Making my icon unfortunately true

[redcirce]

So the thing about the shootings in CA and the resulting twitter stuff that is bothering me (aside from the obvious) is this: I'm lucky enough, because of my job, hermit-y nature, and the people I choose to hang out with, that I don't often come across in person, the asshole attitudes of MRAs or "Not all Men" dudes. The dudes I most often come into

Comments

[gleeful_t]

YES! THIS!

When I was younger it was even difficult to know how to shut down misogynist comments-- so often the perpetrators *do* make it about you-- you're being "overly sensitive" or "too PC" or even a "bitch feminazi." They make you feel like the rude one, because you've made them uncomfortable.

Never forget that they've made you uncomfortable by taking away your humanity, or the humanity of someone else, first.

I've found my favorite way to act is to make them play ball in my world, the world where that stuff is horrible to say across the board. I treat them as though they've said something incredibly rude-- because they have. I'll even go so far as to say "that was terribly rude." This has become my favorite way because in my limited experience, (and we are talking about a verbal conversation among acquaintances or even friends, not verbal harassment from a stranger), it's amazing how much this catches them off guard. It's amazing how much someone won't care if they "aren't PC"-- some people even value that. But when they're

[redcirce]

Yeah, I cared a lot what other people thought when I was younger, but now that I'm old I really don't care, which is awesome! It's one of the best parts of growing up, IMO.

Huh, that's a neat strategy and I've never tried it! I'm going to try that next time, and report back on how it works! It's interesting how when you're in a group, the social construct is really there, and the shame factor is really there. I've found that calling out is most effective for me not when I get really angry/worked up, but when I just act calm and incredibly disdainful. Like, if they get a rise out of you with an asshole comment, they seem to like it, but if you treat them like they're just stupid and unfunny and not worth their attention they cringe a bit.

[julesndairyland]

"Like, I don't give a fuck if you agree that sexism is wrong and are 100% willing to tell me, *after* the party, in private, or in our group of sympathetic friends, that what that other dude said is fucked up."

*word* - If you are an ally then your job is to stand up LOUD & PROUD, not after the fact. You take on your colleagues and name their craps and call them on it. So the oppressed person doesn't have to.

[redcirce]

Seriously, I feel like this is like one of the most important jobs of an ally, and so few people actually do it ugh why.

People love to say things like "Well, *I'm* not a racist/whatever!" and then completely ignore how they are complicit in their silence when issues come up and they don't say anything. :P

[julesndairyland]

I take my Allyhood seriously. ;)

And I'm honest with my framily that it's *not* easy always interrupting stupid, oppressive stuff. But you gotta do it.