Fic: Two Things About Gaius that Nobody Knew (And Nobody Wanted To, Either)
Fic: Two Things About Gaius that Nobody Knew (And Nobody Wanted To, Either)
Rating: PG
Summary: Where Gaius longs for rainbow robes, an apprentice, fame and some good ol’ booty-shaking tunes.
Spoilers: General season 1.
Genre: Crack. Major Crack.
Notes: Gen, unbeta'd. Set before the end of season 2. Also, I think I need to apologise for wherever the hell my mind went for the duration of this fic. IDEK.
There were a number of things about Gaius that nobody knew. Most of these were harmless (like the fact that he wore pink socks to bed), several of them were dangerous (like the fact that he didn’t believe sorcery to be as wicked as Uther suggested), but there were two that were just plain odd. Or so he’d been told the only time he mentioned it to anyone but his mother (it had been to a serving girl, years ago, and she’d looked at him in confusion, then fear, and had finally fled in terror and been trampled by a rampaging Questing Beast soon after).
The first odd thing about Gaius that nobody knew was that he...well, he liked to party. Not often, of course, because at his age those sorts of things were generally frowned upon, and besides, shaking his tailfeathers too vigorously did strange things to his already unstable hips. But every so often, when there was a lavish feast and the nobles had become so intoxicated that they couldn’t remember their own names, he would nod at the (also intoxicated) players, hitch up his robes, shake his white hair loose and jive like he was twenty years old and the hottest thing in all of Camelot. And yes, maybe the nobles just laughed at him helplessly whenever he did it, but by that time their prince was generally lying on the floor cackling wildly, with a goblet of wine in one hand and various items of clothing (usually Merlin’s) in the other, so who were they to judge? It wasn’t like he broke out into dance in the middle of Uther’s meetings, or anything (apart from that one time when Merlin needed a diversion so he could perform some stealthy sorcerer-destroying sorts of magic, and that was only because Gaius had come to the logical conclusion that there was nothing quite as diverting as a well-executed hip thrust). He was certain that Morgana had been eying him up after he did it, anyway, if only because she envied the graceful power that he exuded over his lithe limbs. If Uther ever decided that the people of Camelot were in need of a dance-off (a suggestion Gaius was always ready to make if the perfect moment for it arose), Gaius would show the king’s ward exactly who owned the dance floor.
But Gaius knew that his grooving talents would not be widely appreciated within Camelot, even if he did make them publicly known. Uther would feel threatened (because as a king, the freedom he had to joyfully swing his hips was severely limited), Arthur would feel undervalued (which had less to do with Gaius’ dancing and more to do with the fact that Arthur always felt undervalued, but still), and the ladies of the court would pay far more attention to him than was generally considered to be acceptable between nobles and mere physicians. He had often considered telling Merlin, since it was only fair for Merlin to discover one of his secrets, seeing as Gaius knew about Merlin’s magic. But really, the poor lad didn’t need to feel any more overwhelmed then he already did, and the knowledge that not only was he was living in the shadow of a King and a Prince, but also that he shared chambers with a Physician-Who-Had-All-The-Right-Moves, might just send him over the edge, and Gaius really loved Merlin too much for that. So he kept his talent quiet, and told Merlin another one of his secrets instead (though Gaius later wondered whether telling Merlin about the raunchy escapades he had had with his childhood sweetheart in the stables had been the wisest idea - the boy had gone rather white and suggested that there are some things, Gaius, that I really don’t need to know’). Gaius knew that he couldn’t ever betray Merlin like that, and so the only place he truly danced anymore was in his dreams.
The second odd thing that nobody knew about Gaius, when viewed in light of the first, was really not all that unusual. Because sure, he was more wrinkled than a sundried elephant, but he’d been drinking voice-firming potions since the day he knew how to brew them, and so his vocal chords were as fresh as a newborn babe’s. And he knew how to use them, oh yes. He only sang when Merlin wasn’t around, which - given that Arthur was utterly incapable of doing things on his own - was fairly often, and as such he was almost certain that no one had heard him, but he thought that, objectively speaking, he was a pretty good judge of his own talents. And that famed singer Lady Helen had nothing on him (especially now, since her current lack of life meant that she wouldn’t be singing to anyone but the earthworms). He wasn’t one to brag, but he was almost entirely sure that if he hadn’t selflessly devoted his life to helping to care for the sick, his rendition of ‘Hold Me Close, Tavern Wench’ would be the most sought after performance in Camelot. If he ever managed to train a suitable apprentice (he’d had high hopes for Merlin for all of about two seconds, before he proved that he really wasn’t the sharpest sword in the armoury by cheerfully revealing his magic to Gaius), then he’d happily hand over his chambers, order himself a set of rainbow coloured robes and travel all around Albion showing everyone that he could croon like nobody’s business. But, just as with his dancing, there was always something standing in his way. Merlin looked to him for advice about every vaguely magical attack under the sun, while Uther looked to him for ... well, for advice about every vaguely magical attack under the sun (though those conversations usually unfolded fairly predictably after sorcery was mentioned). Gaius had long ago accepted that he would never truly be able to exhibit his singing prowess professionally, and had resigned himself to the more ordinary post of Court Physician.
But someday, when Merlin was older and Uther was gone, and Arthur was king and there was no more need for Gaius - well, then he’d be able to show the world the star he truly was.
The End