Sometimes the stupidity of certain people frustrates me so much I want to punch them, because it's just frightening how closed-minded people can be. They aren't capable of understanding that things aren't the same for everyone, that people don't all function the way they do, that there are things out there they may not have come across before. And it makes me want to bang my head against the wall. But at the same time, you know...You and I might be scared of people, but she has the smallest mind and will never be able to broaden her perspective or learn something new from people that are different than herself. And I really don't know who's more cursed. Because honestly, as crippling as my issues might be, I'll still take fear of people over being a closed-minded idiot that thinks there's only one way to think, feel and live.
I would take a fear of people over that as well. And like. I want to explain myself to her to try and make her understand, but I don't know how to go about it. I'm not sure if she would take it as me overreacting or if she just wouldn't know how to handle the situation or what. But at the same time I don't want to bother her with my stuff right now, because it was her dad who had the amputation and she's the one taking care of my grandma with dementia right now too. So it's like..I would just be another hassle to her and I don't want to be right now because I know it's gotta be hard for her too.
That's complicated. I don't know, I don't know the person, so it's hard for me to tell, but I've just learned from unfortunate experience that some people truly aren't capable of understanding and therefore trying to explain will just hurt you and annoy them. I always feel like I have to make it clear for them, because the mere existence of people that don't get it gets on my nerves, but at the same time, trying to make them get it is like banging your head against the wall. So it's a lose-lose, because if you don't talk to them, it's gnawing on you with a need of closure on the subject, and if you do try to explain, they'll most likely just insult you and make you feel even worse. Even more so, considering the situation, she'll probably just throw it at you that you're annoying her with your 'stupid problems' when there are all these bad things going on. I guess trying to talk to her about it right now just won't have the right effect because with everything that's happening, she probably wouldn't be able to give you the attention or
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I guess I never looked at it in that repsect and what you say makes alot of sense. I think I will wait...I possibly just might not tell her at all. I just am gonna try and work of the courage to ask for a therapist and leave it at that because god knows I need it. I have been having these horrible outbursts of anger where I just get so mad and frusterated that I end up bursting into tears. And the last time that happened it was over a scarf. A FUCKING SCARF. I don't even really know why, but I freaked out for some reason over it. Just thinking about it now makes me mad. Like in retrospect it was stupid to flake out over it but to me when I consider the circumstances the freakout was justified. Apparently not to everyone else that was there when it happened.
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