyes widen.
'Ian,' she breathed, going suddenly still in her surprise. 'I can't believe you're- Please tell me this is real.'
Ian let his smile break free. 'It's real, Lee. Trust me on this.'
With a soft cry that spoke both of her relief at finally being found and her happiness at once again seeing her partner, Lee launched herself at Ian, wrapping her arms tightly around him in a long overdue bear-hug. He returned the embrace with an equal measure of strength, his eyes closing tightly as he reveled in the regaining of his lost partner. Unfortunately, their reunion was cut short by the appearance of a mini-Unas. This one was more delicate than O'Neil; it was dressed in long white robes and didn't have a weapon. Ronan tugged at Ian's pant leg, pointing wordlessly at the new mini.
'Hmm? What is it, Ronan?' Ian asked, reluctantly releasing Lee and looking down. He followed Ronan's gesture and spotted the newcomer. He let his eyes slide out of focus as he read the Words, and then blinked. 'Ah. This must be Ayana. I think the Suethor meant Ayiana.'
'Isn't that the name of the Ancient woman SG-1 found frozen at the Antarctic outpost?' Lee asked, looking at the minis as well. Ian nodded.
'Yeah,' he said, and then sighed. 'I'd best put my disguise back on; we've still got a Sue to deal with.'
'You look weird with short hair,' Lee told Ian as he reset his disguise.
'Thanks, I think,' Ian replied with a brief roll of his eyes. 'It's not like I actually cut my hair, you know.'
'True, but it still looks weird,' Lee said, opening the door and making sure no one was nearby. As it was, the Jumper Bay was empty. While Ian and Lee had been talking, there had been a time shift of about a few days, but neither had really noticed, preoccupied as they had been. It was now right around the time when Colonel Sheppard had gotten trapped behind the time-dilation field that hid the Ancient Sanctuary. Ian, Lee, and the minis headed towards the gym, where Major Lorne and Cami were talking about what had happened to John. Ian and Lee blended in with the Marines "loitering" in that general area of the gym.
Eventually, though, Lorne and Cami left the gym and went back to Cami's quarters, Lorne leaving Cami there while he went to the Command Tower to welcome back the returning rescue party. Ian and Lee had followed Lorne and Cami, waiting until Lorne left before they entered Cami's quarters. Lee pulled the crystals from the door controls, locking the door so that Cami couldn't escape. Cami was in the bathroom, healing her hands that she had injured during her time in the gym.
Holding her now clean hands palms down in front of her, Cami closed her eyes and focused for a moment, a peculiar feeling of warmth radiating from her hands. After the feeling faded Cami opened her eyes, revealing that her formerly raw knuckles were now the pink of new skin, though she was now leaning against the counter-top, feeling faint, dizzy, and as if she had just sprinted a mile.
'Feeling bad? Well, that works just fine for us.'
Cami turned at the sound of Ian's voice, startled.
“What are you doing here” she asked, looking confused.
'Well, that's kind of complicated for me, at least, but long story short, we're here to kill you,' Lee said with a grin, idly playing with a knife she had taken from a nearby display. 'Ian, do you have the charges?'
Ian nodded, pulling the charge list out of a pocket and flipped it open as Lee kept an eye on Cami, making sure she didn't try to escape.
'Camilla Sheppard, we are Agents Nahinu and Keaton of the Protectors of the Plot Continuum, and we are here to charge you with your crimes against the Stargate Atlantis continuum,' Ian said, exchanging a bright grin with Lee at the resumption of the familiar prelude to the charge list. 'First and foremost, you are charged with being an admitted Mary Sue. You are also charged with the following: Being the non-canon sister of Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard. Having a double doctorate at the age of twenty-four. Graduating from Harvard with said doctorate, and then gaining a professorship there.
‘Being able to instantly understand the Asgard, Ancient, and Wraith languages without prior exposure to said languages. Being an Overachiever!Sue. Having Daniel Jackson be interested romantically in you with no canonical support. Having Colonel John Sheppard and Doctor Elizabeth Weir be in a romantic relationship without considering the ramifications of said relationship.' Ian took a deep breath and then continued on with the charges. 'Creating the mini-Wraiths Colonel Shepard and Shepard's as well as the mini-Unas O'Neil and Ayana, not to mention pulling the mini-Wraith Ronan away from his place of residence at the PPC. The punishment for these crimes is death. Do you have any last words?'
'You can't do this, I'm a very important doctor and my brother will-' Cami began, but Lee cut her off.
'Sorry, but no. You don't have a brother, and you certainly aren't a doctor,' she told her. Lee turned to Ian, an inquiring look on her face. 'So, what do you want to do with her?'
'Well, since she fancies herself to be genetically closer to an Ancient even more than Colonel Sheppard, I say we let her die with them,' Ian replied.
'The Aurora?' Lee asked with a grin that showed far too many teeth.
'The Aurora,' Ian confirmed, getting out his RA and opening a portal right underneath Cami. She fell through, landing roughly on the cold, deserted floor of the Aurora. 'Have a good time. You've got about ten seconds before it blows up,' Ian told Cami before shutting the portal.
When the ten seconds were up, Ian and Lee sent the minis back to HQ, collected the weapons from the various places they'd been stashed around Cami's quarters, put them in the RC, and then went off to neuralize the canons. It took a while, but eventually the only person left was Carson once they'd neuralized the members of SG-1 back on Earth. Lee stopped Ian at the entrance to Carson's office, taking the neuralizer and his sunglasses from him.
'I'll do this myself,' she told him. 'After all, I've worked with the man for almost a year; it just seems fitting that I take care of it.'
'Okay,' Ian said, stepping back a bit. 'I'll leave you to it.'
Lee smiled at him and then knocked on Carson's door, slipping Ian's sunglasses and the neuralizer into a pocket of her jacket.
'Come in,' Carson called out, his voice muffled a bit by the door. Lee opened the door and went inside. Carson looked up from his computer screen, a smile forming when he saw Lee.
'Ah, Miranda, what can I do for you?' he asked as the door slid shut behind Lee.
'Actually, it's more of what I can do for you, Doctor Beckett,' Lee replied, taking the sunglasses from her pocket and putting them on. Carson gave her a quizzical look at her odd actions, but didn't get a chance to comment before Lee pulled out the neuralizer, adjusted it for the proper length of time she'd been on Atlantis, and then activated it. Lee removed the sunglasses and looked at Carson with a bittersweet smile.
'Okay, first off, Colonel Sheppard doesn't have a sister named Camilla, and she never came here to Atlantis. Second, the person you know as Doctor Miranda Walker never existed. Any information on either of these two nonexistent people is faulty, and will be erased from the Atlantis mainframe the next time you shut down your computer, which you will do as soon as I am done talking with you. You have been working on some paperwork, but it's now time for dinner. Have a good night, Doctor.'
With that, Lee left the office, nodding to Ian in affirmation of a job completed. She then handed his sunglasses and the neuralizer back to him.
'Let's go home,' she said, a tired note in her voice. Ian grinned.
'Yes, let's.'