random bulk up-date ...
Dunno if I mentioned this already but the orchid that was given to me as a gift (for being so damn awesome ;0)) died two-four days after being moved to this new room BUT the Cactus that I've had for some time now and never showed any sign of doing anything but nothing like a Cactus does has started to bloom !!!!? I was messing with it the other day as I had noticed what looked like two dead dried closed buds (only looks like mind) and couldn't fathom what they were or where they came from (I look at it everyday so would've noticed some sort of change no matter how small) I poked around the plant and accidentally knocked them off when my fingers slipped and hit them I felt really bad and worried I had damaged it's chances of anything now but within a day the kind of rough cotton bundle on the top started growing a bit more and within a week a little pink bud has appeared and which each day is getting longer and more noticeable (to put it crudely like a miniature penis almost lol) I've now taken to signing to it for like a minute each day (not that I sing to penis' at all ... well once but that's not the point & completely out of subtext so shush lol ;0)) famous songs but changing the words to being about it growing strong and blooming a flower for me and I'll be damned if it's not gonna bloom any time soon!!!
I'm gonna take a photo each day to catalog it's progress. Sad I know but I aint got much else to do at the moment but notice my days get wasted by dodgy crappy hours so m'eh *shrug*
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Had a great night out seeing Tony Stockwell with Matt & Miranda last night in Tunbridge. There were a few I could've stuck my hand up for but once again I was waiting on that pivotal bit of information that made me KNOW it was for me, stupid really as that could mean you miss out on so much if ya waiting for "that particular nickname from that one time when you were 5 and would only answer to the name Princess Manuela Bananacakes" or that one looks and a wink that was probably nothing but a gesture from someone else but changed your opinion of something that day or something precise or pedantic.
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I quit smoking some days a go and have so far done pretty damn well not lapsing or even coming close. It helps I'm not in the company of smokers too because no matter how much I'll try to convince myself I don't want a cigarette I'll cave every time lol. The only time I'm actively said "great now I'm thinking I want a fag" is when sheer boredom at work hits me and that would be a moment I would disappear outside for a fag to kill time.
Hadn't had a drink in a good few days either until last night when I had a quick vodka and coke before the show and during the interval but can't actually make up my mind if I actually enjoyed it.
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Today was spent driving around visiting hobbycraft, a pet shop and cooing over the cute animals (I wanna rat, still! I remember saying some years a go I was gonna get two and name them after a certain pair of friends and feed them vodka) but one said they would never visit again if I did (understandable when you don't like/can't stand them) so opted for a kitty instead a few years later... after the dog. I need to stop with the pets but I need to care for someone or something or I feel pointless lol. Went to see Miranda's Mum who is freaking awesome and then I wondered through Lakeside before toodling off home.
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I spoke to my sister the other day. That was interesting. I had missed JonJon's 10TH FREAKING BIRTHDAY on the 19th and have been building up the nerve to call and talk to him/her but of course he wasn't home and I'm ever so disturbed that the last time I saw him he was an ickle but bright wonderful 7 year old and now he's a chunky git of a 10 year old apparently. I miss my little boy and wonder how much of it is negative experience. I will understand if he resents me for not being around the last 3 years but I hope one day he'll understand it wasn't down to me, yeah I suck at getting birthday gifts to any of them but I do send random packages to remind them I'm still out there and thinking of them, whether or not their parents have been letting them KNOW that is another (paranoid) matter. I also worry about the twins, do they remember me? do they miss me? do they just remember the name aunty kat but don't really have a clue what I look like or am like anymore?
Maria and Xavier I'm told now wears clothes for that of 9-11 year olds this is highly upsetting and disturbing as they are only 6!!! JonJon is wearing clothes for a 13 year old and the thought makes me want to cry for so many different reasons.
I'm currently in the process of creating Xmas Boxes for them with tons of little treats and stuff for them. I've tried to keep each individual but not having really seen or communicated with them in so long I can only guess what they are into now. I just hope they like them and I hear something back that isn't just the plain xmas greeting and their name on a card Snaggle No Tooth has more the obviously made herself.
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Haven't seen or spoken to Dad in about 2 weeks now and I'm feeling really shitty about it my next day off will have to be spent entirely with him and taking him to see James Bond.
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Boys suck I wish they would make up their mind what they want. They want to see you they dont want to see you. They want to chat but then change their mind almost as soon as they start and then make excuses to go away. Then they change their mind but if you're busy a strop ensues. SO glad I'm not interested because this has been annoying enough I think if I had some sort of feelings or anything invested I'd be driving myself crazy trying to figure out what was going on or if it was me lol. Viva Las Lesbos XD Actually I think I'll just go off both sexes and be happy being nothing.
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Cool on the Election results here's hoping those who are against a "Black President" over there (and blacks or anyone of colour in general tbh) don't start kicking up a supremist fuss. 10 years a go while a huge number were happy for there to be a black President when it was mused and pondered upon many were not and I don't believe that in that time opinions have changed too much, those that are still against it will kick up a fuss somehow ie like the neo-nazi kids who got caught but had a plan to do some major damage because of there being a CHANCE of a black President and it's scary to read about such things happening in todays times but there will always be racists, homophobes, etc, bigots of all kinds because there will always be freedom of speech and opinion. (i hope there always will be freedom of speech and opinion but the it would be nice if the other stuff could be eradicated but then that would have to happen in it's own time otherwise if wouldn't be freedom still ... dunno if that makes sense and I'm rambling now lol)
I think America made the right choice in who they picked and yes even more against who was the competition/opposition and what they stood for and wanted to do but Obama oozes "the right choice" and I hope anyone over there who thinks otherwise will see that sooner rather then later and look forward to the positive change I feel he's going to bring.
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Okay shutting up now as talking politics always scares me incase I havent explained something properly and someone takes it the wrong way and I get attacked lol so Gonna call it a night and ponder if I wish to watch Reaper and Supernatural, read a book or make with the crafts.
Hope all are shiny and bouncy and in the words of my manager yesterday 7 and a half weeks til Xmas!
Aaaarrruuuugggghhhhhhh <--- that was me mind not the manager.
xxx