i couldn't tear myself away, even though i really wanted to sleep. and really, i know all this already. aspects of it the movie points out, specifics maybe are new to me, but i know that our lives are carefully controlled. even though i take some issue with the film itself in some places, ultimately i don't disagree. the question always seems to be, "just how much do the people enacting these events really know what they're doing?" really, i think we all choose to subject ourselves to the truth we have created. i think that in most cases, people doing the most vile shit believe they are doing it for the greater good. i wonder what the greater good might actually be. are things better, worse, or the same now as compared to the past? i think probably a significant portion of my thoughts are devoted to panic. i am almost constantly preoccupied with the fear of my own death. i don't really worry about how i'm doing in the eyes of god, as i don't believe in any such thing. but ultimately i realize the universe is beyond my understanding.
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