But Nobody Cares If You're Losing Yourself - Part Two
Frank was laid on his back in the middle of the field with Ray. It was lunch time and they were currently waiting for Gerard and Mikey to show up. He hadn’t heard much from the two of them, usually he saw Gerard whenever he’d passed his locker but today he hadn’t seen him. He heard a bag drop near his ear and turned to see Mikey sit down in between him and Ray. Just as Frank opened his mouth to ask where Gerard was, he spoke.
“Gerard went home, said he felt sick.”
Frank rose his eyebrow in confusion. “He looked fine this morning.” He said, sitting up to face both Mikey and Ray. They were silent before something clicked.
“The jocks didn’t get him did they?” Frank asked, his eyes wide in shock.
“That’s my guess as well.” Mikey grumbled, “I asked him but he hasn’t texted back, so yeah, they probably did.”
“So that’s why the fuckers looked so smug today.” Ray groaned, slapping his hand to his forehead, “I thought they might have gotten laid but of course beating the shit out of one of their favourite targets is the only thing that would make them look so fucking smug.”
“I knew we should have walked him to fucking graphics.” Frank hissed, he was pissed at himself. He never usually listened to Gerard but for once he had, they’d planned on a night of video games and getting detention would of cut that short and Frank really wanted to hang out with Gerard more, even if it did mean being around Ray and Mikey as well.
“He’s not a kid Frank, we don’t need to babysit him.” Mikey said.
“I know, but we had a feeling this would happen.” Frank sighed, flopping back down to stare at the sky.
“You never know, Gerard might actually have just felt sick.” Ray said, although he sounded as though he didn’t believe it either.
“As much as I want to belief that, it’s highly unlikely.” Frank grumbled, “Like you said the jocks looked far too smug.” They sat in silence for a few minutes, all thinking about Gerard. Frank sighed again and looked towards Mikey, grinning.
“Guess we’re going to your house instead of Ray’s tonight MikeyWay.”
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Gerard was laid out on the couch in the living room, wincing in pain whenever he tried to move to get comfortable. He’d been lucky that no one in the street had recognised him and seen him in such a beaten up state, he really couldn’t be bothered to explain just yet what had happened. He was also lucky enough to arrive home and find it empty, usually his mom didn’t leave until around lunch time, but sometimes she would leave early to visit.... Gerard swallowed hard as he remembered how their grandma had passed away. He had to admit it was tough, she’d been an inspiration to him, always encouraging him that whatever he set his mind too he could succeed.
Sighing softly Gerard slowly pulled himself of the couch, hissing in pain as he stood up on his sore legs, and limped his way down the stairs into his bedroom to grab his sketchbook, his mind was set on drawing his grandma. Smiling as he grabbed it off the bed, he took a deep breath and started walking back up the stairs, gritting his teeth as sharp pains shot through his body. Gerard could have cried with relief when he reached the top.
“Hello Sunshine!”
Gerard groaned in frustration as he looked towards the source of the voice and found Owen leaning against the doorway from the kitchen. He glared at him weakly before limping his way back to the couch, before he sat down he looked up to see Owen was making his way towards him.
“You look like shit.” Owen said. Gerard glanced up from opening his sketchbook to see Owen studying him.
“So does your face.” Gerard snapped, pulling a pencil from his bag and looking up to see Owen grinning at him.
“Ouch that wasn’t nice.”
Gerard rolled his eyes. “No shit Sherlock.”
“Someone’s bitchy today.” Owen teased, smirking. Biting back another sarcastic comment, Gerard glared at the boy.
“What the hell you doing here anyway?” Gerard growled.
“My Gerard sense was tingling.” Owen said, shrugging. Gerard blinked at him in confusion.
“Your... What was tingling?”
“My Gerard sense.” Owen grinned. Gerard shook his head and groaned.
“I’m going to forget you said that.”
“So what happened to you? Because I’m not kidding. You look like shit.” Owen asked, moving to stand in front of Gerard.
“I got attacked by a pack of rabid snails.” Gerard growled. All he could currently do was stare at the blank page in the sketchbook, at first he’d wanted to sketch his grandma but now with Owen here slowly pissing him off he felt like drawing something that would help him vent his anger, or he could just punch Owen.
“You got the shit beaten out of you by the jocks didn’t you?” Owen said, grinning. Gerard looked up and glared at him.
“Why the fuck do you sound so happy about it?” Gerard snarled. Owen studied him for a few seconds before shrugging.
“What did you do to get beaten so badly?” Owen asked, prodding a bruise on Gerard’s exposed collar bone making him hiss in pain, “Well least you’ve got enough fat to cover yourself or you’d be in a worse state.” Gerard froze for a few seconds before looking up at Owen who was still, intently, prodding at the bruise.
“What did you just say?” Gerard hissed, he watched as Owen jumped back in shock.
“I said least your t-shirt covers you or you’d seem in a worse state.” Gerard blinked at him before nodding and looking back down at his sketchbook, missing a slow smirk appear on Owens’ face.
“So what did you do?” Owen asked again.
“I may have wound them up a bit.”
Owen rolled his eyes, “Well no wonder you look worse than you usually do.”
Gerard’s shot up and he glared at him, “What?”
“I said no wonder, you look worse than last time.” Gerard continued to glare but nodded anyway. He was sure Owen was saying those things, but maybe he was mistaken. He had taken a few punches to the head today.
“Did you even stay in school at all today?” Owen asked. Gerard looked at Owen in disbelief.
“You can’t be that much of an idiot. Stay in school looking like this! No thanks.” Gerard grumbled. Owen glared at him for a few seconds before smirking.
“Maybe if they’d hit your face hard enough it might have made you look decent.” Gerard’s head snapped up ad he growled.
“Oh do you want me to repeat that?” Owen said innocently, “I said, maybe if they’d hit your face hard enough it might of made you look decent.”
“Get the fuck out!” Gerard hissed, pointing towards the door. Owen grinned.
“My pleasure, Sunshine.” Owen said, walking towards the front before stopping and turning around, “Oh, déjà vu.” Owen winked at him before leaving the house laughing.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Frank was walking in silence with Mikey and Ray towards Mikey’s house. Their original plan had been to meet up outside the school gates and head over to Ray’s for a night filled with video games. But with Gerard texting saying he’d headed home and the jocks looking far too pleased with themselves it probably meant Gerard was at home, lying on the couch covered in bruises. So they’d decided to just head back to Mikey’s and to confirm their suspicions before ordering in a pizza and watching some horror movies. They’d just entered the front door and were walking towards the kitchen before Mikey stopped walking suddenly, making Frank walk into him.
“Ow Mikey, don’t just stop....” Frank was saying before he looked up to see Gerard leaning heavily against the kitchen counter, coffee maker switch on next to him, and his shirt was off. “Holy fuck Gee.”
Gerard was covered in bruises, every inch of his skin was marred in purple/blue marks. A few were even the shape of a shoe, suggesting straight away he’d been kick. His collarbones and neck were bruised, blood had dried from his lips to the base of his neck and a sickly coloured bruise was forming on the right side of his jaw. Frank watched as Gerard stood up slightly, wincing as the effort caused him pain, and looked at them in confusion.
“I thought you were all going to Ray’s today?” Gerard asked, pretending as though he didn’t look like he’d been beaten within an inch of his life.
“We turn up to find you covered in bruises and the only think you can ask is why we aren’t at Ray’s?” Mikey asked, slightly angry but when Ray placed a hand on his shoulder Frank saw the younger brother visibly calm down. Frank stepped in front of Mikey and studied Gerard for a few seconds.
“We got a text from you saying you’d gone home and then we found the jocks walking around looking far too smug.” Frank said, eyebrows raised, “We were worried that something had happened to you and by the look of you, something did.”
Frank watched in confusion as Gerard folded his arms around his chest as though to protect himself and to stop them from looking. Gerard was never usually self-conscious, he’d happily walk around the house in his boxers if he didn’t get scolded from his mom for it.
“I couldn’t exactly stay could I?” Gerard said, wincing as he wrapped his arms around himself tighter.
“What happened?” Ray said sitting down at the kitchen table and motioning for everyone else to do the same. Everyone did apart from Gerard who stayed standing next to the coffee maker and shrugged.
“Walked past the back of the gym, they spotted me, I tried to stand up for myself and they beat me up. Simple.” Gerard said, looking towards the floor. Everyone was silent for a few seconds before Frank decided to speak up.
“What do you mean tried to stand up for yourself?” Frank asked carefully, watching as Gerard bit his bottom lip.
“I may have wound them up a bit.”
“Gerard!” Mikey cried, shaking his head, “No wonder you look as bad as you do.”
Gerard flinched. “I’m going to my room to sleep off this headache.” Gerard said as he got up and headed out the kitchen just as the coffee maker began beeping, signalling that it was ready.
“But Gee, what about the coffee?” Frank asked, watching sadly at Gerard’s retreating form.
“You can have it, I don’t want any.”
xoxoxoxoxox
“Can anyone tell me what schizophrenia is?” Mr.Nolan said, his eyes scanning the room full of students.
Frank was bored, extremely bored. They’d just finished learning the treatments of uni-polar depression and now they’d moved onto schizophrenia. Frank looked to his left to see Ray staring out the window, longingly. It felt like they’d been in the room for hours but they’d only been in for fifty minutes. Another ten minutes of this hell and he could skip home to get ready for the boys night at Ray’s, playing video games and eating junk food. Mikey had somehow been able to drag Gerard from his room this morning and get him to school. The bruises were slowly turning from purple to a sickly yellow colour and he’d been able to hide most of them by wearing a baggy t-shirt, the only ones visible were the few on his neck and the one on his jaw.
“It’s split personalities sir.” Someone said smugly. Frank rolled his eyes at glared at the back of the girls head, he sometimes hated people who knew everything.
“Common mistake.” Mr.Nolan said, smiling, “But that’s multiple personality disassociation. Schizophrenia is being split from reality.” Frank looked towards the teacher, slightly interested.
“To a schizophrenic everything to them is reality, everything is real. It is a psychotic disorder, these people don’t know they have a mental disorder. Can anyone tell me a symptom?”
“Hallucinations.” Frank said, staring at the clock in boredom, watching as the long hand slowly made its way round.
“Correct Frank.” Mr.Nolan said smiling. Frank had quickly read though a page of the notes in his booklet on schizophrenia, making sure he could remember at least a few of the symptoms. Recently he and Ray had been getting into trouble from the teacher for not participating in the lessons. He was hoping this may shut him up for a while.
“Delusions.” Ray said, still staring out the window. Frank smiled as he realised Ray must have had the same idea as him.
“Anything else?” The teacher said smiling. When no one answered he was about to begin explaining again when the bell rang, “Alright homework for the weekend is to write definitions of the symptoms of schizophrenia.”
Frank grinned as he stood up and started shoving everything back in his bag. He turned around to find Ray grinning at him.
“Mine at five. Bring junk food and money for the pizza, I’m not a bank.” Ray said, punching his shoulder. Frank nodded enthusiastically.
“See you there.” He said, grinning and sprinting out of the door.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
All day people were staring, all day they were whispering, and pointing, and gasping. Gerard just couldn’t take it anymore. In the back of his mind he knew that they were staring because of the bruises but he couldn’t help but feel self-conscious, scolding himself for wearing tight jeans and a t-shirt. But mostly he was pissed that he was letting Owen get to him. He’d only known the boy for a few months and now he was letting the guy's words get to him.
He stood up and slowly made his way out of his graphics class. As soon as he stepped out the door he could hear the whispers, the giggles. He could feel the eyes and the fingers pointing at him. The corridor felt too small, he felt trapped, uncomfortable. He was struggling to breathe, the space was so small.
Gerard sped up, he needed to get home, away from people. He couldn’t handle this. In a moment of madness, he was sure he heard Owen laughing somewhere behind him.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Frank had instantly been worried the moment he’d walked through the Way's front door when he heard Mikey’s soft voice followed by the rattle of a door knob, as though someone was trying to get in somewhere, or out. With caution he slowly headed into the living room to see Mikey leaning against Gerard’s bedroom door.
“Come on, Gee.” Mikey pleaded softly, “Just come to Ray’s with us, it’ll take you mind off it.”
“Take his mind off what?” Frank asked carefully, startling Mikey. Mikey remained frozen for a few seconds before shaking his head and sighing.
“I’m heading to Ray’s.” Mikey shouted, pointing towards the kitchen, signally for Frank to go in there. Nodding Frank headed towards the kitchen listening as he heard the soft footsteps of Mikey behind him. After entering he turned and waited for Mikey to begin speaking.
“I have no idea what’s wrong with him.” Mikey said, shrugging his shoulders, “He just walked through the door looking like he was about to have a panic attack before running and locking himself in his room.” Frank sighed and rubbed his hands over his face before looking at Mikey hoping he might have the answers on what to do.
“I’m going to Ray’s.” Mikey mumbled, heading towards the front door, “If anyone can work out what’s wrong, you can.” Frank reached forward as though to grab Mikey’s wrist but Mikey managed to step away.
“But you’re his brother.” Frank said. Mikey shrugged his shoulders at him.
“Telling someone different might be good for him.” Mikey said, smiling before heading out the door. Frank stared at the door in shock, he could tell where Mikey was coming from and if Frank was able to calm Gerard down Mikey would be able to find out what was wrong later. But it was just how Mikey had so bluntly given him the job before skipping off to Ray’s, okay not skipping but he could have been. Shaking his head Frank took in a shaky breath before heading towards Gerard’s door and knocking softly.
“Gee, it’s me, Frank.” Frank said, quietly, “Could you open up please?” Frank was met with silence for a few seconds before he decided to try and open the door like Mikey had but when he found the door opened effortlessly he wondered whether Gerard had heard him come in and was hoping he’d go down. Frank’s eyes widened in realisation, maybe Gerard had been sat at the top of the stairs the whole time. Carefully and silently Frank made his way down the stairs, worry gripping him as he heard quiet sobs.
“Gee?” Frank whispered, peeking around the corner of the stairs to find Gerard sat on his bed. His knees pulled up to his chest with his arms wrapped around them, pulling them tightly to his chest as though he was trying to wrap himself up into a ball. His face was buried in the top of his knees, his shoulders shaking as each quiet sob and whimper escaped his fragile body.
“Oh Gee.” Frank said softly, walking slowly towards the boy, “What’s the matter?” All Frank got in response was a choked sob before he leaped at the boy and wrapped his arms around him. Rocking him back and forth and whispering soothing words in hopes it would calm Gerard down. It was breaking Frank’s heart, being sat here holding and whispering to the one he loved, trying to comfort when he didn’t know what he was trying to comfort him for. He didn’t know how long he sat there, with Gerard curled into his side and his head resting on Franks chest, but it was a short while before Gerard’s sobs calmed down to occasional whimpers before stopping. However, Frank could still feel fresh tears soaking his t-shirt. On impulse Frank leant down and kissed the top of Gerard’s hair, hoping it would silently comfort the boy.
“Gee, what’s the matter babe?” Frank asked softly, wincing slightly when he let the babe slip through but he wasn’t met with any hostility.
“All they do is stare Frank.” Gerard whimpered, nuzzling his face into Frank’s chest causing Frank’s heart to skip a beat, “They just stare, point, giggle and whisper.” Frank’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“Who stares Gerard?”
“Everyone.” Gerard said, sitting up quickly and startling Frank. He turned around to face him and Frank’s heart sunk as he saw the tear trails down Gerard’s cheeks starting from the boy’s bloodshot eyes.
“Am I really that fat Frank? Do I really look hideous?” Gerard pleaded. Frank stared at Gerard in shock. He’d never spoken like this before, he’d never been worried about his weight or his looks. Gerard always held an ‘I don’t care what you think’ attitude. Frank felt slightly unnerved by this side of his best friend.
“Of course you’re not.” Frank whispered, reaching out and moving Gerard’s bangs out of his eyes. He felt like he could cry when he saw the sadness within his eyes. “You’re beautiful.”
“Then why do they stare?” He whimpered, fresh tears threatening to spill. “I’m ugly, that has to be the reason.”
“You’re not ugly Gee.” Frank moved his hand so it was cupping his face and gently stroked his cheek. “You’re beautiful, so very beautiful.” Frank watched as Gerard turned his head away and he closed his eyes, the fresh tears having escaped and were slowly falling down his cheeks.
“Stop saying that Frank.” Gerard whispered, shaking his head. “Don’t say things you don’t mean.”
“But I do.” Frank whispered, cupping Gerard’s face in his hands which made the boy turn to look at him. “I mean it so much that it hurts.”
Frank waited for a brief period of time before moving forward and capturing Gerard’s lips. As soon as their lips touched Frank felt an electric spark shoot through his body making him shiver. It took a while for Gerard to respond but when he did Frank pushed himself closer, wrapping his arms around Gerard’s neck to tug lightly on his hair. He felt Gerard’s arms slowly stroke their way up his back to tangle within his hair as their mouths moved in perfect synchronisation. Hesitantly, Frank opened his mouth and swiped his tongue along Gerard’s bottom lip asking for entrance. He was delighted when he heard a throaty moan and Gerard parted his lips allowing his tongue to slip in and taste him. Frank couldn’t help but moan as he tasted Gerard. He tasted like coffee, cigarettes, and a slight minty taste.
Frank pulled away, gasping for air and opened his eyes to see Gerard in front of him, staring in wonder, his cheeks flush, eyes wide and his lips slightly swollen. He shivered in delight before reaching forward and capturing Gerard’s lips again, pulling him down so Frank was hovering above him, his legs straddling Gerard’s thighs. He groaned as he felt Gerard’s hands move to the bottom of his t-shirt and began to tug upwards. Frank broke the kiss to allow his shirt to be pulled off while he tackled the task of getting Gerard’s off as well. As soon as both t-shirts were discarded, he dove back down and attached his lips to Gerard’s throat, sucking and relishing in the mewls and whimpers he was making, each one going straight to his cock. He trailed his mouth down Gerard’s neck and chest, sucking and nipping, leaving marks, until he reached his abdomen. He looked up and smirked as he saw Gerard, his head was resting again the pillow, eyes screwed shut and panting. He waited until Gerard opened his eyes and looked at him before slowly unbuttoning his jeans and pulling the zipper down with his teeth, all while keeping eye contacted with Gerard who shivered and slammed his head back onto the pillow, causing Frank to chuckle while he peeled off the jeans, exposing pale legs. He quickly grabbed the waistband of Gerard’s boxers and ripped them off before he could protest, which earned a surprised squeak from him. He grinned as Gerard blushed a deep red and tried to push him out the way so he could cover himself up but Frank just smirked, crawling his way back up to capture Gerard’s lips in a heated kiss again. When they broke away, gasping for air, Gerard looked down Frank’s body and frowned.
“Why do you have clothes on and I’m naked?” Gerard growled, reaching down to quickly pop the button on Frank’s jeans then yanked the zipper down. Frank hissed as it rubbed against his hardening erection. Soon Frank’s jeans and boxers were removed and thrown somewhere in the room with the other clothes and they were both locked within a passionate, desperate kiss again. Frank began to mentally panic wondering if Gerard had some lube and condoms, he really didn’t want to hurt him.
“Bedside table...” Gerard gasped, breaking the kiss as though he’d read Frank’s mind. Giggling and shaking his head, Frank leaned over to quickly collect the items before leaning back to sit on his legs, smiling nervously as he popped the cap on the lube and poured a generous amount on his fingers.
“You sure about this?” Frank asked, causing Gerard to roll his eyes and nod. Nodding back Frank hesitated for a second before pushing one finger in, he felt Gerard tense and allowed him to get used to the feeling. As soon as Gerard had relaxed he began to move his finger in and out, slowly at first but picking up the pace as he heard Gerard moan. When a second finger was added he winced more violently, breathing deeply to calm himself down, this time Frank didn’t stop, he continued to move his fingers, thrusting and scissoring hoping Gerard would relax around them. When a third finger was added and he pushed in deeply, Frank jumped as Gerard let out a loud moan.
“Fuck...” Gerard panted, clutching the sheets, “Do that... that again.” Frank blinked before wiggling his fingers around a bit until he heard Gerard gasp and moan again. He grinned, realising he’d found the bundle of nerves he hadn’t really been looking for. When he removed his fingers he shivered as he heard a whine of protest leave Gerard’s lips which spurred him to quickly rip the condom packet open and roll it on. He positioned himself before starring into Gerard’s eyes, looking for some sort of uncertainty, when he didn’t find any he began to push in slowly. When he saw tears trickle down his face he leaned down to kiss them away while whispering reassuring words.
“Move.” Gerard gasped after a while. Frank obeyed, thrusting slowly allowing Gerard to get used to it and as soon as he began meeting Frank’s thrusts, he quickened his speed. Whenever Gerard gasped ‘harder’ or ‘faster’ Frank obeyed, giving him everything he asked for, enjoying the way he squirmed in pleasure underneath him, moaning loud and long as Frank began hitting the bundle of nerves with every thrust. As soon as he began feeling the coiling sensation in his abdomen Frank reached between them to stroke Gerard’s cock with each thrust, making the moans increase.
“Fuck Frank... Fuck. I’m gonna... I’m gonna... Fuck!” And then Gerard came, pulling Frank down for a sloppy, breath taking kiss. A few more thrusts and Frank soon followed him, shouting Gerard’s name as he shivered in pleasure. As Frank came down from his orgasm he fell on top of Gerard, trying to catch his breath and listening to the way Gerard’s heart beat slowed down.
“Get off Frank.” Gerard mumbled, pushing on Frank’s shoulder. “You’re heavy.” Frank giggled before rolling to the side and lying next to Gerard, still panting slightly. He smiled as Gerard turned and snuggled into his side, laying his head on Frank’s chest.
“G’night Frank.” Gerard mumbled sleepily. Frank chuckled, squeezing Gerard’s shoulder and placing a light kiss in his hair.
“Night Gerard.”
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Frank groaned as he woke up, tempted to snuggle closer to the warm body that was cuddled into his side. But he could hear the vibrations of his phone go off somewhere on the floor wherever his jeans had been thrown. Groaning again, he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and, reluctantly, carefully removed Gerard’s head from his chest onto the pillow before crawling off the bed and searching the floor for his jeans. He made a small noise of triumph when he located his jeans and pulled his phone from the back pocket only to see that Mikey was calling him. Quickly looking at his phone he noticed the time said 9.08pm before accepting the call.
“E’llo.” Frank slurred, rubbing his eyes again and yawning.
“You’ve been asleep?” Mikey said, sighing. “Here we are, Ray and I, practically worrying ourselves over the fact you could have been eaten alive by zombies and we find you were sleeping!”
“Don’t drag me in this argument Mikey, I said they were fine.” Frank could hear Ray mumble somewhere in the background. “And don’t roll your eyes at me mister.”
“So how is Gerard?” Mikey asked. Frank turned and a content smile slipped on his face as he saw Gerard curled up on his side, facing him. His mouth was slightly open and his cheeks still held a slight flush. Frank wished he had a camera just so he could capture this moment forever.
“He’s fine.” Frank sighed, smiling.
“You fucked didn’t you.” Mikey said. A heated blush rose on Frank’s cheeks before he began to mumble incoherent explanations. “I knew it! Hey, Ray. They did it.” Frank ran a hand over his face in embarrassment and looked over to make sure Gerard was still asleep, which he was.
“Fucking finally.” Ray said, somewhere in the background. Mikey sighed exaggeratedly.
“I guess you’re not coming over to Ray’s then.” Mikey said, mock hurt evident in his tone. “Well I guess we’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
“I’m going to kick you tomorrow you do realise that.” Frank mumbled.
“Whatever.” Mikey said, before hanging up the phone with a chuckle. Frank sighed, he should have known Mikey would pull that kind of stunt, but for some reason he didn’t care.
“What are you doing on the floor?”
Frank nearly jumped out of his skin as he heard the small, quiet voice break through his thoughts. He looked up to see Gerard looking down at him, still curled up in the same position on the bed but his eyes were wide and he had a small smile on his lips. Frank grinned at him.
“Your asshole of a brother called.” Frank said. Gerard frowned slightly before turning and looking at his bedside clock, eyes widening as he realised it was 9.15pm.
“Shit, we’re meant to be at Ray’s.” Gerard sat, sitting up quickly. Frank watched mesmerised as the duvet fell and pooled in Gerard’s lap. He stood up, walking towards Gerard and pulled him into a kiss.
“What was that for?” Gerard asked as they broke away. He was panting slightly and he had a mild blush covering his cheeks. Frank smiled at him before lying back in bed with him and pulling the boy so he was snuggled in his chest.
“No reason.” Frank said, combing his fingers gently through Gerard’s hair and smiling as he heard him hum in satisfaction.
“Gerard?” Frank asked quietly, worried he might upset him with his next question. When he felt Gerard nuzzle his face slightly in his neck he decided to continue. “Before... Where did all that come from? You’ve never been self-conscious before.” He felt Gerard stiffen but continued to run his hand through his hair hoping it would calm him, after a while it did. He released a quiet sigh of relief as he felt Gerard relax, basking in the quiet silence before speaking.
“A few weeks ago,” Gerard whispered, swallowing. “I met this boy called Owen, he seemed fairly nice. He was chatty, funny and he seemed so similar to me that I was drawn to him. He was alright to begin with but after a few weeks he began to say things, little things that would worm their way into my thoughts and expand until it was all I could think about.”
Frank was silent for a few minutes mulling over everything Gerard had said. He didn’t like the sound of this guy one bit, he sounded like the kind who got a kick out of fucking people up. He felt a bit upset that he hadn’t met this person even though Gerard had known him for a long time. Frank sighed.
“Don’t listen to him Gee.” He whispered, kissing the top of Gerard’s head again. “How come I haven’t met him anyway?” He felt Gerard shrug against him.
“I tried, but he refused too. He always jumped out my window before any of you came down the stairs.”
“Strange.”
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Gerard smiled as he left the school’s library, content with his life. It had been a couple of weeks since that night with Frank and they’d been inseparable. It felt nice to have someone to love and to be loved in return. The simple gestures, like Frank giving him chaste kisses before lessons started, made him feel special and worthy.
It was a couple of hours after the school day had ended that he’d had some English homework that needed finishing and for that he needed the help of some books in the library. So he had opted to stay behind at school and refused anyone’s company, arguing he’d be alright on his own. He knew if someone had stayed behind with him they’d have been an easy distraction and the homework wouldn’t have been finished, again. It wouldn’t have been the first time Gerard’s homework hadn’t been done due to Frank distracting him. Because when his boyfriend's lips were busy leaving feather like kisses on his neck he couldn’t help but be distracted.
He continued to walk towards the school gates before he was grabbed from behind, a hand was covering his mouth stopping any attempts for him to shout for help. He struggled against the arms holding him, dragging him away from the freedom of the school gates and further into the school grounds. After a few minutes and a futile struggle against those holding him, he was finally thrown on the grass in the field he, Mikey, Ray and Frank sat in during lunch.
“We told you it wasn’t over.” A voice said above him. Gerard groaned as he recognised the voice of one of the jocks he’d mocked before. He looked up and found the four same jocks peering down at him, all with satisfied grins on their faces. Gerard felt a shiver run down his spine as he realised he was alone, he was out of school hours and there was nobody to help him.
“You made a big mistake the day you decided to mock us.” Said the smallest one who was stood on the left to the one that pack leader. Gerard had to stop himself from snorting as the word pack came into his mind. They were a pack, a vicious, unfriendly and uncaring pack of rabid idiots.
“Shut it Smith.” Growled the leader. He grinned down sadistically at Gerard. “Now, what are we going to do with you?” Gerard gulped, he was seriously regretting the actions he had taken the last time he’d met the jocks, maybe if he hadn’t been to big-headed and confident he wouldn’t be in this position right now. But wasn’t he allowed the right to stand up for himself? Gerard thought so, Mikey thought so, Ray and Frank also thought so, but they didn’t. He saw a figure move behind the jocks and was shocked when he saw Owen's head appear behind the leaders left shoulder. Owen grinned down at him.
“You look so weak and vulnerable down there Sunshine.” Owen taunted, “No wonder you’re the jocks favourite target.” Gerard looked at the faces of the jocks, waiting for them to turn around and ask Owen what he was doing there. But they didn’t, their expressions didn’t even change. Gerard’s eyes widened.
“Oh he looks so terrified.” Chuckled another jock. “Don’t worry, we’re not going to hurt you, much.”
Gerard pushed himself into a sitting position on unsteady hands, his hands on the ground behind him holding him up. He hadn’t realised how much he was trembling until he’d moved. He looked up to see Owen was now stood slightly in front and to the left. Owen rolled his eyes.
“You look utterly pathetic. Sat there, trembling all over and your eyes wide and staring.” Owen said, chuckling. “I thought I was a useless fucker. Seriously, you can’t even stand up for yourself without it having server consequences.”
“.... pissed me off too much.” Leader jock growled. Gerard’s eyes snapped back to the tall one, when he saw the rage within his eyes he felt the trembling in his body increase. Worried his unsteady hands wouldn’t be able to hold him up much longer he slowly shuffled backwards until his back hit a tree.
“Now look at you.” Owen said, shaking his and walking forward before kneeling in front of him, smirking. Gerard’s eyes following his every movement, wondering why the hell the jocks didn’t notice him. “Moving backwards as though you’re scared, it’s just going to give them satisfaction. Where’s your confidence now huh? You pathetic useless motherfucker.”
“Hey, what the fuck do you think you’re staring at?” Hissed leader jock, who was glaring at him with so much hate Gerard was sure if looks could kill, he’d be long gone by now.
“I think he was staring at your dick, Will.” The smallest jock said, a disgusted sneer present on his face. Gerard shivered as he saw the sadistic grin slowly appear on leader jocks face.
“I think I’ve worked out what we can do with this faggot.” He hissed, still grinning. “Like we said last time, you don’t fuck with us, we fuck with you.” Gerard froze as soon as the words left the guys mouth. They couldn’t be serious, if they were going to do what Gerard thought they were going to do then they were sicker than he originally thought. They’d reached an all new low and Gerard was the stupid fucker who had to mess with them.
“You’re right about that.” Owen said, as he leaned against the tree Gerard had his back pressed against, “You certainly are a stupid fucker, I’ll give you that.” Gerard whimpered as he saw the four jocks approaching him.
“No.” He whispered. Trying to move himself further back but all he did was scrap his back against the trees bark. “No, no, no, no, no, no.” He shrieked in terror as the jocks lunged for him, grabbing his legs and pulling him so he was laid down. The smallest one, Smith, sat on his chest, holding his hands above his head. While the other three fought against his frantically kicking legs in an attempt to pull his pants off.
“Bill, hold his fucking legs down.” Leader jock, Will, growled, still attempting to wrestle with Gerard’s belt buckle. Gerard began struggling against them, the reality of the situation truly sinking in as pure, chilling fear coursed through him.
“Fuck, someone get something so I can bind his wrists together.” Smith groaned as he struggled to keep a hold of his wrists. Suddenly he felt a hand grab at his shirt before a strip of fabric was ripped off. He watched as the jock moved around and helped Smith bind his wrists tightly, so tightly that Gerard was sure they were cutting off the blood circulation.
“Come on this isn’t funny. Beating me ups fine but this... THIS isn’t even fucking legal.” Gerard shrieked, still struggling as he felt his pants being pulled off and he heard the dull thunk of the belt as they made contact with the ground. It wasn’t long before he felt his boxers also being ripped off and after that he couldn’t stop the desperate sob that escaped his lips, tears flowing freely down his face. He heard the sound of a zipper being pulled down and it wasn’t long before someone was kneeling between his spread legs and their hands were firmly gripping his hips, he didn’t know who as he couldn’t see.
Then the guy thrust in and Gerard couldn’t hold in the scream of pain. It was agony, it felt like he was being ripped in two every thrust. He stopped struggling then, he allowed himself to scream and sob freely, it was the only thing he could do to vent the physical and emotional pain. Each thrust sending a burning pain up his spine, constricting his throat, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t long before the jock reached his climax and Gerard let out a howl of pain as his come began stinging the inside of him. Within the matter of seconds the jock had pulled out and had pulled and zipped his jeans back up. Gerard winced as he felt the mixture of come and his own blood begin to run down his thigh.
The jocks then left him, still bound by his wrists and lying half naked in the school field. Tears cascading down his face and he sobbed helplessly. Through his tear blurred eyes he saw Owen sit down next to him.
“You know, whoever said death was easy and life was hard, they were fucking right about the life part.” Owen said sadly.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Frank was sat on his bed, he had his psychology notes spread around him and he was trying to figure out why he had a strange feeling he’d find the answers to Gerard’s problems here. He felt like it was staring him right in the face but he just couldn’t work out why. His eyes skimmed over his notes on depression before they landed on his schizophrenia notes. He picked up the piece of paper and read the symptoms.
Hallucinations have been defined as the "perception of a nonexistent object or event”
He sighed loudly as he placed his notes back down and pressed the palm of his hands to his eyes. He growled in frustration before looking back at his notes and frowning. There was something, something that needed to be clicked into place but he couldn’t work out what he was meant to be guessing. All the pieces were there he just couldn’t work out which way they were meant to fit. He sighed as he heard his phone ringing.
“Hello?” Frank said, mentally hitting himself for not looking at the caller ID.
“Frank?” A voice asked which Frank instantly recognised as Mikey’s. But something was wrong, just by his tone he could tell Mikey was panicking. “Is Gerard there with you? He sent me a text three hours ago saying he was leaving school, but he hasn’t come home.”
“No he hasn’t.” Frank said, now that he thought about it Gerard hadn’t sent him a text since he’d gotten one about how he’d finally finished his English essay, he leapt off his bed and shoved on his shoes . “Shit, I’m heading straight out to look now.”
“Alright Frank.” Mikey said, worry seeping into his voice. “Meet me at the school.” Then Mikey had hung up and Frank was already out the house and running down the street towards their school. If anything had happened to his boyfriend he would never forgive himself, he knew he should have stayed with him at the library but this time he’d respected his wishes and allowed him to stay there on his own.
As soon as he reached the school gates he ran straight to the library and tried to open the door, cursing when he found it locked. His panic was setting in over drive as he realized something must have definitely happened Gerard. On instinct Frank started making his way behind the school and to the field they usually sat during lunch period. When he got to the edge of the field he searched desperately for any sign of Gerard and fear gripped him as he saw a figure lying down near a tree. He sprinted towards it.
As he neared the figure in froze in shock as he realised it was Gerard. But what shocked him the most was how he was lying, half naked. As he neared he had to slap a hand over his mouth as a sob escaped his throat. He watched as Gerard’s eyes snapped open, blinking rapidly for a while before they focused on him and he felt his own tears flow down his face as he saw the tears leave Gerard’s eyes.
“Frankie.” Gerard whimpered. Another sob escaped him as he flung himself down by Gerard and collected his head in his lap.
“It’s me Gee.” Frank whispered.
“They... Frank, they...” Gerard whimpered, his eyes closing. Frank shhh’d him, he already knew what had happened and Gerard didn’t need to explain anything yet. He began combing his hand through Gerard’s hair.
“He was here Frank. He was here but they couldn’t see him. He was talking to me but they couldn’t hear him Frank. Why didn’t they see he was there?” Gerard cried.
“Gee, who’re you on about?”
“Owen! He was there but they acted like he wasn’t!”
That’s when it all clicked in to place for Frank, every piece of the puzzle joined together to give him so simple but truly terrifying.
“No one, I was just mumbling to myself”
“He seemed so similar to me”
“He began to say things, little things that would worm their way into my thoughts and expand”
“He refused. He always jumped out my window before any of you came down the stairs”
Owen wasn’t real, he was just a hallucination of Gerard’s. A part of Gerard’s own conscious that had split and taken on a life-like form for him. To him Owen was real; he was as real as Frank was. But Frank knew he wasn’t, he was just a part of Gerard’s self destructiveness that had become too strange to hold back.
For the first time in a long while, Frank cried his heart out. He cried for himself, he cried for Mikey, he cried for their parents, he cried for Ray, but mostly he cried for Gerard.
“Gerard went home, said he felt sick.”
Frank rose his eyebrow in confusion. “He looked fine this morning.” He said, sitting up to face both Mikey and Ray. They were silent before something clicked.
“The jocks didn’t get him did they?” Frank asked, his eyes wide in shock.
“That’s my guess as well.” Mikey grumbled, “I asked him but he hasn’t texted back, so yeah, they probably did.”
“So that’s why the fuckers looked so smug today.” Ray groaned, slapping his hand to his forehead, “I thought they might have gotten laid but of course beating the shit out of one of their favourite targets is the only thing that would make them look so fucking smug.”
“I knew we should have walked him to fucking graphics.” Frank hissed, he was pissed at himself. He never usually listened to Gerard but for once he had, they’d planned on a night of video games and getting detention would of cut that short and Frank really wanted to hang out with Gerard more, even if it did mean being around Ray and Mikey as well.
“He’s not a kid Frank, we don’t need to babysit him.” Mikey said.
“I know, but we had a feeling this would happen.” Frank sighed, flopping back down to stare at the sky.
“You never know, Gerard might actually have just felt sick.” Ray said, although he sounded as though he didn’t believe it either.
“As much as I want to belief that, it’s highly unlikely.” Frank grumbled, “Like you said the jocks looked far too smug.” They sat in silence for a few minutes, all thinking about Gerard. Frank sighed again and looked towards Mikey, grinning.
“Guess we’re going to your house instead of Ray’s tonight MikeyWay.”
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Gerard was laid out on the couch in the living room, wincing in pain whenever he tried to move to get comfortable. He’d been lucky that no one in the street had recognised him and seen him in such a beaten up state, he really couldn’t be bothered to explain just yet what had happened. He was also lucky enough to arrive home and find it empty, usually his mom didn’t leave until around lunch time, but sometimes she would leave early to visit.... Gerard swallowed hard as he remembered how their grandma had passed away. He had to admit it was tough, she’d been an inspiration to him, always encouraging him that whatever he set his mind too he could succeed.
Sighing softly Gerard slowly pulled himself of the couch, hissing in pain as he stood up on his sore legs, and limped his way down the stairs into his bedroom to grab his sketchbook, his mind was set on drawing his grandma. Smiling as he grabbed it off the bed, he took a deep breath and started walking back up the stairs, gritting his teeth as sharp pains shot through his body. Gerard could have cried with relief when he reached the top.
“Hello Sunshine!”
Gerard groaned in frustration as he looked towards the source of the voice and found Owen leaning against the doorway from the kitchen. He glared at him weakly before limping his way back to the couch, before he sat down he looked up to see Owen was making his way towards him.
“You look like shit.” Owen said. Gerard glanced up from opening his sketchbook to see Owen studying him.
“So does your face.” Gerard snapped, pulling a pencil from his bag and looking up to see Owen grinning at him.
“Ouch that wasn’t nice.”
Gerard rolled his eyes. “No shit Sherlock.”
“Someone’s bitchy today.” Owen teased, smirking. Biting back another sarcastic comment, Gerard glared at the boy.
“What the hell you doing here anyway?” Gerard growled.
“My Gerard sense was tingling.” Owen said, shrugging. Gerard blinked at him in confusion.
“Your... What was tingling?”
“My Gerard sense.” Owen grinned. Gerard shook his head and groaned.
“I’m going to forget you said that.”
“So what happened to you? Because I’m not kidding. You look like shit.” Owen asked, moving to stand in front of Gerard.
“I got attacked by a pack of rabid snails.” Gerard growled. All he could currently do was stare at the blank page in the sketchbook, at first he’d wanted to sketch his grandma but now with Owen here slowly pissing him off he felt like drawing something that would help him vent his anger, or he could just punch Owen.
“You got the shit beaten out of you by the jocks didn’t you?” Owen said, grinning. Gerard looked up and glared at him.
“Why the fuck do you sound so happy about it?” Gerard snarled. Owen studied him for a few seconds before shrugging.
“What did you do to get beaten so badly?” Owen asked, prodding a bruise on Gerard’s exposed collar bone making him hiss in pain, “Well least you’ve got enough fat to cover yourself or you’d be in a worse state.” Gerard froze for a few seconds before looking up at Owen who was still, intently, prodding at the bruise.
“What did you just say?” Gerard hissed, he watched as Owen jumped back in shock.
“I said least your t-shirt covers you or you’d seem in a worse state.” Gerard blinked at him before nodding and looking back down at his sketchbook, missing a slow smirk appear on Owens’ face.
“So what did you do?” Owen asked again.
“I may have wound them up a bit.”
Owen rolled his eyes, “Well no wonder you look worse than you usually do.”
Gerard’s shot up and he glared at him, “What?”
“I said no wonder, you look worse than last time.” Gerard continued to glare but nodded anyway. He was sure Owen was saying those things, but maybe he was mistaken. He had taken a few punches to the head today.
“Did you even stay in school at all today?” Owen asked. Gerard looked at Owen in disbelief.
“You can’t be that much of an idiot. Stay in school looking like this! No thanks.” Gerard grumbled. Owen glared at him for a few seconds before smirking.
“Maybe if they’d hit your face hard enough it might have made you look decent.” Gerard’s head snapped up ad he growled.
“Oh do you want me to repeat that?” Owen said innocently, “I said, maybe if they’d hit your face hard enough it might of made you look decent.”
“Get the fuck out!” Gerard hissed, pointing towards the door. Owen grinned.
“My pleasure, Sunshine.” Owen said, walking towards the front before stopping and turning around, “Oh, déjà vu.” Owen winked at him before leaving the house laughing.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Frank was walking in silence with Mikey and Ray towards Mikey’s house. Their original plan had been to meet up outside the school gates and head over to Ray’s for a night filled with video games. But with Gerard texting saying he’d headed home and the jocks looking far too pleased with themselves it probably meant Gerard was at home, lying on the couch covered in bruises. So they’d decided to just head back to Mikey’s and to confirm their suspicions before ordering in a pizza and watching some horror movies. They’d just entered the front door and were walking towards the kitchen before Mikey stopped walking suddenly, making Frank walk into him.
“Ow Mikey, don’t just stop....” Frank was saying before he looked up to see Gerard leaning heavily against the kitchen counter, coffee maker switch on next to him, and his shirt was off. “Holy fuck Gee.”
Gerard was covered in bruises, every inch of his skin was marred in purple/blue marks. A few were even the shape of a shoe, suggesting straight away he’d been kick. His collarbones and neck were bruised, blood had dried from his lips to the base of his neck and a sickly coloured bruise was forming on the right side of his jaw. Frank watched as Gerard stood up slightly, wincing as the effort caused him pain, and looked at them in confusion.
“I thought you were all going to Ray’s today?” Gerard asked, pretending as though he didn’t look like he’d been beaten within an inch of his life.
“We turn up to find you covered in bruises and the only think you can ask is why we aren’t at Ray’s?” Mikey asked, slightly angry but when Ray placed a hand on his shoulder Frank saw the younger brother visibly calm down. Frank stepped in front of Mikey and studied Gerard for a few seconds.
“We got a text from you saying you’d gone home and then we found the jocks walking around looking far too smug.” Frank said, eyebrows raised, “We were worried that something had happened to you and by the look of you, something did.”
Frank watched in confusion as Gerard folded his arms around his chest as though to protect himself and to stop them from looking. Gerard was never usually self-conscious, he’d happily walk around the house in his boxers if he didn’t get scolded from his mom for it.
“I couldn’t exactly stay could I?” Gerard said, wincing as he wrapped his arms around himself tighter.
“What happened?” Ray said sitting down at the kitchen table and motioning for everyone else to do the same. Everyone did apart from Gerard who stayed standing next to the coffee maker and shrugged.
“Walked past the back of the gym, they spotted me, I tried to stand up for myself and they beat me up. Simple.” Gerard said, looking towards the floor. Everyone was silent for a few seconds before Frank decided to speak up.
“What do you mean tried to stand up for yourself?” Frank asked carefully, watching as Gerard bit his bottom lip.
“I may have wound them up a bit.”
“Gerard!” Mikey cried, shaking his head, “No wonder you look as bad as you do.”
Gerard flinched. “I’m going to my room to sleep off this headache.” Gerard said as he got up and headed out the kitchen just as the coffee maker began beeping, signalling that it was ready.
“But Gee, what about the coffee?” Frank asked, watching sadly at Gerard’s retreating form.
“You can have it, I don’t want any.”
xoxoxoxoxox
“Can anyone tell me what schizophrenia is?” Mr.Nolan said, his eyes scanning the room full of students.
Frank was bored, extremely bored. They’d just finished learning the treatments of uni-polar depression and now they’d moved onto schizophrenia. Frank looked to his left to see Ray staring out the window, longingly. It felt like they’d been in the room for hours but they’d only been in for fifty minutes. Another ten minutes of this hell and he could skip home to get ready for the boys night at Ray’s, playing video games and eating junk food. Mikey had somehow been able to drag Gerard from his room this morning and get him to school. The bruises were slowly turning from purple to a sickly yellow colour and he’d been able to hide most of them by wearing a baggy t-shirt, the only ones visible were the few on his neck and the one on his jaw.
“It’s split personalities sir.” Someone said smugly. Frank rolled his eyes at glared at the back of the girls head, he sometimes hated people who knew everything.
“Common mistake.” Mr.Nolan said, smiling, “But that’s multiple personality disassociation. Schizophrenia is being split from reality.” Frank looked towards the teacher, slightly interested.
“To a schizophrenic everything to them is reality, everything is real. It is a psychotic disorder, these people don’t know they have a mental disorder. Can anyone tell me a symptom?”
“Hallucinations.” Frank said, staring at the clock in boredom, watching as the long hand slowly made its way round.
“Correct Frank.” Mr.Nolan said smiling. Frank had quickly read though a page of the notes in his booklet on schizophrenia, making sure he could remember at least a few of the symptoms. Recently he and Ray had been getting into trouble from the teacher for not participating in the lessons. He was hoping this may shut him up for a while.
“Delusions.” Ray said, still staring out the window. Frank smiled as he realised Ray must have had the same idea as him.
“Anything else?” The teacher said smiling. When no one answered he was about to begin explaining again when the bell rang, “Alright homework for the weekend is to write definitions of the symptoms of schizophrenia.”
Frank grinned as he stood up and started shoving everything back in his bag. He turned around to find Ray grinning at him.
“Mine at five. Bring junk food and money for the pizza, I’m not a bank.” Ray said, punching his shoulder. Frank nodded enthusiastically.
“See you there.” He said, grinning and sprinting out of the door.
xoxoxoxoxoxox
All day people were staring, all day they were whispering, and pointing, and gasping. Gerard just couldn’t take it anymore. In the back of his mind he knew that they were staring because of the bruises but he couldn’t help but feel self-conscious, scolding himself for wearing tight jeans and a t-shirt. But mostly he was pissed that he was letting Owen get to him. He’d only known the boy for a few months and now he was letting the guy's words get to him.
He stood up and slowly made his way out of his graphics class. As soon as he stepped out the door he could hear the whispers, the giggles. He could feel the eyes and the fingers pointing at him. The corridor felt too small, he felt trapped, uncomfortable. He was struggling to breathe, the space was so small.
Gerard sped up, he needed to get home, away from people. He couldn’t handle this. In a moment of madness, he was sure he heard Owen laughing somewhere behind him.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Frank had instantly been worried the moment he’d walked through the Way's front door when he heard Mikey’s soft voice followed by the rattle of a door knob, as though someone was trying to get in somewhere, or out. With caution he slowly headed into the living room to see Mikey leaning against Gerard’s bedroom door.
“Come on, Gee.” Mikey pleaded softly, “Just come to Ray’s with us, it’ll take you mind off it.”
“Take his mind off what?” Frank asked carefully, startling Mikey. Mikey remained frozen for a few seconds before shaking his head and sighing.
“I’m heading to Ray’s.” Mikey shouted, pointing towards the kitchen, signally for Frank to go in there. Nodding Frank headed towards the kitchen listening as he heard the soft footsteps of Mikey behind him. After entering he turned and waited for Mikey to begin speaking.
“I have no idea what’s wrong with him.” Mikey said, shrugging his shoulders, “He just walked through the door looking like he was about to have a panic attack before running and locking himself in his room.” Frank sighed and rubbed his hands over his face before looking at Mikey hoping he might have the answers on what to do.
“I’m going to Ray’s.” Mikey mumbled, heading towards the front door, “If anyone can work out what’s wrong, you can.” Frank reached forward as though to grab Mikey’s wrist but Mikey managed to step away.
“But you’re his brother.” Frank said. Mikey shrugged his shoulders at him.
“Telling someone different might be good for him.” Mikey said, smiling before heading out the door. Frank stared at the door in shock, he could tell where Mikey was coming from and if Frank was able to calm Gerard down Mikey would be able to find out what was wrong later. But it was just how Mikey had so bluntly given him the job before skipping off to Ray’s, okay not skipping but he could have been. Shaking his head Frank took in a shaky breath before heading towards Gerard’s door and knocking softly.
“Gee, it’s me, Frank.” Frank said, quietly, “Could you open up please?” Frank was met with silence for a few seconds before he decided to try and open the door like Mikey had but when he found the door opened effortlessly he wondered whether Gerard had heard him come in and was hoping he’d go down. Frank’s eyes widened in realisation, maybe Gerard had been sat at the top of the stairs the whole time. Carefully and silently Frank made his way down the stairs, worry gripping him as he heard quiet sobs.
“Gee?” Frank whispered, peeking around the corner of the stairs to find Gerard sat on his bed. His knees pulled up to his chest with his arms wrapped around them, pulling them tightly to his chest as though he was trying to wrap himself up into a ball. His face was buried in the top of his knees, his shoulders shaking as each quiet sob and whimper escaped his fragile body.
“Oh Gee.” Frank said softly, walking slowly towards the boy, “What’s the matter?” All Frank got in response was a choked sob before he leaped at the boy and wrapped his arms around him. Rocking him back and forth and whispering soothing words in hopes it would calm Gerard down. It was breaking Frank’s heart, being sat here holding and whispering to the one he loved, trying to comfort when he didn’t know what he was trying to comfort him for. He didn’t know how long he sat there, with Gerard curled into his side and his head resting on Franks chest, but it was a short while before Gerard’s sobs calmed down to occasional whimpers before stopping. However, Frank could still feel fresh tears soaking his t-shirt. On impulse Frank leant down and kissed the top of Gerard’s hair, hoping it would silently comfort the boy.
“Gee, what’s the matter babe?” Frank asked softly, wincing slightly when he let the babe slip through but he wasn’t met with any hostility.
“All they do is stare Frank.” Gerard whimpered, nuzzling his face into Frank’s chest causing Frank’s heart to skip a beat, “They just stare, point, giggle and whisper.” Frank’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“Who stares Gerard?”
“Everyone.” Gerard said, sitting up quickly and startling Frank. He turned around to face him and Frank’s heart sunk as he saw the tear trails down Gerard’s cheeks starting from the boy’s bloodshot eyes.
“Am I really that fat Frank? Do I really look hideous?” Gerard pleaded. Frank stared at Gerard in shock. He’d never spoken like this before, he’d never been worried about his weight or his looks. Gerard always held an ‘I don’t care what you think’ attitude. Frank felt slightly unnerved by this side of his best friend.
“Of course you’re not.” Frank whispered, reaching out and moving Gerard’s bangs out of his eyes. He felt like he could cry when he saw the sadness within his eyes. “You’re beautiful.”
“Then why do they stare?” He whimpered, fresh tears threatening to spill. “I’m ugly, that has to be the reason.”
“You’re not ugly Gee.” Frank moved his hand so it was cupping his face and gently stroked his cheek. “You’re beautiful, so very beautiful.” Frank watched as Gerard turned his head away and he closed his eyes, the fresh tears having escaped and were slowly falling down his cheeks.
“Stop saying that Frank.” Gerard whispered, shaking his head. “Don’t say things you don’t mean.”
“But I do.” Frank whispered, cupping Gerard’s face in his hands which made the boy turn to look at him. “I mean it so much that it hurts.”
Frank waited for a brief period of time before moving forward and capturing Gerard’s lips. As soon as their lips touched Frank felt an electric spark shoot through his body making him shiver. It took a while for Gerard to respond but when he did Frank pushed himself closer, wrapping his arms around Gerard’s neck to tug lightly on his hair. He felt Gerard’s arms slowly stroke their way up his back to tangle within his hair as their mouths moved in perfect synchronisation. Hesitantly, Frank opened his mouth and swiped his tongue along Gerard’s bottom lip asking for entrance. He was delighted when he heard a throaty moan and Gerard parted his lips allowing his tongue to slip in and taste him. Frank couldn’t help but moan as he tasted Gerard. He tasted like coffee, cigarettes, and a slight minty taste.
Frank pulled away, gasping for air and opened his eyes to see Gerard in front of him, staring in wonder, his cheeks flush, eyes wide and his lips slightly swollen. He shivered in delight before reaching forward and capturing Gerard’s lips again, pulling him down so Frank was hovering above him, his legs straddling Gerard’s thighs. He groaned as he felt Gerard’s hands move to the bottom of his t-shirt and began to tug upwards. Frank broke the kiss to allow his shirt to be pulled off while he tackled the task of getting Gerard’s off as well. As soon as both t-shirts were discarded, he dove back down and attached his lips to Gerard’s throat, sucking and relishing in the mewls and whimpers he was making, each one going straight to his cock. He trailed his mouth down Gerard’s neck and chest, sucking and nipping, leaving marks, until he reached his abdomen. He looked up and smirked as he saw Gerard, his head was resting again the pillow, eyes screwed shut and panting. He waited until Gerard opened his eyes and looked at him before slowly unbuttoning his jeans and pulling the zipper down with his teeth, all while keeping eye contacted with Gerard who shivered and slammed his head back onto the pillow, causing Frank to chuckle while he peeled off the jeans, exposing pale legs. He quickly grabbed the waistband of Gerard’s boxers and ripped them off before he could protest, which earned a surprised squeak from him. He grinned as Gerard blushed a deep red and tried to push him out the way so he could cover himself up but Frank just smirked, crawling his way back up to capture Gerard’s lips in a heated kiss again. When they broke away, gasping for air, Gerard looked down Frank’s body and frowned.
“Why do you have clothes on and I’m naked?” Gerard growled, reaching down to quickly pop the button on Frank’s jeans then yanked the zipper down. Frank hissed as it rubbed against his hardening erection. Soon Frank’s jeans and boxers were removed and thrown somewhere in the room with the other clothes and they were both locked within a passionate, desperate kiss again. Frank began to mentally panic wondering if Gerard had some lube and condoms, he really didn’t want to hurt him.
“Bedside table...” Gerard gasped, breaking the kiss as though he’d read Frank’s mind. Giggling and shaking his head, Frank leaned over to quickly collect the items before leaning back to sit on his legs, smiling nervously as he popped the cap on the lube and poured a generous amount on his fingers.
“You sure about this?” Frank asked, causing Gerard to roll his eyes and nod. Nodding back Frank hesitated for a second before pushing one finger in, he felt Gerard tense and allowed him to get used to the feeling. As soon as Gerard had relaxed he began to move his finger in and out, slowly at first but picking up the pace as he heard Gerard moan. When a second finger was added he winced more violently, breathing deeply to calm himself down, this time Frank didn’t stop, he continued to move his fingers, thrusting and scissoring hoping Gerard would relax around them. When a third finger was added and he pushed in deeply, Frank jumped as Gerard let out a loud moan.
“Fuck...” Gerard panted, clutching the sheets, “Do that... that again.” Frank blinked before wiggling his fingers around a bit until he heard Gerard gasp and moan again. He grinned, realising he’d found the bundle of nerves he hadn’t really been looking for. When he removed his fingers he shivered as he heard a whine of protest leave Gerard’s lips which spurred him to quickly rip the condom packet open and roll it on. He positioned himself before starring into Gerard’s eyes, looking for some sort of uncertainty, when he didn’t find any he began to push in slowly. When he saw tears trickle down his face he leaned down to kiss them away while whispering reassuring words.
“Move.” Gerard gasped after a while. Frank obeyed, thrusting slowly allowing Gerard to get used to it and as soon as he began meeting Frank’s thrusts, he quickened his speed. Whenever Gerard gasped ‘harder’ or ‘faster’ Frank obeyed, giving him everything he asked for, enjoying the way he squirmed in pleasure underneath him, moaning loud and long as Frank began hitting the bundle of nerves with every thrust. As soon as he began feeling the coiling sensation in his abdomen Frank reached between them to stroke Gerard’s cock with each thrust, making the moans increase.
“Fuck Frank... Fuck. I’m gonna... I’m gonna... Fuck!” And then Gerard came, pulling Frank down for a sloppy, breath taking kiss. A few more thrusts and Frank soon followed him, shouting Gerard’s name as he shivered in pleasure. As Frank came down from his orgasm he fell on top of Gerard, trying to catch his breath and listening to the way Gerard’s heart beat slowed down.
“Get off Frank.” Gerard mumbled, pushing on Frank’s shoulder. “You’re heavy.” Frank giggled before rolling to the side and lying next to Gerard, still panting slightly. He smiled as Gerard turned and snuggled into his side, laying his head on Frank’s chest.
“G’night Frank.” Gerard mumbled sleepily. Frank chuckled, squeezing Gerard’s shoulder and placing a light kiss in his hair.
“Night Gerard.”
xoxoxoxoxoxo
Frank groaned as he woke up, tempted to snuggle closer to the warm body that was cuddled into his side. But he could hear the vibrations of his phone go off somewhere on the floor wherever his jeans had been thrown. Groaning again, he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and, reluctantly, carefully removed Gerard’s head from his chest onto the pillow before crawling off the bed and searching the floor for his jeans. He made a small noise of triumph when he located his jeans and pulled his phone from the back pocket only to see that Mikey was calling him. Quickly looking at his phone he noticed the time said 9.08pm before accepting the call.
“E’llo.” Frank slurred, rubbing his eyes again and yawning.
“You’ve been asleep?” Mikey said, sighing. “Here we are, Ray and I, practically worrying ourselves over the fact you could have been eaten alive by zombies and we find you were sleeping!”
“Don’t drag me in this argument Mikey, I said they were fine.” Frank could hear Ray mumble somewhere in the background. “And don’t roll your eyes at me mister.”
“So how is Gerard?” Mikey asked. Frank turned and a content smile slipped on his face as he saw Gerard curled up on his side, facing him. His mouth was slightly open and his cheeks still held a slight flush. Frank wished he had a camera just so he could capture this moment forever.
“He’s fine.” Frank sighed, smiling.
“You fucked didn’t you.” Mikey said. A heated blush rose on Frank’s cheeks before he began to mumble incoherent explanations. “I knew it! Hey, Ray. They did it.” Frank ran a hand over his face in embarrassment and looked over to make sure Gerard was still asleep, which he was.
“Fucking finally.” Ray said, somewhere in the background. Mikey sighed exaggeratedly.
“I guess you’re not coming over to Ray’s then.” Mikey said, mock hurt evident in his tone. “Well I guess we’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
“I’m going to kick you tomorrow you do realise that.” Frank mumbled.
“Whatever.” Mikey said, before hanging up the phone with a chuckle. Frank sighed, he should have known Mikey would pull that kind of stunt, but for some reason he didn’t care.
“What are you doing on the floor?”
Frank nearly jumped out of his skin as he heard the small, quiet voice break through his thoughts. He looked up to see Gerard looking down at him, still curled up in the same position on the bed but his eyes were wide and he had a small smile on his lips. Frank grinned at him.
“Your asshole of a brother called.” Frank said. Gerard frowned slightly before turning and looking at his bedside clock, eyes widening as he realised it was 9.15pm.
“Shit, we’re meant to be at Ray’s.” Gerard sat, sitting up quickly. Frank watched mesmerised as the duvet fell and pooled in Gerard’s lap. He stood up, walking towards Gerard and pulled him into a kiss.
“What was that for?” Gerard asked as they broke away. He was panting slightly and he had a mild blush covering his cheeks. Frank smiled at him before lying back in bed with him and pulling the boy so he was snuggled in his chest.
“No reason.” Frank said, combing his fingers gently through Gerard’s hair and smiling as he heard him hum in satisfaction.
“Gerard?” Frank asked quietly, worried he might upset him with his next question. When he felt Gerard nuzzle his face slightly in his neck he decided to continue. “Before... Where did all that come from? You’ve never been self-conscious before.” He felt Gerard stiffen but continued to run his hand through his hair hoping it would calm him, after a while it did. He released a quiet sigh of relief as he felt Gerard relax, basking in the quiet silence before speaking.
“A few weeks ago,” Gerard whispered, swallowing. “I met this boy called Owen, he seemed fairly nice. He was chatty, funny and he seemed so similar to me that I was drawn to him. He was alright to begin with but after a few weeks he began to say things, little things that would worm their way into my thoughts and expand until it was all I could think about.”
Frank was silent for a few minutes mulling over everything Gerard had said. He didn’t like the sound of this guy one bit, he sounded like the kind who got a kick out of fucking people up. He felt a bit upset that he hadn’t met this person even though Gerard had known him for a long time. Frank sighed.
“Don’t listen to him Gee.” He whispered, kissing the top of Gerard’s head again. “How come I haven’t met him anyway?” He felt Gerard shrug against him.
“I tried, but he refused too. He always jumped out my window before any of you came down the stairs.”
“Strange.”
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Gerard smiled as he left the school’s library, content with his life. It had been a couple of weeks since that night with Frank and they’d been inseparable. It felt nice to have someone to love and to be loved in return. The simple gestures, like Frank giving him chaste kisses before lessons started, made him feel special and worthy.
It was a couple of hours after the school day had ended that he’d had some English homework that needed finishing and for that he needed the help of some books in the library. So he had opted to stay behind at school and refused anyone’s company, arguing he’d be alright on his own. He knew if someone had stayed behind with him they’d have been an easy distraction and the homework wouldn’t have been finished, again. It wouldn’t have been the first time Gerard’s homework hadn’t been done due to Frank distracting him. Because when his boyfriend's lips were busy leaving feather like kisses on his neck he couldn’t help but be distracted.
He continued to walk towards the school gates before he was grabbed from behind, a hand was covering his mouth stopping any attempts for him to shout for help. He struggled against the arms holding him, dragging him away from the freedom of the school gates and further into the school grounds. After a few minutes and a futile struggle against those holding him, he was finally thrown on the grass in the field he, Mikey, Ray and Frank sat in during lunch.
“We told you it wasn’t over.” A voice said above him. Gerard groaned as he recognised the voice of one of the jocks he’d mocked before. He looked up and found the four same jocks peering down at him, all with satisfied grins on their faces. Gerard felt a shiver run down his spine as he realised he was alone, he was out of school hours and there was nobody to help him.
“You made a big mistake the day you decided to mock us.” Said the smallest one who was stood on the left to the one that pack leader. Gerard had to stop himself from snorting as the word pack came into his mind. They were a pack, a vicious, unfriendly and uncaring pack of rabid idiots.
“Shut it Smith.” Growled the leader. He grinned down sadistically at Gerard. “Now, what are we going to do with you?” Gerard gulped, he was seriously regretting the actions he had taken the last time he’d met the jocks, maybe if he hadn’t been to big-headed and confident he wouldn’t be in this position right now. But wasn’t he allowed the right to stand up for himself? Gerard thought so, Mikey thought so, Ray and Frank also thought so, but they didn’t. He saw a figure move behind the jocks and was shocked when he saw Owen's head appear behind the leaders left shoulder. Owen grinned down at him.
“You look so weak and vulnerable down there Sunshine.” Owen taunted, “No wonder you’re the jocks favourite target.” Gerard looked at the faces of the jocks, waiting for them to turn around and ask Owen what he was doing there. But they didn’t, their expressions didn’t even change. Gerard’s eyes widened.
“Oh he looks so terrified.” Chuckled another jock. “Don’t worry, we’re not going to hurt you, much.”
Gerard pushed himself into a sitting position on unsteady hands, his hands on the ground behind him holding him up. He hadn’t realised how much he was trembling until he’d moved. He looked up to see Owen was now stood slightly in front and to the left. Owen rolled his eyes.
“You look utterly pathetic. Sat there, trembling all over and your eyes wide and staring.” Owen said, chuckling. “I thought I was a useless fucker. Seriously, you can’t even stand up for yourself without it having server consequences.”
“.... pissed me off too much.” Leader jock growled. Gerard’s eyes snapped back to the tall one, when he saw the rage within his eyes he felt the trembling in his body increase. Worried his unsteady hands wouldn’t be able to hold him up much longer he slowly shuffled backwards until his back hit a tree.
“Now look at you.” Owen said, shaking his and walking forward before kneeling in front of him, smirking. Gerard’s eyes following his every movement, wondering why the hell the jocks didn’t notice him. “Moving backwards as though you’re scared, it’s just going to give them satisfaction. Where’s your confidence now huh? You pathetic useless motherfucker.”
“Hey, what the fuck do you think you’re staring at?” Hissed leader jock, who was glaring at him with so much hate Gerard was sure if looks could kill, he’d be long gone by now.
“I think he was staring at your dick, Will.” The smallest jock said, a disgusted sneer present on his face. Gerard shivered as he saw the sadistic grin slowly appear on leader jocks face.
“I think I’ve worked out what we can do with this faggot.” He hissed, still grinning. “Like we said last time, you don’t fuck with us, we fuck with you.” Gerard froze as soon as the words left the guys mouth. They couldn’t be serious, if they were going to do what Gerard thought they were going to do then they were sicker than he originally thought. They’d reached an all new low and Gerard was the stupid fucker who had to mess with them.
“You’re right about that.” Owen said, as he leaned against the tree Gerard had his back pressed against, “You certainly are a stupid fucker, I’ll give you that.” Gerard whimpered as he saw the four jocks approaching him.
“No.” He whispered. Trying to move himself further back but all he did was scrap his back against the trees bark. “No, no, no, no, no, no.” He shrieked in terror as the jocks lunged for him, grabbing his legs and pulling him so he was laid down. The smallest one, Smith, sat on his chest, holding his hands above his head. While the other three fought against his frantically kicking legs in an attempt to pull his pants off.
“Bill, hold his fucking legs down.” Leader jock, Will, growled, still attempting to wrestle with Gerard’s belt buckle. Gerard began struggling against them, the reality of the situation truly sinking in as pure, chilling fear coursed through him.
“Fuck, someone get something so I can bind his wrists together.” Smith groaned as he struggled to keep a hold of his wrists. Suddenly he felt a hand grab at his shirt before a strip of fabric was ripped off. He watched as the jock moved around and helped Smith bind his wrists tightly, so tightly that Gerard was sure they were cutting off the blood circulation.
“Come on this isn’t funny. Beating me ups fine but this... THIS isn’t even fucking legal.” Gerard shrieked, still struggling as he felt his pants being pulled off and he heard the dull thunk of the belt as they made contact with the ground. It wasn’t long before he felt his boxers also being ripped off and after that he couldn’t stop the desperate sob that escaped his lips, tears flowing freely down his face. He heard the sound of a zipper being pulled down and it wasn’t long before someone was kneeling between his spread legs and their hands were firmly gripping his hips, he didn’t know who as he couldn’t see.
Then the guy thrust in and Gerard couldn’t hold in the scream of pain. It was agony, it felt like he was being ripped in two every thrust. He stopped struggling then, he allowed himself to scream and sob freely, it was the only thing he could do to vent the physical and emotional pain. Each thrust sending a burning pain up his spine, constricting his throat, he felt like he couldn’t breathe. It wasn’t long before the jock reached his climax and Gerard let out a howl of pain as his come began stinging the inside of him. Within the matter of seconds the jock had pulled out and had pulled and zipped his jeans back up. Gerard winced as he felt the mixture of come and his own blood begin to run down his thigh.
The jocks then left him, still bound by his wrists and lying half naked in the school field. Tears cascading down his face and he sobbed helplessly. Through his tear blurred eyes he saw Owen sit down next to him.
“You know, whoever said death was easy and life was hard, they were fucking right about the life part.” Owen said sadly.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Frank was sat on his bed, he had his psychology notes spread around him and he was trying to figure out why he had a strange feeling he’d find the answers to Gerard’s problems here. He felt like it was staring him right in the face but he just couldn’t work out why. His eyes skimmed over his notes on depression before they landed on his schizophrenia notes. He picked up the piece of paper and read the symptoms.
Hallucinations have been defined as the "perception of a nonexistent object or event”
He sighed loudly as he placed his notes back down and pressed the palm of his hands to his eyes. He growled in frustration before looking back at his notes and frowning. There was something, something that needed to be clicked into place but he couldn’t work out what he was meant to be guessing. All the pieces were there he just couldn’t work out which way they were meant to fit. He sighed as he heard his phone ringing.
“Hello?” Frank said, mentally hitting himself for not looking at the caller ID.
“Frank?” A voice asked which Frank instantly recognised as Mikey’s. But something was wrong, just by his tone he could tell Mikey was panicking. “Is Gerard there with you? He sent me a text three hours ago saying he was leaving school, but he hasn’t come home.”
“No he hasn’t.” Frank said, now that he thought about it Gerard hadn’t sent him a text since he’d gotten one about how he’d finally finished his English essay, he leapt off his bed and shoved on his shoes . “Shit, I’m heading straight out to look now.”
“Alright Frank.” Mikey said, worry seeping into his voice. “Meet me at the school.” Then Mikey had hung up and Frank was already out the house and running down the street towards their school. If anything had happened to his boyfriend he would never forgive himself, he knew he should have stayed with him at the library but this time he’d respected his wishes and allowed him to stay there on his own.
As soon as he reached the school gates he ran straight to the library and tried to open the door, cursing when he found it locked. His panic was setting in over drive as he realized something must have definitely happened Gerard. On instinct Frank started making his way behind the school and to the field they usually sat during lunch period. When he got to the edge of the field he searched desperately for any sign of Gerard and fear gripped him as he saw a figure lying down near a tree. He sprinted towards it.
As he neared the figure in froze in shock as he realised it was Gerard. But what shocked him the most was how he was lying, half naked. As he neared he had to slap a hand over his mouth as a sob escaped his throat. He watched as Gerard’s eyes snapped open, blinking rapidly for a while before they focused on him and he felt his own tears flow down his face as he saw the tears leave Gerard’s eyes.
“Frankie.” Gerard whimpered. Another sob escaped him as he flung himself down by Gerard and collected his head in his lap.
“It’s me Gee.” Frank whispered.
“They... Frank, they...” Gerard whimpered, his eyes closing. Frank shhh’d him, he already knew what had happened and Gerard didn’t need to explain anything yet. He began combing his hand through Gerard’s hair.
“He was here Frank. He was here but they couldn’t see him. He was talking to me but they couldn’t hear him Frank. Why didn’t they see he was there?” Gerard cried.
“Gee, who’re you on about?”
“Owen! He was there but they acted like he wasn’t!”
That’s when it all clicked in to place for Frank, every piece of the puzzle joined together to give him so simple but truly terrifying.
“No one, I was just mumbling to myself”
“He seemed so similar to me”
“He began to say things, little things that would worm their way into my thoughts and expand”
“He refused. He always jumped out my window before any of you came down the stairs”
Owen wasn’t real, he was just a hallucination of Gerard’s. A part of Gerard’s own conscious that had split and taken on a life-like form for him. To him Owen was real; he was as real as Frank was. But Frank knew he wasn’t, he was just a part of Gerard’s self destructiveness that had become too strange to hold back.
For the first time in a long while, Frank cried his heart out. He cried for himself, he cried for Mikey, he cried for their parents, he cried for Ray, but mostly he cried for Gerard.