My Unknown Future
This afternoon, the previous training officer of OSMUN, who I’ll call as the Dark Lord, decided to have a little chat with me.
He was one of the consultants in the hospital that helped me get in, and I am really grateful for that. Anyway, he asked me if I knew and understood that OSMUN isn’t accredited and if wanted to transfer to another institution. It shocked me for a moment, and he clarified his question, asking me that if given the chance to transfer to an accredited institution for my training, would I take it? When he asked me this, I was hesitant to answer, and instantly, flashbacks of when fave consultant and my dad tried their best to get me in this hospital played in my head, along with memories of the past three months I’ve been working here. So I told him that I knew that his hospital was accredited and that I knew what I was getting into; that I came here because I had no other choice. However, I already started becoming comfortable here, so it was difficult to say if I wanted to transfer again. To me, either way, I’m delayed anyway. It was something I was prepared for when I decided to resign from MMC. Well, the Dark Lord seemed to understand my sentiments, and told me he was just worried and didn’t want me to be delayed any further; that this was a favor for my dad. He said he was grateful to my dad because he was a good teacher and surgeon, and he couldnt understand why things happened to me as they did in MMC. I just sheepishly smiled and shrugged it off like it was just life being it’s usual asshole self.
I miss Makati; almost everything about it. Makati is the center of everything. I worked there, my friends are mostly there, places are more easily accessible from there, lots of places to eat, and of course, I had my freedom there. Like it was during med school, I was independent to an extent. I lived by myself, and I loved the freedom I had. I reconnected with my old grade school friends. I met some of my old classmates randomly in the hospital. I enjoyed the company of my co-residents. I enjoyed assisted and doing rounds with my favorite consultant. I met up for the first time with some friends I met online (Renji and KIVEGA). All my experiences there, I miss them. But because of what happened, I had to resign. It was a drastic change I had to adjust and adapt to. And even though I’ve become comfortable here in OSMUN, I can’t count the number of times when I thought about going back to MMC. I always shooed away the thought but it always came back. I guess that’s how much I really miss the place.
As the Dark Lord continued talking to me about my inevitable delay, I also realized he was kinda right. Surgery residency lasts five years. I’ve been going on for four years now and I’m still considered a 2nd year. Add in the part where the hospital I’m in now isn’t accredited, increased my chance of delay even more. I’m looking at probably another four years. Imagine that, I’ll be done with residency at probably 35 years old; nearly a decade of residency training. Ugh. The thought depresses me. Think about it. Nearly a decade of my life toiling in the hospital with barely any social life and even lovelife. Some people tell me I need a guy in my life. Yeah. I know. I eventually want a family of my own and my time is slowly running out. :/ But my dreams and career are also important. Besides, I’m already trying my luck with KIVEGA. I mean, it’s a start. I might as well see where it goes. Hopefully, things will turn out fine in the end.
Anyway, it’s 12:18am. I’m on duty and I have an OR to scrub in. Good night.