Shadowplay [Beast]
Shadowplay
Kikwang
There's a piece of shadow hiding in every man's heart.
(2,131)
It wasn’t a dark and stormy night. Not at first.
Honestly, even if it was, Kikwang wouldn’t have minded. He was indoors, he knew how to make the best of any situation, he knew it was the attitude that counted, and he’d never been afraid of storms. Hospitals, on the other hand...
He’d never been a fan of hospitals.
from: Yoseobie!
yah, kwangie! you’d better not try to escape, okay? rest well! kikwang hwaiting!
from: Son Master
hyung, we’ll do our best! it’s not the same without you but we feel better knowing you’re in good hands~~~ see you soon!
from: Yoon Leadah
so, what they said. sleep, eat plenty of meat and vegetables, and take it easy. you better be back stronger than ever yeah?
from: Yong Junhyung
idiot
... plus the absence of any message from Hyunseung, but Kikwang knew better than to expect one anyway. Hyunseung was just like that. Sort of like the exactly like Junhyung, in a way: both didn’t know how to show that they cared, except that one called you an idiot to your face while the other just didn’t say anything at all.
Really, one had to wonder.
He put his phone down on the bedside table, right beside the balloon bouquet, and sighed.
So much for a special stage in the countryside.
It was all Yoseob’s idea and it wasn’t a bad one at that. A month ago he proposed and they agreed to hold a small charity stage at some out of the way orphanage Yoseob read about in the depths of the internet. We shouldn’t perform only for the fans, he’d said, brimming with passion burning bright. Music isn’t only for those who can pay for it.
It was hard to disagree with Yoseob when he started waxing philosophical about the bones of performance art. But credit where credit was due: Doojoon tried to talk them out of it. He failed. Spectacularly.
It was five against one, but everyone knew that Yoseob versus Doojoon was already an unfair fight. The rest of them was just overkill.
Then Dongwoon added, Since we’ll be out of reach, why not follow it up with a quiet weekend getaway? and a plan was born.
Then halfway there, with Doojoon at the wheel and Yoseob and Dongwoon vocalizing and Hyunseung staring out the window and Junhyung staring at Hyunseung with a raised eyebrow... well, apparently Kikwang’s body thought that was the perfect time to collapse. To be fair, maybe the frequent secret 3AM rehearsals for a special secret stage he planned on doing just for the kids wasn’t that good an idea.
And so, a panicked half hour after that, Kikwang woke up to the smell of antiseptic and with half his band breaking out into relieved grins while the remainder scowled at him. Really, he felt the love.
Also, he felt exhausted.
Also, the presiding doctor had very specific instructions that Kikwang was not allowed to leave until he was satisfied with the electrolyte balance in his bloodstream or potassium iodide or something or other. Kikwang had a tendency to tune out words longer than three syllables and it’s not like he needed to understand his body chemistry more than thirsty = water, and hungry = food. That was, after all, what doctors and nurses were for. Them and Dongwoon.
This means overnight confinement, Dongwoon had asked, cutting right to the heart of the matter. The doctor was just glad that someone was keeping up. And yes, that meant confinement under the careful watch of medical personnel, and given the time of day, yes that meant overnight.
Wait, really? Yoseob had yelped in surprise, but apart from that nobody said what they knew everybody was thinking. When it comes to healthcare, idols really had it bad. Back in Seoul, they’d have just put a menthol patch on Kikwang’s head and called it a day.
Things had been put to a vote. Doojoon abstained, citing conflict of interest between his duty as a leader and his knowledge that rest will do Kikwang loads of good. Kikwang voted for dashing out when the doctor wasn’t looking. They had a performance to show up for, didn’t they? Yoseob voted against him, saying exhaustion wasn’t fun and there’ll be other performances for a good cause, and behind the narrowing of his eyes Kikwang saw memories overexertion and the burden of way too much responsibility.
Hyunseung voted for loading Kikwang on energy drinks, going to the performance, then bringing Kikwang back for proper medical care. Junhyung voted against him, saying they didn’t need to be superheroes, being an idol was already hard enough and Kikwang should fuckin’ take this opportunity to get a night off. Then everyone stared at Dongwoon. Kikwang flashed his most blinding smile, but the effect was dulled by pale lips and pale cheeks.
Then Dongwoon had gulped, looked shiftily at Kikwang, and voted to make him rest. He didn’t explain why.
And that was that.
Kikwang told himself repeatedly and very clearly that he trusted Dongwoon, that Dongwoon was a good kid who had his hyung’s best interests at heart. He even said it loudly when Doojoon ushered the rest of Beast out and they all promised to come back for Kikwang in the evening.
And, again, that was that, leaving Kikwang alone in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people walking the unfamiliar halls. Leaving Kikwang doing something so unfamiliar as to rest.
~*~
Hours later, then the storm started.
Kikwang climbed off the bed and stared out the window, the eventual flashes of lightning showing the hospital parking lot three stories below, throwing everything in harsh shades of white and gray. But most of the time the night beyond the glass turned his tinted window into a fairly decent mirror, and Kikwang stared stared back at himself.
Tired eyes. Pale lips. Even the line of his jaw spoke of too many sleepless nights, too many action-packed days. Wrinkles that the coordis had mastered the art of hiding. Things that not even the liberal application of BB Cream could cover.
Another flash of lightning. Angry red eyes glared back at him. Bloody, angry red.
He reeled back, more in surprise than anything else, but the vision vanished with the lightning and Kikwang blinked at the seared memory.
His phone rang a condensed midi of the opening strains of Fiction. He grabbed it a bit too readily.
from: Yoseobie!
kwangie! the kids loved us! they were singing and dancing along and everything!
"I'm surprised they even know our songs," Kikwang said, smile blooming easily on his face as soon as Yoseob answered. There was a lot of cheering in the background.
"We're as surprised as you are!" Yoseob trilled, euphoria traveling right through the signals. "And get this: when your lines came up in Lights Go On Again, Dongwoon let the crowd sing, it was crazy. They knew the words and everything."
"Aww, I feel the love." Sounds of a scuffle from the other end. Kikwang frowned. "Hello?"
"Hey, kid," Doojoon's voice answered. Kikwang can feel him beaming all the way from the hospital. "How are you? Feeling better?"
"Hyung." Not a lot of people can make Kikwang blush from out of the blue. And the truth was that despite all the people willing to give Kikwang attention, Doojoon was the only person who can actually make him feel like a kid: awkward and uncomfortable and seeking approval. Not that objectively Doojoon had anything on him, but... still. "You rocked their world, didn't you?"
"Only partially rocked," Doojoon admitted. "A full rocking needed you as well, but I don't think anyone's complaining." The line fills with static an instant before another blast of lightning and a whole-hearted follow-up of thunder jars everything. "About that," Doojoon says when everything calms back down a couple of seconds later, "listen: I know we promised to get back to you tonight, but-"
"Hyung," Kikwang tried to interrupt, suddenly weary and knowing what was coming next.
But either Doojoon didn't hear him or he just chose to soldier on anyway. "-the weather's all fucked up and realistically it's not safe driving anywhere tonight. I just finished talking to the staff here and they're setting up a room for the five of us where the kids aren't allowed. So at least we'll still get to rest and Yoseob can get his fill of good deeds. Then when the weather clears up tomorrow morning we'll come back for you and we take the day off as planned. Sound good?"
"I don't exactly have any say in it, hyung," Kikwang grumbled, trying not to sound petulant. His innate optimism can only take so much: a night alone in a strange hospital was not his idea of fun.
"Sorry, kid," Doojoon said, and yeah he did sound sincere. There was nothing more to be said. Kikwang promised to behave and to rest and to follow the doctor's orders, whereas Doojoon promised to keep everyone in line, to remember that Yoseob shouldn't feel too much like a kid even tonight, and to scour their bedroom for insects lest Dongwoon freak out. Junhyung and Hyunseung, they both knew, could take care of themselves. Or at least they didn't need help in taking care of each other.
The door creaked open as soon as Kikwang put his phone down on his bed. "Lee Kikwang?" a voice called out tentatively.
"Yes?"
"Dinner's here." The door opened fully and a nurse walked in carrying a tray loaded haphazardly with too many bowls. A very busy nurse if the rumpled surgery mask and the hood hiding his hair were anything to go by.
Which was a huge step up from the usual metal trays that Kikwang was used to in hospitals. He didn't get this treatment in the city (popular, yes he was, but high on the celebrity food chain? Totally not), but he chose to comment on another matter. "A nurse serving me food?" Kikwang asked, trying to keep his smirk down.
The nurse shrugged as he set the tray on the bedside table. "You're a celebrity. You get VIP treatment. But this is more or less it," he added sheepishly. "We don't really get a lot of celebrities here."
"You don't seem very impressed, though."
"Baby-sitting a celebrity isn't my idea of a work night," the nurse sniffed. "And I don't watch much TV anyway. Please have a good meal."
"Hay, wait!" Kikwang called out as the nurse made to leave. "Yong Junhyung?" he asked, pointing at the nametag pinned carelessly on the nurse's scrubs.
"That's my name, yes," the nurse - Yong Junhyung apparently - answered blankly, his eyes giving Kikwang a look that plainly said, So you can read. Congratulations, maybe you're not as big an idiot as I thought. Kikwang knew how to interpret that look, having received thousands of before from... well, from Junhyung. His Junhyung, at least.
And now that he thought about it... those eyes. The bridge of that nose before it disappeared beneath the surgical mask. The husky voice. The height. The slump of those shoulders, the play of muscles on those arms, the callused fingers. And, more than anything since Kikwang was a kinetic observer, the way the nurse moved when he set the tray down, like it was a dance move he'd learned a hundred times before. Tired, but the grace was still there. "Junhyung? Is it really you?"
Junhyung the nurse rolled his eyes and made to leave again but Kikwang grabbed his shoulders and, with deft precision borne of thousands of days mastering the way to move his body, pulled the man's mask down. Junhyung stared back at him, eyes wide in surprise and yeah there was no way Kikwang would mistake those lips anywhere even if they were paler than usual, or that small scar just to the left of that nose.
"Junhyung," Kikwang said as a matter of fact, never mind that his heart was beating way too fast and not in the good way. And now that this surprise had sharpened his senses Kikwang started noticing other things. The nick on his right earlobe where Kikwang was sure Junhyung didn't have a piercing. The tip of the tattoo peeking out the neck of his scrubs. The-
Junhyung grimaced and turned on his heel. "Idiot."
Yeah, that sounded like Junhyung too.
~*~
from: pabokwang
hyung, do you have a long lost twin or something?
from: Yong Junhyung
whut
from: pabokwang
okay maybe not a twin. did you sign up for any cloning experiments?
from: pabokwang
or just, you know, dated any mad scientists? or given out dna samples?
from: Yong Junhyung
you. go the fuck to sleep
from: pabokwang
just checking! g'night hyung!
Kikwang
There's a piece of shadow hiding in every man's heart.
(2,131)
It wasn’t a dark and stormy night. Not at first.
Honestly, even if it was, Kikwang wouldn’t have minded. He was indoors, he knew how to make the best of any situation, he knew it was the attitude that counted, and he’d never been afraid of storms. Hospitals, on the other hand...
He’d never been a fan of hospitals.
from: Yoseobie!
yah, kwangie! you’d better not try to escape, okay? rest well! kikwang hwaiting!
from: Son Master
hyung, we’ll do our best! it’s not the same without you but we feel better knowing you’re in good hands~~~ see you soon!
from: Yoon Leadah
so, what they said. sleep, eat plenty of meat and vegetables, and take it easy. you better be back stronger than ever yeah?
from: Yong Junhyung
idiot
... plus the absence of any message from Hyunseung, but Kikwang knew better than to expect one anyway. Hyunseung was just like that. Sort of like the exactly like Junhyung, in a way: both didn’t know how to show that they cared, except that one called you an idiot to your face while the other just didn’t say anything at all.
Really, one had to wonder.
He put his phone down on the bedside table, right beside the balloon bouquet, and sighed.
So much for a special stage in the countryside.
It was all Yoseob’s idea and it wasn’t a bad one at that. A month ago he proposed and they agreed to hold a small charity stage at some out of the way orphanage Yoseob read about in the depths of the internet. We shouldn’t perform only for the fans, he’d said, brimming with passion burning bright. Music isn’t only for those who can pay for it.
It was hard to disagree with Yoseob when he started waxing philosophical about the bones of performance art. But credit where credit was due: Doojoon tried to talk them out of it. He failed. Spectacularly.
It was five against one, but everyone knew that Yoseob versus Doojoon was already an unfair fight. The rest of them was just overkill.
Then Dongwoon added, Since we’ll be out of reach, why not follow it up with a quiet weekend getaway? and a plan was born.
Then halfway there, with Doojoon at the wheel and Yoseob and Dongwoon vocalizing and Hyunseung staring out the window and Junhyung staring at Hyunseung with a raised eyebrow... well, apparently Kikwang’s body thought that was the perfect time to collapse. To be fair, maybe the frequent secret 3AM rehearsals for a special secret stage he planned on doing just for the kids wasn’t that good an idea.
And so, a panicked half hour after that, Kikwang woke up to the smell of antiseptic and with half his band breaking out into relieved grins while the remainder scowled at him. Really, he felt the love.
Also, he felt exhausted.
Also, the presiding doctor had very specific instructions that Kikwang was not allowed to leave until he was satisfied with the electrolyte balance in his bloodstream or potassium iodide or something or other. Kikwang had a tendency to tune out words longer than three syllables and it’s not like he needed to understand his body chemistry more than thirsty = water, and hungry = food. That was, after all, what doctors and nurses were for. Them and Dongwoon.
This means overnight confinement, Dongwoon had asked, cutting right to the heart of the matter. The doctor was just glad that someone was keeping up. And yes, that meant confinement under the careful watch of medical personnel, and given the time of day, yes that meant overnight.
Wait, really? Yoseob had yelped in surprise, but apart from that nobody said what they knew everybody was thinking. When it comes to healthcare, idols really had it bad. Back in Seoul, they’d have just put a menthol patch on Kikwang’s head and called it a day.
Things had been put to a vote. Doojoon abstained, citing conflict of interest between his duty as a leader and his knowledge that rest will do Kikwang loads of good. Kikwang voted for dashing out when the doctor wasn’t looking. They had a performance to show up for, didn’t they? Yoseob voted against him, saying exhaustion wasn’t fun and there’ll be other performances for a good cause, and behind the narrowing of his eyes Kikwang saw memories overexertion and the burden of way too much responsibility.
Hyunseung voted for loading Kikwang on energy drinks, going to the performance, then bringing Kikwang back for proper medical care. Junhyung voted against him, saying they didn’t need to be superheroes, being an idol was already hard enough and Kikwang should fuckin’ take this opportunity to get a night off. Then everyone stared at Dongwoon. Kikwang flashed his most blinding smile, but the effect was dulled by pale lips and pale cheeks.
Then Dongwoon had gulped, looked shiftily at Kikwang, and voted to make him rest. He didn’t explain why.
And that was that.
Kikwang told himself repeatedly and very clearly that he trusted Dongwoon, that Dongwoon was a good kid who had his hyung’s best interests at heart. He even said it loudly when Doojoon ushered the rest of Beast out and they all promised to come back for Kikwang in the evening.
And, again, that was that, leaving Kikwang alone in an unfamiliar place with unfamiliar people walking the unfamiliar halls. Leaving Kikwang doing something so unfamiliar as to rest.
~*~
Hours later, then the storm started.
Kikwang climbed off the bed and stared out the window, the eventual flashes of lightning showing the hospital parking lot three stories below, throwing everything in harsh shades of white and gray. But most of the time the night beyond the glass turned his tinted window into a fairly decent mirror, and Kikwang stared stared back at himself.
Tired eyes. Pale lips. Even the line of his jaw spoke of too many sleepless nights, too many action-packed days. Wrinkles that the coordis had mastered the art of hiding. Things that not even the liberal application of BB Cream could cover.
Another flash of lightning. Angry red eyes glared back at him. Bloody, angry red.
He reeled back, more in surprise than anything else, but the vision vanished with the lightning and Kikwang blinked at the seared memory.
His phone rang a condensed midi of the opening strains of Fiction. He grabbed it a bit too readily.
from: Yoseobie!
kwangie! the kids loved us! they were singing and dancing along and everything!
"I'm surprised they even know our songs," Kikwang said, smile blooming easily on his face as soon as Yoseob answered. There was a lot of cheering in the background.
"We're as surprised as you are!" Yoseob trilled, euphoria traveling right through the signals. "And get this: when your lines came up in Lights Go On Again, Dongwoon let the crowd sing, it was crazy. They knew the words and everything."
"Aww, I feel the love." Sounds of a scuffle from the other end. Kikwang frowned. "Hello?"
"Hey, kid," Doojoon's voice answered. Kikwang can feel him beaming all the way from the hospital. "How are you? Feeling better?"
"Hyung." Not a lot of people can make Kikwang blush from out of the blue. And the truth was that despite all the people willing to give Kikwang attention, Doojoon was the only person who can actually make him feel like a kid: awkward and uncomfortable and seeking approval. Not that objectively Doojoon had anything on him, but... still. "You rocked their world, didn't you?"
"Only partially rocked," Doojoon admitted. "A full rocking needed you as well, but I don't think anyone's complaining." The line fills with static an instant before another blast of lightning and a whole-hearted follow-up of thunder jars everything. "About that," Doojoon says when everything calms back down a couple of seconds later, "listen: I know we promised to get back to you tonight, but-"
"Hyung," Kikwang tried to interrupt, suddenly weary and knowing what was coming next.
But either Doojoon didn't hear him or he just chose to soldier on anyway. "-the weather's all fucked up and realistically it's not safe driving anywhere tonight. I just finished talking to the staff here and they're setting up a room for the five of us where the kids aren't allowed. So at least we'll still get to rest and Yoseob can get his fill of good deeds. Then when the weather clears up tomorrow morning we'll come back for you and we take the day off as planned. Sound good?"
"I don't exactly have any say in it, hyung," Kikwang grumbled, trying not to sound petulant. His innate optimism can only take so much: a night alone in a strange hospital was not his idea of fun.
"Sorry, kid," Doojoon said, and yeah he did sound sincere. There was nothing more to be said. Kikwang promised to behave and to rest and to follow the doctor's orders, whereas Doojoon promised to keep everyone in line, to remember that Yoseob shouldn't feel too much like a kid even tonight, and to scour their bedroom for insects lest Dongwoon freak out. Junhyung and Hyunseung, they both knew, could take care of themselves. Or at least they didn't need help in taking care of each other.
The door creaked open as soon as Kikwang put his phone down on his bed. "Lee Kikwang?" a voice called out tentatively.
"Yes?"
"Dinner's here." The door opened fully and a nurse walked in carrying a tray loaded haphazardly with too many bowls. A very busy nurse if the rumpled surgery mask and the hood hiding his hair were anything to go by.
Which was a huge step up from the usual metal trays that Kikwang was used to in hospitals. He didn't get this treatment in the city (popular, yes he was, but high on the celebrity food chain? Totally not), but he chose to comment on another matter. "A nurse serving me food?" Kikwang asked, trying to keep his smirk down.
The nurse shrugged as he set the tray on the bedside table. "You're a celebrity. You get VIP treatment. But this is more or less it," he added sheepishly. "We don't really get a lot of celebrities here."
"You don't seem very impressed, though."
"Baby-sitting a celebrity isn't my idea of a work night," the nurse sniffed. "And I don't watch much TV anyway. Please have a good meal."
"Hay, wait!" Kikwang called out as the nurse made to leave. "Yong Junhyung?" he asked, pointing at the nametag pinned carelessly on the nurse's scrubs.
"That's my name, yes," the nurse - Yong Junhyung apparently - answered blankly, his eyes giving Kikwang a look that plainly said, So you can read. Congratulations, maybe you're not as big an idiot as I thought. Kikwang knew how to interpret that look, having received thousands of before from... well, from Junhyung. His Junhyung, at least.
And now that he thought about it... those eyes. The bridge of that nose before it disappeared beneath the surgical mask. The husky voice. The height. The slump of those shoulders, the play of muscles on those arms, the callused fingers. And, more than anything since Kikwang was a kinetic observer, the way the nurse moved when he set the tray down, like it was a dance move he'd learned a hundred times before. Tired, but the grace was still there. "Junhyung? Is it really you?"
Junhyung the nurse rolled his eyes and made to leave again but Kikwang grabbed his shoulders and, with deft precision borne of thousands of days mastering the way to move his body, pulled the man's mask down. Junhyung stared back at him, eyes wide in surprise and yeah there was no way Kikwang would mistake those lips anywhere even if they were paler than usual, or that small scar just to the left of that nose.
"Junhyung," Kikwang said as a matter of fact, never mind that his heart was beating way too fast and not in the good way. And now that this surprise had sharpened his senses Kikwang started noticing other things. The nick on his right earlobe where Kikwang was sure Junhyung didn't have a piercing. The tip of the tattoo peeking out the neck of his scrubs. The-
Junhyung grimaced and turned on his heel. "Idiot."
Yeah, that sounded like Junhyung too.
~*~
from: pabokwang
hyung, do you have a long lost twin or something?
from: Yong Junhyung
whut
from: pabokwang
okay maybe not a twin. did you sign up for any cloning experiments?
from: pabokwang
or just, you know, dated any mad scientists? or given out dna samples?
from: Yong Junhyung
you. go the fuck to sleep
from: pabokwang
just checking! g'night hyung!