(no subject)
We ALL make stupid, thoughtless mistakes in life.
Every one of us.
The trick, which I have NOT learned yet, is to avoid those mistakes. Oh I know, some would say, "no, the trick is not to make the same ones over and over" and that's true, but you also have to learn the danger signs of pitfalls ahead.
Something I never learned to do.
I am in a position (and thanks for the hugs and nice comments to last night/this morning post -- I didn't go to bed until nearly 4am) where I can honestly say that every bad choice I've made in the past ten years is catching up with me. No, scratch that -- HAS caught up with me. And all because I never looked -- thanks to the 25 years before that and my drinking habits and behaviors, I never learned life lessons that a lot of my friends already know how to DO, how to WATCH.
I was too caught up in that post-alcoholic "internal soul-searching" and "learning who I was" to see what I was doing to myself. For those who've HAD a drinking problem, you know what I mean when I say it's like a rebirth and you're growing up for the first, sometimes second, time in your life.
I realize one of the things I should have done was stick with the goddamn AA meetings. I thought back then, "I'm in counseling, I can kick this, I don't NEED these losers," but I was wrong. Those "losers" were people just like me, some stronger, some not, who had valuable lessons I could have used to avoid this trap I'm in.
Another thing I could have done.....oh fuck it, I'll spell out some things in a more positive manner if I can......
I've got a lot of YOUNG friends here on LJ that think I'm wise, think I know more, think I can help them.....
YOU'RE ALL WRONG!!!!!
I'm stupid, I don't pay attention, and I can LMAO and ROLFMAO and TYPE my ass off all the time as my ass is quite detachable for those who want to kick it. I've discovered that by removing it, the synapses to the brain don't work so I don't feel the hurt and pain associated with a good ass-kicking.
But here's what I DO need to tell you. It doesn't matter if you drink, it doesn't matter if you do drugs, it doesn't matter if you don't pay attention in school UNLESS you plan to "make something of yourself," be successful, be happy, be well-adjusted.
For the really young ones, I NEED, no screw that, YOU need to do some things that won't be fun (at least in your own mind), and that involve WORK.
Oh God, that word -- WORK. But yes, folks, we are NOT on this earth to "cruise" through, and while we KNOW people who do it, they are NOT happy, and if they appear they are, it's only cause they haven't been kicked in the teeth by life yet. And don't think it won't happen. Mine happened NOW, at 44 years of age, and while I haven't yet figured out how to get OUT of all this, I can pass on some tidbits to help you AVOID it, some things I wish I'd done differently.
First, pay attention in classes, for those of you still in school. And DON'T bitch about the instructors who make you work -- you'll remember more of what they teach than any of the others. And if you have instructors who you don't feel are making you work HARD, take the issue (constructively phrased) to the administration -- no one likes a lazy teacher except a lazy student.
LEARN a fucking TRADE -- don't look for the easy jobs, the ones that will make you 'money' at the expense of time spent on the job, etc....be USEFUL and contribute to this sorry world we're in.
Take classes most others scoff at -- particularly personal finance, debt management, and especially interpersonal relations, marriage courses, relationship courses, and psychology (NOT just the intro). Also get involved in some communications classes and extracurricular activities.
Get OFF the net, and get a fucking life -- don't spend all day here like I do -- it's UNHEALTHY. And MOST important is stay off the fucking net at school and work unless you NEED to be on it, but don't post, don't reply in LJ, and don't 'chat.'
If you need to be on the net, then RESEARCH and LEARN. Don't let your brain turn to mush.
DON'T go after mommy and daddy and friends to buy you shit. Learn to save your money and how to spend wisely and buy for yourself. Getting others to do it just gives them the power to make your decisions and tell you what to do.
HAVE a relationship with your parents. TALK to them, and not just how you're doing in school, or how your day went. For crying out loud, talk to them about SEX, too....that's really important, no matter how uncomfortable you all are about it at first. Tell your parents what you like, what you want to learn, what you do in your free time, and DON'T mistake their "seeming" lack of caring or interest to mean they DON'T care -- they do, they just might not understand is all, but continued conversation leads to understanding, and if you paid attention in your communications class, you'll learn tricks to rephrase things so they CAN understand at some point.
If you have an obvious talent, USE it and develop it, don't "play" with it and hope you'll get better at it....WORK it.
Oh God, that word again...but folks, life IS work, and hard work at that. Imagine what your life would have been like prior to 60 years ago.....you'd be up before dawn and working til after sunset and be GRATEFUL for what little time you had to read, play, or sit around the living room and TALK. Human existence throughout history up to WWII was based on SURVIVAL. Oh yeah, you read about the "rich and famous," but THOSE people in the first half of the twentieth century actually accounted for less than 1/2 of ONE percent of the world population.
And EXERCISE damnit -- I don't, and I'm paying the price now, I tell you. Weak heart, weak lungs, allergies, sickness....and exercise REGULARLY
and that's for starters.....
What does that mean to me?
Time to redo everything about my life....the only two positives I have in my life (and don't argue with me, ok?) are my kids and my friends here. (Shut up Anna, I don't have my head in my ass).
No matter what happens in the next seven weeks, I KNOW things have to change or I'm dead -- literally. I won't relate WHAT happened yesterday, but I got a taste of how badly out of shape I am and how EASY a heart attack could be.
Yes, I DO have plans, but again, like I said last night, EVERY plan I have in place is contingent on something ELSE happening, and I have NO control over any of it right now....well, almost none of it.
Exercise has to be a primary concern....I'm not working, so there's no excuse not for me to be out walking while the kids are in school in between packing. That's a MUST.
I'm going to check into adult education classes after I get a job and TAKE the personal finances classes, TAKE the debt management classes; I should declare bankruptcy, but I'm too fucking PROUD for that. I just let the creditors keep calling. Bad me.
I need a hobby, too. I don't have any talents (and DON'T mention my writing -- I'm mediorcre and I know it, and VERY limited on creativity and ideas) that I'm aware of, so I need to "play" a bit.
Oh...but what I need to do for me more than anything else is develop some DISCIPLINE -- but I guess it'll start if I can do something about the exercise.
I'm not to go off on the self-questions....they're pointless and I don't know the WHY'S of ....wait, yes I do. I got LAZY. Impossibly, horribly, terribly LAZY.
People -- DON'T be lazy. Read Ravenfeather's or Ravenskiss or Mitre's or even Vinnie's,and Stephanie's journals to know what I mean. ALRIGHT ALREADY!! BACK OFF with the "what about me!!!!" I wasn't meaning anyone else WASN'T creative or productive, but these people stand out as they're ALWAYS doing something, involved in SOMETHING, and never seem to stop. They stand out among my friends because I could NOT, EVER do what they do. And I admire their discipline and dedication to their arts and hobbies -- I don't understand gardening, but I can see the love and knowledge and discipline my friends put into it -- I can't draw, or paint, or understand computer code and programming, but I can appreciate beauty, creativity, and again, DISCIPLINE.
But I guess the point of all this, is that I'm starting to think NOT in terms of just being "dad," or "taking care of the kids," but also in realizing that I can't do a DAMN thing for THEM if I'm not doing anything FOR me.
And for those who are having relationship problems, marital problems, etc -- keep this in mind -- you CANNOT "do" for anyone else unless you love yourself, and DO for yourself FIRST. I don't mean that in a selfish sense either....it's not getting things for yourself, or treating yourself to unncessary perks...I mean DO FOR YOURSELF -- make something worthy of yourself.
And love yourself.
Ok, I'm stepping off soapbox now.
Oh, question from the person in the back? oh, ok...WHAT am I doing and what is contingent on everything else I've mentioned? I've hinted at it, talked a little about it, but I DO NOT want to offer specific details other than I'm planning to move, WITH THE BOYS, but I don't want to jinx it, either by laying it all out.
Every one of us.
The trick, which I have NOT learned yet, is to avoid those mistakes. Oh I know, some would say, "no, the trick is not to make the same ones over and over" and that's true, but you also have to learn the danger signs of pitfalls ahead.
Something I never learned to do.
I am in a position (and thanks for the hugs and nice comments to last night/this morning post -- I didn't go to bed until nearly 4am) where I can honestly say that every bad choice I've made in the past ten years is catching up with me. No, scratch that -- HAS caught up with me. And all because I never looked -- thanks to the 25 years before that and my drinking habits and behaviors, I never learned life lessons that a lot of my friends already know how to DO, how to WATCH.
I was too caught up in that post-alcoholic "internal soul-searching" and "learning who I was" to see what I was doing to myself. For those who've HAD a drinking problem, you know what I mean when I say it's like a rebirth and you're growing up for the first, sometimes second, time in your life.
I realize one of the things I should have done was stick with the goddamn AA meetings. I thought back then, "I'm in counseling, I can kick this, I don't NEED these losers," but I was wrong. Those "losers" were people just like me, some stronger, some not, who had valuable lessons I could have used to avoid this trap I'm in.
Another thing I could have done.....oh fuck it, I'll spell out some things in a more positive manner if I can......
I've got a lot of YOUNG friends here on LJ that think I'm wise, think I know more, think I can help them.....
YOU'RE ALL WRONG!!!!!
I'm stupid, I don't pay attention, and I can LMAO and ROLFMAO and TYPE my ass off all the time as my ass is quite detachable for those who want to kick it. I've discovered that by removing it, the synapses to the brain don't work so I don't feel the hurt and pain associated with a good ass-kicking.
But here's what I DO need to tell you. It doesn't matter if you drink, it doesn't matter if you do drugs, it doesn't matter if you don't pay attention in school UNLESS you plan to "make something of yourself," be successful, be happy, be well-adjusted.
For the really young ones, I NEED, no screw that, YOU need to do some things that won't be fun (at least in your own mind), and that involve WORK.
Oh God, that word -- WORK. But yes, folks, we are NOT on this earth to "cruise" through, and while we KNOW people who do it, they are NOT happy, and if they appear they are, it's only cause they haven't been kicked in the teeth by life yet. And don't think it won't happen. Mine happened NOW, at 44 years of age, and while I haven't yet figured out how to get OUT of all this, I can pass on some tidbits to help you AVOID it, some things I wish I'd done differently.
First, pay attention in classes, for those of you still in school. And DON'T bitch about the instructors who make you work -- you'll remember more of what they teach than any of the others. And if you have instructors who you don't feel are making you work HARD, take the issue (constructively phrased) to the administration -- no one likes a lazy teacher except a lazy student.
LEARN a fucking TRADE -- don't look for the easy jobs, the ones that will make you 'money' at the expense of time spent on the job, etc....be USEFUL and contribute to this sorry world we're in.
Take classes most others scoff at -- particularly personal finance, debt management, and especially interpersonal relations, marriage courses, relationship courses, and psychology (NOT just the intro). Also get involved in some communications classes and extracurricular activities.
Get OFF the net, and get a fucking life -- don't spend all day here like I do -- it's UNHEALTHY. And MOST important is stay off the fucking net at school and work unless you NEED to be on it, but don't post, don't reply in LJ, and don't 'chat.'
If you need to be on the net, then RESEARCH and LEARN. Don't let your brain turn to mush.
DON'T go after mommy and daddy and friends to buy you shit. Learn to save your money and how to spend wisely and buy for yourself. Getting others to do it just gives them the power to make your decisions and tell you what to do.
HAVE a relationship with your parents. TALK to them, and not just how you're doing in school, or how your day went. For crying out loud, talk to them about SEX, too....that's really important, no matter how uncomfortable you all are about it at first. Tell your parents what you like, what you want to learn, what you do in your free time, and DON'T mistake their "seeming" lack of caring or interest to mean they DON'T care -- they do, they just might not understand is all, but continued conversation leads to understanding, and if you paid attention in your communications class, you'll learn tricks to rephrase things so they CAN understand at some point.
If you have an obvious talent, USE it and develop it, don't "play" with it and hope you'll get better at it....WORK it.
Oh God, that word again...but folks, life IS work, and hard work at that. Imagine what your life would have been like prior to 60 years ago.....you'd be up before dawn and working til after sunset and be GRATEFUL for what little time you had to read, play, or sit around the living room and TALK. Human existence throughout history up to WWII was based on SURVIVAL. Oh yeah, you read about the "rich and famous," but THOSE people in the first half of the twentieth century actually accounted for less than 1/2 of ONE percent of the world population.
And EXERCISE damnit -- I don't, and I'm paying the price now, I tell you. Weak heart, weak lungs, allergies, sickness....and exercise REGULARLY
and that's for starters.....
What does that mean to me?
Time to redo everything about my life....the only two positives I have in my life (and don't argue with me, ok?) are my kids and my friends here. (Shut up Anna, I don't have my head in my ass).
No matter what happens in the next seven weeks, I KNOW things have to change or I'm dead -- literally. I won't relate WHAT happened yesterday, but I got a taste of how badly out of shape I am and how EASY a heart attack could be.
Yes, I DO have plans, but again, like I said last night, EVERY plan I have in place is contingent on something ELSE happening, and I have NO control over any of it right now....well, almost none of it.
Exercise has to be a primary concern....I'm not working, so there's no excuse not for me to be out walking while the kids are in school in between packing. That's a MUST.
I'm going to check into adult education classes after I get a job and TAKE the personal finances classes, TAKE the debt management classes; I should declare bankruptcy, but I'm too fucking PROUD for that. I just let the creditors keep calling. Bad me.
I need a hobby, too. I don't have any talents (and DON'T mention my writing -- I'm mediorcre and I know it, and VERY limited on creativity and ideas) that I'm aware of, so I need to "play" a bit.
Oh...but what I need to do for me more than anything else is develop some DISCIPLINE -- but I guess it'll start if I can do something about the exercise.
I'm not to go off on the self-questions....they're pointless and I don't know the WHY'S of ....wait, yes I do. I got LAZY. Impossibly, horribly, terribly LAZY.
People -- DON'T be lazy. Read Ravenfeather's or Ravenskiss or Mitre's or even Vinnie's,and Stephanie's journals to know what I mean. ALRIGHT ALREADY!! BACK OFF with the "what about me!!!!" I wasn't meaning anyone else WASN'T creative or productive, but these people stand out as they're ALWAYS doing something, involved in SOMETHING, and never seem to stop. They stand out among my friends because I could NOT, EVER do what they do. And I admire their discipline and dedication to their arts and hobbies -- I don't understand gardening, but I can see the love and knowledge and discipline my friends put into it -- I can't draw, or paint, or understand computer code and programming, but I can appreciate beauty, creativity, and again, DISCIPLINE.
But I guess the point of all this, is that I'm starting to think NOT in terms of just being "dad," or "taking care of the kids," but also in realizing that I can't do a DAMN thing for THEM if I'm not doing anything FOR me.
And for those who are having relationship problems, marital problems, etc -- keep this in mind -- you CANNOT "do" for anyone else unless you love yourself, and DO for yourself FIRST. I don't mean that in a selfish sense either....it's not getting things for yourself, or treating yourself to unncessary perks...I mean DO FOR YOURSELF -- make something worthy of yourself.
And love yourself.
Ok, I'm stepping off soapbox now.
Oh, question from the person in the back? oh, ok...WHAT am I doing and what is contingent on everything else I've mentioned? I've hinted at it, talked a little about it, but I DO NOT want to offer specific details other than I'm planning to move, WITH THE BOYS, but I don't want to jinx it, either by laying it all out.