(no subject)
Hugs. I don't get hugged. When I go to parties because it made my family's image look good, I wasn't doted on like other children. I was considered a 'mature young man.' They thought it'd 'humor me' not to treat me like a child. Really, it was all kind of patronizing.
I was still trying to figure out what Shinichi-niichan had been talking about and what Agasa-hakase was trying to hide when that girl came in. Yelling for Shinichi-niichan, wanting to see him, I moved out of sight. Maybe if I didn't interrupt, Agasa-hakase would forget about me being there and tell her something I could use. She noticed me though.
Had she simply asked my name at first, I wouldn't be stuttering it out like I was now, but she hadn't.
“This...this kid...is cute!” And then she hugged me.
Such a tight hug. Tight, but I could still breathe and it was weird. Someone was so close to me, but they weren't trying to hurt me, control me, or just transport me. It was...it was because she thought I was cute?
It was so confusing. I couldn't really argue when Agasa-hakase asked that she watch me. It was probably to get me to stop questioning him, I bet, but at the time, all I could think about...was how warm she was.
~ ~ ~
I knew when I fell in love with her.
A kidnapping had been the first case. I wanted to solve it quickly as possible, butting in when I didn't before. Even if uncle didn't like it, I HAD too. But no, it just made him mad and he couldn't SEE it! There were clues everywhere and he was missing them completely!
At first I had been so mad when I figured out. How dare he. How dare he! He knew the little girl and the man and yet he...
But no. No, that wasn't right and then I saw. This wasn't one crime. Well, maybe it was one crime, but from a legal standpoint, it was two. A young child left alone from a rich family. A horrible, horrible combination that was destined to bring bad luck.
Then the kidnapper, the one who was definitely a villain called and the little girl was screaming. No, no, he wouldn't like that. How many threats had their been, to stay quiet or we'd be killed.
It was just lucky I had looked at a map of the area before I came here. I had wanted to see if there would be anything interesting I wanted to go to and what school I might go to and where the libraries were. Things like that.
I took a dog and left as fast as I could. I had to save her. I had to save that little girl no matter what and I couldn't wait for that slow uncle to figure out what I was already working on. I had to find her. I had to save her. I couldn't just let...
I had been terrified when I realized she wasn't at any of the schools until I figured out the building was what she saw.
“Sorry, but you're gonna have to die. You've seen my face.”
No.
I opened the door immediately, wanting all his attention on me. Jambo was a wonderful dog. Such a good attack dog.
She had been all right. She wasn't hurt. I could do it. I was going to get her out safe and sound and there would be no worries! That's right. I was a detective and I could do this and....
“Jambo!”
The dog had been beat.
“Don't mess with me brat.”
I've never gone after the criminal on my own. I've been able to figure out crimes I hear about or read about. I always know how the killer did it in the end of the book. I know how it all goes, but I've never been given the chance to go after a criminal. I would never think to do it personally, but that little girl...how could I not? Her time was running so short and I couldn't let her die.
I couldn't let her die like Kazama.
I fought. I tried to use the strength and accuracy I gained from soccer, but it was nothing compared to the adult criminal. I've never experienced such physical pain before in my life. I tried not to cry out as much as I could. I managed not to cry or beg, though the girl was screaming in the background to leave me alone. To stop hurting me.
But I wouldn't. I wouldn't beg or plea. I wouldn't give this evil man the satisfaction.
“Kill one kid, kill two kids, it's all the same to me.”
He was laughing even, as he beat me with a bat.
“Go to hell,” I said. Foul language, but I knew what it meant. I glared at the kidnapper, as coldly as my pained face could. “A man like you, you have no chance. You will pay for your crimes in the end.”
“Big words, brat. Even if I do, you won't be around to see it.” More swings, more pain. How haven't my bones broken?
It was true. I couldn't do anything. What good am I? Just a useless kid. Even if I figure things out, what can I do? No one to listen to me, can't even act on my own. I'm just a useless little kid.
But I wouldn't give him any satisfaction at least.
“Playtime's over.” This was it. “You're gonna burst right open!” I'm going to die and I couldn't even save her.
I'm going to die and I couldn't even...!
But the blow...never came.
I opened my eyes and there she was. Ran-neechan. I watched in amazement as she quickly took down the criminal. It was terrifying, but all the same...absolutely amazing.
I assured her I was fine, brushing off her concerned questions. I was more concerned about the little girl. Her father had burst in and I saw something play out so differently...
A lonely little girl had gained her father back. Her father clearly loved her.
It made me happy, but so jealous at the same time. I was alone, wasn't I? No matter where I was, I was always alone.
“Come here,” Ran-neechan said. Ah right. I was bleeding, so she had to treat this superficial wounds.
“You shouldn't do that. I was worried, you know.”
Of course. Everyone says that. As soon as the wounds are tended to, you'll ignore me.
“That was really stupid you know.”
Uh huh. Gotta lecture me so I don't embarrass you.
“But it was so incredibly brave.”
Ye-what?
“Huh?” I said.
“You figured out where she was, right? Using Jambo,” Ran said and smiled at me. “You wanted to save her right?”
Slowly, I nodded.
“That was very brave of you. It's kind of amazing! But don't go doing it again, okay? When I saw Jambo with her shoe and realized you had to be with her and the kidnapper, I was terrified what was going to happen to you. Such a sweet little boy like you shouldn't go into dangerous situations.”
“I...okay, Ran-neechan.”
I was thrown. That seemed...it was like she CARED. And she didn't pull away when she was done. Instead she kept close to me, making sure I was all right. Surely...surely she'd pull away when I was better.
But she never did. Even as time went by that I spent with them, she never pulled away. This...amazing angel that came to save me never once did, except to hide her tears of sadness. She would hug me and carry me and actually....actually care for me. Like those good mothers in TV shows.
She was so kind and warm. She'd care for me or scold me. Indulge me or punish me. It never mattered what she did because she always, ALWAYS paid actual attention to ME. I wasn't just a charge. Some kid to watch so she didn't get in trouble.
I was Edogawa Conan, little boy, and the one she had taken as a little brother.
Not long after that first case, I wasn't jealous of that little girl anymore. Because now I wasn't lonely either. For once...I had a family. Even if uncle was mean, he was pretty good too. He was acknowledging ME, even if it was in annoyance most of the time.
But the one I really liked was Ran-neechan. It wasn't long until I swore I would do everything I could to make her happy. That's why I continued to help her father solve cases no matter what I had to do because it made her happy for him to have work. That's why I would dig so deep into the Black Organization in the future, to solve the case so Shinichi-niichan could come home.
It was why...I let her call me Shinichi in her moment's of weakness without showing how much it HURT when she did. As long as it made her happy...then it was fine.
Because I loved her. I loved her more than anything.
And I would do anything to ease the sadness in my angel's eyes.
I was still trying to figure out what Shinichi-niichan had been talking about and what Agasa-hakase was trying to hide when that girl came in. Yelling for Shinichi-niichan, wanting to see him, I moved out of sight. Maybe if I didn't interrupt, Agasa-hakase would forget about me being there and tell her something I could use. She noticed me though.
Had she simply asked my name at first, I wouldn't be stuttering it out like I was now, but she hadn't.
“This...this kid...is cute!” And then she hugged me.
Such a tight hug. Tight, but I could still breathe and it was weird. Someone was so close to me, but they weren't trying to hurt me, control me, or just transport me. It was...it was because she thought I was cute?
It was so confusing. I couldn't really argue when Agasa-hakase asked that she watch me. It was probably to get me to stop questioning him, I bet, but at the time, all I could think about...was how warm she was.
~ ~ ~
I knew when I fell in love with her.
A kidnapping had been the first case. I wanted to solve it quickly as possible, butting in when I didn't before. Even if uncle didn't like it, I HAD too. But no, it just made him mad and he couldn't SEE it! There were clues everywhere and he was missing them completely!
At first I had been so mad when I figured out. How dare he. How dare he! He knew the little girl and the man and yet he...
But no. No, that wasn't right and then I saw. This wasn't one crime. Well, maybe it was one crime, but from a legal standpoint, it was two. A young child left alone from a rich family. A horrible, horrible combination that was destined to bring bad luck.
Then the kidnapper, the one who was definitely a villain called and the little girl was screaming. No, no, he wouldn't like that. How many threats had their been, to stay quiet or we'd be killed.
It was just lucky I had looked at a map of the area before I came here. I had wanted to see if there would be anything interesting I wanted to go to and what school I might go to and where the libraries were. Things like that.
I took a dog and left as fast as I could. I had to save her. I had to save that little girl no matter what and I couldn't wait for that slow uncle to figure out what I was already working on. I had to find her. I had to save her. I couldn't just let...
I had been terrified when I realized she wasn't at any of the schools until I figured out the building was what she saw.
“Sorry, but you're gonna have to die. You've seen my face.”
No.
I opened the door immediately, wanting all his attention on me. Jambo was a wonderful dog. Such a good attack dog.
She had been all right. She wasn't hurt. I could do it. I was going to get her out safe and sound and there would be no worries! That's right. I was a detective and I could do this and....
“Jambo!”
The dog had been beat.
“Don't mess with me brat.”
I've never gone after the criminal on my own. I've been able to figure out crimes I hear about or read about. I always know how the killer did it in the end of the book. I know how it all goes, but I've never been given the chance to go after a criminal. I would never think to do it personally, but that little girl...how could I not? Her time was running so short and I couldn't let her die.
I couldn't let her die like Kazama.
I fought. I tried to use the strength and accuracy I gained from soccer, but it was nothing compared to the adult criminal. I've never experienced such physical pain before in my life. I tried not to cry out as much as I could. I managed not to cry or beg, though the girl was screaming in the background to leave me alone. To stop hurting me.
But I wouldn't. I wouldn't beg or plea. I wouldn't give this evil man the satisfaction.
“Kill one kid, kill two kids, it's all the same to me.”
He was laughing even, as he beat me with a bat.
“Go to hell,” I said. Foul language, but I knew what it meant. I glared at the kidnapper, as coldly as my pained face could. “A man like you, you have no chance. You will pay for your crimes in the end.”
“Big words, brat. Even if I do, you won't be around to see it.” More swings, more pain. How haven't my bones broken?
It was true. I couldn't do anything. What good am I? Just a useless kid. Even if I figure things out, what can I do? No one to listen to me, can't even act on my own. I'm just a useless little kid.
But I wouldn't give him any satisfaction at least.
“Playtime's over.” This was it. “You're gonna burst right open!” I'm going to die and I couldn't even save her.
I'm going to die and I couldn't even...!
But the blow...never came.
I opened my eyes and there she was. Ran-neechan. I watched in amazement as she quickly took down the criminal. It was terrifying, but all the same...absolutely amazing.
I assured her I was fine, brushing off her concerned questions. I was more concerned about the little girl. Her father had burst in and I saw something play out so differently...
A lonely little girl had gained her father back. Her father clearly loved her.
It made me happy, but so jealous at the same time. I was alone, wasn't I? No matter where I was, I was always alone.
“Come here,” Ran-neechan said. Ah right. I was bleeding, so she had to treat this superficial wounds.
“You shouldn't do that. I was worried, you know.”
Of course. Everyone says that. As soon as the wounds are tended to, you'll ignore me.
“That was really stupid you know.”
Uh huh. Gotta lecture me so I don't embarrass you.
“But it was so incredibly brave.”
Ye-what?
“Huh?” I said.
“You figured out where she was, right? Using Jambo,” Ran said and smiled at me. “You wanted to save her right?”
Slowly, I nodded.
“That was very brave of you. It's kind of amazing! But don't go doing it again, okay? When I saw Jambo with her shoe and realized you had to be with her and the kidnapper, I was terrified what was going to happen to you. Such a sweet little boy like you shouldn't go into dangerous situations.”
“I...okay, Ran-neechan.”
I was thrown. That seemed...it was like she CARED. And she didn't pull away when she was done. Instead she kept close to me, making sure I was all right. Surely...surely she'd pull away when I was better.
But she never did. Even as time went by that I spent with them, she never pulled away. This...amazing angel that came to save me never once did, except to hide her tears of sadness. She would hug me and carry me and actually....actually care for me. Like those good mothers in TV shows.
She was so kind and warm. She'd care for me or scold me. Indulge me or punish me. It never mattered what she did because she always, ALWAYS paid actual attention to ME. I wasn't just a charge. Some kid to watch so she didn't get in trouble.
I was Edogawa Conan, little boy, and the one she had taken as a little brother.
Not long after that first case, I wasn't jealous of that little girl anymore. Because now I wasn't lonely either. For once...I had a family. Even if uncle was mean, he was pretty good too. He was acknowledging ME, even if it was in annoyance most of the time.
But the one I really liked was Ran-neechan. It wasn't long until I swore I would do everything I could to make her happy. That's why I continued to help her father solve cases no matter what I had to do because it made her happy for him to have work. That's why I would dig so deep into the Black Organization in the future, to solve the case so Shinichi-niichan could come home.
It was why...I let her call me Shinichi in her moment's of weakness without showing how much it HURT when she did. As long as it made her happy...then it was fine.
Because I loved her. I loved her more than anything.
And I would do anything to ease the sadness in my angel's eyes.