Log: Comfort

[glaciercleavage]

Who: Suzuki Adelheid, Katou Julie
What: Adelheid seeks comfort from Julie.
When: June 10th, soon after this.
Where: Julie's room
Rating: PG-13


Julie lay back on the bed, taking care of the quickly growing puppy that he had gotten for Adelheid for her birthday. Amaterasu seemed oblivious to the fact that his owner was currently occupied with her training as Julie tugged on the rope in his mouth, enjoying this little tug of war with his daddy. Julie though, was highly aware of her absence, having gotten used to her presence.

After a few moments, he finally let go of the rope, allowing Amaterasu to have it. The dog gave it a triumphant shake before laying down on the bed to chew on the hard knot at the end. With a sigh, he placed his arm behind his head and ran a hand over the content puppy’s head and back.

“I wonder when your mama will be back,” he muttered, even though the puppy wasn’t paying attention. “She’s been gone for some time now.”

Adelheid wasn't sure what she was thinking. She wasn't sure if she was thinking in the first place, wandering across the campus in her blood-soaked clothes. Nothing was making sense right now, least of all her own feelings.

She had been taking her revenge. She should have been happy it had been as easy as that. Why wasn't she happy?

The small part of her mind that still cared was grateful for the few people wandering around at the late hour, leaving her mostly unnoticed as she somehow made her way back to the dorms, wandering without much of a destination until she found herself behind a familiar door.

Julie. Julie and Amaterasu. Surely they would make her feel better. At least, they would make her feel.

With a shaking hand, Adelheid knocked at the door.

Amaterasu’s ears perked up at the knock and he bounded off the bed, barking. That sound meant Mama was back! He scratched at the door, impatient to see the woman taking care of him.

Julie laughed at the dog’s antics. “Won’t you be embarrassed if it’s not your mama,” he said to the puppy, pushing him back. He couldn’t open the door with him on top of it, and he didn’t want to take the chance of hurting him.

With a smile, he opened the door. “Welcome...” He trailed off. The smell was what hit him first. There was no mistaking that fresh, metallic scent. Then he saw the blood on her hands, the far off look in her eyes, and he knew that everything was not alright.

For a moment Adelheid just stood there, staring at Julie, not really comprehending it was him.

Then she burst into tears all over again, clinging to him. At least Julie was real. That much she could believe.

Julie’s arms came around her, holding her close as she cried. His chest tightened at the sound of her sobs, slowly pulling her inside of the room. It wouldn’t do to have someone see her in this state.

Amaterasu whimpered as he saw the state that his mama was in, shrinking back a little. He would let papa take care of this right now.

Adelheid couldn't form coherent words just yet. For now, she just needed to cry. Maybe it would help the strange pain go away. Either crying, or Julie's arms.

“Sh...it’s okay, Adelheid. I’m here,” he murmured, rocking a little. He would wait until she finished crying to ask what happen. For now, he was content holding her.

Finally, Adelheid gained some control of herself, her crying lessening to a few quiet sobs. Nevertheless, she allowed Julie to hold her. She felt awfully cold. She wasn't used to feeling cold.

Julie could hear the difference in her sobs and sighed. He knew that she was going to be upset most of the night, but he needed to know what happened. “Adel...what happened?”

"I..." Adelheid paused, trying to gather herself. "I think I killed Hibari."

Julie froze, arms tightening around her and his eyes wide. “What?”

"I... I mean, he's not dead... he wasn't when they took him, at least, but..." Adelheid was shaking all over, now.

“Sh...it’s okay.” He cupped her cheeks, tilting her face up. “Why did you?”

"I... I don't know." She closed her eyes. "We had just finished training and Cavallone came and... and before I knew it I attacked, there was never going to be a better chance than that..."

He sighed a little bit, running his fingers through her hair. “It’s okay. He’s going to be okay. Hibari is almost as stubborn as you are, and I doubt Dino would let him die.”

"He would be dead if not for Cavallone, already," Adelheid murmured. "A part of me is glad he isn't. A part of me is disappointed. I... I don't understand... He's the enemy. Why would I not be glad to see him dead?"

“Because...even though the Vongola are our enemy, you hold no grudge against Hibari personally. Had he not been part of the Vongola, you wouldn’t have felt the need to take revenge.” He sighed, resting his forehead against hers. “I’m sorry that it came to this.”

"There was so much blood," she murmured. "So much blood... he almost didn't survive... he might still die."

“He won’t. He won’t allow himself to die.” He took her hands, looking at the blood on them. “We should get you cleaned up.”

"But I killed him," Adelheid murmured. "And right in front of Cavallone..."

“In front of...” He was quiet for a moment. If the Cavallone knew...

“Adelheid, I want you to sit down on my bed. I need to get you clean now.”

Adelheid did as she was told, too shaken to disagree.

When Adelheid had taken a seat, Julie grabbed a washcloth and a bowl he had in his room. He left momentarily to fill it with water and a little bit of soap before coming back. Then he knelt in front of Adelheid, taking one of her bloodied hands as he dipped the washcloth in the water.

As he ran the cloth gently over her hand, he asked, “Will you tell me exactly what happened?”

"I... we had just finished training," Adelheid said, slowly, as Julie started washing the blood from her. "We'd been doing flame training, so most of the floor was still covered in ice. I left the hall just as Cavallone came to the front hall... and then..." She closed her eyes, trying to focus on the feeling of the warm, wet cloth moving over her skin. "I don't think I even knew what I was doing... it was just the perfect opportunity. Cavallone saw it wasn't me, right? I was in the other room with him. And Hibari... Hibari was standing in the doorway..."

A few more tears forced their way out under her closed lids as she recalled the scene. "I used my ring to reach to the ice in that hall," she whispered. "I pierced him from behind with one of my blades. Right through the chest. Just barely missed the spine, I think..." Julie knew her blades. He knew exactly how big they were. How lethal.

"Cavallone saw it all." Her voice was barely audible, now.

He looked up at her, hand tightening on hers as he saw the tears. Right then, he was just grateful that there was no way that Dino could have suspected that it was her who had hurt Hibari. If he had...Julie was scared that Dino would have no qualms about coming after their family.

He didn’t say that though. Instead, he continued to wash the blood off, dipping the cloth in the water and turning pink. “You...One of us was going to have to take that first step. It shouldn’t have been you though, in this way. I’m sorry, Adelheid.”

"I didn't even know Cavallone had Sun flames," she murmured. "I didn't know Hibari had a ring for him." She swallowed. "It had to be for him. Hibari would have no use for it. And Cavallone used it. Hibari had a ring made for him and Cavallone used it to stop him from dying in his arms." She felt sick. Sick at herself, the world, the whole damn situation that had brought them to this.

For a moment, Julie was quiet while he finished cleaning the hand in his own. When it was cleaned, he pressed his lips to the palm, eyes closed.

“Dino did what anyone who loved someone would do,” he murmured against her hand, not looking up at her. “If it had happened to you, I would have done anything to keep you alive.” He pulled back, taking the other bloody hand in his own. The cloth dipped into the water again before he began to slowly run it over her hand. “Maybe, since Hibari had the ring at just the right time, he wasn’t meant to die in that moment.”

"I know. I know. I just..." Again, Adelheid swallowed to get the words out of her throat. "At the moment, I was just thinking of how I could get away with it, what I should do to hide it all... and now a part of me wishes I had just walked out and left them to themselves." She gave a teary chuckle. "I guess in addition to possibly killing Hibari, I also stole away his chance to present the engagement ring properly..."

“How were you supposed to know that he would be presenting the ring today?” He scrubbed the blood between her fingers gently, glancing up at her. “You did what you felt was right, during a time that felt right. He is our enemy, even if he is your friend and you weren’t thinking about your feelings, or how it would affect you. You were thinking about the family. You were sacrificing for Enma and all of us.”

When her hands were cleaned, he pressed his lips to both of them in turn. “You are not a bad person. You’re wonderful, my love. You did what you had to, that’s all.”

"That doesn't make it any easier." She looked down at him with teary eyes. "I... I don't know what to do. I don't even know what to think."

For a moment, he watched her, not quite sure what to say or do either. What could he say or do at the moment, knowing that nothing would make her feel better about what happened? Still, one of them had to at least appear like they knew what they were doing and so, he lifted his hands to frame her face.

“You don’t need to do anything right now, you don’t need to think. Just let me take care of you for now. We can think of something later, okay?”

Adelheid swallowed and managed a little nod. Julie surely would know. Surely.

He pressed his lips to hers, kissing her softly. “Can you stand up? We need to change your clothes.”

"I... I think so." She had walked all the way here, after all. "There was blood everywhere..."

He stood slowly, taking her hands and helping her up. “I know. There tends to be.” His hands went to her shirt and began to slid it up, undressing her. For once though, there was no lust in his eyes, no wandering hands.

Adelheid stood there, allowing him to remove the bloodied shirt, lifting her arms when needed to. As the shirt was off, though, she clutched onto him and pressed her lips against his. Julie was warm, warm and real, quite unlike the icy ghost of her teacher she could still almost feel if she reached out her hand. She needed that warmth now.

Julie didn’t stop her when she kissed him, knowing that she needed the closeness right now. His hands went down to grip her hips, keeping her close as the tip of his tongue touched her bottom lip briefly. Though he knew that he would have to pull back soon, for now, he would let this happen.

Adelheid yearned to deepen the kiss, to taste more of Julie, of his warmth. She didn't really care what happened as long as she could feel his warm hands.

She had never felt this cold before.

After a moment, Julie pulled back from the kiss only to rest his forehead against hers. “Let’s finish getting you changed. Then we can lay down and do...whatever you want, okay?”

Adelheid kept clutching onto him, her knuckles white. "I don't want to think," she murmured. "I don't want to remember." Anything. Anything but that.

“Alright, we’ll find a way so you don’t have to think about it.” He brushed his hand over her cheek, pressing his lips to her forehead. “We still need to get you out of these clothes though and make sure all of the blood is gone. Then we can change you into something comfortable.”

A tear rolled down her cheek. "I'm cold, Julie," she whispered. "Why am I cold?"

When he saw the tear, he pulled her close so she wouldn’t see how his eyes widened. How was he supposed to answer that? He couldn’t tell her that she was cold because of what happened. “Because...you walked all the way here in only that little outfit and your clothes were...wet. That’s why we need to get you changed and under the covers.”

"But I'm never cold," she protested, still in a whisper. "I'm the Glacier. I don't get cold."

“But you also wore yourself out today. Between sparring and...even you would be bound to get cold.” He ran his hands over her back softly. “I’ll warm you up though.”

"Please." She leant into him, her head falling against his shoulder.

He pressed his lips to the top of her head, his hands going down to her skirt. For a moment, he hesitated, worried she would hit him, but decided that would be better than this. He finally began to slide the skirt down, wishing this was happening under different circumstances. “You can borrow some of my clothes if you want to lay down in.”

Except that would mean Julie wouldn't touch her. That would mean she would be all cold again. "...Julie?"

“Yeah, Adel?”

"Do you want me?"

Julie blinked at the question, surprised. It seemed an odd time to ask something like that. “Well...yes, of course I do.”

"Then... please." She turned her teary gaze at him. "Make me feel... anything else but this."

“What?” He was sick for a moment as he realized that he was actually considering it. But he couldn’t, wouldn’t, be with her like this. “No, Adelheid. When we’re finally together, I want it to be something we both want, not something we’re doing because...” He cupped her cheeks. “Not tonight. I can find other ways to make you feel something else and make you forget. But I won’t take you like this.”

"Why not?" A faint tremble ran down her spine. "Is it because I'm just some sick challenge to you? You're not interested if it's too easy for your taste? Huh?" It was irrational to be angry, some small part of her insisted, but she couldn't help it. She just wanted to forget this feeling. He was supposed to want her; he'd just said so. Why wouldn't he help her? Did he enjoy seeing her suffer?

“No, it’s not either of those things.” With anyone else, he would have been insulted. But right now, he couldn’t bring himself to be angry with Adelheid. “I’m not doing this because I know, tomorrow morning, you would regret it. And I don’t want our first time to be something that you regret.”

He leaned down to press his lips to hers softly and murmured against them. “I would have to be dead to not be interested in you. But I care about you far too much to do something that you’ll be unhappy with later.”

For a moment she just stood there, shivers running through her frame.

Then she slid down to the floor, sobbing and trembling on her knees.

He immediately followed her, falling to his knees in front of her. His arms went around her and he pulled her close, rocking her a little. “Shh...it’s going to be okay.”

"It's not," she sobbed, "it's not... Either he dies, or he lives, and neither is going to be okay..."

“It will be, I promise.” He held her tighter, nuzzling into her hair. “I’ll protect you, I promise Adelheid.”

"Except you can't," she murmured. "Not if Cavallone finds out." Nobody could protect her then.

“Then I’ll die trying. I won’t let anyone hurt you, Adel. Not as long as there’s a breath in my body.”

"Because you dying would make it so much better..."

“I know it wouldn’t. But I won’t let anything happen to you.” He tilted her face up. “I don’t want to see you hurt. I love you too much.”

Except she was already hurt, gazing at him with empty eyes beneath the tears. "I'm cold," she whispered.

He stared at her for a moment before he stood up and walked over to his dresser. He searched quickly, pulling out a pair of pajama pants and a top. Then he knelt down in front of her, holding out the clothes. “Here, put this on. Then we can lay down together, okay?”

She nodded slowly, acting as though in a dream, pulling the clothes on her shivering body. Despite their being clean, she almost imagined she could feel a faint hint of Julie's scent.

Julie watched her as she changed, waiting for her to finish. He could see that she was shivering and wanted to get her under the covers as soon as possible.

Adelheid finally got herself dressed, hugging herself. The clothes were too tight around the chest and hips and too big everywhere else, but at least they were dry and clean.

When she was finished, Julie stood, brushing off his clothes. Then he reached down and lifted her into his arms with little effort. Despite what she looked like, she was actually very light. “Would you like to lay down now?”

"...Yeah." Maybe, if she lay down, she could sleep. And if she was asleep, at least she wouldn't feel anything.

Julie carried her to the bed, making sure to step carefully. He didn’t want to take the chance of tripping over something. When he got to the bed, he set her down on it, climbing on after her. His arms came around her and pulled her close. “Is this okay?”

"...Yeah." She managed a small nod even as she shivered. "This is... okay." Except it wasn't, nothing was okay, things were terrible and she still felt cold and surely there was still blood in her hands.

But Julie was warm, and that was okay.

Julie pulled the covers over them, nuzzling into her hair and running his hands over her back. He needed to find something to distract her. “Amaterasu missed you a lot today, and so did I.”

"I'll make it up to you both." Once she stopped shivering.

“I know you will.” He tipped her face up and pressed his lips to hers lightly. “Right now, I just want to you to feel better.”

"I'm not sure I can." But still, just being held with him helped.

Amaterasu finally got over his panicked fit over the scent of blood, or perhaps he realized helping her was more important than growling and barking at the bloodied clothes. He jumped up to the bed, crawling up to nuzzle Adelheid's neck.

He reached over to give Amaterasu a pat before nuzzling Adelheid. “You will, my love. I’ll help you feel better.”

"I don't know if I can feel better." A whisper.

He ran his hand along her back, moving in to brush his lips along her jaw. “You will. Trust me please.”

"...I'll try." It was all she could do at the moment.

“I know that you will.” He pulled her a little closer, his lips pressing against hers. “Would you like me to do anything until you fall asleep?”

"Just... be here." She shivered. "Please."

He nodded a little bit, pulling her closer. “I will be. I’ll always be here, I promise.”

"Promise?" A quiet, almost childish whisper.

Her eyes were shut tight, yet she still saw the image of Cavallone hunched over Hibari's bloodied form.

Julie pressed his lips against hers softly. “I promise.”

She lay there in his embrace, still shivering and trembling as though with a fever, until finally she fell into a slumber filled with nightmares and the stench of blood.