Anatomy of a break up, the creation of a let down.
I don't think I've ever felt so lost before in my life.....And that was before my shift today.
I still am. I could say I'm confused as well. Then again there are other words to describe my state.
I last left off in a state of depression. I hadn't seen her in a week and a half and that was too long for my liking, yet it didn't seem to bother her. That next day (18th) I was too down to go to class, therefore I skipped the entire day of classes and only went to work that night. It was that night that we ended up finally seeing each other. If I'm not mistaken she decided to skip a class or two as well.
I was so ecstatic, unbelievably. I couldn't even fathom the idea of how long it had been. I had been at work till nine that night and she wanted me to come over that night, but I was hungry. So I went for something to eat first, uncharacteristically of me, to McDonald's and decided to buy her something to eat as well since she asked. I made sure to grab the movie I had gotten her, the one that I bought nearly a week before...
I struggled to find it. I went to best buy after best buy, walmart after walmart, target after target with no luck at all! Finally sometime during Valentine's day weekend I found it at a Hastings. Completely relieved, I bought it and my euphoria somewhat continued.
I walked in sometime around midnight to her place. She had been cleaning and didn't want me to come over right away and I had to do laundry as well. Walking in was somewhat strange. We hadn't seen each other in a long time (obviously..). We sat on her bed and ate. I was hesitant to relax, she was giving me somewhat of an attitude, but nothing alarming. And that was that.. we laid down and tried to go to sleep together, but it didn't work out that well. Not going into detail here....
We awoke just like any other time and I went my way to finish somethings at the campus and the apartment and she went to class.
Wouldn't see her again till early Sunday morning. I had to work from two in the afternoon till eleven that night and she went out to party with friends. I found it random that she wanted me to spend the night that evening (or morning..?..?). I waited for what seemed forever. I expected her to call me sometime around 12...never happened....1....never happened...2...nope..She didn't call me till 4 in the morning. Promptly, I went over.
It was nothing more than what it should of been. She fell asleep, I as well shortly after. She has always had trouble sleeping in a bed with someone so she ended up waking up at 8 in the morning. I distinctly remember her getting up, but I was tired and went back to sleep. I remember at one point her looking over at me while she was standing in the room and in the moment of just coming to, she ran across her room, lightly jumped on the bed and kissed my lips. I probably smiled, then I fell back asleep and wouldn't wake till around noon. I had to be at work by 2 and left sometime between 1 and 140 in the afternoon.
Everything just seemed fine. Monday passed, didn't see her - Thought that was pretty normal due to how everything between us was. Plus I had a very busy week this past week. Tuesday came, didn't see her. Wednesday is when things started to fall apart, sadly.
Class went by, all normal. I raced to the lab at 4 in the afternoon to try and finish a project. Things didn't go as planned and as of right now this project is still not completely done. The frustration levels had mounted once again. I hadn't seen her since Sunday morning and in my bits of frustration I wanted her. I knew there were problems, I had a test the next morning that needed to be studied for and a composition in Spanish that I had to study for. Thursday was my Friday for that week. I wanted her, but I was trying to hold off.
Somewhere along the line we sent texts to each other that night before I started to study. I had managed to fall asleep earlier in the night because I wanted to stale off the frustration as it was getting to me. I don't know where it all came from. 2 hours of texting led to me being single again.
The conversation was accustomed to hitting a brick wall or being in a serious wreck. You're stunned, you can't believe it happened, you wonder why. The sadness started to mount its pressure on my soul. Frustration as to why it was all happening. Why was she feeling this way? Disappointment in her, most of all, disappointment in me for everything.
I can only remember bits and pieces of the conversation, I was probably traumatized to some extent. I asked her at one point if she ever felt like not being with me. Her answer was, "Yes." My heart dropped and shattered from there out. I knew things were not going to go right. I asked if it was another guy, "no". From there I imagine I didn't say anything right. I'm so stupid. She asked me why I didn't think we were possibly a good match (or of some sort). My answer was related to that of some elitist bullshit! Something I should of said when I was 15, not 24! Too mainstream? Are you fucking kidding me, Ryan?!
You probably deserve to be single you ass. Shame and embarrassment is all you hold to your name. No wonder you're some damn failure at life. Still in college after almost 7 years. Working at Walmart making your $9.60 an hour. People who are not even in college make more money than you at your age!
There, I did that. I blasted myself. I feel estranged and regrettable from it.
I'm too tired to go on. I'll do a part two. I could right it in 2 minutes after this post or it could be in two weeks. I'm going to try punctuality so hopefully it won't be forever...Goodnight.
She won't even talk to me.
I still am. I could say I'm confused as well. Then again there are other words to describe my state.
I last left off in a state of depression. I hadn't seen her in a week and a half and that was too long for my liking, yet it didn't seem to bother her. That next day (18th) I was too down to go to class, therefore I skipped the entire day of classes and only went to work that night. It was that night that we ended up finally seeing each other. If I'm not mistaken she decided to skip a class or two as well.
I was so ecstatic, unbelievably. I couldn't even fathom the idea of how long it had been. I had been at work till nine that night and she wanted me to come over that night, but I was hungry. So I went for something to eat first, uncharacteristically of me, to McDonald's and decided to buy her something to eat as well since she asked. I made sure to grab the movie I had gotten her, the one that I bought nearly a week before...
I struggled to find it. I went to best buy after best buy, walmart after walmart, target after target with no luck at all! Finally sometime during Valentine's day weekend I found it at a Hastings. Completely relieved, I bought it and my euphoria somewhat continued.
I walked in sometime around midnight to her place. She had been cleaning and didn't want me to come over right away and I had to do laundry as well. Walking in was somewhat strange. We hadn't seen each other in a long time (obviously..). We sat on her bed and ate. I was hesitant to relax, she was giving me somewhat of an attitude, but nothing alarming. And that was that.. we laid down and tried to go to sleep together, but it didn't work out that well. Not going into detail here....
We awoke just like any other time and I went my way to finish somethings at the campus and the apartment and she went to class.
Wouldn't see her again till early Sunday morning. I had to work from two in the afternoon till eleven that night and she went out to party with friends. I found it random that she wanted me to spend the night that evening (or morning..?..?). I waited for what seemed forever. I expected her to call me sometime around 12...never happened....1....never happened...2...nope..She didn't call me till 4 in the morning. Promptly, I went over.
It was nothing more than what it should of been. She fell asleep, I as well shortly after. She has always had trouble sleeping in a bed with someone so she ended up waking up at 8 in the morning. I distinctly remember her getting up, but I was tired and went back to sleep. I remember at one point her looking over at me while she was standing in the room and in the moment of just coming to, she ran across her room, lightly jumped on the bed and kissed my lips. I probably smiled, then I fell back asleep and wouldn't wake till around noon. I had to be at work by 2 and left sometime between 1 and 140 in the afternoon.
Everything just seemed fine. Monday passed, didn't see her - Thought that was pretty normal due to how everything between us was. Plus I had a very busy week this past week. Tuesday came, didn't see her. Wednesday is when things started to fall apart, sadly.
Class went by, all normal. I raced to the lab at 4 in the afternoon to try and finish a project. Things didn't go as planned and as of right now this project is still not completely done. The frustration levels had mounted once again. I hadn't seen her since Sunday morning and in my bits of frustration I wanted her. I knew there were problems, I had a test the next morning that needed to be studied for and a composition in Spanish that I had to study for. Thursday was my Friday for that week. I wanted her, but I was trying to hold off.
Somewhere along the line we sent texts to each other that night before I started to study. I had managed to fall asleep earlier in the night because I wanted to stale off the frustration as it was getting to me. I don't know where it all came from. 2 hours of texting led to me being single again.
The conversation was accustomed to hitting a brick wall or being in a serious wreck. You're stunned, you can't believe it happened, you wonder why. The sadness started to mount its pressure on my soul. Frustration as to why it was all happening. Why was she feeling this way? Disappointment in her, most of all, disappointment in me for everything.
I can only remember bits and pieces of the conversation, I was probably traumatized to some extent. I asked her at one point if she ever felt like not being with me. Her answer was, "Yes." My heart dropped and shattered from there out. I knew things were not going to go right. I asked if it was another guy, "no". From there I imagine I didn't say anything right. I'm so stupid. She asked me why I didn't think we were possibly a good match (or of some sort). My answer was related to that of some elitist bullshit! Something I should of said when I was 15, not 24! Too mainstream? Are you fucking kidding me, Ryan?!
You probably deserve to be single you ass. Shame and embarrassment is all you hold to your name. No wonder you're some damn failure at life. Still in college after almost 7 years. Working at Walmart making your $9.60 an hour. People who are not even in college make more money than you at your age!
There, I did that. I blasted myself. I feel estranged and regrettable from it.
I'm too tired to go on. I'll do a part two. I could right it in 2 minutes after this post or it could be in two weeks. I'm going to try punctuality so hopefully it won't be forever...Goodnight.
She won't even talk to me.