Void
Enter, the second season and the climax of this woman’s J-drama life.
Actually, this became more like some dark anime story.
A week after my YOLO moment, I met up with Rain. Yeah, that’s right. People have told me to cut him off, but he’s my best friend. I can’t. KIVEGA was understanding and let me keep my best friend. I met up with him because I wanted to stomp it on his face that it’s over between me and him, and the one I love is KIVEGA. So we met up and talked somewhere private.
Mistake no. 1: PRIVATE
A few days later, someone anonymously sent pictures of me and Rain walking together. That person also went on to tell KIVEGA that basically I was cheating on him, which I wasn’t. So basically, I had a stalker on me. Stalker seemed really angry at me based on the way he messaged KIVEGA. He had said that women like me don’t deserve to be happy. Anyway, KIVEGA confronted me about the claims of the stalker. I half-lied.
Mistake no. 2: LIE
Everything was fine after that; uneventful between me and KIVEGA. Rain, however, had a series of unfortunate events. His lovebird, Mango, which I gave him eight years ago died. He sent the body to Pet Memorial to be cremated, only to find out about a week later that the ashes couldn’t be found. The death of Mango started the speedy downward spiral of Rain since I told him I was in love with KIVEGA. Rain would shatter, pick himself up, only to shatter again. I tried my hardest to keep his spirits up, since he was my bestfriend. I was succesful in some way or another. But that was short-lived.
A few days ago, the stalker resurfaced. After I had a long fluffy phone call with KIVEGA, he received a series of pictures of conversations taken from the screen of MY PHONE. These conversations were between me and Rain the day after we met up privately. Needless to say, KIVEGA was furious and hurt. All I could do was deny.
Mistake no. 3: DENY
“Cut him off.”
And that’s when he finally told me to do it.
I spoke to Rain and found out that he also received messages from the stalker. All were pictures of intimate conversations of me and KIVEGA. Naturally, he was shattered even more. And me? I was torn. This stalker seemed really angry at me for some reason, to the point that he’d follow me, access my phone, and mess up my relationships to make me suffer.
I wanted to save both. That’s how I am. With all my power, I wanted to save both. But KIVEGA had given me an ultimatum. Rain had also given me an ultimatum. He was so shattered, so depressed, that he wanted me to choose him instead; to save him, because it was the end of the line for him. When I went to him to talk to him personally about this, all I saw was a dark void; cold, deep, black, and empty. I have seen Rain in his depressed and down moments. But this had been the worst I’d seen. It was the kind of void that sucks you in like a black hole; it was pure despair. I felt it, and I was nearly drawn into that void. I felt my own light, already faint from everything that had been happening, flickering and fading. Rain wanted me to stay with him and leave KIVEGA.
When both people important to you do that to you, it makes you feel like you want to disappear. I wanted to just run away. But that’s not me. No matter how scared I am, if its a mess I started, I clean it up. I escaped from the void momentarily. I thought long hard about everything; the permanent changes my decision will make, the loss involved, the effect it would have on my own happiness. Which was the right choice? Losing either one would hurt; it was a choice between my best and closest friend and the man I love. Every action I made, every moment’s delay, only pained the three of us more.
So yesterday, I chose my happiness. I met up with Rain one last time. We ate dinner together one last time. And we talked... one last time. I told him I choose my happiness, and it was with KIVEGA. But I assured him, our 10 years weren’t a waste. I told him to keep living, because I wouldn’t know if he’d take his life or not from that point on; if the despair was so great.
Just this morning, I took a screen recording of me deleting and blocking all my contacts with Rain; all of it. I sent the video to KIVEGA. I’ll be meeting up with him this coming Saturday. What will happen in that meeting? I don’t know. But I have never felt so lonely in such a long time. I lost my best friend. I chose to lose him despite his pleas. But I know that this was for the best. Right before I left him, I saw a small flame within the void; and I immediately knew that he’d be okay on his own.
To the stalker out there,
You will never destroy me. I will never give you the pleasure of seeing me break down. You may prey on my flaws and mistakes, beat me, cause me to fall... but I’ll get back up. And I’ll be stronger each time.