Reruns all become our history
January: From my own hands I was taught virtues. I learned betrayal…the joint paradox between love and pain. They taught me how the body can betray the conscience…how needs of the soul can overcome any bit of rationalism.
February: That thing of quitting smoking...out the window as of Sunday...
I can't go cold-turkey. I am cutting down, but without...just makes me shaky as all hell. It's dusgusting.
March: It's a bit worrisome how you don't choose when it comes to love, it chooses you...
I keep finding myself back to the same square of emotion I began at.
I really should stop trying other routes.
April: I dreamed last night that my father died. That I hadn't been there to hold onto him until he went. I would wake up and fall back asleep, into this "dream". Cried so much in my sleep. I can't even describe the feelings.
May: A on the womens studies paper....90/100. It ended up on the biblical subjugation of women.
June: I wanted to call my sister tonight. On the walk home from the train after work, I ran through my head of how I would tell her what I want to…and then it hit me, I don’t really have a clue where she is…no way to reach her…It’s like a disconnected line between us, one which I won’t stop trying to dial upon.
July: The city is taking some getting used to. It's so loud here at night; ambulances, the rumble of cars down the street, etc...slowly, it's becoming comforting...a reminder that I am now somewhere I want to be; somewhere alive.
August: Call me crazy. I am taking an extended leave from school...and yes, I am truly looking into getting a counselor soon. I have a lot to deal with: myself and my past...I cannot further my life if I never quite face who I am now and where I have come from.
September: I didn't want to pick up those pieces.
October:Maybe I have immaculately concieved. I have this undying nausea lately. It's really becoming annoying.
November: Ok, so my work is not so bad. I stood less than a foot from Fairuza Balk today, and god is she fucking hot...
December: I am so ready for my space, out of my fathers place...I can't even begin to explain. I am so sick of here...