Two shots : When it's time to fall (2)
Title - When it's time to fall (2)
Author - YumeMie (Real Dream 112)
Words - 2753
Rating - PG13
Pairing - Tegopi
Summary - Tegoshi wanted to run. And run. And hide.
Many many thanks topinklunacy for betaing! ^^
Verse 2
“Oi, don’t even think about it.”
Massu took his hand hastily out of the bag of butan, throwing a disappointed look at Ryo. “Weren’t you sleeping just now?”
Ryo, facing the back of the couch, slid a hand out of the pocket of his blue bathrobe, buried it under his arm. “Aren’t you supposed to say something like: ‘I wasn’t about to steal your last butan’?”
Massu thought for a minute “Yes” he admitted “But I’m honest. I was about to steal it.”
“That’s not what I call honesty,” snorted Shige, as he flopped down at the other end of the couch.
Massu looked at him, then back at the little frame of Ryo. “Can I have it then?”
“Just shut up and eat it,” came the muffled mumble.
Shige jumped as Massu threw the candy in his mouth. “Wait! Why didn’t you want to give it to me when I asked you not even ten minutes ago?”
Ryo didn’t answer, and Shige poked his thigh. Hard.
“Damnit! Can’t you see I’m sleeping?”
***
When Yamapi left NEWS’ room because it was so noisy that he couldn’t memorize a single line when they were arguing like that, he didn’t expect to run into Tegoshi and Jin, together.
He opened the door of the dark studio and jerkily clenched his hand around his script. He knew it was them, because no one had a voice as pure as Tegoshi’s, and the dark growl and the thick whiskey hair were all he needed to identify his best friend.
Somehow he couldn’t move, and he just watched as Jin’s hands were on him, as he was leaving hard kisses on Tegoshi’s offered throat. Jin was thrusting against him, and Yamapi felt sick, because no one should be touching Tegoshi like that. It was raw and hasty, and Yamapi saw Tegoshi wince painfully. Yet he just pled for faster, faster and oh, harder, harder.
But Jin stilled, breathes heavy with desire and mouth lingering on his skin. ‘Someone’s watching…’
Yamapi didn’t know what to say, because when Tegoshi looked at him, still breathing hard and body shivering under Jin, he felt angry, and inexplicably pained, like he had been stabbed right in the heart.
A few weeks ago Tegoshi had said he had loved him all this time. He had kissed him. Was he so easy to forget?
“Next time,” Yamapi said with difficulty, and Tegoshi hid his face in the shadow of Jin’s shoulder, while his lover was motioning to Yamapi to leave, “Next time, just lock the door.”
Yamapi immediately went back to NEWS’ room, hoping his friends would be loud enough to silence his screaming mind.
***
“Where’s Tegoshi?” Massu asked half an hour later, and Yamapi stiffened in his chair. “The bathroom isn’t that far.”
“At what time is the photoshoot?” Koyama asked, finishing his comment for Duet’s article.
Shige sighed. “At six. And that’s the third time you ask,” he complained.
“He’s often gone out like this since last week, but has always come back in time,” commented Ryo now fully dressed and scribbling his new love song in Shige’s textbook.
A couple of minutes later, Tegoshi walked in, clothes and smile in place, dispelling all questions with an indifferent I met Akanishi-kun and we talked.
Yamapi couldn’t contain himself. He spun around, set his eyes on his band mate. “What did you talk about?”
All eyes flew to him. Yamapi hadn’t addressed Tegoshi a single word since the infamous kiss.
Tegoshi didn’t look the slightly embarrassed, or troubled. He shrugged, staring back at him, eyes empty. “You should know, you were there.”
If Yamapi was expecting an answer, it wasn’t that one. Did he want him to reveal his relationship with Jin? Didn’t he care at all? Yamapi opened his mouth, but Tegoshi had already turned his back at him, and was talking with Massu as if he couldn’t care less.
He realised it was the first time that Tegoshi had ever turned his back at him at all.
So I can let you go.
At that time, Yamapi didn’t know it meant saying goodbye.
***
Because it shouldn’t have affected him, Yamapi acted as if the relationship between Tegoshi and his best friend wasn’t of his concern. He sang with Tegoshi, got drunk with Jin, and looked away when Tegoshi slipped out of NEWS’s room. He tried not to notice the red marks on his neck when he had to dance behind him, nor the suddenly hypnotizing way he moved his hips.
Yet, at night, he dreamt of pale lips under his own, soft brown hair brushing his cheeks.
But of course, it had nothing to do with Tegoshi.
***
Finally, after Jin shouted in KAT-TUN’s dressing room that he’d just had the best ride of his life with Tegoshi, Yamapi couldn’t keep his eyes shut. Not when Kame and Koki were making smutty comments every time they walked by NEWS’ room, not when Jin himself came to pick up Tegoshi after work.
Surprisingly, Ryo didn’t approve of TegoJin - like they were now called in the Jimusho. He gave Jin the cold shoulder, cast disapproving looks at his kouhai.
Koyama and Shige, inseparable, kept looking uneasily from Tegoshi to Yamapi, like they were the ones to bring this odd situation to an end.
Massu, looking pained by the sudden coldness between the members, remained loyally by Tegoshi’s side.
When Tegoshi started to wander off with Massu each time NEWS was supposed to gather, Yamapi realised he missed him painfully. Missed them, together, the way they were before.
“What a mess,” he muttered in his udon, and Ryo nodded vigorously, mouth full, his chain chiming against his bowl.
“What?” he asked after a while, noticing the pointed look his friend was giving him.
Ryo gulped down his tea, shook his head with a frown. “Nothing.”
***
When Yamapi couldn’t take it anymore, he blurted it out, one afternoon after a photo shoot, when they were the last two remaining.
“Why are you with him?”
Tegoshi was ready to leave then, bag in hand, already heading for the door. He halted, turned the slightest towards him. He just shrugged, not even taking the time to think about it, because there was nothing to think about: “Because he won’t fall in love with me.”
Yamapi froze, couldn’t think of anything to say to prevent the door from closing behind Tegoshi’s back.
***
Yamapi hadn’t expected to run into him that night. He hadn’t, but after all, he should have. Jin opened the door on the fourth ring bell, lighting a cigarette, boxers hanging low on his hips.
“Oh,” he said, throwing a brief look over his shoulder. “You came for a threesome?”
Yamapi was used to Jin’s idiotic comments. However, this time, it was hard to ignore.
“Someone’s there?”
Jin smiled slowly around his cigarette. “Someone indeed. Come in.”
Yamapi watched in uneasiness as Tegoshi zipped up his jeans, buttoned them, put his shirt over his head - hand twitching with the urge to touch, to feel.
“Jin, I’ll be going.”
Jin? Of course it wasn’t Akanishi-kun anymore.
Jin walked past Yamapi in a cloud of smoke. “Mmm… I understand.”
If Tegoshi seemed fine with Yamapi’s presence, he was avoiding his eyes. He squatted beside the couch, hunting for his keys.
“Here,” Jin said, and Tegoshi grabbed them before making his way to the door.
Yamapi could smell Jin’s shampoo behind him. He fixed his gaze on the wall when Jin walked to his band mate, kissed him casually. Tegoshi flinched, took a step back.
“See you tomorrow.”
Yamapi didn’t know if it was addressed to him, but he nodded, and finally met Tegoshi’s eyes. If Jin hadn’t been with them, Yamapi would have done something he considered as stupid.
He craved the young boy’s warmth. He had finally accepted it.
But he didn’t move, and the next moment, Tegoshi was gone, and Jin was looking at him as if he knew something Yamapi didn’t.
Yamapi turned his back to him, took a sit on the floor, in front of the television, far from the couch. He didn’t want to think about what they’d just done on it. Jin joined him with his wide strides, took a long puff of his cigarette before squashing it in the nearest ash tray.
“Why are you sleeping with Tegoshi?” Yamapi asked, going straight to the point.
Jin shrugged, just like Tegoshi did a few hours earlier. “Because it’s just that: there’s nothing else. It’s only sex. We make out, fuck each other and then just go on our merry way. It’s a pretty good deal. And he’s got an amazing technique. Don’t know where he learned all those stuff. But it’s true. No strings attached.”
Yamapi bit his tongue, but he couldn’t contain the hurtful remark. “Maybe I should try him too.”
Jin shook his head sadly. “He’s not like that, you know it. He does all of that because of you, and you know this too”
Yamapi’s voice turned cold. “Then why did you sleep with him in the first place? He’s not…”
“I told you,” Jin cut him. “He’s as good at that as singing.”
Jin reached on the coffee table for his pack of cigarettes. “Let me remind you that you shouldn’t care.”
Yamapi set his jaw. Did Jin assume that…?
“He comes over from time to time, but he doesn’t like it because he always ends up spending the night. He says your name sometimes, but I don’t think he notices. At the beginning, I asked him why he wasn’t with you instead. That was the first time he kissed me, and the only time he cried. Because this is where his heart begins, and where mine ends, he said. I think I still don’t understand fully what he meant by that, but I have the feeling that he chose me because I’m your best friend. You always say how much you treasure your friends. Maybe it’s the only way for him to be a part of you. Or maybe…”
Jin raised his brows. “Are you sure that you don’t feel anything for him?”
This is where his heart begins, and where mine ends.
Yamapi’s breath got caught in his throat, and he had the impression that his fears were written openly in his eyes.
Where his heart begins…
Now that he’d realized that maybe, maybe he could feel something for Tegoshi…
And where mine ends…
Yamapi let out a broken moan, took his head between his hands. He didn’t own Tegoshi’s heart anymore.
***
The next week was a complete torture for him. He broke Ryo’s guitar, yelled at Shige because he mentioned Tegoshi and Jin in the same sentence, and came in late for work… later than usual. His manager gave him a harsh scolding and additional work. On Thursday night, while Yamapi was brooding over the last article he had to write, Koyama proposed to call it a day. Everyone agreed; Yamapi’s sour face and sharp barks were affecting the members’ mood.
“You’re pissing me off. Stop being a jerk and let’s go grab a drink,” Ryo growled as Yamapi was ready to leave.
Yamapi couldn’t refuse such a sweet invitation.
***
“I don’t have any problem,” he hammered between two cups of hot sake.
Ryo’s dark eyes were eloquent enough. “Don’t give me that shit. Every time Tegoshi’s in the same room you behave like an immature kid going through puberty.”
Yamapi gritted his teeth, feeling that the alcohol and the last two nights without sleep were making the world spin just a little too much. “It has nothing to do with Tegoshi.”
Ryo snickered. “Really? Then you won’t have any objection if he joins us? Oi, over here.”
Yamapi’s chest tightened just a little, and for a moment he thought that he had drunk too much sake, that Tegoshi couldn’t possibly be making his way through the crowded bar, that the confusing warmth he felt had nothing to do with his kouhai’s surreal presence but with the considerable amount of alcohol he had gulped down.
“Don’t you think it’s time for you to settle things properly?” Ryo asked him in a soft voice.
He saw his friend getting up, would have done so himself if he could have stood properly on his feet.
“Ryo-chan, is he drunk?”
Yamapi wanted to tell Tegoshi to stop acting as if he wasn’t even there. He rolled his eyes, but gave up half way because of the dizziness. ‘I’m not drunk, yet and…’
“He is. Make sure he gets home safely.”
Ryo vanished in the crowd, leaving Yamapi and Tegoshi in an awkward silence.
Yamapi’s head was already hurting.
This wasn’t good.
He was with Tegoshi. Alone. Almost.
Not good indeed.
His stomach was doing these funny somersaults and Tegoshi was looking way too good. Yamapi took a deep breath as his kouhai sat beside him, as his thigh brushed lightly against his own. His moan died in his throat. Really, it was absurd to desire a man that much.
“Ryo-chan said you wanted to talk to me.”
He did?
“Really? I don’t remember such a thing.”
Tegoshi shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and they were saved by the ringing of his cell phone. At the way he stilled when he saw the number, Yamapi felt jealousy biting at his heart.
“It’s your lover, right? You should answer.”
He grabbed his bag, managed to get on his feet somehow. Home. His bed. Oblivion.
Before he could get to the door, a hand grabbed his arm. “What are you doing?”
He was painfully aware of the weight of Tegoshi’s body against his.
“Making sure you get home safely.”
***
Yamapi didn’t remember much of the taxi ride, except that at one point, he had fallen asleep against Tegoshi’s shoulder.
He dreamt of songs that have never been written, of the voice that would bring their notes to life.
When he woke up, it was already morning, and he was late again for work.
***
“How did you get me into my bed yesterday?”
NEWS’ rehearsal was over, and Tegoshi was groping through his sport bag for his bottle of water.
“I didn’t. I only carried you to your door and unlocked it for you. You seemed rather tired.”
“… at least they’re talking to each other…”
Koyama’s voice died immediately as the two of them spun around.
***
“Rumour has it that Jin and you are not an item anymore.”
“Rumour has it that we’ve never been together.”
“Is it true, then?”
“Who knows?”
***
“Rumour has it that Tegoshi and you are not together anymore.”
“Rumour has it that we’ve never been.”
“… He told you, didn’t he?”
“Why are you so eager to know, Pi?”
***
“I want to kiss you.”
“Eh?”
“What would you say if I told you that?”
“Are you rehearsing for your drama?”
***
Yamapi loved to tour but Tokyo Dome felt like home.
“Would you put something on?” he grumbled as Tegoshi walked past him in a shameless nakedness.
Tegoshi bent over his shoulder to take a look at his magazine, and Yamapi did a great job hiding his flush.
“I told you, I don’ like to be restrained.”
Across the table, the members were smiling openly at them.
That evening, while Tegoshi was singing his heart out, Yamapi watched him, along with countless eyes.
I know that I disappointed you.
He would tell him, one day, what a coward he was.
I denied my own feelings because I was afraid of the looks, of the critics.
Tegoshi turned to him, one moment, smiled.
I’ve always tried to live up to others’ expectations, but you… you weren’t one of them.
It was Yamapi’s turn to sing.
I didn’t want to fall for you. I couldn’t.
“I want to kiss you.”
His voice echoed against the walls of the stadium.
But I’ve realized…
Tegoshi’s confused look was indescribable, and the crowd went as silent as falling snow. Yamapi didn’t wait for any assent. He had lost to him, to the love he wanted so hard to deny. He placed both of his hands on Tegoshi’s cheeks, felt him shudder uncontrollably as he breathed a vain apology against his lips.
I love you. I love you as much as I shouldn’t.
He kissed him as if it was the last kiss he would ever give.
In front of 55 000 screaming fans.
Just like it began.
~*~
Voila! I hope you enjoyed it! ^^ I know I was supposed to post it loooong ago, but I couldn't find a satisfying conclusion.
Author - YumeMie (Real Dream 112)
Words - 2753
Rating - PG13
Pairing - Tegopi
Summary - Tegoshi wanted to run. And run. And hide.
Many many thanks topinklunacy for betaing! ^^
Verse 2
“Oi, don’t even think about it.”
Massu took his hand hastily out of the bag of butan, throwing a disappointed look at Ryo. “Weren’t you sleeping just now?”
Ryo, facing the back of the couch, slid a hand out of the pocket of his blue bathrobe, buried it under his arm. “Aren’t you supposed to say something like: ‘I wasn’t about to steal your last butan’?”
Massu thought for a minute “Yes” he admitted “But I’m honest. I was about to steal it.”
“That’s not what I call honesty,” snorted Shige, as he flopped down at the other end of the couch.
Massu looked at him, then back at the little frame of Ryo. “Can I have it then?”
“Just shut up and eat it,” came the muffled mumble.
Shige jumped as Massu threw the candy in his mouth. “Wait! Why didn’t you want to give it to me when I asked you not even ten minutes ago?”
Ryo didn’t answer, and Shige poked his thigh. Hard.
“Damnit! Can’t you see I’m sleeping?”
***
When Yamapi left NEWS’ room because it was so noisy that he couldn’t memorize a single line when they were arguing like that, he didn’t expect to run into Tegoshi and Jin, together.
He opened the door of the dark studio and jerkily clenched his hand around his script. He knew it was them, because no one had a voice as pure as Tegoshi’s, and the dark growl and the thick whiskey hair were all he needed to identify his best friend.
Somehow he couldn’t move, and he just watched as Jin’s hands were on him, as he was leaving hard kisses on Tegoshi’s offered throat. Jin was thrusting against him, and Yamapi felt sick, because no one should be touching Tegoshi like that. It was raw and hasty, and Yamapi saw Tegoshi wince painfully. Yet he just pled for faster, faster and oh, harder, harder.
But Jin stilled, breathes heavy with desire and mouth lingering on his skin. ‘Someone’s watching…’
Yamapi didn’t know what to say, because when Tegoshi looked at him, still breathing hard and body shivering under Jin, he felt angry, and inexplicably pained, like he had been stabbed right in the heart.
A few weeks ago Tegoshi had said he had loved him all this time. He had kissed him. Was he so easy to forget?
“Next time,” Yamapi said with difficulty, and Tegoshi hid his face in the shadow of Jin’s shoulder, while his lover was motioning to Yamapi to leave, “Next time, just lock the door.”
Yamapi immediately went back to NEWS’ room, hoping his friends would be loud enough to silence his screaming mind.
***
“Where’s Tegoshi?” Massu asked half an hour later, and Yamapi stiffened in his chair. “The bathroom isn’t that far.”
“At what time is the photoshoot?” Koyama asked, finishing his comment for Duet’s article.
Shige sighed. “At six. And that’s the third time you ask,” he complained.
“He’s often gone out like this since last week, but has always come back in time,” commented Ryo now fully dressed and scribbling his new love song in Shige’s textbook.
A couple of minutes later, Tegoshi walked in, clothes and smile in place, dispelling all questions with an indifferent I met Akanishi-kun and we talked.
Yamapi couldn’t contain himself. He spun around, set his eyes on his band mate. “What did you talk about?”
All eyes flew to him. Yamapi hadn’t addressed Tegoshi a single word since the infamous kiss.
Tegoshi didn’t look the slightly embarrassed, or troubled. He shrugged, staring back at him, eyes empty. “You should know, you were there.”
If Yamapi was expecting an answer, it wasn’t that one. Did he want him to reveal his relationship with Jin? Didn’t he care at all? Yamapi opened his mouth, but Tegoshi had already turned his back at him, and was talking with Massu as if he couldn’t care less.
He realised it was the first time that Tegoshi had ever turned his back at him at all.
So I can let you go.
At that time, Yamapi didn’t know it meant saying goodbye.
***
Because it shouldn’t have affected him, Yamapi acted as if the relationship between Tegoshi and his best friend wasn’t of his concern. He sang with Tegoshi, got drunk with Jin, and looked away when Tegoshi slipped out of NEWS’s room. He tried not to notice the red marks on his neck when he had to dance behind him, nor the suddenly hypnotizing way he moved his hips.
Yet, at night, he dreamt of pale lips under his own, soft brown hair brushing his cheeks.
But of course, it had nothing to do with Tegoshi.
***
Finally, after Jin shouted in KAT-TUN’s dressing room that he’d just had the best ride of his life with Tegoshi, Yamapi couldn’t keep his eyes shut. Not when Kame and Koki were making smutty comments every time they walked by NEWS’ room, not when Jin himself came to pick up Tegoshi after work.
Surprisingly, Ryo didn’t approve of TegoJin - like they were now called in the Jimusho. He gave Jin the cold shoulder, cast disapproving looks at his kouhai.
Koyama and Shige, inseparable, kept looking uneasily from Tegoshi to Yamapi, like they were the ones to bring this odd situation to an end.
Massu, looking pained by the sudden coldness between the members, remained loyally by Tegoshi’s side.
When Tegoshi started to wander off with Massu each time NEWS was supposed to gather, Yamapi realised he missed him painfully. Missed them, together, the way they were before.
“What a mess,” he muttered in his udon, and Ryo nodded vigorously, mouth full, his chain chiming against his bowl.
“What?” he asked after a while, noticing the pointed look his friend was giving him.
Ryo gulped down his tea, shook his head with a frown. “Nothing.”
***
When Yamapi couldn’t take it anymore, he blurted it out, one afternoon after a photo shoot, when they were the last two remaining.
“Why are you with him?”
Tegoshi was ready to leave then, bag in hand, already heading for the door. He halted, turned the slightest towards him. He just shrugged, not even taking the time to think about it, because there was nothing to think about: “Because he won’t fall in love with me.”
Yamapi froze, couldn’t think of anything to say to prevent the door from closing behind Tegoshi’s back.
***
Yamapi hadn’t expected to run into him that night. He hadn’t, but after all, he should have. Jin opened the door on the fourth ring bell, lighting a cigarette, boxers hanging low on his hips.
“Oh,” he said, throwing a brief look over his shoulder. “You came for a threesome?”
Yamapi was used to Jin’s idiotic comments. However, this time, it was hard to ignore.
“Someone’s there?”
Jin smiled slowly around his cigarette. “Someone indeed. Come in.”
Yamapi watched in uneasiness as Tegoshi zipped up his jeans, buttoned them, put his shirt over his head - hand twitching with the urge to touch, to feel.
“Jin, I’ll be going.”
Jin? Of course it wasn’t Akanishi-kun anymore.
Jin walked past Yamapi in a cloud of smoke. “Mmm… I understand.”
If Tegoshi seemed fine with Yamapi’s presence, he was avoiding his eyes. He squatted beside the couch, hunting for his keys.
“Here,” Jin said, and Tegoshi grabbed them before making his way to the door.
Yamapi could smell Jin’s shampoo behind him. He fixed his gaze on the wall when Jin walked to his band mate, kissed him casually. Tegoshi flinched, took a step back.
“See you tomorrow.”
Yamapi didn’t know if it was addressed to him, but he nodded, and finally met Tegoshi’s eyes. If Jin hadn’t been with them, Yamapi would have done something he considered as stupid.
He craved the young boy’s warmth. He had finally accepted it.
But he didn’t move, and the next moment, Tegoshi was gone, and Jin was looking at him as if he knew something Yamapi didn’t.
Yamapi turned his back to him, took a sit on the floor, in front of the television, far from the couch. He didn’t want to think about what they’d just done on it. Jin joined him with his wide strides, took a long puff of his cigarette before squashing it in the nearest ash tray.
“Why are you sleeping with Tegoshi?” Yamapi asked, going straight to the point.
Jin shrugged, just like Tegoshi did a few hours earlier. “Because it’s just that: there’s nothing else. It’s only sex. We make out, fuck each other and then just go on our merry way. It’s a pretty good deal. And he’s got an amazing technique. Don’t know where he learned all those stuff. But it’s true. No strings attached.”
Yamapi bit his tongue, but he couldn’t contain the hurtful remark. “Maybe I should try him too.”
Jin shook his head sadly. “He’s not like that, you know it. He does all of that because of you, and you know this too”
Yamapi’s voice turned cold. “Then why did you sleep with him in the first place? He’s not…”
“I told you,” Jin cut him. “He’s as good at that as singing.”
Jin reached on the coffee table for his pack of cigarettes. “Let me remind you that you shouldn’t care.”
Yamapi set his jaw. Did Jin assume that…?
“He comes over from time to time, but he doesn’t like it because he always ends up spending the night. He says your name sometimes, but I don’t think he notices. At the beginning, I asked him why he wasn’t with you instead. That was the first time he kissed me, and the only time he cried. Because this is where his heart begins, and where mine ends, he said. I think I still don’t understand fully what he meant by that, but I have the feeling that he chose me because I’m your best friend. You always say how much you treasure your friends. Maybe it’s the only way for him to be a part of you. Or maybe…”
Jin raised his brows. “Are you sure that you don’t feel anything for him?”
This is where his heart begins, and where mine ends.
Yamapi’s breath got caught in his throat, and he had the impression that his fears were written openly in his eyes.
Where his heart begins…
Now that he’d realized that maybe, maybe he could feel something for Tegoshi…
And where mine ends…
Yamapi let out a broken moan, took his head between his hands. He didn’t own Tegoshi’s heart anymore.
***
The next week was a complete torture for him. He broke Ryo’s guitar, yelled at Shige because he mentioned Tegoshi and Jin in the same sentence, and came in late for work… later than usual. His manager gave him a harsh scolding and additional work. On Thursday night, while Yamapi was brooding over the last article he had to write, Koyama proposed to call it a day. Everyone agreed; Yamapi’s sour face and sharp barks were affecting the members’ mood.
“You’re pissing me off. Stop being a jerk and let’s go grab a drink,” Ryo growled as Yamapi was ready to leave.
Yamapi couldn’t refuse such a sweet invitation.
***
“I don’t have any problem,” he hammered between two cups of hot sake.
Ryo’s dark eyes were eloquent enough. “Don’t give me that shit. Every time Tegoshi’s in the same room you behave like an immature kid going through puberty.”
Yamapi gritted his teeth, feeling that the alcohol and the last two nights without sleep were making the world spin just a little too much. “It has nothing to do with Tegoshi.”
Ryo snickered. “Really? Then you won’t have any objection if he joins us? Oi, over here.”
Yamapi’s chest tightened just a little, and for a moment he thought that he had drunk too much sake, that Tegoshi couldn’t possibly be making his way through the crowded bar, that the confusing warmth he felt had nothing to do with his kouhai’s surreal presence but with the considerable amount of alcohol he had gulped down.
“Don’t you think it’s time for you to settle things properly?” Ryo asked him in a soft voice.
He saw his friend getting up, would have done so himself if he could have stood properly on his feet.
“Ryo-chan, is he drunk?”
Yamapi wanted to tell Tegoshi to stop acting as if he wasn’t even there. He rolled his eyes, but gave up half way because of the dizziness. ‘I’m not drunk, yet and…’
“He is. Make sure he gets home safely.”
Ryo vanished in the crowd, leaving Yamapi and Tegoshi in an awkward silence.
Yamapi’s head was already hurting.
This wasn’t good.
He was with Tegoshi. Alone. Almost.
Not good indeed.
His stomach was doing these funny somersaults and Tegoshi was looking way too good. Yamapi took a deep breath as his kouhai sat beside him, as his thigh brushed lightly against his own. His moan died in his throat. Really, it was absurd to desire a man that much.
“Ryo-chan said you wanted to talk to me.”
He did?
“Really? I don’t remember such a thing.”
Tegoshi shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and they were saved by the ringing of his cell phone. At the way he stilled when he saw the number, Yamapi felt jealousy biting at his heart.
“It’s your lover, right? You should answer.”
He grabbed his bag, managed to get on his feet somehow. Home. His bed. Oblivion.
Before he could get to the door, a hand grabbed his arm. “What are you doing?”
He was painfully aware of the weight of Tegoshi’s body against his.
“Making sure you get home safely.”
***
Yamapi didn’t remember much of the taxi ride, except that at one point, he had fallen asleep against Tegoshi’s shoulder.
He dreamt of songs that have never been written, of the voice that would bring their notes to life.
When he woke up, it was already morning, and he was late again for work.
***
“How did you get me into my bed yesterday?”
NEWS’ rehearsal was over, and Tegoshi was groping through his sport bag for his bottle of water.
“I didn’t. I only carried you to your door and unlocked it for you. You seemed rather tired.”
“… at least they’re talking to each other…”
Koyama’s voice died immediately as the two of them spun around.
***
“Rumour has it that Jin and you are not an item anymore.”
“Rumour has it that we’ve never been together.”
“Is it true, then?”
“Who knows?”
***
“Rumour has it that Tegoshi and you are not together anymore.”
“Rumour has it that we’ve never been.”
“… He told you, didn’t he?”
“Why are you so eager to know, Pi?”
***
“I want to kiss you.”
“Eh?”
“What would you say if I told you that?”
“Are you rehearsing for your drama?”
***
Yamapi loved to tour but Tokyo Dome felt like home.
“Would you put something on?” he grumbled as Tegoshi walked past him in a shameless nakedness.
Tegoshi bent over his shoulder to take a look at his magazine, and Yamapi did a great job hiding his flush.
“I told you, I don’ like to be restrained.”
Across the table, the members were smiling openly at them.
That evening, while Tegoshi was singing his heart out, Yamapi watched him, along with countless eyes.
I know that I disappointed you.
He would tell him, one day, what a coward he was.
I denied my own feelings because I was afraid of the looks, of the critics.
Tegoshi turned to him, one moment, smiled.
I’ve always tried to live up to others’ expectations, but you… you weren’t one of them.
It was Yamapi’s turn to sing.
I didn’t want to fall for you. I couldn’t.
“I want to kiss you.”
His voice echoed against the walls of the stadium.
But I’ve realized…
Tegoshi’s confused look was indescribable, and the crowd went as silent as falling snow. Yamapi didn’t wait for any assent. He had lost to him, to the love he wanted so hard to deny. He placed both of his hands on Tegoshi’s cheeks, felt him shudder uncontrollably as he breathed a vain apology against his lips.
I love you. I love you as much as I shouldn’t.
He kissed him as if it was the last kiss he would ever give.
In front of 55 000 screaming fans.
Just like it began.
~*~
Voila! I hope you enjoyed it! ^^ I know I was supposed to post it loooong ago, but I couldn't find a satisfying conclusion.