fuck ideality

[reality_applied]

it's not the idea of happiness but happiness. i want to give myself a frontal lobotomy. i'm tired of thinking and i'm tired of girls and professors and people who don't know how to read a poem.

Comments

[arctangent_mao]

in my experience, being unhappy is often a direct result of aiming for happiness. it's like the one where the master points to the moon and asks the student, are you looking at the moon or my finger? maybe happiness is not a condition reached through action, but merely its own action. and it definitely works best if you don't mean it. eh you've probably been through all that before but i thought i'd throw it out there

[reality_applied]

but sometimes its good to be reminded :)

but really i spent all night obsessing over the irrationality of the last poetry contest i entered and how i am -100 bucks in the hole even though i never actually had 100.

it makes me wonder if the english department here has ever read a poem, otherwise they would see the integrity, musicality, and ambition behind my work.

i hope that doesn't sound arrogant.

[arctangent_mao]

eh i know how you feel. i think it's problematic to place too much stock in one event like this. this is only one data point and it does not indicate a trend.

[kissmedeadly94]

i dont know what to tell you because i'm not as wise as you, my sage, but i entered a contest here, with one of my best poems that i edited until i thought it was perfect and it lost to a boy with too shiny hair who is too idealistic and romantic in his speech, my university is too old school, thinking poetry can only be romantic and not be any other styles. it's frustrating, and makes me question my own ability, after that i questioned if i could really do an eng creative writing major... who knows.
if i were there or you were here, i'd hug you, then introduce myself.

[reality_applied]

i've spent the past few days reminding myself of why i write and to whom it is written. i aspire to be a "poet's poet" and general audiences aren't going to follow it, understand the craft and devices, or understand the content the same way as those who work within the craft. so i shouldn't be surprised that no one could appreciate the way they enjoyed the hallmark poems that won. i aspire to have my work in the New Yorker and the Paris Review. if i can do that before i die, a great celebration would ensue.

basically, it is justifying my being a sex fiend/slut/whatever

[sommeree]

ehhh okay. so i didn't want to post the poem in my journal because i am kind of self conscious about any poetry i write (i don't read or write much of it, and so i don't really know what i'm doing)
but here it is! :

i was thinking of your
dark, slender hands
& that beautiful smile
that is both child and man’s

“stop talking about the physical,”
you’d say; “it doesn’t matter.”

but all those words,
In all their brilliance,
& all those deep
& weighty sentiments

are there in your body,
soaked into your skin,

granting me access to them in
the form
that is most familiar

Re: basically, it is justifying my being a sex fiend/slut/whatever

[reality_applied]

you shouldn't be self-conscious, its strong, clear, and well constructed. instead of "soaked into your skin" you can say "soaked in skin", and change the last line to something very specific about the body you are referring to, like the fingers or something... it would be very nice. but you have a nice way with words anyway :)

[sommeree]

thankyoou
for the tips and compliments, john :]