A Firenze
I realize I've been using this sad little picture Icon a lot.
I felt great leaving my house, like I was going to have a full productive day, and by the end of my walk to school ( even though its spring break...stealing internet again) I felt like the most beaten and battered man. God has a funny way with your ego. He wants you to have one but as soon as you do it's to much and he rips it all away in the matter of seconds. Yeah. Sucks. ( I know I claimed god as a he but really I don't care if "it" is a he, she or whatever...I just feel bad saying god is an "it" ) All this religious art is going to my head. Getting closer to my ideas of god but I really don't know what that means or why I'm even going down the path of recognizing a divine figure as opposed to what I have always determined to be the "god" in yourself. I'm just tired. Of being the same thing over and over again. Of having the same feelings that never change because I am always in the same situations and always leading myself to the same crappy outcomes. Once again I feel I've changed into someone I don't want to be. Back to the beginning of thought. I need a vacation.
I was supposed to leave today, but alas I am not leaving. Its for the better. I have laundry to do and general cleaning to accomplish. Our cleaning service that comes once a month is coming on Friday and because I'm not going to be in town and I don't want them to mess with my things, I need to clean. Arg today. Hopefully the afternoon will be better.
There is no one in my house. All my roommates are out and about in the world. Needless to say that makes home very lonely right now. Especially because my family left this morning and I truly have no one around. Mixed blessing, really. I stress out while they are here and I miss them completely when they go. I haven't written people in a while. I have a bunch of post cars and stamps that I got forever ago and I just haven't written. I'll send a bunch from Cinque Terra. I'll have plenty of time on my own to just sit and relax and write. I just want to find what I'm looking for.
"California here we come" is playing in the background. I hate that song for being popular here. It kinda just creeps up and hits you right when you least expect it. Good song just makes me homesick.
I don't feel like I have a place right now in Florence. That makes me feel like I've over extended my place back at home. DVC because of "logistics" is picking its directing project director, for the fall, by this weekend. The one thing I've wanted to do for the longest time is direct a Dark Night production. All the people before me that I've looked up to at DVC have directed a Dark Night Production. I feel like my chances are shit for me getting it because,
a) I don't have any of my scripts in Florence
b) I can't truly give a deep outline of concepts and Ideas for the project because of "a)" and
c) I'm in another country thousands upon thousands of miles away.
I know that it is going to affect my chances of being able to direct next year. Arg.
I have to go and meet a friend. Maybe that will bring me out of my rut. I'll write more before I leave for Cinque Terra.
Ciao
Jared
I felt great leaving my house, like I was going to have a full productive day, and by the end of my walk to school ( even though its spring break...stealing internet again) I felt like the most beaten and battered man. God has a funny way with your ego. He wants you to have one but as soon as you do it's to much and he rips it all away in the matter of seconds. Yeah. Sucks. ( I know I claimed god as a he but really I don't care if "it" is a he, she or whatever...I just feel bad saying god is an "it" ) All this religious art is going to my head. Getting closer to my ideas of god but I really don't know what that means or why I'm even going down the path of recognizing a divine figure as opposed to what I have always determined to be the "god" in yourself. I'm just tired. Of being the same thing over and over again. Of having the same feelings that never change because I am always in the same situations and always leading myself to the same crappy outcomes. Once again I feel I've changed into someone I don't want to be. Back to the beginning of thought. I need a vacation.
I was supposed to leave today, but alas I am not leaving. Its for the better. I have laundry to do and general cleaning to accomplish. Our cleaning service that comes once a month is coming on Friday and because I'm not going to be in town and I don't want them to mess with my things, I need to clean. Arg today. Hopefully the afternoon will be better.
There is no one in my house. All my roommates are out and about in the world. Needless to say that makes home very lonely right now. Especially because my family left this morning and I truly have no one around. Mixed blessing, really. I stress out while they are here and I miss them completely when they go. I haven't written people in a while. I have a bunch of post cars and stamps that I got forever ago and I just haven't written. I'll send a bunch from Cinque Terra. I'll have plenty of time on my own to just sit and relax and write. I just want to find what I'm looking for.
"California here we come" is playing in the background. I hate that song for being popular here. It kinda just creeps up and hits you right when you least expect it. Good song just makes me homesick.
I don't feel like I have a place right now in Florence. That makes me feel like I've over extended my place back at home. DVC because of "logistics" is picking its directing project director, for the fall, by this weekend. The one thing I've wanted to do for the longest time is direct a Dark Night production. All the people before me that I've looked up to at DVC have directed a Dark Night Production. I feel like my chances are shit for me getting it because,
a) I don't have any of my scripts in Florence
b) I can't truly give a deep outline of concepts and Ideas for the project because of "a)" and
c) I'm in another country thousands upon thousands of miles away.
I know that it is going to affect my chances of being able to direct next year. Arg.
I have to go and meet a friend. Maybe that will bring me out of my rut. I'll write more before I leave for Cinque Terra.
Ciao
Jared