...i heard there was a secret chord that david played and it pleased the lord...
In the past few days, I've become incredibly depressed. My relationship with Corey ended in May. It started to end in April, when our relationship seemed to dissolve into sex. It took me months to get over that relationship. I finally found someone here that I thought I could really grow to care about. He was smart, funny, sweet, and made me feel like a million dollars. I haven't spoken to him in weeks though. Turns out, he told a friend of ours that I'm a tease. I knew him for all of a month and he said I was a tease because I wouldn't have sex with him. He knew I was fresh out of a long relationship. He knew how hurt I was. And he still told someone this, and I wasn't supposed to find out. So after having my guard up all summer and finally starting to let it down with this guy, I get screwed over again because I wouldn't screw him. I've found guys that are fun to be around since then, but no one I could sit and talk to for hours on end...until the sun set and rose again...So many people don't know what they have. I know I'm lucky in a lot of aspects, but right now I miss loving someone. I'm so scared to open up again because of Corey and this other guy. I've got friends I can talk to, but no one I feel like I can open up to. I have people I can call if I want sex, but no one I can love. I don't know where I'm going in my life. I'm barely going to my classes. I've been sick for weeks. And I'm alone. Even with my friends, I have no one to call up just because I miss their voice. I have no one to come home to after a long night at work. I have no one to tell me they love me and that everything will be okay...I've tried the medications I've been prescribed. I've tried drinking the empty feeling away. I've tried talking to people. I just need God to send me someone to love. Someone who deserves my love and will love me as strongly and passionately as I love them. I would give almost anything to find that person. I've spent the last two days by myself, doing homework and feeling physically miserable. Today, I spent time with two people. They're the only people I've seen since Saturday night. I know that part of this rant is because I'm hormonal and part of it's because I'm sick, but a lot of it is coming to the surface because I'm finally fed up with being alone. I'm in love with love and it's been a long time since I've felt it. I need something good in my life to happen. I need someone good in my life to come along and lift me up. I don't just want it anymore...I truly need someone. I'm sorry...I just can't be alone anymore...