Fic: Alive - PG
Title: Alive
Pairing: Rimmer/Lister
Spoilers: None
Disclaimer: Not mine
Notes: Something rather angsty, 'cos I'm in that kinda mood...
Arnold Rimmer found it hideously ironic that it took till he was dead for him to finally feel alive.
Before the accident, he’d convinced himself this - this mundane, meaningless, emotionally crippled, humourless stretch of work, overtime, loneliness and failure - was what it felt like to be truly happy.
He’d lied, time after time to his own face, every time he looked in the mirror, every time he’d forced a smile onto his lips, nodded and thought ‘I’m happy’.
Years passed, leaving Rimmer with nothing but a cold, hollow, haunting feeling that seeped deep into his bones and then….things changed.
His life experienced a monumental upheaval that fateful morning when he walked into his bunkroom and clapped eyes upon the scruffy, young individual that had been left in his charge.
Lister.
Rimmer should have known he’d be trouble - the irksome cheeky grin, the endless supply of chirpy charisma, the gratuitous good mood…
So why was it, that many years later Rimmer found himself standing on a patch of forlorn looking grass, tears sliding out of the corners of his eyes, giving way to sobs that racked his body till it was fragile and sore. He found himself wondering what he would give to have just one more day, one more day enduring the grinning, the optimism and the all round good character the little git had been born with.
There was no way Rimmer could pinpoint when he’d started to feel different, there was no specific day when the numb feeling had started to melt with the energy and warmth Lister had brought into his life. No one was sure what exactly had happened to make Rimmer start smiling or laughing or cracking the occasional joke that had no nasty implications whatsoever, not even Rimmer himself knew!
But looking back now, bestowed with the gift of hindsight, he knew exactly what it was - or, more specifically, who it was.
Closing his eyes, Rimmer watched the memories come flooding back. Lister: drunk, singing and dancing his way around the midsection - he was spinning in circles, eyes clamped tightly shut, arms spread wide, feeling the air slide through his fingers. The hologram had found himself smiling at this, not just now but even way back then, he’d smiled at the silliness of its all, that childish nature Lister seemed to revel in!
Lister had stopped, swaying slightly as he tried to regain his balance, he raised his head and caught Rimmers eye and stared. Rimmer felt himself tingle as he was subject to the excited brown-eyed gaze he’d come to adore and watched, in awe almost, as Lister’s grin widened and he winked. He’d winked at Rimmer and this had made Rimmer smile till his mouth ached.
That was the thing about Lister - he had this quality about him, Rimmer had wiled away many hours trying to decided exactly what it was, perhaps it defied description - sure, he was charming, funny, kind and more than a little bit cheeky but there was more to him than that. He had this energy about him, spontaneous bursts of cheeriness even if there was nothing to be cheery about and above all, a seemingly unconquerable confidence in the decency of the human race.
As the years passed by, Rimmer would occasionally look back on his past life with scathing criticism, it always seemed so dull and cold, as if he was viewing it in monotone whereas everything after Lister’s arrival was in the boldest, brightest technicolor.
Another tear slid down Arnold Rimmer’s cheek as he remembered that the man that had made him feel so alive was dead.