Breaking Bad Fic: What You Need, Parts 3-4
See Parts 1-2 for header.
Walt didn't know how long Jesse had been standing there saying his name before he finally woke up long enough to register it. Even after recognizing first that the voice was saying “Mr. White” and then that it belonged to Jesse, it took another few seconds before he actually understood that Jesse's standing over him wasn't part of a dream.
He couldn't see his face, but he could hear the apology and uncertainty in his voice, and it was obvious he needed something, or he wouldn't be in here in the first place.
“Hey. What's the matter?”
“I'm really sorry to wake you up and everything, but...is it, uh...still okay if I slept in here with you?”
For a second Walt didn't understand the question, couldn't remember having made the offer, and Jesse actually took a step back, as if he was going to say never mind and walk away, before Walt cleared his head enough to answer him.
“Yeah, of course.” He slid further over to his side of the bed to make room, and pulled back the covers in invitation. Jesse hesitated.
“Are you sure?”
“Yeah. Come on.”
He could see Jesse's smile in the dark, a brief flash of teeth, and then he was walking around the bed to climb in on the other side.
They stayed quiet as Jesse positioned himself rather stiffly on his back, maintaining the distance between them. Then Walt spoke up.
“Another nightmare?”
“No. Just woke up. Couldn't get back to sleep.”
“Ah. So you changed your mind.”
“Yeah.” He sighed. “Well, no. I wanted to come in when you asked. I just, I dunno, didn't think I should.”
Walt felt a small prick of alarm. “Why not? You don't think I...”
“Huh? Nah, I just felt stupid.”
“Stupid?”
“Yeah. Acting like I'm the victim here, yo, like I'm some innocent little kid, and making you put up with it. Wanting you to make it better. It's stupid. And, I don't know, wrong. Kinda makes me feel like even more of an asshole.”
“Are you saying this is making it worse?”
“No, no. Definitely no. Just...it doesn't feel right.”
Walt considered that for a moment. It left him in a difficult position; maybe Jesse could be persuaded out of his guilt over receiving comfort, but if he couldn't, wouldn't he end up more damaged than he was already?
Was any of this really what was best for Jesse?
But, helpful or not, his desire to reassure Jesse simply couldn't be ignored; it pulled at him until he had to respond. He scooted closer to him in the bed, and reached out to grab his arm, pulled gently on it to indicate that he wanted Jesse to move closer. To Walt's relief, Jesse complied immediately, and after a few moments of awkward repositioning, they were on their sides, Jesse's back flush against Walt's chest. Walt threw an arm over him and then put his mouth to Jesse's ear.
“Listen to me, Jesse. You deserve to feel better. I know that's hard for you to believe right now, but you do. And I'm going to help you. I want to. Okay?”
Jesse sighed and didn't respond for a long moment. Then: “Yeah, okay.”
“Okay. So just go to sleep, alright? Everything's okay.” A realization came to him and his heart skipped painfully in his chest. He cleared his throat. “Do you need some help getting to sleep?”
Jesse made a small chuff of amusement and squirmed against him. “Nah, I'm good. Unless you wanted...?”
Walt could hear the smile in his voice, and although he experienced another disconcerting shift in gravity, he smiled himself. “Go to sleep.”
Jesse made that amused sound again, and Walt's smile widened. On impulse, he kissed Jesse just below his ear. Jesse squirmed again, then settled.
“Night, Mr. White.”
“Night, Jesse.”
Walt held Jesse to him and listened to his breathing, and before long the calm, easy rhythm coaxed him back to sleep.
They woke to Walt's alarm clock a few hours later. Through force of habit, Walt got out of bed immediately, not acknowledging Jesse and barely taking to time to be gentle as he pulled away from him. Jesse stayed in bed only a few moments longer, then got up and walked out to the living room without a word. He had his pants on and was sitting down to put his shoes on before Walt's brain caught up with his conditioning.
“Hey. You don't need to be in such a hurry.”
Jesse gave him a skeptical look, and didn't answer.
“Did you sleep okay?” Walt asked, not sure what else to say. In Jesse's apparently sullen mood, he was expecting a shrug or something similarly noncommittal. Instead, Jesse grinned.
“Yeah, totally.”
“Good. That's great.”
“Yeah. Thanks a lot.” Jesse favored him with a wide-eyed expression of sincerity that was almost comical in its childish gravity.
“It was no problem, Jesse.”
Jesse smiled and looked down at his feet. Then he frowned. He looked up at Walt, puzzled. “Do you have somewhere to go today?”
Walt felt a sinking sensation; he'd forgotten to tell him. “I have a meeting with Gus.” He made sure to meet Jesse's eyes when he said it, hoping to stave off any conflict through his directness.
“Wait, what? How come you didn't tell me about this?”
“You clearly had other things on your mind.”
“No, uh-uh. I had this on my mind. What's next, and when, and all that.”
“Jesse, I don't actually know what's next. Not until I talk to him.”
“Just you?”
“He asked for me to come alone, yes.”
“But...”
“I know. You want equal say. But he didn't want to see you. There's nothing I can do about it.”
“That's not...I mean, what if...” He trailed off, and for the first time Walt noticed that he looked more scared than angry. Immediately, he started walking toward the couch.
“Hey,” he said in a low voice. “Hey, come here.” Jesse stood up to meet him when he reached him, and Walt hugged him. Jesse hugged back with fervent intensity. “It's okay. Nothing's going to happen. We're going to make a deal, that's all. He needs me, remember? As long as that's true, we're going to be fine.”
Jesse took a deep, shaky breath. “Yeah, I know, I know, just...”
“Shh. Shh. There's nothing to worry about.” He pulled back just enough to look Jesse in the face. “Do you want to stay here while I go?”
“No, I should go home. Change my clothes and stuff. Maybe check in with Badger and Skinny Pete and tell them to watch their backs.”
Walt didn't know how to respond to that; it had never occurred to him that Jesse's friends might be in danger. He thought about offering to negotiate for their safety as well, but decided against it. No need to get Jesse's hopes up.
“What about tonight?”
“What do you mean?”
“What are your plans?”
Jesse shrugged. “Probably just stay home.”
“I don't think that's a good idea.”
The look Jesse gave him was wary, just short of irritated, and Walt clenched his teeth and tried to douse his answering exasperation.
“I don't need a babysitter, Mr. White. I can take care of myself.”
“I know. And I trust you.” He met Jesse's eyes pointedly and repeated it.
“But...” Jesse prompted.
“But, I don't like the idea of you being by yourself right now. I'll be worried. And I want to help you.” And because he knew things were always easier with Jesse if he didn't feel like he was being told what to do, he softened his voice and added, “Is that okay?”
Jesse hugged him a little harder and then finally stepped away. “Yeah, alright. So, what should I do?”
“Get some stuff together and come back over tonight.”
“Get some stuff together?”
“So you can stay. At least for tonight.”
“Okay.”
Jesse hung around while Walt finished getting himself ready to go, waiting until the last minute to finally put his shoes on, and they walked out the door together. Before they parted, Walt gave Jesse's shoulder a firm squeeze, and Jesse gave him a wan smile before going on his way.
********
The meeting with Gus took less time than Walt had expected, ironically because the situation stood exactly as Walt had predicted, and he found himself with nothing to do for the rest of the day except wait for Jesse. He thought about calling him, rejected the idea, and then did it anyway.
He was with his friends, he said, and he sounded like he was in reasonably good spirits. Walt told him to hang out as long as he wanted, but that he could come over whenever he was ready. He settled himself in with a book, expecting to see Jesse in several hours, and was stunned when he showed up twenty minutes later.
“That was fast.”
“Yeah, well...they were asking questions I didn't want to answer. Besides,” he continued, and smiled shyly at Walt, “I really wanted to be with you, anyway.”
Walt couldn't help but smile back, and he reached out and tussled Jesse's hair before guiding him to the couch.
They spent the afternoon sitting together, watching Animal Planet and chatting idly. For dinner, Walt ordered them a pizza after an animated but amicable debate about the merits of various toppings, and then they resumed their TV watching while the living room grew dim around them.
It was still early when Jesse started yawning, but after the past few days Walt wasn't surprised, and he immediately convinced Jesse that they could go to bed if he was ready.
“Am I sleeping with you?”
“I assumed...I mean, if you want.”
“Yeah, I want.”
They got ready for bed in silence. Jesse kept glancing at him and then looking away, and Walt didn't know for sure what Jesse would do if Walt didn't raise the question that was hanging over them himself, but he was curious to find out, and so he ignored the nagging feeling of unresolved tension and waited. When they were poised to climb in bed, Jesse finally spoke up.
“Can--” he stopped, licked his lips, and then made himself look at Walt. “Can we, um, do it again?”
Walt felt something unclench inside him. “If that's what you want.”
Jesse cocked his head and gave him a questioning look. “Do you want to?”
Walt floundered briefly, reaching for an answer that was both safe and fair. When he found it, he replied, “I want to make you feel good.”
Jesse exhaled deeply. “Okay. So, how do you want...?”
Walt closed his eyes briefly, searched himself, and made a decision. “Take your clothes off.”
“All of them? Why?”
Walt gave the response that first came to him, but he softened his tone before speaking: “Because I asked you to.”
Jesse shrugged, and then unceremoniously stripped his clothes off. He stood on his side of the bed, looking expectant and not at all self-conscious.
Walt sat down on the bed. “Come here,” he directed, and Jesse did. Walt positioned them so Jesse was sitting between Walt's legs, his back pressed against Walt's chest.
“Is this good?” he asked Jesse, speaking low in his ear.
“Yeah, sure. But what about you?”
“Shh, don't worry about that.”
Jesse sighed. “Fine, whatever.” He reached down to sweep his thumb along his cock, and Walt seized both of his hands and pinned them to his chest.
“Not yet,” he murmured.
Jesse made a small noise of frustration. “Mr. White, what are we doing?”
Walt chuckled. “Shh, shh, it's okay. Just be patient. Can you be patient for me?”
Jesse smiled. “Maybe,” he said teasingly. “I can try.”
“Yeah, you'll try hard for me, won't you? That's my good boy, you always try so hard for me.”
Jesse exhaled sharply through his nose and then tilted his head back against Walt's shoulder, exposing his neck. Walt had to fight the impulse to lick a stripe along his pulse point. He kept talking instead. “You're such a good boy. Always such a good boy for me. Be good for me, Jesse, I want to see you be good for me, come on.”
Jesse moaned and arched his back, and Walt watched his cock twitch. He had to take a deep breath before he could continue. “There you go, Jesse, there you go, son, just like that. Come on. Don't you want to be my good boy?”
Jesse whimpered and his cock rose and Walt kept talking, that's my boy, that's my good boy, do it for me, make me proud of you, so proud of you, come on. He didn't take his eyes off Jesse's erection, watched it swell until it stood rigid and dark against his belly, smearing clear precome against Jesse's skin every time he shifted, straining against Walt's grip, desperate for contact.
It was even more captivating than he'd imagined.
“Come on, Jesse, come on, I want you to come for me, okay? Come on, do it for me, be my good boy.”
Jesse sobbed miserably and squeezed his eyes shut. “Please, Mr. White, please. I can't...I need...”
Walt smiled against his ear and shushed him. “Shh, shh, it's okay, son, it's okay.” He guided one of Jesse's hands down to his cock, folded his fingers around it. “There you go, come on now.” He pulled Jesse's hand along his length, gripping tight, and immediately Jesse spasmed and came with a low cry.
Jesse melted back against him and shuddered, and Walt kissed him behind his ear and rocked him. The motion let him press his erection against Jesse's backside, and as Jesse recovered he seemed to notice; he squirmed and tried to push back against him to encourage Walt's movement. Instead, Walt gave Jesse a gentle push and slid back away from him. Jesse got the message, and shifted himself up over Walt's leg to flop down on the bed beside him.
“Are you sure you don't want...?”
“No, no. It's okay.” He was lying, and he couldn't keep it out of his voice, but Jesse didn't actually call him on it like he was worried he might. Instead, he just rolled his eyes.
“Yeah, whatever.” He stretched himself out on the bed with his hands behind his head and Walt found himself staring at his softening cock while he finally undid his own pants and slipped his hand into his underwear. Jesse shifted, arched his back and lifted his hips, and Walt felt his eyes on him. Immediately, he snapped his gaze away and shut his eyes.
“Huh,” he heard Jesse mutter, and he ignored it.
Jesse shifted closer to him, and gave a sigh of contentment. Then he moaned, a small, delicate sound that made Walt grit his teeth. He stayed quiet for a little while after that, but as Walt felt himself getting close, Jesse started to talk.
“That was really awesome, Mr. White. You made me feel so good.”
Walt's breath caught in his throat, and his next exhalation turned into a groan.
“Felt so good having your arms around me. Knowing you're gonna take care of me.”
Walt groaned again, but he slowed his strokes, wanting to see where Jesse would go with this if he had more time.
“You take such good care of me. Makes me want to be so good for you. I was good for you, wasn't I?” He sounded sly, and that even more than the words brought Walt to the edge.
“I got so hard for you,” he went on, and it sounded like there was more coming, but Walt choked out an Oh, God, and then came in his pants.
When he looked at Jesse, the kid was smirking at him, and with effort, Walt opted for looking blank over reproachful. His lack of response made Jesse frown, but after a moment he snorted and shook his head, amused. He gave Walt an exaggerated look of disappointment, and Walt pretended not to see it. Instead, he got up and changed his clothes. Jesse went to the bathroom and cleaned himself off, and then slipped back into his boxers and T-shirt. They climbed into bed.
Jesse was quiet long enough for Walt to think he'd gone to sleep, but then he spoke. “Mr. White, yo, I just don't get why you won't let me.”
“Jesse...”
“Yeah, yeah, I'm shutting up. I'm just saying.”
Walt felt immense relief that Jesse let it drop, because the only answer he had to give wasn't one he thought he could make Jesse understand: it was dangerous. For which of them and in what way, he hadn't sorted out, but he was still convinced.
Nonetheless, it didn't take long for him to push his unease from his mind. He pulled Jesse close to him, and, after a while, went to sleep.
*******************************************************
The day after his meeting with Gus, Walt didn't have anything to do until the evening, when he was set to have dinner with Skyler and the kids.
Gus didn't want him back in the lab just yet; Walt suspected it was because he was planning on installing some new security equipment, possibly with plans to record the cook process so someone could learn it without actually being there.
The idea left Walt anxious and frustrated, which was usually the worst time to have Jesse around. Not anymore, though. Now Jesse's presence brought a sense of calm and confidence, even of purpose-a simple, relaxed sense of pride, much unlike the intense, addictive rush he'd learned to associate with Heisenberg.
For the most part, anyway.
There had been no need for an alarm this morning, and while Walt was accustomed to getting up early regardless of his obligations for the day, he took pleasure in the idea of letting Jesse sleep in. Although he woke up naturally at his usual time, he stayed curled up with Jesse, enjoying his warmth and the soothing sound of his steady breathing, until he dozed off again.
They got up late, and Walt made them breakfast. Then they passed the morning and early afternoon much as they had the afternoon and evening before: lounging around, mostly in silence, touching casually at every opportunity. Walt expected Jesse to start to get bored, and then irritable. However, although he grew sullen and restless if left to himself too long, every word, every touch from Walt made him brighten, and mostly he remained relaxed and quietly cheerful.
It was with real regret that Walt finally told him he had to leave.
“I have to get ready to go.” And that means getting you out of my head, he silently appended.
Jesse looked disappointed, but he hid it quickly, and agreed readily enough.
“I'll be done there by about 8:30. Are you going to come over tonight?”
“If that's okay.”
“Of course it's okay.”
“Cool.”
Walt led Jesse to the door, and when Jesse turned around to face him before opening it, put his arms out, seemingly so as to hug him, and started to say something that he knew intuitively was either a thank you or an apology, he found himself acting without volition, pinning Jesse to the door and shoving his hand roughly down his pants.
Jesse gasped, and after a moment circled his arms around Walt's back after all. Walt stepped in closer to him, their foreheads touching, and continued his awkward, hurried strokes.
Then Jesse pushed forward, and kissed him.
Walt went still and cold. Jesse noticed, and pulled away, tilted his head back against the door and sighed. He looked at Walt, raised his eyebrows in an expression of “Well...?”, and Walt, feeling embarrassed, pulled his hand out of Jesse's pants and took a big step back.
“What the hell was that?” he snapped.
Jesse's gaze was steady and reproachful. “That was me kissing you, and you freaking the hell out.”
“Jesse...”
“Look, Mr. White, I don't understand. Alright? Maybe I'm just being dumb, but I don't get what the problem is.”
“This is...I don't want to make this into something it's not. This is just supposed to be about making you feel better. Helping you through this. We have to make sure we're not crossing the line.”
“Mr. White, yo, I don't know if you've been paying attention, but this right here, that we were just doing? That wasn't about calming me down or helping me sleep. If there's a line here, we already crossed it. We're, like, way past it now.”
“Not the line I'm thinking of. And, anyway, even if we have crossed it, that doesn't mean we have to keep going.”
“But it doesn't mean we can't. I mean, right?” He gave Walt a pleading look.
“No,” Walt quietly conceded. “It doesn't.”
“Look, if you just don't want to...don't want to kiss me, or let me touch you or get you off, or any of it, then that's fine. But I think you do want to. 'Cuz you've been pushing this just as much as me. And you can't...you can't keep pushing me forward and then telling me to stop. It's confusing.”
Walt's jaw tightened. Jesse swallowed apprehensively, but he kept his head up.
“That's not fair.”
“It's not?”
“I'm only trying to protect you, Jesse.”
“From what, though? From you? I mean, seriously, yo, what the hell is it you're so afraid of?”
Walt didn't answer. Couldn't.
“I'm gonna go, okay? I'll come back tonight like I said, and we...we don't have to do anything. But can you just, I dunno, think about it?” He paused, then added, “Just because it isn't about making me feel better anymore doesn't mean it won't.”
Walt didn't know how to respond, so he just nodded. Jesse looked at him for a moment; then he nodded back, and turned around to leave.
He was halfway out the door when Walt pulled him back, turned him around, and kissed him.
He held Jesse's face in his hands and made a slow, thorough job of it, easing Jesse's lips apart with his own and then making a gentle exploration of his mouth. Jesse's breathing stuttered and he hummed his approval. He readily met Walt's tongue with his own, but he didn't push or escalate, letting Walt control the pace. He did step closer, though, and put his hands on Walt's shoulders, and Walt took that as his cue to break away.
Jesse struggled to catch his breath and looked at Walt with wide, almost starry eyes, and Walt felt a dizzying sense of satisfaction. He smirked a little. “There. Happy now?”
Jesse grinned. “Totally.” He took his hands off Walt's shoulder and backed away. “So, I guess I'll see you later.”
“What? Where are you going?”
“You have somewhere to be,” Jesse replied, making it a question.
Right. Dinner. He thought about it for a moment, and then came to a conclusion: there was no point in going if he was just going to be thinking about Jesse the entire time-and after this, he definitely would be. “I'll reschedule.”
Jesse narrowed his eyes. He took a minute to decide if Walt was really serious, and Walt could see the moment he recognized that he was, because his face lit up and his eyes dropped shyly to the floor. He bit his lip to suppress his smile, and then he looked back up at Walt's face as if to make sure. “You don't have to,” he offered, with that incongruous look of grave sincerity that Walt found so amusing.
“No, but I want to,” he answered, mostly because it would please Jesse, but also because it was true.
Jesse offered him a smile of such honest, uncalculated sweetness that Walt couldn't contain the urge to pull him in for a hug. He wrapped his arms around him and held him tight, and Jesse pressed his face into Walt's shoulder and hugged back.
Instead of separating when the moment passed, they just repositioned themselves; Walt brought his hands to Jesse's waist, and Jesse returned his to Walt's shoulders. Jesse met Walt's eyes with a calm, open gaze and waited for Walt to kiss him. Walt didn't hesitate, brought his mouth to Jesse's as soon as he recognized the invitation.
The kiss deepened gradually, grew hotter and more urgent. Jesse shifted, pressed their hips together, and Walt answered by insinuating his thigh between Jesse's. Jesse rocked against his leg and moaned into Walt's mouth, sucked eagerly on his tongue. Walt lost control of his breathing, his heart hammering in his chest, and had to pull back.
He lifted one hand to Jesse's cheek, glided his thumb over his cheekbone, and then dragged his fingers through the hair behind Jesse's ear. “Tell me what you want.”
Jesse released a shuddery breath. “I want...Christ, I wanna touch you. I wanna feel you. I wanna feel you against me.”
“Okay. Okay, come on.” He took Jesse's hand and led him into the bedroom.
They stopped at the foot of Walt's bed, and Walt kissed Jesse again, hands sliding up under his T-shirt. He let his palms glide over his sides, his stomach, the small of his back, traced his fingers up his spine and along his ribs. His skin was soft and pliant and impossibly warm.
Walt was startled when Jesse started to unbutton his shirt. His hands jerked, wanting to grab Jesse's, to stop him, and to keep from doing it he pressed them flat against Jesse's back and slid them up under his shirt, all the way to his shoulder blades, and then back down, around to the front, and up to his chest. He dragged the heels of his hands over Jesse's nipples and Jesse exhaled sharply through his nose and made his own hands work faster. As soon as he had Walt's shirt unbuttoned he worked to get it off, and then his hands were under Walt's T-shirt, finally touching bare skin. He sighed against Walt's mouth at the contact.
Walt pulled his mouth away from Jesse's, sucked briefly at his jawline, and then finally swept Jesse's T-shirt up and over his head. Jesse didn't wait before doing the same to Walt's, and then he wrapped his arms tight around Walt's back and pressed in close to him, skin to skin. Walt watched his eyes flutter shut with something close to awe. He kissed Jesse's cheek and waited.
“God, Mr. White,” Jesse said, practically groaned. Walt smiled, stroked his hand over Jesse's hair, and shushed him.
“Shh, that's alright.” He gave Jesse a few more seconds, kissed a path along his collarbone, and then he brought his hands around to undo Jesse's pants.
Jesse responded by undoing Walt's belt, and Walt let him do it himself while he licked at Jesse's neck. After a few moments of fumbling, they were naked. They stood back a little, looked at each other.
“God, the things I want to do to you,” Walt heard himself say, and he didn't know if he was surprised or not at the sadness in his voice.
Jesse answered not with the smirk Walt might have expected, but a warm, sympathetic smile, as if he understood. “It's okay, Mr. White,” he said quietly, and Walt pulled him close, kissed him again, and then pushed him back onto the bed. He joined him immediately.
They lay together, and Walt put his leg between Jesse's again, slotting himself into position so that their cocks lay stiff against each other's hips. Jesse thrust a little, moaning at the friction, but with no real urgency. His hands were everywhere-the back of Walt's head as he kissed him, sweeping along his arms, gliding down his back and over his ass, his fingers tracing over a nipple, his surgery scar, his hip bones, and finally his cock. Just touching him, like he'd said he wanted. Walt let him, stroking his own hands soothingly along Jesse's back and kissing wherever he could reach, coming back again and again to suck or lick or simply rest his mouth against the pulse-point in Jesse's neck.
Jesse shifted his hips, rubbed his cock against Walt's, and they both groaned. Jesse reached down and wrapped one of his long-fingered hands around both of them. Walt felt Jesse's cock throbbing against his own and his breath caught in his throat. He wanted to wrap his own hand around Jesse's, tighten his grip and control the pace, but he decided against it.
Let Jesse do it. It was what he wanted.
Instead, he held Jesse against his chest and talked to him, urged him on, told him what a great job he was doing, how good it felt. Jesse's hips moved in helpless, stuttery little thrusts that increased the friction for Walt, brought him close to the edge.
“So close, Jesse, so good, you're gonna make me come. Such a good boy, come on, come for me, make me come.”
Jesse shuddered, and his hand clenched in a way that was probably involuntary. Jesse's cock spasmed, and the feel and the heat of Jesse's come against his cock pulled Walt into his own orgasm. He jolted, grew rigid against Jesse, and then slowly unfurled.
Jesse curled into him as he recovered, pressed his forehead against Walt's chest, and Walt rubbed his back and dropped frequent kisses into his hair, and murmured to him, you're okay, you're okay, I've got you.
Jesse kissed Walt's shoulder, and then raised his head up to look at him. “I told you you wanted to.”
Walt laughed, then pushed Jesse away from him so he could go get cleaned up.
They went out for dinner, talked about going to a movie and only ended up arguing and insulting each other's taste, and went back to Walt's apartment instead. Jesse dozed off on the couch, leaning against Walt. Walt felt a small prick of concern over how much sleep Jesse had been needing over the past few days, and talked himself out of it. He wasn't depressed or in shock; he was just wrung out, and catching up on some much needed rest. And Walt was a comforting presence.
The thought made him smile, thinking of Junior teasing him about his ability to put Holly to sleep, and he reflected with relief that the memory carried no guilt over his choosing to be with Jesse tonight. He could meet his obligations to both them and him. He was sure of it.
He woke Jesse up long enough to get ready for bed, and they climbed in together. Walt was amazed at how normal this already seemed to him.
After a while, Jesse rolled over so he was facing him. Walt cracked an eye open to see Jesse watching him, but when it seemed like he wasn't going to say anything, he closed his eyes again and tried to go to sleep. Then Jesse spoke.
“Mr. White.”
“What, Jesse?”
“Do you wanna fuck me?”
Walt's eyes flew open, and he sputtered. “What?”
“I was just wondering.”
“Do...do you want me to?”
Jesse paused, clearly considering, and Walt's heart sped up.
“I dunno. I mean, obviously it's not something I ever thought I'd wanna do. It doesn't seem like it would be...you know? But, I mean, if you wanted to...”
“No. That's not...You seem to feel like you need to try to make things even somehow, and that's not...”
“I was going to say,” Jesse interrupted with emphasis, “that with you it might be nice. I mean, you'd take care of me, right?”
“Of course.” And because that didn't sound good enough given the gravity of what Jesse was saying, he added, “Always.”
Jesse smiled and scooted in closer to him. “So?”
“I'll think about it.”
“What, you're not thinking about it already?”
“Jesse...shut up.”
Jesse laughed. “Okay, fine. Night.”
“G'night.”
They fell into a comfortable silence and, not much later, an easy, dreamless sleep.
Part 5 & Conclusion