But Nobody Cares If You're Losing Yourself - Part One
Title: But Nobody Cares If You're Losing Yourself
Author: red_ones_fly
Band: My Chemical Romance
Pairing: Frank/Gerard (mentioned Ray/Mikey)
Word Count: 15,841
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Minor character death, Mental Disorders, Rape, Violence, sex
Summary: 'It took me a while to work out that there was something wrong with Gerard, he kept it hidden well and, really, he didn’t even know something was wrong with him. To him it seemed like normal, everyday stuff. He never found any of his behaviour out of the ordinary. To him it was just reality.’ After Gerard's grandma passes away his behaviour becomes strange. He becomes less outgoing and more paranoid. As Frank tries to work out what’s going on with his friend/love interest, between school, learning psychology and dealing with the jocks, he doesn’t realise just how bad it is.
It took me a while to work out that there was something wrong with Gerard, he kept it hidden well and, really, he didn’t even know something was wrong with him. To him it seemed like normal, everyday stuff. He never found any of his behaviour out of the ordinary. To him it was just reality.
Out of everyone around him, his brother Mikey, his parents, and our friend Ray, we never noticed anything. Yeah, we realised he was acting stranger than he usually did, but it was a gradual process, allowing us to get used to these changes in him. Allowing us to believe it was his normal behaviour. Gerard’s behaviour was erratic and unpredictable anyway, it kept life from being boring and dull. One minute we could be sat talking about the latest comic book released and then we could be outside using Gerard’s paint as weapons. So the strange behaviour just seemed like another part of him. Until I took up psychology, that was, and his strange behaviour started to make sense, but we were always warned to not self-diagnose ourselves or others, so I ignored what I learned until everything fell apart.
Being riddled with guilt isn’t fun. It hurts, especially when you ignored the signs of distress from someone you love. Loving Gerard was never easy, but sometimes I believe it’s what could have made me so blind when it came to his problems.
It all started when we were entering our final year of high school. For the first time our year had been given the choice of a number of subjects to start during this year to see whether it would be a success or not. Out of the list we had been given, the only subject that caught my eye was psychology, the study of human behaviour. The idea of learning about the theories and explanations of how we behave was intriguing, plus I liked the idea of freaking Gerard out with that kind of knowledge.
Gerard had been my best friend since the day after I was born; we met in the hospital which was strange because he’s about five months older than me. But it seemed that on that day Gerard had come down with an illness that led him to the hospital. Our mothers had met each other around the entrance of the hospital, both leaving to head home. As usual they got into a conversation which left both me and Gerard on the floor in the hospital waiting room with nothing to do and seen as though Gerard was the furthest developed of us both, he spent that time poking me in the face. I can’t remember this, but its how my mom said we met.
Gerard had always been a good friend; he was eccentric, bubbly, and stupidly spontaneous at times which got us into trouble a lot. But he was still wise, kind, and helpful. I’d spent most of my life being comforted by him. He hardly ever needed comforting; he was strong and hardly let anything get to him. Probably why I just simply ignored his change in behaviour.
I just wish now I hadn’t let it go on for so long.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
“Frank!”
Frank spun around only to get an armful of Gerard, the force of Gerard knocking into him forced Frank to lose his balance and tumble to the ground. Shaking his head he wrapped his arms around Gerard’s waist and hugged him, despite lying on the floor.
“Any reason I needed tackling?” Frank asked, amused, as Gerard rolled off Frank and stared at the clouds in the sky. He watched as Gerard looked above, a light smile brightening up his features. They were currently sitting in the park, not far away from the swings, in New Jersey.
“Not really,” Gerard said. Frank watched as he dug into the pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out his cigarettes, he pulled out two and lit them both, handing one to Frank and placing the other between his lips. Frank chuckled and happily breathed in the smoke from his cigarette, smiling happily as the nicotine swept through his body, relaxing his aching muscles.
“What did you chose as the extra subject this year?” Gerard asked, plucking grass strands out the ground unconsciously while his eyes stayed focused on the clouds passing by. Frank looked out the corner of his eye as he breathed out another batch of smoke.
“Psychology,” Frank mumbled around the cigarette between his lips. “Wasn’t yours something like design or advance art?” Frank heard Gerard chuckle lazily next to him.
“Graphics, Frank.”
“Isn’t that just the same as art?” Frank asked, scrunching his nose up. He could practically hear Gerard roll his eyes next to him.
“No you goof, it involves visual imagery.” Gerard replied, laughing.
“I still don’t get it.” Frank said, flicking the ash from his cigarette away and looking back at the clouds. They stayed silent for a while, allowing each other to enjoy the others company before they were dragged back to school in two weeks.
“I wish summer was longer.” Gerard mumbled. Frank blinked, breaking his stare from above to look at his friend who was laid on his back, hands resting on his chest and his half smoked cigarette dangling between his lips.
"Don’t we all, Gee.” Frank mumbled, smiling at the childishness of Gerard’s statement. They were growing older and soon they’d have full time jobs, leaving their summer holidays far behind. Frank just hoped to collect as many happy memories as possible from his last year of school with Gerard before they left.
“Come on you big lump,” Frank said, punching Gerard in the arm before he sat up, “Mom’s making lasagne.”
“Seriously?” Gerard said, a wide grin on his features, “Shit Frank, your mom hasn’t made lasagne in months.” Frank watched as his friend scrambled to his feet and began jogging in the direction of Frank's house. Frank shook his head laughing before he raced after Gerard.
xoxoxoxoxo
Frank sighed loudly as he stuffed his books in his locker, then shut the door. Two weeks had gone by so fast and now he was back, to finish his last year of high school before he went to college. It's also been two weeks since he had last seen Gerard. It had been devastating to find out Gerard and Mikey's beloved grandma, Elena had passed away during the holidays. After Gerard had turned up on his doorstep, tears flowing freely, to inform him the day after she died, Frank hadn't seen his best friend at all and he was starting to get worried.
Picking up his bag and placing it on his shoulder Frank turned around and began heading towards his first class, psychology.
"Frank!"
Stopping in the middle of the corridor, Frank slowly turned around and watched as Mikey jogged towards him.
"Hey MikeyWay." Frank said, grinning as Mikey scowled at him.
"Stop using my full name, douche." Mikey grumbled, stopping in front of Frank, panting slightly. "I'm just here to tell you that Gerard won't be in school today, he's not doing so well."
Frank frowned at the mention of his friend's health.
"He's taking it hard. Real hard." Mikey said. "After she passed he's just gone downhill, he spends most of his time locked in his room drawing. The only time he left the house was when he went to see you."
Frank began chewing on his bottom lip, something he did when troubled. The thought that Gerard wasn't doing well and that he hadn't tried to contact his friend made him feel slightly guilty. Frank placed a comforting hand on Mikeys shoulder.
"I'll go over and see him after school, I'm sorry I should've gone over before." Frank said, squeezing Mikey's shoulder softly. Mikey gave a small smile and shook his head.
"It's not your fault Frank. Just... just watch out please, Gerard isn't acting the same." Frank blinked in confusion, taken aback by Mikey's warning. When did Mikey ever need to warn him about Gerard?
"Anyway I'm going to class," Mikey said, smiling again, "I'll walk with you tonight, so meet me at the gate okay?" Frank watched, stunned, as Mikey waved at him and turned around heading to class. Frank shook his head thinking that today was going to be a strange day.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
With the thought of seeing Gerard tonight, Frank entered his psychology classroom with his stomach doing backflips. Scanning the room, he spotted a very familiar bush of hair at the back, he grinned and headed towards the table to see Ray who had his head leant against the back of the chair and was looking up at the ceiling.
"Hey Ray," Frank said, he sat in the chair next to Ray and watched as the crazy haired male looked towards him, grinning, "You never mentioned you were taking psychology."
"My parents didn't like the look of any of the other subjects on offer," Ray said, frowning, "So to keep them happy I decided to indulge myself with this crap."
"Hey, I'm actually interested in this 'crap', you know." Frank scolded, he watched as Ray chuckled and shook his head. Just as Ray opened his mouth to reply, their teacher walked through the door carrying a box full of orange booklets.
"Right class, I'm Mr.Nolan and welcome to psychology." Mr.Nolan said, smiling at everyone as he began to pass the booklets around. "These booklets will stay with you from now until the end of the year. They contain information, questions and tasks for each of the essays you will need to learn for your exams, so please look after them."
Frank waited patiently until his own orange booklet was placed in front of him and he quickly turned the first page, studying the information inside.
"First I'll give you an overview of the course then we'll crack onto the first topic, abnormal psychology, where we'll learn the Aetiologies and Treatments of Uni-polar Depression and Schizophrenia."
"This class sounds awesome." Ray whispered sarcastically in Frank's ear, causing him to chuckle quietly.
"Least we're stuck together, Ray." Frank whispered back, grinning.
xoxoxoxoxo
Frank swallowed harshly as he watched Mikey open the front door to his house and quietly stepped in. To say Frank was nervous was an understatement, he'd never been this nervous to see his best friend before but Mikey's warnings had frightened him more than he'd like to let on. Snapping out of his thoughts, Frank looked towards the front door to see Mikey frowning at him. Shaking his head, with a small hesitant smile, Frank strode towards the door and followed the younger Way into the living room.
"I think he's in his room," Mikey said, frowning, "Currently we never know where he is, he just seems to wander. Anyway I'm going to make some coffee, so head down there and I’ll be down in a bit."
Frank smiled slightly as he watched Mikey head into the kitchen before taking a deep breath and heading towards the door, he prepared to grab the door handle when he froze. Even at the top of the basement stairs, with the door closed, Frank could slightly make out Gerard's soft voice talking to someone. Frowning, Frank quietly opened the door and began heading down the steps towards Gerard's room. He stopped half way to listen intently to Gerard's mumbling but couldn't make out what he was saying.
"Gee?" Frank said, continuing to head down the stairs. Gerard's voice cut off after he’d spoken and there was just silence which didn’t help calm his nervousness. Reaching the bottom of the stairs Frank looked around the room to find Gerard sitting crossed legged on his bed with his sketch book balanced on his knees.
"Frank?" Gerard questioned, looking confused. "How come you're here?"
"Well you weren't in school today so I thought I'd check on you," Frank said frowning as he looked around the room again, "Hey Gee, who were you talking to?"
"Oh! Just...." Gerard trailed off as he looked behind him. Frank raised an eyebrow and Gerard faced him again, frowning, "No one, I was just mumbling to myself."
"So how are you feeling then?" Frank said, as he grinned and threw himself onto Gerard's bed causing the other male to sway slightly before catching himself.
"I'm alright." Gerard said smirking slightly. "I just felt a bit ill this morning." Frank looked at Gerard skeptically for a few minutes. He looked slightly dishevelled, which was normal for Gerard, but the bags under his eyes weren't and his skin looked more pale than usual. Frank sighed sadly before smiling up at him.
"Cool," he said, "I discovered today that Ray's in my psychology class, weird isn't it?"
"Not really," Gerard smirked, "That boy always had a screw lose." Frank blinked before bursting out into a fit of laughter.
"Just because he has a thing for your brother does not mean he's insane." Frank said, chuckling. He watched as Gerard raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't say it was for that reason. I was just thinking about the time he decided it was a good idea to flirt with Mikey by putting his xbox in the swimming pool." Frank couldn't help but laugh more at the memory. During one of Ray's parties he'd decided to impress Mikey by throwing his xbox in his swimming pool to prove to the boy he could sacrifice it. Turns out Mikey had passed out, drunk, in Gerard's arms just as he was throwing it in. Losing both his chance to woo Mikey and his xbox.
"He was extremely wasted Gee, not crazy." Frank said, smirking.
"Even a normal drunk person wouldn't decide chucking their xbox in the swimming pool was a good flirting technique."
"True true." Frank said, chuckling again. He looked up to see Gerard smirking at him, he grinned broadly and wondered why he hadn't come to see Gerard before.
"Hey short and lazy ass, come up here and get your coffees. I can't be bothered to carry them down." Mikey shouted from the top of the stairs.
"Mikey made coffee?" Gerard said, grinning. Frank rolled his eyes but couldn't help the small giggle escape his lips.
"Yes he did," Frank said, getting up off the bed and stretching, "Come on, let’s not keep skinny ass, up there, waiting too long. I really don't want to be bitched at."
"I'll be there in a minute I just want to put my sketch book away." Gerard said, smiling. Frank nodded and smiled softly before heading upstairs to quickly grill Mikey about Gerard’s, supposedly, strange behaviour.
xoxoxoxoxox
Gerard frowned as he watched Frank smile and head up the stairs.
"Wow that was close, your boyfriend nearly caught us there, Sunshine."
Gerard's eyes narrowed as he turned to the boy leaning against his desk, who was smirking. He was around Gerard's age but slightly taller, his hair was short, black and spiked up with hair gel. He wore a simple combination of jeans, black t-shirt and converse. Gerard had met him just more than a week ago when he'd wandered into the park one night. He'd found him sitting on a swing smoking.
"Where the hell have you been?" Gerard snapped. "I looked like an idiot when I turned around and you weren't there."
"Chill Sunshine," the boy grinned, "I was hiding in your closet. Didn't want twinkle toes up there to walk in and find you here with a stranger."
Gerard narrowed his eyes at the boy before growling, "He's not my boyfriend," which caused the taller male to grin and wink at him. "I'm surprised none of my family have spotted you sneaking into my house yet anyway."
"What can I say Sunshine, I'm a born ninja." he chuckled, winking mischievously at Gerard.
"Is there a reason you have to keep calling me Sunshine?" Gerard said through gritted teeth. He watched as Owen, the mysterious boy in his room, wandered over to his bookshelf and peered curiously at his comics.
"Not really," Owen mumbled, who looked over his shoulder and grinned at Gerard, "I just find it a fitting description." Gerard felt his cheek flush with embarrassment.
"Right. That's it pest, get out of my room and come bother me another day." Gerard growled, standing up and attempting to shoo Owen up his stairs.
"There's no way I'm going up those steps, I'm going through that window." Owen said who carefully manoeuvred past Gerard as he stared at him in shock. Gerard watched as he climbed onto the desk, opened the window and began climbing out.
"Why the hell can't you use the front door!" he snapped. He watched as Owen held the window open and popped his head back through, grinning.
"Don't want the boyfriend to catch me sneaking out now do I, Sunshine." Owen said, winking seductively, before swiftly shutting the window and disappearing.
"He is not my boyfriend!" Gerard shouted in a last desperate attempt, blushing in embarrassment.
“You alright down there Gee?” Gerard heard Frank shout from the top of the stairs. Blinking rapidly, Gerard coughed to clear his throat while walking towards the stairs.
“Yeah, I’m coming up now.”
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Frank emerged at the top of the basement stairs to find Mikey dancing around the kitchen, humming a tune he vaguely recognised. He spent a couple of minutes laughing at Mikey’s pathetic attempts to dance before he decided to interrupt him.
“Hey Mikey.” Frank said as he walked into the kitchen, effectively startling the young teen who stared at him in horror.
“I wasn’t doing anything!” Mikey denied, waving his arms around. Frank snickered at him while picking up his coffee and taking a sip.
“I thought you said Gee was acting weird.” Frank said, watching Mikey as he furrowed his eyebrows.
“Yeah he is, why do you ask?”
“Because he seemed perfectly fine when I was talking to him.” Frank took another sip from his coffee as he watched Mikey think.
“Did he not seem distracted, or really confused to you?” Frank thought back to his previous conversation with Gerard.
“He did when I first walked in but that was probably because I was there.”
“I’ve also heard mumbling coming from his bedroom, as though he’s talking to someone."
Frank was about to open his mouth and tell Mikey he’d also heard it but was cut off by Gerard shouting.
“He is not my boyfriend!”
Startled so much by his friends shout, Frank nearly dropped his coffee cup but caught himself in time. He looked towards Mikey who was looking at the closed basement door in shock.
“Like that, but quieter.” Mikey whispered, his eyes never leaving the door. Frank slowly placed his coffee cup on the kitchen counter before walking towards the basement door and opening it.
“You alright down there Gee?” He shouted. Waiting with battered breath for Gerard’s reply.
“Yeah, I’m coming up now.”
xoxoxoxoxoxox
“You know smoking is bad for you Sunshine.”
Gerard blinked before looking at Owen and raising an accusing eyebrow towards him. It was past eleven at night and the two were sat on the swings in the park, chatting absentmindedly.
"Are you seriously lecturing me about smoking?” Gerard asked Owen, taking a long drag from the cigarette dangling between his lips. His body instantly relaxing as he felt the nicotine calm his nerves and muscles.
“It causes lung cancer, heart disease, throat cancer... I could go on Gee-bear.” Owen teased, smirking widely as Gerard blushed at the nickname.
"Never call me that again!” Gerard growled threateningly, however the impressive red blush covering his cheeks made him less intimidating.
“Alright then Sunshine,” Owen said, grinning as Gerard groaned loudly, his head drooping slightly. Gerard heard Owen click his tongue in concentration before giving him a stern look, “You’ve got school tomorrow.”
“No shit Sherlock.” Gerard said dryly, taking another drag from his cigarette.
“Shouldn’t you be in bed.” Owen scolded, Gerard could see the hint of a smirk tugging at his lips.
“Who are you tonight? My mother?” Gerard snapped.
“I could be.” Grinned Owen, his eyes sparkling mischievously.
“Anyway don’t you need to be at school tomorrow?” Gerard growled, pointing a finger accusingly at the boy.
“Nope,” Owen grinned, “I don’t go to school.” Gerard’s eyebrows rose in disbelieve and he scoffed at the boy next to him.
“Seriously I don’t, I dropped out cause I was a useless motherfucker.” Owen sighed. Gerard smiled sadly and offered his cigarette to Owen, who shook his head and smiled back.
“I bet you weren’t,” He said, taking the last drag from the cigarette before flicking it into the grass. He heard Owen make a disapproving sound in the back of his throat.
“I couldn’t do anything, I was practically failing every subject apart from one.” Owen said, glaring into the distance.
“Sounds familiar.” Gerard mumbled, attempting to rub the sleep from his eyes. He hadn’t slept the past two weeks since.... it and he was starting to feel exhausted.
“Seriously Gerard, go home and get some sleep,” Owen said as he stood up and started walking away into the distance, before shouting back “
Just remember you’ll see you boyfriend tomorrow.”
Gerard opened his mouth to shout a denial at Owen but decided against it, it was too late and he didn’t really need the old lady from the bungalow to start howling curses at him again. He continued to sit and watch as Owens’ figure disappeared into the night blanketed around them before sighing heavily and reluctantly dragging himself home.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
“Morning Gerard,” Frank said, grinning. He watched as Gerard frowned around the cigarette between his lips before grunting. “Cheer up, it’s our last year of school.”
“That may be Frank, but it’s still school.” Gerard growled, flicking his cigarette away and lifting his bag more comfortably on his shoulder. They were just entering the school grounds and were on their way to Frank’s locker.
“Have you got your schedule?” Frank asked, looking towards Gerard who was staring at something in the distance.
“Yeah, Mikey picked it up for me yesterday.” Gerard said, still looking forwards. Curious to what had caught Gerard’s attention, Frank looked in the same direction as his friend to find the school’s jocks heading towards them, grinning smugly at the sight of Gerard.
“Oh look, the faggot's here today.” Taunted one of the jocks walking past them, “Why don’t you do us all a favour and kill yourself.” Frank watched helplessly as Gerard was shoved into the lockers before the jocks walked away laughing.
“Just ignore them Gee.” He said, soothingly. He watched sadly as Gerard pushed himself off the lockers, scowling.
“I know.”
Xoxoxoxoxoxo
“Fucking Jocks.” Ray growled, falling heavily onto the ground as he sat down, “The next time they throw a bag at my head I’ll punch one of them.”
"Violence isn’t the answer to everything.” Frank said, sighing softly before biting into his sandwich. He was sat in one of the fields behind the school with Gerard, Mikey and Ray. They usually sat here to escape from the jocks who would enjoy tormenting them whenever they were seen.
“I wish it was.” Grumbled Ray, who began searching in his bag for his lunch, “We’re not even back for more than 2 days and they’ve already started.”
“They started with Gerard this morning.” Frank mumbled, looking over at the brunette who was lost in drawing in his sketchbook.
“What did they do?” Mikey asked, looking between Frank and his brother.
“Pushed him into the lockers and told him to kill himself.” Frank growled, taking another bite from his sandwich and glaring at the bleachers behind Mikey.
“Bastards.” Ray hissed, successfully pulling his lunch from his bag, “I’ll jump for joy when I leave this place.”
“We only have to deal with them for one more year.” Gerard said, looking up from his sketchbook to see everyone jump and look towards him. He smirked, “I have been listening, you know.”
“It’s still a year of hell.” Frank grumbled, watching as Gerard rolled his eyes and continued to draw.
“It’s only a year of hell if you let it be.” Gerard said, Frank watched each stroke of Gerard’s hand as he moved the pencil across the paper.
“What are you drawing Gee?” Mikey asked, scooting towards his brother to peer over his shoulder. In a matter of seconds Gerard had slammed his sketchbook closed and smiled innocently at his brother.
“Just doodling.” Gerard said, still smiling innocently. Frank watched as Mikey made a grab for the sketchbook but Gerard quickly lifted it above his head causing Mikey to fall into his brother’s lap. Gerard snorted, flicking Mikeys forehead.
“Keep your nose out of things that it doesn’t belong in.” He said, watching and Mikey climbed off his lap, grumbling. Frank chuckled, shaking his head as he watched the two brothers bicker over Gerard’s sketchbook and Mikey every so often attempting to grab it. He was pleased to see the two were gradually coming to terms with their grandma’s death and nothing dramatic had happened to their personalities. What made him happier was to see Gerard smiling and laughing. He’d been worried the older boy may have fallen into depression after he’d seen the Gerard break down in front of him. He continued to watch the way Gerard’s lips curled upwards in satisfaction as he foiled another of Mikey's stealing attempts, the way he threw his head back, laughing, exposing the pale skin of his neck.
“Frank... Frank!” Ray shouted effectively snapping Frank out of his thoughts. He looked towards his friend to see him smirking at him.
“What?” Frank asked, quickly glancing over to the brothers to see they were still engrossed in their bickering.
“Nothing, you just spaced out a bit there.” Ray said, chuckling quietly as he looked at Gerard and Mikey.
“Do you really need Gerard’s sketchbook Mikey?” Ray asked, highly amused. Mikey stopped his attempt at grabbing Gerard’s sketchbook again to look at Ray.
“But I like to look at Gerard’s drawings.” Mikey said, looking back at his brother who was staring back, amusement shining in his eyes.
“I don’t want you looking at them though.” Gerard said, sticking his tongue out.
“Real mature Gee.” Mikey grumbled, getting up and sitting back in his previous spot. Frank sighed sadly as he heard the faint ring of the bell signalling that their lunch was over.
“Come on Toro, it’s off to psychology.” Frank groaned, pulling himself up and dragging his bag with him. He watched as the others followed his lead in standing up after placing their items back in their bags.
“Do we have to?” Ray asked desperately, “The thought of even starting to learn three essays on uni-polar depression and then three more on schizophrenia is already making me die of boredom.”
Frank chuckled softly, “Stop being such a drama queen Ray and lets go, I really don’t want detention from Mr.Nolan.”
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
“What are you doing in my room?” Gerard asked, his eyebrows raised in surprise as he found Owen lounging on his bed.
“I got bored.” Owen grunted, shifting slightly to get more comfortable. Gerard growled, walking forward he threw his bag in the direction of the other boy and smirked in satisfaction when it connected with his stomach.
“What the hell!” Owen hissed, shoving the bag away and sitting up to rub his stomach. “What was that for?”
“What would happen if my mom had walked in and seen you.” Gerard said, pulling out the chair at his desk to sit on. He watched as Owen rolled his eyes before falling back against the bed.
“Chill Sunshine,” Owen said, running a hand over his face, “Your mom wouldn’t have caught me.”
“Oh really?” Gerard said sarcastically, “Please explain how she wouldn’t have caught you.” He watched as Owen raised his head to grin at him.
“I can fit in your closest,” Owen said, his grin growing wider. “I saw those jocks giving you some grief today.” Gerard raised an eyebrow suspiciously.
“I thought you didn’t go to school.”
“I don’t.”
“Then how did you see those jocks?" Gerard asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“Cause I’m a fucking ninja!”
Gerard narrowed his eyes and huffed angrily before spinning around and pulling the math homework from his discarded bag on the floor. Pulling a pencil out he began to work on the first question.
“What are you doing?” Owen asked, lazily.
“Math homework, now shut up.” After Gerard worked through the first few problems, with Owen being silent, he found himself chewing on the end of his pencil in annoyance.
“That’s wrong.” Gerard heard Owen say from behind him, he watched as his hand reached over and pointed at the last question he solved.
“So what if it is.” Gerard snapped, prodding the offending hand with the end of his pencil.
"What’s the point in even doing it if you’re just going to answer them wrong?”
“At least it’s done when you hand it in.”
“I don’t even know why you’re trying, you’re shit at math anyway.” Gerard flushed angrily, spinning around on his chair to glare at Owen.
“I am not.”
“Yes you are, you're shit at everything in life. Maybe you should take the advice of those jocks.” Gerard sat still, stunned at what Owen had just said. He continued to stare at the boy with wide eyes for a while before snapping out of his silence and growling angrily.
“You hardly even fucking know me.” He growled, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. He saw Owen smirk smugly.
“I know you more than you do. You're just a useless motherfucker, just like me.”
“Get the fuck out.” Gerard growled.
“My pleasure, Sunshine.” Owen said, spinning around and heading up the stairs. Realisation dawned on Gerard just as Owen was half way up the stairs.
“You can’t go out that way! My parents will see you.” Gerard shouted, leaping out of his chair and towards the staircase.
“Your family is out remember?” He heard Owen call from somewhere inside his house. “See, useless.”
Growling out of anger and frustration, Gerard stormed up the stairs, his fist clench read to punch the smug fucker in the face. But when Gerard reached the top and searched his house, Owen was already gone.
Xoxoxoxoxoxox
Frank stood outside the school; his back leaned up against the rusted, old bars of the school gate with a cigarette dangling between his lips. He’d had some homework to do in psychology, something about looking up the symptoms of uni-polar depression and filling in pages of the booklet. Frank sighed before taking a long drag from his cigarette and watching as the smoke swirled into the air.
He hadn’t seen Gerard since yesterday at school, his mother had wanted him home to help with the house work and upon completion of the task he hadn’t had time to drop in at Gerard’s for an hour or two to drink his coffee and beat him on his video games. He was hoping to convince him out of his basement and to somewhere that wasn’t his kitchen or the school. Frank looked up in time to see Gerard walking towards him. However his posture was rigid and he was scowling at the ground.
“You alright Gee?” Frank asked as soon as Gerard was within hearing range. Gerard looked up surprised, he studied Frank for a second before looking over Franks shoulder and scowling again.
“Yeah I’m fine.” Gerard growled, hoisting his bag onto his shoulder and beginning to head through the school gates. Frank blinked before quickly following Gerard.
“Are you sure? You seem kind of angry.” Frank said, staying a few feet behind his friend. He heard Gerard sigh softly.
“Yeah I’m alright.” Gerard replied, heading towards his locker. He sighed loudly, looking at Frank staring at him, “Someone said something to me yesterday that’s pissed me off a bit.”
“It wasn’t the jocks was it?” Frank said, watching as Gerard opened his locker and began to pull his books out, “Because I told you to ignore what they said, they’re jerks anyway.”
Gerard pursed his lips, “No it wasn’t the jocks.”
“Who was it then?”
“Seriously it’s nothing, I’m just over thinking. Come on we better hurry, don’t want Ray waiting too long for us.”
Frank grumbled as he followed Gerard down the hall. He couldn’t understand why Gerard just wouldn’t tell him what had annoyed him so much. It must have been something serious or Gerard wouldn’t have got wound up about it at all. Even if Gerard had wiped the scowl off his face, Frank could still see the tension within his muscles. They turned around the corner at the end of the hall to find Ray stood in front of his locker searching frantically through his bag.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Ray hissed, pulling files and books out of his bag. Frank rose an eyebrow at him.
“What’s up Ray?” Frank asked. Ray pulled his hands out of his bag to bury his face in them.
“I’ve only gone and left the psychology booklet at home.” Ray whined, shaking his head.
“You can just share mine.” Frank said, shrugging. Ray looked up at him smiling briefly before frowning.
“I’ve still forgotten my homework.” Ray grumbled, straightening up and slamming his locker closed. Frank shrugged again.
“I doubt Mr.Nolan is going to mind. He seems pretty laid back anyway.” Ray smiled at him in appreciation before turning to Gerard. Frank watched as Ray’s eyebrows rose and he looked at him in confusion pointing towards Gerard. Rolling his eyes Frank turned to see Gerard glaring at the wall behind Ray, he was scowling again and he looked deep in thought.
“Gerard...” Ray said, “Are you alright.”
Gerard’s head snapped to look at Ray, he continued to stare for a few seconds before blinking and nodding. The warning bell rang throughout the school.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Better get to the class then, we don’t want to be late.” Frank frowned as he watched Gerard head down the corridor, he couldn’t help but worry.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Gerard sighed as he ran his hand through his hair; he was on his way home from school, one hour before everyone else. He had maths last period and they were meant to be getting their marks back for the homework he’d done a few nights ago. But Owen's words had kept invading his thoughts like a virus until he’d growled in frustration and walked out the school gates, not caring whether someone spotted him or not.
Sighing again, Gerard reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his cigarettes, quickly lighting one up and taking a drag. He was currently taking the long way home, the route that avoided the park, he didn’t really want to bump into Owen anytime soon. He was still pissed at the boy for what he’d said to him and the fact that had been annoying him since he said it was pissing him off even more.
Gerard was pulled out of his thoughts by his cell phone vibrating. Letting his cigarette dangle between his lips, he searched his jeans pockets until he came across his phone. Pulling it out he felt his heart skip a beat as he found that the message was from Frank.
Ray said he saw you walking out of school. You alright? x
Yeah I’m fine :) Didn’t feel like math today. Just gonna go home and chill x
Cool, I’ll come see you after school then :) x
Gerard smiled slightly and placed his phone back in his pocket before finishing off his cigarette and flicking it away. He looked up and froze as he saw Owen walking towards him with a smirk on his face. Panicking slightly, Gerard slipped down an alleyway on his right hoping to avoid him. After walking for about 10 minutes he found himself in the park, stunned he turned around hoping to hop the fence into the old lady’s garden in hopes of avoiding Owen. He’d take being hit over the head by the woman’s handbag than face the other boy. But as he turned around he found Owen stood right behind him, grinning.
“Alright there Sunshine?” Owen said, smirking. Gerard glared at the boy.
“What the hell do you want?” Gerard hissed.
“I just wanted to talk to you, is that such a crime?” Owen said, his smirk still in place. Gerard fidgeted nervously, he looked around for possible exits and found several. But as he looked back at Owen's smirking face he realised it would be impossible, he had a feeling the boy would just chase him down anyway.
“Fine.” Gerard growled, turning around and heading over to the swings. He sat down and waited until Owen sat on the swing next to him. Silence enveloped them for a few minutes until Owen broke it.
“You still can’t be pissed at me.” Owen said, his tone slightly disbelieving. Gerard’s head whipped around so he could glare at him.
“I can’t still be pissed at you?” Gerard hissed, “You practically tell me to kill myself and I’m not still allowed to be pissed.” Gerard’s eyes narrowed further as he watched Owen roll his eyes and sigh.
“Come on, you know I didn’t mean it. I was only trying to piss you off.”
“Well fucking done because you certainly accomplished that task. Do you want a fucking medal?” Gerard hissed. He turned away from looking at Owen and breathed evenly. It was no use getting worked up; it wouldn’t help him anymore than it was helping him now. He heard Owen sigh next to him but he stubbornly refused to look at the boy.
“I’m serious Gerard. I didn’t mean it.” Owen said sadly. Reluctantly Gerard turned to see Owen staring into the distance.
“You really need to think before you speak.” Gerard grumbled. Owen turned to face him and grinned.
“I’ve already told you, I’m useless Sunshine.”
Gerard frowned, remembering how Owen had referred to him as being useless which had started the whole argument. Gerard shook his head as he pulled a cigarette out of his jeans pocket, Owen had already apologised and he’d been referring to himself.
“Are the jocks giving you anymore trouble?” Owen asked. Gerard took his time lighting up and taking a drag.
“Not yet, they seem to be lying low currently. But they’ll probably start again soon.” Gerard said sighing.
Ever since he could remember he and his friends had been the favourite targets of the jocks. It had become so much of a routine in his school life that he didn’t see the point in trying to stop it, there was nothing they could do anyway. Beating them up was a very tempting idea but Gerard didn’t like the idea of violence and he didn’t want to do anything that the jocks do. He liked the idea of leaving school and doing something with his life, so he mostly focused on that. Getting out of school was the best way of getting away from them.
“I’d just punch them Sunshine. They aren’t worth the trouble.” Owen said, smirking at Gerard who rolled his eyes.
“Violence is never the answer.”
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
“So basically Ray was down, a hunter had him, and I was right outside the safe house in the hospital. I’d used my last first aid moments before. I only had one box of pain pills and I was running out of ammo, but of course one of my stray bullets had to hit the car making it’s alarm turn on. Cue zombie horde. Ray’s sat next to me shouting into my ear to ‘run to the fucking safe house’, so I do just that, keeping my cool all the way. That is until a Smoker grabs me, then I start frantically trying to shoot it's tongue but no luck, I’m dead and we have to start the whole mission again!” Mikey rambled on causing Gerard to chuckle. They were heading towards school and Mikey had seen an opportunity to explain to Gerard how they’d successfully failed while playing a campaign on Left 4 Dead.
“Is that all you did yesterday?” Gerard asked, raising an eyebrow. Gerard smiled in satisfaction as he watched Mikey lightly blush.
“Yeah, we eventually completed it.” Mikey mumbled looking forwards. Gerard studied his younger brother for a few seconds before rolling his eyes.
“You two really annoy me sometimes.”
“What do you mean by that?” Gerard turned to look at him in disbelief.
“You two pining for each other, It’s getting ridiculous.” Gerard said, watching as Mikey stumbled and his blush darkening.
“We are not pining after each other.” Mikey said remaining calm, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Gerard snorted, “Oh come on you can’t be serious, you like Ray and Ray likes you. I see no problem in just telling him.”
“Ray doesn’t like me.” Mikey said softly. Gerard sighed and grabbed his brother’s arm, stopping him.
“You remember his last xbox?” Gerard watched as Mikey nodded, confused, “He threw it in the swimming pool when he was wasted in hopes he could ‘woo’ you.” Gerard smiled as he watched Mikey burst out laughing.
“Seriously?” Mikey asked, still laughing.
“I wouldn’t lie to you Mikey.” Gerard said softly, continuing to walk forwards. A few seconds went by before he heard Mikey following him.
“I know you wouldn’t.” Mikey said, “I’ll make you a deal alright.” Intrigued Gerard turned to look at Mikey who was smirking.
“If I make a move on Ray, you have to make a move on Frank.” Gerard froze, his eyes wide and his jaw ajar. He continued to look at his brother for a few minutes before snapping his mouth shut and continuing to walk.
“I have no idea what you’re on about.” Gerard said stiffly. He could practically hear Mikey rolling his eyes.
“You can’t hide things from me Gee, I am your brother after all.” Mikey said, his voice wasn’t that far away suggesting he’d also continued to
walk.
“Okay let’s say, hypothetically, I did like Frank. Frank doesn’t like me.” Gerard pointed out. Mikey smirked at him knowingly.
“That’s all right, because it’s hypothetically. In real life Frank likes you, you like Frank. I see no problem in telling him.” Gerard’s eyes narrowed as Mikey repeated exactly what he’d said to Mikey.
“Fine.” Gerard grumbled, his pace picking up so he didn’t have to look at Mikey’s smug face. It took another 5 minutes of walking in silence; Gerard could practically feel the smugness rolling off his brother in waves, before they stepped through the gates into school ground. A few feet from the school door Gerard could see Frank and Ray in a heated debate, he deduced this from the way Ray was staring at Frank intently while Frank waved his arms around as though his hand movements were backing up what he was saying. Gerard smiled softly as he looked at Frank, the look of concentration on his face was adorable. Ray was knocked out of his concentration when he spotted the two brothers, he grinned at them before staring suspiciously at Mikey.
“What are you so smug about?” Ray asked, studying Mikey carefully.
“No reason.” Mikey said. Gerard growled quietly but Frank seemed to have heard and sent him a questioning look. He just smiled at Frank and shook his head. They stayed in that position chatting about pointless things, occasionally coming up with ideas of meeting up for a video game night or another party at Ray’s, until the warning bell rang, signalling for them to head to class. Gerard groaned and ran his hand through his hair.
“Fuck, I forgot I have graphics this morning.” Gerard groaned, he looked up to see everyone looking at him in confusion, “The classrooms on the other side of the school.” He looked to see everyone frown, getting to the other side of the school meant passing the gym and passing the gym means there is a chance the jocks will see you. When you’re the jocks favourite target walking past there was like sacrificing yourself.
“We’ll walk with you.” Frank said, Ray and Mikey nodding in agreement. Gerard smiled softly at them.
“I’m not going to let you get detention for being late. We better get to class before we are late.”
As much as Gerard wanted them all to come with him so he didn’t bump into the jocks alone, he knew that if they walked past twice it was just asking for trouble. Gerard began to breathe evenly, so he could prevent himself from hyperventilating, as he headed towards his graphics class. He probably should have headed over earlier when the jocks were busy taking their morning anger out on some poor unsuspecting victim. But, of course, he was far too engrossed in the conversation with the guys that he hadn’t kept watch on the time. Gerard wondered if this was karma going to bite him in the ass for not helping his mom last week when she’d had the big dinner party.
Suddenly Gerard felt someone grab him by the back of his collar, chocking him, and throw him against the wall, which caused him to hit the back of his head. He groaned in pain, his vision was blurry and he couldn’t quite make out who was in front of him.
“Well look who we have here, if it isn’t the faggot.” Yeah, karma’s a bitch. Gerard groaned again as his vision slowly focused and he could clearly see the four jocks stood in front of him, all looking like Christmas had come early for them. Gerard wished Christmas would come early for him, maybe he could get out of this predicament.
“Where you off to fag?” Sneered the tall one, who now had a hold of his collar, “Off to fuck your boyfriend?” Gerard glared at him.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Gerard hissed. He knew he shouldn’t be winding them up but he was sick of staying quiet and staring at the floor pathetically. This comment earned him a punch to his jaw, his head snapping to the left.
“Did I say you could speak.” The guy growled which earned laughter from the others and a ‘You tell that fag’ from the shortest. ‘Kiss ass’ Gerard thought.
“Well you asked me a fucking question.” Gerard spat. Again this earned him another punch to his jar. For once he didn’t care if they broke his jar or beat him up, least this time he could walk away saying he’d actually stood up for himself.
“Shut up fag.”
Gerard looked at them again and glared. “You are fucking stupid. Why ask a fucking question if I can’t answer the damn thing.” Another punch, this time Gerard could feel the blood pooling in his mouth.
“Fags can only speak when told to.” The jock hissed, moving his face towards Gerard threateningly. Gerard raised his eyebrows in disbelief. ‘This guy really is a fucking idiot’ Gerard thought. He resisted rolling his eyes but just smiled slightly instead. He studied the jock for a few more seconds before spitting the blood in his mouth right into the guy's face. Gerard grinned, knowing this action would have severe consequences but for once he really didn’t care.
He watched in amusement as an expression of shock replaced the threatening glare that the jock had given him. If Gerard hadn’t been in as much bother as he already was he might have even laughed as the jock slowly realised what he’d done.
“You’re going to fucking regret that.” The jock hissed, Gerard could clearly see the rage in his eyes. It only took a few seconds before a hard punch was sent to his jaw, one so powerful it knocked him off his feet and onto the floor. Gerard bit his bottom lip in an attempt to stop the groan of pain. Gerard’s eyes snapped open as someone roughly grabbed the front of his shirt, lifting him slightly off the ground.
“You don’t fuck with us.” The jock hissed, smirking, “We fuck with you.”
He was then roughly shoved to the ground before a kick was aimed at his stomach, this time he couldn’t stop the groan of pain escaping and more followed it as the other three jocks joined in, kicking fiercely until a whistle sounded inside the gym.
“Fuck, coach is gonna wreck us.” One of the jocks groaned. Gerard didn’t know which one, his eyelids were heavy and he didn’t have the strength to open them. He hurt everywhere and he was barely staying conscious as it was.
“If we hurry up, coach may spare us.” Now Gerard recognised that voice, tall, dark and fucking ugly.
“We’ll finish this later, fag.” The tall jock hissed, kicking Gerard again. He couldn’t help but cry out in pain as he kicked his overly abused stomach. Gerard concentrated on breathing evenly as he listened to the footsteps and the laughter of the jocks die away. He continued laying there for a few seconds before gathering the strength to push himself up, all the while groaning in pain, so he could sit up with his back rested against the wall.
He didn't know how long he sat there, contemplating whether or not he should be regretting his actions. Knowing the jocks they would definitely be carrying out their ‘later’ threat. He felt slightly proud for sticking up for himself and refusing to back down but now he was just worried that he’d maybe signed his own death certificate as soon as he spoke the first word. Sighing, Gerard slowly lifted himself to his feet, which were slightly shaking, before limping towards the school gate. Like hell he was going to stay in school when he, probably, looked like he’d been run over by a car. He’d just text Mikey saying he’d gone home because he didn’t feel well and ask him to pick up his work for him.
Part Two
Author: red_ones_fly
Band: My Chemical Romance
Pairing: Frank/Gerard (mentioned Ray/Mikey)
Word Count: 15,841
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Minor character death, Mental Disorders, Rape, Violence, sex
Summary: 'It took me a while to work out that there was something wrong with Gerard, he kept it hidden well and, really, he didn’t even know something was wrong with him. To him it seemed like normal, everyday stuff. He never found any of his behaviour out of the ordinary. To him it was just reality.’ After Gerard's grandma passes away his behaviour becomes strange. He becomes less outgoing and more paranoid. As Frank tries to work out what’s going on with his friend/love interest, between school, learning psychology and dealing with the jocks, he doesn’t realise just how bad it is.
It took me a while to work out that there was something wrong with Gerard, he kept it hidden well and, really, he didn’t even know something was wrong with him. To him it seemed like normal, everyday stuff. He never found any of his behaviour out of the ordinary. To him it was just reality.
Out of everyone around him, his brother Mikey, his parents, and our friend Ray, we never noticed anything. Yeah, we realised he was acting stranger than he usually did, but it was a gradual process, allowing us to get used to these changes in him. Allowing us to believe it was his normal behaviour. Gerard’s behaviour was erratic and unpredictable anyway, it kept life from being boring and dull. One minute we could be sat talking about the latest comic book released and then we could be outside using Gerard’s paint as weapons. So the strange behaviour just seemed like another part of him. Until I took up psychology, that was, and his strange behaviour started to make sense, but we were always warned to not self-diagnose ourselves or others, so I ignored what I learned until everything fell apart.
Being riddled with guilt isn’t fun. It hurts, especially when you ignored the signs of distress from someone you love. Loving Gerard was never easy, but sometimes I believe it’s what could have made me so blind when it came to his problems.
It all started when we were entering our final year of high school. For the first time our year had been given the choice of a number of subjects to start during this year to see whether it would be a success or not. Out of the list we had been given, the only subject that caught my eye was psychology, the study of human behaviour. The idea of learning about the theories and explanations of how we behave was intriguing, plus I liked the idea of freaking Gerard out with that kind of knowledge.
Gerard had been my best friend since the day after I was born; we met in the hospital which was strange because he’s about five months older than me. But it seemed that on that day Gerard had come down with an illness that led him to the hospital. Our mothers had met each other around the entrance of the hospital, both leaving to head home. As usual they got into a conversation which left both me and Gerard on the floor in the hospital waiting room with nothing to do and seen as though Gerard was the furthest developed of us both, he spent that time poking me in the face. I can’t remember this, but its how my mom said we met.
Gerard had always been a good friend; he was eccentric, bubbly, and stupidly spontaneous at times which got us into trouble a lot. But he was still wise, kind, and helpful. I’d spent most of my life being comforted by him. He hardly ever needed comforting; he was strong and hardly let anything get to him. Probably why I just simply ignored his change in behaviour.
I just wish now I hadn’t let it go on for so long.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
“Frank!”
Frank spun around only to get an armful of Gerard, the force of Gerard knocking into him forced Frank to lose his balance and tumble to the ground. Shaking his head he wrapped his arms around Gerard’s waist and hugged him, despite lying on the floor.
“Any reason I needed tackling?” Frank asked, amused, as Gerard rolled off Frank and stared at the clouds in the sky. He watched as Gerard looked above, a light smile brightening up his features. They were currently sitting in the park, not far away from the swings, in New Jersey.
“Not really,” Gerard said. Frank watched as he dug into the pocket of his leather jacket and pulled out his cigarettes, he pulled out two and lit them both, handing one to Frank and placing the other between his lips. Frank chuckled and happily breathed in the smoke from his cigarette, smiling happily as the nicotine swept through his body, relaxing his aching muscles.
“What did you chose as the extra subject this year?” Gerard asked, plucking grass strands out the ground unconsciously while his eyes stayed focused on the clouds passing by. Frank looked out the corner of his eye as he breathed out another batch of smoke.
“Psychology,” Frank mumbled around the cigarette between his lips. “Wasn’t yours something like design or advance art?” Frank heard Gerard chuckle lazily next to him.
“Graphics, Frank.”
“Isn’t that just the same as art?” Frank asked, scrunching his nose up. He could practically hear Gerard roll his eyes next to him.
“No you goof, it involves visual imagery.” Gerard replied, laughing.
“I still don’t get it.” Frank said, flicking the ash from his cigarette away and looking back at the clouds. They stayed silent for a while, allowing each other to enjoy the others company before they were dragged back to school in two weeks.
“I wish summer was longer.” Gerard mumbled. Frank blinked, breaking his stare from above to look at his friend who was laid on his back, hands resting on his chest and his half smoked cigarette dangling between his lips.
"Don’t we all, Gee.” Frank mumbled, smiling at the childishness of Gerard’s statement. They were growing older and soon they’d have full time jobs, leaving their summer holidays far behind. Frank just hoped to collect as many happy memories as possible from his last year of school with Gerard before they left.
“Come on you big lump,” Frank said, punching Gerard in the arm before he sat up, “Mom’s making lasagne.”
“Seriously?” Gerard said, a wide grin on his features, “Shit Frank, your mom hasn’t made lasagne in months.” Frank watched as his friend scrambled to his feet and began jogging in the direction of Frank's house. Frank shook his head laughing before he raced after Gerard.
xoxoxoxoxo
Frank sighed loudly as he stuffed his books in his locker, then shut the door. Two weeks had gone by so fast and now he was back, to finish his last year of high school before he went to college. It's also been two weeks since he had last seen Gerard. It had been devastating to find out Gerard and Mikey's beloved grandma, Elena had passed away during the holidays. After Gerard had turned up on his doorstep, tears flowing freely, to inform him the day after she died, Frank hadn't seen his best friend at all and he was starting to get worried.
Picking up his bag and placing it on his shoulder Frank turned around and began heading towards his first class, psychology.
"Frank!"
Stopping in the middle of the corridor, Frank slowly turned around and watched as Mikey jogged towards him.
"Hey MikeyWay." Frank said, grinning as Mikey scowled at him.
"Stop using my full name, douche." Mikey grumbled, stopping in front of Frank, panting slightly. "I'm just here to tell you that Gerard won't be in school today, he's not doing so well."
Frank frowned at the mention of his friend's health.
"He's taking it hard. Real hard." Mikey said. "After she passed he's just gone downhill, he spends most of his time locked in his room drawing. The only time he left the house was when he went to see you."
Frank began chewing on his bottom lip, something he did when troubled. The thought that Gerard wasn't doing well and that he hadn't tried to contact his friend made him feel slightly guilty. Frank placed a comforting hand on Mikeys shoulder.
"I'll go over and see him after school, I'm sorry I should've gone over before." Frank said, squeezing Mikey's shoulder softly. Mikey gave a small smile and shook his head.
"It's not your fault Frank. Just... just watch out please, Gerard isn't acting the same." Frank blinked in confusion, taken aback by Mikey's warning. When did Mikey ever need to warn him about Gerard?
"Anyway I'm going to class," Mikey said, smiling again, "I'll walk with you tonight, so meet me at the gate okay?" Frank watched, stunned, as Mikey waved at him and turned around heading to class. Frank shook his head thinking that today was going to be a strange day.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
With the thought of seeing Gerard tonight, Frank entered his psychology classroom with his stomach doing backflips. Scanning the room, he spotted a very familiar bush of hair at the back, he grinned and headed towards the table to see Ray who had his head leant against the back of the chair and was looking up at the ceiling.
"Hey Ray," Frank said, he sat in the chair next to Ray and watched as the crazy haired male looked towards him, grinning, "You never mentioned you were taking psychology."
"My parents didn't like the look of any of the other subjects on offer," Ray said, frowning, "So to keep them happy I decided to indulge myself with this crap."
"Hey, I'm actually interested in this 'crap', you know." Frank scolded, he watched as Ray chuckled and shook his head. Just as Ray opened his mouth to reply, their teacher walked through the door carrying a box full of orange booklets.
"Right class, I'm Mr.Nolan and welcome to psychology." Mr.Nolan said, smiling at everyone as he began to pass the booklets around. "These booklets will stay with you from now until the end of the year. They contain information, questions and tasks for each of the essays you will need to learn for your exams, so please look after them."
Frank waited patiently until his own orange booklet was placed in front of him and he quickly turned the first page, studying the information inside.
"First I'll give you an overview of the course then we'll crack onto the first topic, abnormal psychology, where we'll learn the Aetiologies and Treatments of Uni-polar Depression and Schizophrenia."
"This class sounds awesome." Ray whispered sarcastically in Frank's ear, causing him to chuckle quietly.
"Least we're stuck together, Ray." Frank whispered back, grinning.
xoxoxoxoxo
Frank swallowed harshly as he watched Mikey open the front door to his house and quietly stepped in. To say Frank was nervous was an understatement, he'd never been this nervous to see his best friend before but Mikey's warnings had frightened him more than he'd like to let on. Snapping out of his thoughts, Frank looked towards the front door to see Mikey frowning at him. Shaking his head, with a small hesitant smile, Frank strode towards the door and followed the younger Way into the living room.
"I think he's in his room," Mikey said, frowning, "Currently we never know where he is, he just seems to wander. Anyway I'm going to make some coffee, so head down there and I’ll be down in a bit."
Frank smiled slightly as he watched Mikey head into the kitchen before taking a deep breath and heading towards the door, he prepared to grab the door handle when he froze. Even at the top of the basement stairs, with the door closed, Frank could slightly make out Gerard's soft voice talking to someone. Frowning, Frank quietly opened the door and began heading down the steps towards Gerard's room. He stopped half way to listen intently to Gerard's mumbling but couldn't make out what he was saying.
"Gee?" Frank said, continuing to head down the stairs. Gerard's voice cut off after he’d spoken and there was just silence which didn’t help calm his nervousness. Reaching the bottom of the stairs Frank looked around the room to find Gerard sitting crossed legged on his bed with his sketch book balanced on his knees.
"Frank?" Gerard questioned, looking confused. "How come you're here?"
"Well you weren't in school today so I thought I'd check on you," Frank said frowning as he looked around the room again, "Hey Gee, who were you talking to?"
"Oh! Just...." Gerard trailed off as he looked behind him. Frank raised an eyebrow and Gerard faced him again, frowning, "No one, I was just mumbling to myself."
"So how are you feeling then?" Frank said, as he grinned and threw himself onto Gerard's bed causing the other male to sway slightly before catching himself.
"I'm alright." Gerard said smirking slightly. "I just felt a bit ill this morning." Frank looked at Gerard skeptically for a few minutes. He looked slightly dishevelled, which was normal for Gerard, but the bags under his eyes weren't and his skin looked more pale than usual. Frank sighed sadly before smiling up at him.
"Cool," he said, "I discovered today that Ray's in my psychology class, weird isn't it?"
"Not really," Gerard smirked, "That boy always had a screw lose." Frank blinked before bursting out into a fit of laughter.
"Just because he has a thing for your brother does not mean he's insane." Frank said, chuckling. He watched as Gerard raised an eyebrow.
"I didn't say it was for that reason. I was just thinking about the time he decided it was a good idea to flirt with Mikey by putting his xbox in the swimming pool." Frank couldn't help but laugh more at the memory. During one of Ray's parties he'd decided to impress Mikey by throwing his xbox in his swimming pool to prove to the boy he could sacrifice it. Turns out Mikey had passed out, drunk, in Gerard's arms just as he was throwing it in. Losing both his chance to woo Mikey and his xbox.
"He was extremely wasted Gee, not crazy." Frank said, smirking.
"Even a normal drunk person wouldn't decide chucking their xbox in the swimming pool was a good flirting technique."
"True true." Frank said, chuckling again. He looked up to see Gerard smirking at him, he grinned broadly and wondered why he hadn't come to see Gerard before.
"Hey short and lazy ass, come up here and get your coffees. I can't be bothered to carry them down." Mikey shouted from the top of the stairs.
"Mikey made coffee?" Gerard said, grinning. Frank rolled his eyes but couldn't help the small giggle escape his lips.
"Yes he did," Frank said, getting up off the bed and stretching, "Come on, let’s not keep skinny ass, up there, waiting too long. I really don't want to be bitched at."
"I'll be there in a minute I just want to put my sketch book away." Gerard said, smiling. Frank nodded and smiled softly before heading upstairs to quickly grill Mikey about Gerard’s, supposedly, strange behaviour.
xoxoxoxoxox
Gerard frowned as he watched Frank smile and head up the stairs.
"Wow that was close, your boyfriend nearly caught us there, Sunshine."
Gerard's eyes narrowed as he turned to the boy leaning against his desk, who was smirking. He was around Gerard's age but slightly taller, his hair was short, black and spiked up with hair gel. He wore a simple combination of jeans, black t-shirt and converse. Gerard had met him just more than a week ago when he'd wandered into the park one night. He'd found him sitting on a swing smoking.
"Where the hell have you been?" Gerard snapped. "I looked like an idiot when I turned around and you weren't there."
"Chill Sunshine," the boy grinned, "I was hiding in your closet. Didn't want twinkle toes up there to walk in and find you here with a stranger."
Gerard narrowed his eyes at the boy before growling, "He's not my boyfriend," which caused the taller male to grin and wink at him. "I'm surprised none of my family have spotted you sneaking into my house yet anyway."
"What can I say Sunshine, I'm a born ninja." he chuckled, winking mischievously at Gerard.
"Is there a reason you have to keep calling me Sunshine?" Gerard said through gritted teeth. He watched as Owen, the mysterious boy in his room, wandered over to his bookshelf and peered curiously at his comics.
"Not really," Owen mumbled, who looked over his shoulder and grinned at Gerard, "I just find it a fitting description." Gerard felt his cheek flush with embarrassment.
"Right. That's it pest, get out of my room and come bother me another day." Gerard growled, standing up and attempting to shoo Owen up his stairs.
"There's no way I'm going up those steps, I'm going through that window." Owen said who carefully manoeuvred past Gerard as he stared at him in shock. Gerard watched as he climbed onto the desk, opened the window and began climbing out.
"Why the hell can't you use the front door!" he snapped. He watched as Owen held the window open and popped his head back through, grinning.
"Don't want the boyfriend to catch me sneaking out now do I, Sunshine." Owen said, winking seductively, before swiftly shutting the window and disappearing.
"He is not my boyfriend!" Gerard shouted in a last desperate attempt, blushing in embarrassment.
“You alright down there Gee?” Gerard heard Frank shout from the top of the stairs. Blinking rapidly, Gerard coughed to clear his throat while walking towards the stairs.
“Yeah, I’m coming up now.”
xoxoxoxoxoxox
Frank emerged at the top of the basement stairs to find Mikey dancing around the kitchen, humming a tune he vaguely recognised. He spent a couple of minutes laughing at Mikey’s pathetic attempts to dance before he decided to interrupt him.
“Hey Mikey.” Frank said as he walked into the kitchen, effectively startling the young teen who stared at him in horror.
“I wasn’t doing anything!” Mikey denied, waving his arms around. Frank snickered at him while picking up his coffee and taking a sip.
“I thought you said Gee was acting weird.” Frank said, watching Mikey as he furrowed his eyebrows.
“Yeah he is, why do you ask?”
“Because he seemed perfectly fine when I was talking to him.” Frank took another sip from his coffee as he watched Mikey think.
“Did he not seem distracted, or really confused to you?” Frank thought back to his previous conversation with Gerard.
“He did when I first walked in but that was probably because I was there.”
“I’ve also heard mumbling coming from his bedroom, as though he’s talking to someone."
Frank was about to open his mouth and tell Mikey he’d also heard it but was cut off by Gerard shouting.
“He is not my boyfriend!”
Startled so much by his friends shout, Frank nearly dropped his coffee cup but caught himself in time. He looked towards Mikey who was looking at the closed basement door in shock.
“Like that, but quieter.” Mikey whispered, his eyes never leaving the door. Frank slowly placed his coffee cup on the kitchen counter before walking towards the basement door and opening it.
“You alright down there Gee?” He shouted. Waiting with battered breath for Gerard’s reply.
“Yeah, I’m coming up now.”
xoxoxoxoxoxox
“You know smoking is bad for you Sunshine.”
Gerard blinked before looking at Owen and raising an accusing eyebrow towards him. It was past eleven at night and the two were sat on the swings in the park, chatting absentmindedly.
"Are you seriously lecturing me about smoking?” Gerard asked Owen, taking a long drag from the cigarette dangling between his lips. His body instantly relaxing as he felt the nicotine calm his nerves and muscles.
“It causes lung cancer, heart disease, throat cancer... I could go on Gee-bear.” Owen teased, smirking widely as Gerard blushed at the nickname.
"Never call me that again!” Gerard growled threateningly, however the impressive red blush covering his cheeks made him less intimidating.
“Alright then Sunshine,” Owen said, grinning as Gerard groaned loudly, his head drooping slightly. Gerard heard Owen click his tongue in concentration before giving him a stern look, “You’ve got school tomorrow.”
“No shit Sherlock.” Gerard said dryly, taking another drag from his cigarette.
“Shouldn’t you be in bed.” Owen scolded, Gerard could see the hint of a smirk tugging at his lips.
“Who are you tonight? My mother?” Gerard snapped.
“I could be.” Grinned Owen, his eyes sparkling mischievously.
“Anyway don’t you need to be at school tomorrow?” Gerard growled, pointing a finger accusingly at the boy.
“Nope,” Owen grinned, “I don’t go to school.” Gerard’s eyebrows rose in disbelieve and he scoffed at the boy next to him.
“Seriously I don’t, I dropped out cause I was a useless motherfucker.” Owen sighed. Gerard smiled sadly and offered his cigarette to Owen, who shook his head and smiled back.
“I bet you weren’t,” He said, taking the last drag from the cigarette before flicking it into the grass. He heard Owen make a disapproving sound in the back of his throat.
“I couldn’t do anything, I was practically failing every subject apart from one.” Owen said, glaring into the distance.
“Sounds familiar.” Gerard mumbled, attempting to rub the sleep from his eyes. He hadn’t slept the past two weeks since.... it and he was starting to feel exhausted.
“Seriously Gerard, go home and get some sleep,” Owen said as he stood up and started walking away into the distance, before shouting back “
Just remember you’ll see you boyfriend tomorrow.”
Gerard opened his mouth to shout a denial at Owen but decided against it, it was too late and he didn’t really need the old lady from the bungalow to start howling curses at him again. He continued to sit and watch as Owens’ figure disappeared into the night blanketed around them before sighing heavily and reluctantly dragging himself home.
xoxoxoxoxoxo
“Morning Gerard,” Frank said, grinning. He watched as Gerard frowned around the cigarette between his lips before grunting. “Cheer up, it’s our last year of school.”
“That may be Frank, but it’s still school.” Gerard growled, flicking his cigarette away and lifting his bag more comfortably on his shoulder. They were just entering the school grounds and were on their way to Frank’s locker.
“Have you got your schedule?” Frank asked, looking towards Gerard who was staring at something in the distance.
“Yeah, Mikey picked it up for me yesterday.” Gerard said, still looking forwards. Curious to what had caught Gerard’s attention, Frank looked in the same direction as his friend to find the school’s jocks heading towards them, grinning smugly at the sight of Gerard.
“Oh look, the faggot's here today.” Taunted one of the jocks walking past them, “Why don’t you do us all a favour and kill yourself.” Frank watched helplessly as Gerard was shoved into the lockers before the jocks walked away laughing.
“Just ignore them Gee.” He said, soothingly. He watched sadly as Gerard pushed himself off the lockers, scowling.
“I know.”
Xoxoxoxoxoxo
“Fucking Jocks.” Ray growled, falling heavily onto the ground as he sat down, “The next time they throw a bag at my head I’ll punch one of them.”
"Violence isn’t the answer to everything.” Frank said, sighing softly before biting into his sandwich. He was sat in one of the fields behind the school with Gerard, Mikey and Ray. They usually sat here to escape from the jocks who would enjoy tormenting them whenever they were seen.
“I wish it was.” Grumbled Ray, who began searching in his bag for his lunch, “We’re not even back for more than 2 days and they’ve already started.”
“They started with Gerard this morning.” Frank mumbled, looking over at the brunette who was lost in drawing in his sketchbook.
“What did they do?” Mikey asked, looking between Frank and his brother.
“Pushed him into the lockers and told him to kill himself.” Frank growled, taking another bite from his sandwich and glaring at the bleachers behind Mikey.
“Bastards.” Ray hissed, successfully pulling his lunch from his bag, “I’ll jump for joy when I leave this place.”
“We only have to deal with them for one more year.” Gerard said, looking up from his sketchbook to see everyone jump and look towards him. He smirked, “I have been listening, you know.”
“It’s still a year of hell.” Frank grumbled, watching as Gerard rolled his eyes and continued to draw.
“It’s only a year of hell if you let it be.” Gerard said, Frank watched each stroke of Gerard’s hand as he moved the pencil across the paper.
“What are you drawing Gee?” Mikey asked, scooting towards his brother to peer over his shoulder. In a matter of seconds Gerard had slammed his sketchbook closed and smiled innocently at his brother.
“Just doodling.” Gerard said, still smiling innocently. Frank watched as Mikey made a grab for the sketchbook but Gerard quickly lifted it above his head causing Mikey to fall into his brother’s lap. Gerard snorted, flicking Mikeys forehead.
“Keep your nose out of things that it doesn’t belong in.” He said, watching and Mikey climbed off his lap, grumbling. Frank chuckled, shaking his head as he watched the two brothers bicker over Gerard’s sketchbook and Mikey every so often attempting to grab it. He was pleased to see the two were gradually coming to terms with their grandma’s death and nothing dramatic had happened to their personalities. What made him happier was to see Gerard smiling and laughing. He’d been worried the older boy may have fallen into depression after he’d seen the Gerard break down in front of him. He continued to watch the way Gerard’s lips curled upwards in satisfaction as he foiled another of Mikey's stealing attempts, the way he threw his head back, laughing, exposing the pale skin of his neck.
“Frank... Frank!” Ray shouted effectively snapping Frank out of his thoughts. He looked towards his friend to see him smirking at him.
“What?” Frank asked, quickly glancing over to the brothers to see they were still engrossed in their bickering.
“Nothing, you just spaced out a bit there.” Ray said, chuckling quietly as he looked at Gerard and Mikey.
“Do you really need Gerard’s sketchbook Mikey?” Ray asked, highly amused. Mikey stopped his attempt at grabbing Gerard’s sketchbook again to look at Ray.
“But I like to look at Gerard’s drawings.” Mikey said, looking back at his brother who was staring back, amusement shining in his eyes.
“I don’t want you looking at them though.” Gerard said, sticking his tongue out.
“Real mature Gee.” Mikey grumbled, getting up and sitting back in his previous spot. Frank sighed sadly as he heard the faint ring of the bell signalling that their lunch was over.
“Come on Toro, it’s off to psychology.” Frank groaned, pulling himself up and dragging his bag with him. He watched as the others followed his lead in standing up after placing their items back in their bags.
“Do we have to?” Ray asked desperately, “The thought of even starting to learn three essays on uni-polar depression and then three more on schizophrenia is already making me die of boredom.”
Frank chuckled softly, “Stop being such a drama queen Ray and lets go, I really don’t want detention from Mr.Nolan.”
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
“What are you doing in my room?” Gerard asked, his eyebrows raised in surprise as he found Owen lounging on his bed.
“I got bored.” Owen grunted, shifting slightly to get more comfortable. Gerard growled, walking forward he threw his bag in the direction of the other boy and smirked in satisfaction when it connected with his stomach.
“What the hell!” Owen hissed, shoving the bag away and sitting up to rub his stomach. “What was that for?”
“What would happen if my mom had walked in and seen you.” Gerard said, pulling out the chair at his desk to sit on. He watched as Owen rolled his eyes before falling back against the bed.
“Chill Sunshine,” Owen said, running a hand over his face, “Your mom wouldn’t have caught me.”
“Oh really?” Gerard said sarcastically, “Please explain how she wouldn’t have caught you.” He watched as Owen raised his head to grin at him.
“I can fit in your closest,” Owen said, his grin growing wider. “I saw those jocks giving you some grief today.” Gerard raised an eyebrow suspiciously.
“I thought you didn’t go to school.”
“I don’t.”
“Then how did you see those jocks?" Gerard asked, his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“Cause I’m a fucking ninja!”
Gerard narrowed his eyes and huffed angrily before spinning around and pulling the math homework from his discarded bag on the floor. Pulling a pencil out he began to work on the first question.
“What are you doing?” Owen asked, lazily.
“Math homework, now shut up.” After Gerard worked through the first few problems, with Owen being silent, he found himself chewing on the end of his pencil in annoyance.
“That’s wrong.” Gerard heard Owen say from behind him, he watched as his hand reached over and pointed at the last question he solved.
“So what if it is.” Gerard snapped, prodding the offending hand with the end of his pencil.
"What’s the point in even doing it if you’re just going to answer them wrong?”
“At least it’s done when you hand it in.”
“I don’t even know why you’re trying, you’re shit at math anyway.” Gerard flushed angrily, spinning around on his chair to glare at Owen.
“I am not.”
“Yes you are, you're shit at everything in life. Maybe you should take the advice of those jocks.” Gerard sat still, stunned at what Owen had just said. He continued to stare at the boy with wide eyes for a while before snapping out of his silence and growling angrily.
“You hardly even fucking know me.” He growled, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. He saw Owen smirk smugly.
“I know you more than you do. You're just a useless motherfucker, just like me.”
“Get the fuck out.” Gerard growled.
“My pleasure, Sunshine.” Owen said, spinning around and heading up the stairs. Realisation dawned on Gerard just as Owen was half way up the stairs.
“You can’t go out that way! My parents will see you.” Gerard shouted, leaping out of his chair and towards the staircase.
“Your family is out remember?” He heard Owen call from somewhere inside his house. “See, useless.”
Growling out of anger and frustration, Gerard stormed up the stairs, his fist clench read to punch the smug fucker in the face. But when Gerard reached the top and searched his house, Owen was already gone.
Xoxoxoxoxoxox
Frank stood outside the school; his back leaned up against the rusted, old bars of the school gate with a cigarette dangling between his lips. He’d had some homework to do in psychology, something about looking up the symptoms of uni-polar depression and filling in pages of the booklet. Frank sighed before taking a long drag from his cigarette and watching as the smoke swirled into the air.
He hadn’t seen Gerard since yesterday at school, his mother had wanted him home to help with the house work and upon completion of the task he hadn’t had time to drop in at Gerard’s for an hour or two to drink his coffee and beat him on his video games. He was hoping to convince him out of his basement and to somewhere that wasn’t his kitchen or the school. Frank looked up in time to see Gerard walking towards him. However his posture was rigid and he was scowling at the ground.
“You alright Gee?” Frank asked as soon as Gerard was within hearing range. Gerard looked up surprised, he studied Frank for a second before looking over Franks shoulder and scowling again.
“Yeah I’m fine.” Gerard growled, hoisting his bag onto his shoulder and beginning to head through the school gates. Frank blinked before quickly following Gerard.
“Are you sure? You seem kind of angry.” Frank said, staying a few feet behind his friend. He heard Gerard sigh softly.
“Yeah I’m alright.” Gerard replied, heading towards his locker. He sighed loudly, looking at Frank staring at him, “Someone said something to me yesterday that’s pissed me off a bit.”
“It wasn’t the jocks was it?” Frank said, watching as Gerard opened his locker and began to pull his books out, “Because I told you to ignore what they said, they’re jerks anyway.”
Gerard pursed his lips, “No it wasn’t the jocks.”
“Who was it then?”
“Seriously it’s nothing, I’m just over thinking. Come on we better hurry, don’t want Ray waiting too long for us.”
Frank grumbled as he followed Gerard down the hall. He couldn’t understand why Gerard just wouldn’t tell him what had annoyed him so much. It must have been something serious or Gerard wouldn’t have got wound up about it at all. Even if Gerard had wiped the scowl off his face, Frank could still see the tension within his muscles. They turned around the corner at the end of the hall to find Ray stood in front of his locker searching frantically through his bag.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” Ray hissed, pulling files and books out of his bag. Frank rose an eyebrow at him.
“What’s up Ray?” Frank asked. Ray pulled his hands out of his bag to bury his face in them.
“I’ve only gone and left the psychology booklet at home.” Ray whined, shaking his head.
“You can just share mine.” Frank said, shrugging. Ray looked up at him smiling briefly before frowning.
“I’ve still forgotten my homework.” Ray grumbled, straightening up and slamming his locker closed. Frank shrugged again.
“I doubt Mr.Nolan is going to mind. He seems pretty laid back anyway.” Ray smiled at him in appreciation before turning to Gerard. Frank watched as Ray’s eyebrows rose and he looked at him in confusion pointing towards Gerard. Rolling his eyes Frank turned to see Gerard glaring at the wall behind Ray, he was scowling again and he looked deep in thought.
“Gerard...” Ray said, “Are you alright.”
Gerard’s head snapped to look at Ray, he continued to stare for a few seconds before blinking and nodding. The warning bell rang throughout the school.
“Yeah, I’m fine. Better get to the class then, we don’t want to be late.” Frank frowned as he watched Gerard head down the corridor, he couldn’t help but worry.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Gerard sighed as he ran his hand through his hair; he was on his way home from school, one hour before everyone else. He had maths last period and they were meant to be getting their marks back for the homework he’d done a few nights ago. But Owen's words had kept invading his thoughts like a virus until he’d growled in frustration and walked out the school gates, not caring whether someone spotted him or not.
Sighing again, Gerard reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his cigarettes, quickly lighting one up and taking a drag. He was currently taking the long way home, the route that avoided the park, he didn’t really want to bump into Owen anytime soon. He was still pissed at the boy for what he’d said to him and the fact that had been annoying him since he said it was pissing him off even more.
Gerard was pulled out of his thoughts by his cell phone vibrating. Letting his cigarette dangle between his lips, he searched his jeans pockets until he came across his phone. Pulling it out he felt his heart skip a beat as he found that the message was from Frank.
Ray said he saw you walking out of school. You alright? x
Yeah I’m fine :) Didn’t feel like math today. Just gonna go home and chill x
Cool, I’ll come see you after school then :) x
Gerard smiled slightly and placed his phone back in his pocket before finishing off his cigarette and flicking it away. He looked up and froze as he saw Owen walking towards him with a smirk on his face. Panicking slightly, Gerard slipped down an alleyway on his right hoping to avoid him. After walking for about 10 minutes he found himself in the park, stunned he turned around hoping to hop the fence into the old lady’s garden in hopes of avoiding Owen. He’d take being hit over the head by the woman’s handbag than face the other boy. But as he turned around he found Owen stood right behind him, grinning.
“Alright there Sunshine?” Owen said, smirking. Gerard glared at the boy.
“What the hell do you want?” Gerard hissed.
“I just wanted to talk to you, is that such a crime?” Owen said, his smirk still in place. Gerard fidgeted nervously, he looked around for possible exits and found several. But as he looked back at Owen's smirking face he realised it would be impossible, he had a feeling the boy would just chase him down anyway.
“Fine.” Gerard growled, turning around and heading over to the swings. He sat down and waited until Owen sat on the swing next to him. Silence enveloped them for a few minutes until Owen broke it.
“You still can’t be pissed at me.” Owen said, his tone slightly disbelieving. Gerard’s head whipped around so he could glare at him.
“I can’t still be pissed at you?” Gerard hissed, “You practically tell me to kill myself and I’m not still allowed to be pissed.” Gerard’s eyes narrowed further as he watched Owen roll his eyes and sigh.
“Come on, you know I didn’t mean it. I was only trying to piss you off.”
“Well fucking done because you certainly accomplished that task. Do you want a fucking medal?” Gerard hissed. He turned away from looking at Owen and breathed evenly. It was no use getting worked up; it wouldn’t help him anymore than it was helping him now. He heard Owen sigh next to him but he stubbornly refused to look at the boy.
“I’m serious Gerard. I didn’t mean it.” Owen said sadly. Reluctantly Gerard turned to see Owen staring into the distance.
“You really need to think before you speak.” Gerard grumbled. Owen turned to face him and grinned.
“I’ve already told you, I’m useless Sunshine.”
Gerard frowned, remembering how Owen had referred to him as being useless which had started the whole argument. Gerard shook his head as he pulled a cigarette out of his jeans pocket, Owen had already apologised and he’d been referring to himself.
“Are the jocks giving you anymore trouble?” Owen asked. Gerard took his time lighting up and taking a drag.
“Not yet, they seem to be lying low currently. But they’ll probably start again soon.” Gerard said sighing.
Ever since he could remember he and his friends had been the favourite targets of the jocks. It had become so much of a routine in his school life that he didn’t see the point in trying to stop it, there was nothing they could do anyway. Beating them up was a very tempting idea but Gerard didn’t like the idea of violence and he didn’t want to do anything that the jocks do. He liked the idea of leaving school and doing something with his life, so he mostly focused on that. Getting out of school was the best way of getting away from them.
“I’d just punch them Sunshine. They aren’t worth the trouble.” Owen said, smirking at Gerard who rolled his eyes.
“Violence is never the answer.”
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
“So basically Ray was down, a hunter had him, and I was right outside the safe house in the hospital. I’d used my last first aid moments before. I only had one box of pain pills and I was running out of ammo, but of course one of my stray bullets had to hit the car making it’s alarm turn on. Cue zombie horde. Ray’s sat next to me shouting into my ear to ‘run to the fucking safe house’, so I do just that, keeping my cool all the way. That is until a Smoker grabs me, then I start frantically trying to shoot it's tongue but no luck, I’m dead and we have to start the whole mission again!” Mikey rambled on causing Gerard to chuckle. They were heading towards school and Mikey had seen an opportunity to explain to Gerard how they’d successfully failed while playing a campaign on Left 4 Dead.
“Is that all you did yesterday?” Gerard asked, raising an eyebrow. Gerard smiled in satisfaction as he watched Mikey lightly blush.
“Yeah, we eventually completed it.” Mikey mumbled looking forwards. Gerard studied his younger brother for a few seconds before rolling his eyes.
“You two really annoy me sometimes.”
“What do you mean by that?” Gerard turned to look at him in disbelief.
“You two pining for each other, It’s getting ridiculous.” Gerard said, watching as Mikey stumbled and his blush darkening.
“We are not pining after each other.” Mikey said remaining calm, “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Gerard snorted, “Oh come on you can’t be serious, you like Ray and Ray likes you. I see no problem in just telling him.”
“Ray doesn’t like me.” Mikey said softly. Gerard sighed and grabbed his brother’s arm, stopping him.
“You remember his last xbox?” Gerard watched as Mikey nodded, confused, “He threw it in the swimming pool when he was wasted in hopes he could ‘woo’ you.” Gerard smiled as he watched Mikey burst out laughing.
“Seriously?” Mikey asked, still laughing.
“I wouldn’t lie to you Mikey.” Gerard said softly, continuing to walk forwards. A few seconds went by before he heard Mikey following him.
“I know you wouldn’t.” Mikey said, “I’ll make you a deal alright.” Intrigued Gerard turned to look at Mikey who was smirking.
“If I make a move on Ray, you have to make a move on Frank.” Gerard froze, his eyes wide and his jaw ajar. He continued to look at his brother for a few minutes before snapping his mouth shut and continuing to walk.
“I have no idea what you’re on about.” Gerard said stiffly. He could practically hear Mikey rolling his eyes.
“You can’t hide things from me Gee, I am your brother after all.” Mikey said, his voice wasn’t that far away suggesting he’d also continued to
walk.
“Okay let’s say, hypothetically, I did like Frank. Frank doesn’t like me.” Gerard pointed out. Mikey smirked at him knowingly.
“That’s all right, because it’s hypothetically. In real life Frank likes you, you like Frank. I see no problem in telling him.” Gerard’s eyes narrowed as Mikey repeated exactly what he’d said to Mikey.
“Fine.” Gerard grumbled, his pace picking up so he didn’t have to look at Mikey’s smug face. It took another 5 minutes of walking in silence; Gerard could practically feel the smugness rolling off his brother in waves, before they stepped through the gates into school ground. A few feet from the school door Gerard could see Frank and Ray in a heated debate, he deduced this from the way Ray was staring at Frank intently while Frank waved his arms around as though his hand movements were backing up what he was saying. Gerard smiled softly as he looked at Frank, the look of concentration on his face was adorable. Ray was knocked out of his concentration when he spotted the two brothers, he grinned at them before staring suspiciously at Mikey.
“What are you so smug about?” Ray asked, studying Mikey carefully.
“No reason.” Mikey said. Gerard growled quietly but Frank seemed to have heard and sent him a questioning look. He just smiled at Frank and shook his head. They stayed in that position chatting about pointless things, occasionally coming up with ideas of meeting up for a video game night or another party at Ray’s, until the warning bell rang, signalling for them to head to class. Gerard groaned and ran his hand through his hair.
“Fuck, I forgot I have graphics this morning.” Gerard groaned, he looked up to see everyone looking at him in confusion, “The classrooms on the other side of the school.” He looked to see everyone frown, getting to the other side of the school meant passing the gym and passing the gym means there is a chance the jocks will see you. When you’re the jocks favourite target walking past there was like sacrificing yourself.
“We’ll walk with you.” Frank said, Ray and Mikey nodding in agreement. Gerard smiled softly at them.
“I’m not going to let you get detention for being late. We better get to class before we are late.”
As much as Gerard wanted them all to come with him so he didn’t bump into the jocks alone, he knew that if they walked past twice it was just asking for trouble. Gerard began to breathe evenly, so he could prevent himself from hyperventilating, as he headed towards his graphics class. He probably should have headed over earlier when the jocks were busy taking their morning anger out on some poor unsuspecting victim. But, of course, he was far too engrossed in the conversation with the guys that he hadn’t kept watch on the time. Gerard wondered if this was karma going to bite him in the ass for not helping his mom last week when she’d had the big dinner party.
Suddenly Gerard felt someone grab him by the back of his collar, chocking him, and throw him against the wall, which caused him to hit the back of his head. He groaned in pain, his vision was blurry and he couldn’t quite make out who was in front of him.
“Well look who we have here, if it isn’t the faggot.” Yeah, karma’s a bitch. Gerard groaned again as his vision slowly focused and he could clearly see the four jocks stood in front of him, all looking like Christmas had come early for them. Gerard wished Christmas would come early for him, maybe he could get out of this predicament.
“Where you off to fag?” Sneered the tall one, who now had a hold of his collar, “Off to fuck your boyfriend?” Gerard glared at him.
“Wouldn’t you like to know.” Gerard hissed. He knew he shouldn’t be winding them up but he was sick of staying quiet and staring at the floor pathetically. This comment earned him a punch to his jaw, his head snapping to the left.
“Did I say you could speak.” The guy growled which earned laughter from the others and a ‘You tell that fag’ from the shortest. ‘Kiss ass’ Gerard thought.
“Well you asked me a fucking question.” Gerard spat. Again this earned him another punch to his jar. For once he didn’t care if they broke his jar or beat him up, least this time he could walk away saying he’d actually stood up for himself.
“Shut up fag.”
Gerard looked at them again and glared. “You are fucking stupid. Why ask a fucking question if I can’t answer the damn thing.” Another punch, this time Gerard could feel the blood pooling in his mouth.
“Fags can only speak when told to.” The jock hissed, moving his face towards Gerard threateningly. Gerard raised his eyebrows in disbelief. ‘This guy really is a fucking idiot’ Gerard thought. He resisted rolling his eyes but just smiled slightly instead. He studied the jock for a few more seconds before spitting the blood in his mouth right into the guy's face. Gerard grinned, knowing this action would have severe consequences but for once he really didn’t care.
He watched in amusement as an expression of shock replaced the threatening glare that the jock had given him. If Gerard hadn’t been in as much bother as he already was he might have even laughed as the jock slowly realised what he’d done.
“You’re going to fucking regret that.” The jock hissed, Gerard could clearly see the rage in his eyes. It only took a few seconds before a hard punch was sent to his jaw, one so powerful it knocked him off his feet and onto the floor. Gerard bit his bottom lip in an attempt to stop the groan of pain. Gerard’s eyes snapped open as someone roughly grabbed the front of his shirt, lifting him slightly off the ground.
“You don’t fuck with us.” The jock hissed, smirking, “We fuck with you.”
He was then roughly shoved to the ground before a kick was aimed at his stomach, this time he couldn’t stop the groan of pain escaping and more followed it as the other three jocks joined in, kicking fiercely until a whistle sounded inside the gym.
“Fuck, coach is gonna wreck us.” One of the jocks groaned. Gerard didn’t know which one, his eyelids were heavy and he didn’t have the strength to open them. He hurt everywhere and he was barely staying conscious as it was.
“If we hurry up, coach may spare us.” Now Gerard recognised that voice, tall, dark and fucking ugly.
“We’ll finish this later, fag.” The tall jock hissed, kicking Gerard again. He couldn’t help but cry out in pain as he kicked his overly abused stomach. Gerard concentrated on breathing evenly as he listened to the footsteps and the laughter of the jocks die away. He continued laying there for a few seconds before gathering the strength to push himself up, all the while groaning in pain, so he could sit up with his back rested against the wall.
He didn't know how long he sat there, contemplating whether or not he should be regretting his actions. Knowing the jocks they would definitely be carrying out their ‘later’ threat. He felt slightly proud for sticking up for himself and refusing to back down but now he was just worried that he’d maybe signed his own death certificate as soon as he spoke the first word. Sighing, Gerard slowly lifted himself to his feet, which were slightly shaking, before limping towards the school gate. Like hell he was going to stay in school when he, probably, looked like he’d been run over by a car. He’d just text Mikey saying he’d gone home because he didn’t feel well and ask him to pick up his work for him.
Part Two